Ugh - rude to waitstaff:( Vent

That stinks. 

I've never been a server, but I don't think I'd handle situations like this very well. Because of that, whenever I'm with someone who I feel is being unnecessarily critical I try to throw in an extra positive comment or two to the server. 

I'd find it hard not to say something to your friend. When you decline the next invitation, if she asks the reason I'd try to have an honest answer ready.

My husband’s father and girlfriend. Oh holy water buffaloes Batman!

They find fault with every place in town. Every place is rotten! My husband said it’s because spit isn’t very tasty!

Yeah, I wouldn't be dining out with that person ever again. And I'd be making a fool of myself going overboard with the positives just to balance that crap out. And I'd be leaving a huge tip, out in the open, for the wait staff. I don't have patience for people like that.

One college summer I waited tables in a pizza place and I had a sadistic bastard of a customer like this, who obviously took pleasure in making me run back and forth numerous times. I have never forgotten what an asshole he was, and so I always tip well, even for subpar service, because I remember so well how demeaning that experience was. I assume every wait person is going to get at least one jerk like that in their life.

Is she somehow showing off, in a kind of "look how exacting I am, because of how knowledgable I am" sort of way?

Yea, I have absolutely no patience for that behavior. At the very least, I would look straight at her in the middle of her antics and say, "You've never been a server, have you?" And I would probably go on from there. 

I am also a good cook, and love to eat out at different places. I have dietary restrictions, and make sure I am not difficult, just direct. I also sandwich (pun intended) any odd request with smiles and "I hope you can help me." 

I have been a server. For me, it is just common sense and common courtesy to treat anyone the way you would want to be treated. 

If I declined the next invite, I would explain why I would no longer be dining with her, that it makes ME uncomfortable. 

I also date, and I TOTALLY judge my date by the way he treats the host/hostess, wait staff, and the size of tip he leaves. 

Sorry, I guess this hit a nerve this morning 

I wouldn't go with her any more. I really dislike people like that and wouldn't want to spend time with them.

My best friend dated a guy for awhile who would do stuff like this and she ended up breaking up with him because he was just such a jerk in restaurants. Nice in real life but an ass to servers. We went to an Italian restaurant one night and when the waitress came over to see if we wanted dessert, she mispronounced "tiramisu". The boyfriend, smirking to the rest of us, said: "Oh, can you say that again? I'm not sure what you said" just so she would mispronounce it again. Total jerk.

And my husband worked with a guy who would say "not right now" whenever a server would ask if he wanted water. Then, at the very second he decided he wanted water, he'd call the server over and rudely ask: "Could we maybe get some WATER?" as if the server had never offered. Total power trip.

Same for me!! I have one friend like that and when we lived near each other I wouldn’t go out to eat with her. I have no patience for all that nitpicking and extra work that type of person makes.

I had a co-worker who bragged about his tipping policy. When his server first came to the table, he explained "his policy" which -- details are fuzzy -- was he set the amount they could get at the beginning of the meal and then he explained they lost something like 10% of that amount every time his glass was empty. After he boasted over and over again about how great his policy was and how he hardly ever had to tip, I turned to him and said, "Remind me never to go out to eat with you."

Nice people don’t do this. No, they aren’t “otherwise nice people” they are assholes. I would also decline to eat with that “friend” in the future.

Order water and toast! Or preorder before you get there.

I am sitting on this bench with you.  She sounds like she wants everyone to know the proper way to do things.

I did apologize to a server for a friend's behavior. After the server left, she spluttered around and I held up my hand and said, "You do this EVERY time we eat out. It ruins the experience for everyone. If you don't care about the server, how about caring how the rest of us feel?"  Truly, she never did it again in my presence. Her son told me years later that she actually never did it again, period.

While I don't think every person when confronted would change their behavior, I wonder what you have to lose by having a conversation with her about it?

Because if this person is so free with her criticisms and insults, she should also be able to take constructive criticism from a friend. If she's not, then you have to ask yourself if you want to be this person's friend. Why be a friend with someone who does not care if she makes you uncomfotable and ruins a dining out experience -- but of course, she first has to KNOW she is doing that. IMO, if you don't tell her how you feel, then part of it is on you.

Yes, she should know how to behave. But apparently, she doesn't. School her and then you will learn if she's a bad person and a bad friend or merely ignorant and self absorbed.

Having worked in hospitality for many years, I know exactly what you are talking about. Often it’s not what is said, but how it’s said. Without coming right out and saying something to her, I don’t know what you can do about it. I guess you could apologize for her to the wait staff, maybe she would get the hint.

I won’t go out with people who always send stuff back or run the staff ragged with get me this, get me that.