Can we talk about men and cleaning?

I have the opposite problem - mine rarely cleans and even more rarely notices things need cleaning but if he cleans, he's meticulous...which means that washing a fork can take 5 minutes...I try to ask him to do things in a room I'm NOT in because it drives me nuts to see how slowly he does it. But it's clean, really clean when he's done...

I do agree with voltagain - men are rarely taught to clean (except in the military) and no one judges them on cleanliness -not themselves, not other men, and women give them a pass either because they are men and can't be expected to do it right or because obviously their woman is a slob.

Dusting the walls???

I also have the opposite problem. I’ll tackle a tiny bit of something (like one grimy shelf in the fridge), and he will say, oh good idea, let’s clean the fridge, and then proceeds to empty the whole thing out. It’s not a bad problem, but sometimes I’m just in the mood for a shelf, not the whole thing.

The last time I did a full wall washing OR dusting was the last time I moved out of military housing and only because it was required.
My current house, the walls would probably collapse if I dusted them beyond removing an obvious cobweb. My mom and grandmothers were not wall washers beyond the obvious cobwebs and grimy places around light switches or places where kids tended to run their hands.

Ha ha ha. I’m not laughing at you I’m laughing with you. I just said this morning that dh and I have differing standards of what is clean! Dh is retired and usually does 98% of the housework. I have an unexpected week off and decided this morning to tackle a few tasks. He cleans the stove by removing the top grates (is that what they’re called?) and washing the top of the stove. I did that and then scrubbed the grates as well. Then I took the racks out of the oven to scrub them. He was befuddled. His clean is clean enough, mostly , but not as clean as I’d make it!

Mine does this, too.

Vacuuming is the worst. No, I don’t want to move the furniture to vacuum under it. Or, he will vacuum the house to “help” me. The problem, he leaves all the furniture askew and I have to put everything back in place. Helping is not help when it is creating work for me, especially when I have other things that needed to be done.

Company coming leads to years old projects needing to be accomplished right now. Or, cleaning out the garage. Or mowing grass that is 1/2 inch too tall, which leads to grass being tracked into the house.

I know I am fortunate that he does help, quite a bit at that. He does things that I hate to do. And, I try really hard to be thankful. Sometimes...ugh!

He’s a perfectionist. Having been on the end of a not good enough job, I keep my trap shut. I don’t mow grass or wash cars because I am apparently incapable of doing a good job. Less work for me.

Mine would not get 'cleaning' . I'd have to specifically describe each step in detail. In other words, I might as well do it myself.

I never ask my DH to "help" me with chores.  They aren't my chores because I'm the wife.  They are household chores that everyone who lives in my home is expected to take care of.  I have found asking him to do a certain task and giving him a deadline results in it getting done.

Keep your eye on the endgame.
(Off to google how to dust walls, as I’ve never done that.) 😁

Note to self:  Never get textured wallpaper due to spiders.  The only thing worse in my book than a spider is a snake!  

I understand why you're so frustrated - having two jobs is exhausting especially when there is someone who could help with the job at home. I'm asking this very sincerly - I'm just curious as to how many times you go to someone's home and think that it is the woman's fault something is out of place or not up to snuff? I never think this when I go to someone's home. I notice clutter because it is truly a big issue for me but I would never judge my friends or family on how clean they keep their home. Unless of course it is a health issue kind of dirty. I think most people are the same - I think we are too hard on ourselves sometimes and we judge ourselves far too harshly.

I hope your dh will step up and start pulling his weight inside too.

roundtwo said: I'm asking this very sincerly - I'm just curious as to how many times you go to someone's home and think that it is the woman's fault something is out of place or not up to snuff?

I am very laid back. That kind of stuff doesn't matter to me. Most of my friends are the same way. My family is *not*. I feel very judged by them. And it's over stupid stuff. Why would you choose orange for your kitchen? That nosering is a real "statement piece," isn't it? It was a flower instead of a stud. Why haven't you planted any flowers? This isn't the pasta salad you usually make. It goes on and on and on. And most of the time I let the comments all just go right on by. My house is never filthy. And I take care of all the clutter. But I also live in the most modest house and I have the most kids and animals to trash the house. So I do have do more cleaning. I just don't want to hear comments. I just want to enjoy myself. And not a single one of them will say anything to my husband or my kids.

And I'm extra pissy because I've been experiencing pain that started as tennis elbow and has slowly moved up my arm and across my shoulder and back. I could have used some extra help today. I'm seeing the doctor on Tuesday so I hope that I am going to get some answers on my arm.

I just know that there's a whole lot of people still thinking the house is a reflection on me. And that's where I think a lot of society hasn't changed their thinking. We expect women to do it all.

My DH is an awesome cook (used to be a Competition BBQ Chef) and excellent cleaner (former wingnut)...but I have to "ask" for him to do stuff. And frankly, why do I have to ask? Doesn't he have the same eyeballs that I do? I know that sounds petty...
He does the lawns, but complains the whole time....and walks the dogs when I can't/don't want to. I cook on weeknights, he cooks on the weekends. I pretty much always do the dishes, and all of our laundry, the kids do their own (thank the Lord above!).