muggins
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,861
Jul 30, 2017 3:38:57 GMT
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Post by muggins on May 28, 2019 12:49:58 GMT
My friend/neighbor is a very good cook. She’s very knowledgable about all kinds of global cuisine and takes cooking very seriously. Since she discovered my love of Indian food she’s invited me to go to a very small family run Indian restaurant with her and another mutual friend of ours. Both times she’s been quite rude to the waitstaff - complaining about the temperature of the water (she insists on boiling water with two lemon slices to drink) the glasses (not traditional metal tumblers), the description on the menu ( not exact enough), the food presentation, etc. The family of waitstaff are very sweet and do their best to accommodate her. Weird thing is, despite all her complaining, she raves about the place. We just got back from lunch today and I was quite embarrassed at her antics. I’m not sure if our mutual friend felt the same way, but since they usually meet every week, I imagine she doesn’t mind. I’m not really asking for advice as I’ve decided to decline any further invitations to avoid embarrassment. I really don’t understand why people have to be so rude for no legitimate reason. I can understand genuine complaints, but this is just nitpicking:( Rant over.
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Post by KelleeM on May 28, 2019 12:55:26 GMT
How embarrassing. I’d opt out when she invited me.
I have a stepson and his wife who find fault with things all the time...they do it to get things comped or free, like wine or meals. My dh and I won’t go out to eat with them.
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MorningPerson
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,542
Location: Central Pennsylvania
Jul 4, 2014 21:35:44 GMT
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Post by MorningPerson on May 28, 2019 13:13:13 GMT
That stinks.
I've never been a server, but I don't think I'd handle situations like this very well. Because of that, whenever I'm with someone who I feel is being unnecessarily critical I try to throw in an extra positive comment or two to the server.
I'd find it hard not to say something to your friend. When you decline the next invitation, if she asks the reason I'd try to have an honest answer ready.
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Post by idahopea on May 28, 2019 13:16:27 GMT
I knew someone like that and he was a bad tipper on top of making the waitstaff run back and forth many extra times. We always left an extra tip to try to make up for it.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 5, 2024 11:09:22 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 28, 2019 13:24:14 GMT
My husband’s father and girlfriend. Oh holy water buffaloes Batman!
They find fault with every place in town. Every place is rotten! My husband said it’s because spit isn’t very tasty!
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Post by crazy4scraps on May 28, 2019 13:52:13 GMT
How embarrassing. I’d opt out when she invited me. I have a stepson and his wife who find fault with things all the time...they do it to get things comped or free, like wine or meals. My dh and I won’t go out to eat with them. I know someone like this too. The person isn’t rude exactly, but just very nit picky about everything and will often complain (although politely), noting that “I’m paying good money for this and I want it to be perfect.” The result is often something comped, free dessert, etc. It does get embarrassing when it happens almost every time you go out.
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J u l e e
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on May 28, 2019 13:59:33 GMT
Yeah, I wouldn't be dining out with that person ever again. And I'd be making a fool of myself going overboard with the positives just to balance that crap out. And I'd be leaving a huge tip, out in the open, for the wait staff. I don't have patience for people like that.
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RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,899
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
Aug 2, 2014 13:03:45 GMT
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on May 28, 2019 14:03:58 GMT
I think the wait staff don't seem to mind because they have to keep customers. But nobody likes rude customers.
My BIL has a voice that is louder than he thinks it is. He has made rude and mocking remarks about our local Indian restaurant too, in an all-too-audible voice. I'm sure they heard, but they were as sweet as possible. I couldn't say anything when he did it, but when his 10-year-old started copying him, I had to speak up and point out to the boy that the staff were right behind him and could hear him. He looked at his father for confirmation, and BIL told him to "let it go". I wasn't sure if he meant to stop talking about the staff or not to argue with me, but it didn't feel very supportive. They both stopped making remarks though, so it had the desired effect.
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Post by peano on May 28, 2019 14:03:59 GMT
I knew someone like that and he was a bad tipper on top of making the waitstaff run back and forth many extra times. We always left an extra tip to try to make up for it. One college summer I waited tables in a pizza place and I had a sadistic bastard of a customer like this, who obviously took pleasure in making me run back and forth numerous times. I have never forgotten what an asshole he was, and so I always tip well, even for subpar service, because I remember so well how demeaning that experience was. I assume every wait person is going to get at least one jerk like that in their life.
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Post by auntkelly on May 28, 2019 14:20:26 GMT
I have no idea why people act like your friend does.
I’m guessing your friend is simply insensitive and doesn’t realize how rude she is being. I think some people are just downright mean and it empowers them to be rude to the waitstaff. Some people are pretentious jerks and think they look sophisticated when they complain about every little detail.
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Post by gar on May 28, 2019 14:26:52 GMT
Is she somehow showing off, in a kind of "look how exacting I am, because of how knowledgable I am" sort of way?
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,856
Jun 25, 2014 21:53:42 GMT
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on May 28, 2019 14:41:59 GMT
My ex best friend was the worst person to go to a restaurant with. She’s the type of person that would be like “I need to sub this for that, add extra this, put this on the side, can I get this for no extra charge” like it would take her forever just to tell her order to the waitstaff and she was so rude. When I lived in Va I sent her money to come see me and we went to a diner and I’ll never forget the waitress was kinda bitchy to my friend but my friend deserved it because she was rude first...well one thing led to another and said friend pours MY soda on the waitress...I was mortified. That was the last time we ever went to eat together.
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Post by farmgirl on May 28, 2019 14:55:43 GMT
Yea, I have absolutely no patience for that behavior. At the very least, I would look straight at her in the middle of her antics and say, "You've never been a server, have you?" And I would probably go on from there. I am also a good cook, and love to eat out at different places. I have dietary restrictions, and make sure I am not difficult, just direct. I also sandwich (pun intended) any odd request with smiles and "I hope you can help me." I have been a server. For me, it is just common sense and common courtesy to treat anyone the way you would want to be treated. If I declined the next invite, I would explain why I would no longer be dining with her, that it makes ME uncomfortable. I also date, and I TOTALLY judge my date by the way he treats the host/hostess, wait staff, and the size of tip he leaves. Sorry, I guess this hit a nerve this morning
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Post by Restless Spirit on May 28, 2019 15:15:15 GMT
I have a sister-in-law, that for years now, we have gone out to lunch once a month to chat and catch up on things. She is an expert on everything. Seriously. In her mind she is lady like with refined taste. When we go to a restaurant (often one of her choice), her behavior drives me batty.
She always makes me order first. I try to delay, telling her to order, but she waves the waitstaff away. I finally cave and order ( and this is what drives me insane), every.single.time she orders the same thing I do. And she always hates it. She picks at it, makes faces and comments on how terrible the food is. Everything is “inedible”, “gross”, “disgusting”. She doesn’t understand how I can possibly eat this crap. She calls the wait staff over and complains and complains about how improperly the food is prepared. She pushes the food around her plate, makes faces about how she can not possibly eat any of it. Then sends the plate of food away, making remarks the whole time about how bad the food is. Frankly, it’s embarrassing.
I think it’s her way of trying to feel superior. Actually, it’s just plain annoying.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,891
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on May 28, 2019 15:57:41 GMT
I wouldn't go with her any more. I really dislike people like that and wouldn't want to spend time with them.
My best friend dated a guy for awhile who would do stuff like this and she ended up breaking up with him because he was just such a jerk in restaurants. Nice in real life but an ass to servers. We went to an Italian restaurant one night and when the waitress came over to see if we wanted dessert, she mispronounced "tiramisu". The boyfriend, smirking to the rest of us, said: "Oh, can you say that again? I'm not sure what you said" just so she would mispronounce it again. Total jerk.
And my husband worked with a guy who would say "not right now" whenever a server would ask if he wanted water. Then, at the very second he decided he wanted water, he'd call the server over and rudely ask: "Could we maybe get some WATER?" as if the server had never offered. Total power trip.
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Post by flanz on May 28, 2019 16:08:43 GMT
That stinks. I've never been a server, but I don't think I'd handle situations like this very well. Because of that, whenever I'm with someone who I feel is being unnecessarily critical I try to throw in an extra positive comment or two to the server. I'd find it hard not to say something to your friend. When you decline the next invitation, if she asks the reason I'd try to have an honest answer ready. I agree. I hope you will tell her how rude she is being and how it makes you feel, and how you imagine it makes these fine folks running the restaurant feel. I know it would likely be uncomfortable for you, but I have a feeling you would feel good about having done so.
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Post by gmcwife1 on May 28, 2019 16:21:09 GMT
Yeah, I wouldn't be dining out with that person ever again. And I'd be making a fool of myself going overboard with the positives just to balance that crap out. And I'd be leaving a huge tip, out in the open, for the wait staff. I don't have patience for people like that. Same for me!! I have one friend like that and when we lived near each other I wouldn’t go out to eat with her. I have no patience for all that nitpicking and extra work that type of person makes.
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Post by phoenixcov on May 28, 2019 16:23:38 GMT
These rude customers should see what happens at a local seafood place near where I live One of the reviews online complaining about the service got the customer banned before and after posting the review. The owner has zero tolerance and has enough business to turn people away, which he does regularly. More places should be like that. It is a favourite stop off for actor Stephen Fry and a few other famous faces who enjoy the excellent food there. As to the OPs friend, no way would I eat out and be that embarrassed with her behaviour ever again, and would tell her exactly why.
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Post by tc on May 28, 2019 16:38:07 GMT
I had a co-worker who bragged about his tipping policy. When his server first came to the table, he explained "his policy" which -- details are fuzzy -- was he set the amount they could get at the beginning of the meal and then he explained they lost something like 10% of that amount every time his glass was empty. After he boasted over and over again about how great his policy was and how he hardly ever had to tip, I turned to him and said, "Remind me never to go out to eat with you."
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Post by stingfan on May 28, 2019 18:20:03 GMT
Is she Indian herself? I'm just wondering if it's some sort of cultural thing. I know that Americans find the bluntness in some other cultures to be rude sometimes. But they don't interpret it as rude - just true.
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Post by lisacharlotte on May 28, 2019 18:22:15 GMT
Nice people don’t do this. No, they aren’t “otherwise nice people” they are assholes. I would also decline to eat with that “friend” in the future.
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Post by scrapmaven on May 28, 2019 19:03:39 GMT
I would apologize to the servers for her behavior. That would be the last time I'd ever go to a restaurant w/her. How embarrassing. What is wrong w/people? Knowing me, I'd probably call her on her behavior while we were at the restaurant. Since the servers can't call her out I would be happy to do so.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 5, 2024 11:09:22 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 28, 2019 19:08:25 GMT
I have a sister-in-law, that for years now, we have gone out to lunch once a month to chat and catch up on things. She is an expert on everything. Seriously. In her mind she is lady like with refined taste. When we go to a restaurant (often one of her choice), her behavior drives me batty. She always makes me order first. I try to delay, telling her to order, but she waves the waitstaff away. I finally cave and order ( and this is what drives me insane), every.single.time she orders the same thing I do. And she always hates it. She picks at it, makes faces and comments on how terrible the food is. Everything is “inedible”, “gross”, “disgusting”. She doesn’t understand how I can possibly eat this crap. She calls the wait staff over and complains and complains about how improperly the food is prepared. She pushes the food around her plate, makes faces about how she can not possibly eat any of it. Then sends the plate of food away, making remarks the whole time about how bad the food is. Frankly, it’s embarrassing. I think it’s her way of trying to feel superior. Actually, it’s just plain annoying. Order water and toast! Or preorder before you get there.
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,402
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on May 28, 2019 19:11:43 GMT
If there is one thing I can't abide, it is people who are rude to minimum wage 18 year old waiters, or any other type of waiter, for that matter.
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Post by 950nancy on May 28, 2019 19:13:11 GMT
Is she somehow showing off, in a kind of "look how exacting I am, because of how knowledgable I am" sort of way? I am sitting on this bench with you. She sounds like she wants everyone to know the proper way to do things.
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julieb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,845
Jul 3, 2014 16:02:54 GMT
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Post by julieb on May 28, 2019 19:14:42 GMT
I have a FIL like this. Very rude. My SIL is very curt to wait staff also. If I can avoid going out with them, I will. I'll never forget my SIL leaving a mess under the table when he kids were younger. So rude. I think it says a ton about people in the way they treat wait staff. Thankfully my DH takes after his Mom!!
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mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253
Jul 3, 2014 18:13:13 GMT
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Post by mallie on May 28, 2019 19:22:25 GMT
I would apologize to the servers for her behavior. That would be the last time I'd ever go to a restaurant w/her. How embarrassing. What is wrong w/people? Knowing me, I'd probably call her on her behavior while we were at the restaurant. Since the servers can't call her out I would be happy to do so. I did apologize to a server for a friend's behavior. After the server left, she spluttered around and I held up my hand and said, "You do this EVERY time we eat out. It ruins the experience for everyone. If you don't care about the server, how about caring how the rest of us feel?" Truly, she never did it again in my presence. Her son told me years later that she actually never did it again, period. While I don't think every person when confronted would change their behavior, I wonder what you have to lose by having a conversation with her about it? Because if this person is so free with her criticisms and insults, she should also be able to take constructive criticism from a friend. If she's not, then you have to ask yourself if you want to be this person's friend. Why be a friend with someone who does not care if she makes you uncomfotable and ruins a dining out experience -- but of course, she first has to KNOW she is doing that. IMO, if you don't tell her how you feel, then part of it is on you. Yes, she should know how to behave. But apparently, she doesn't. School her and then you will learn if she's a bad person and a bad friend or merely ignorant and self absorbed.
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Post by smalltowngirlie on May 28, 2019 19:34:57 GMT
I cannot stand this. I waited tables for years. My FIL made a comment to a server one night at an all you can eat place, where they brought the food to you. She asked if he wanted her to place an order for his next plate, and he said something like, "Only if you want a tip". I about died. I was so embarrassed. I talked to DH about it after and said if this was a habit we would not go out to eat with them on a regular basis.
I don't think some people can see the difference between server and servant.
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scrapngranny
Pearl Clutcher
Only slightly senile
Posts: 4,826
Jun 25, 2014 23:21:30 GMT
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Post by scrapngranny on May 28, 2019 20:06:46 GMT
Having worked in hospitality for many years, I know exactly what you are talking about. Often it’s not what is said, but how it’s said. Without coming right out and saying something to her, I don’t know what you can do about it. I guess you could apologize for her to the wait staff, maybe she would get the hint.
I won’t go out with people who always send stuff back or run the staff ragged with get me this, get me that.
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Post by mikklynn on May 28, 2019 20:06:55 GMT
Seriously, your friend is eating things she did not order.
I would never go out with her again.
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