Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:09:46 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 22, 2019 14:21:34 GMT
I honestly feel like I am going to lose my ever-loving freaking mind with 13yo DS. He can be soooooo ill one minute and the next minute he is sitting beside me watching episodes of Big Bang Theory.
Here's the deal, he is a REALLY bright kid. He loves to draw and make free form stuff with clay. For example, he made Godzilla out of clay and a full on suspension bridge with cars. He even made tanks and helicopters to set up a scene right out of a Godzilla movie. When I say he is really talented...I mean he is like a full on artist level talented. Here in Morocco there aren't any summer programs for kids with his advanced skills. He is really smart when it comes to history as well. He is a freakishly intellectual kid and gets bored with kids his age because they aren't on his level. I have had several talks with him about how he can't always expect people to be on his intellectual level...hell, half the time "I" don't even feel I am on his level! LOL
The other thing is that he goes to a Moroccan school here, which means that the curriculum is in French and Arabic only. He has really worked hard all year to maintain good grades in languages that aren't even his own. I really cannot complain at how well he has done academically here. Thus, I feel like I need to cut the kid some slack because he really had done all that we have asked of him.
DH and I are always asking him to do things and he doesn't want to. He had an opportunity to go spend the week with his cousin who is close to his age (Arabic speaker) on the beach...on the Mediterranean....but he didn't want to go. I mean when I was his age, I would have DIED to do something like that.
Also, starting in July, I will be teaching an ESL Summer Camp in which I will be busy in the afternoon. Plus, there aren't a lot of kids/teen activities to choose from here in Morocco. Most people go to the beach.
I just don't know what to do with him or how to speak his language. We have always had a good relationship but I am torn here. How hard do I push him? Do I need to let him be. Oh, we live in an apartment, so there isn't yard work for him to do either.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:09:46 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 22, 2019 14:44:23 GMT
I fall in the he is a kid, it is summer vacation, let him relax camp.
He has the rest of his adult life to be busy, over worked, over stressed.
I don't see why a 13 year old needs to do things, especially those he has no interest in.
Seems like he isn't a beach kid. No big deal.
Have you asked what he would like to do? Does he need new art supplies? Would he like to make claymation videos? Teach some kids art?
My two kids have been relaxing. Dd has an above normal IQ and due to medical and special needs works very hard at school. She deserves a break. Now she does help out at the ranch and takes riding lessons and will start private summer speech but other than that, veg out kid.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:09:46 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 22, 2019 14:44:53 GMT
I honestly feel like I am going to lose my ever-loving freaking mind with 13yo DS. He can be soooooo ill one minute and the next minute he is sitting beside me watching episodes of Big Bang Theory.Here's the deal, he is a REALLY bright kid. He loves to draw and make free form stuff with clay. For example, he made Godzilla out of clay and a full on suspension bridge with cars. He even made tanks and helicopters to set up a scene right out of a Godzilla movie. When I say he is really talented...I mean he is like a full on artist level talented. Here in Morocco there aren't any summer programs for kids with his advanced skills. He is really smart when it comes to history as well. He is a freakishly intellectual kid and gets bored with kids his age because they aren't on his level. I have had several talks with him about how he can't always expect people to be on his intellectual level...hell, half the time "I" don't even feel I am on his level! LOL The other thing is that he goes to a Moroccan school here, which means that the curriculum is in French and Arabic only. He has really worked hard all year to maintain good grades in languages that aren't even his own. I really cannot complain at how well he has done academically here. Thus, I feel like I need to cut the kid some slack because he really had done all that we have asked of him. DH and I are always asking him to do things and he doesn't want to. He had an opportunity to go spend the week with his cousin who is close to his age (Arabic speaker) on the beach...on the Mediterranean....but he didn't want to go. I mean when I was his age, I would have DIED to do something like that. Also, starting in July, I will be teaching an ESL Summer Camp in which I will be busy in the afternoon. Plus, there aren't a lot of kids/teen activities to choose from here in Morocco. Most people go to the beach. I just don't know what to do with him or how to speak his language. We have always had a good relationship but I am torn here. How hard do I push him? Do I need to let him be. Oh, we live in an apartment, so there isn't yard work for him to do either. I'm not exactly sure what you are asking. But, if mine told me they were too sick to so something they knew it would be 24 hours of staying in bed. They could read or sleep but that was it. No tv, video games, legos, etc. That cut out the lying about how they felt. I can see not wanting to go to the beach with a cousin. Yeah, there were some cousins I would have jumped at the chance but other cousins not so much and more importantly other aunts, uncles or pesky younger cousin siblings I wouldn't want to go with. They could manage to pull all the fun out of a beach trip. "Don't go near the water! You know John can't swim" (the 6 year old cousin) eta: I agree with @calimom2. It is ok to not have something scheduled every day. Kids need down time to just "be" and day dream. |
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:09:46 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 22, 2019 14:46:15 GMT
I wanted to add, I wasnt expect to do much in summer and I am a well rounded, hard working adult.
I wouldn't say he is unmotivated, but more drained mentally from the school year. Teens brains are growing and they deal with a lot.
Let him chill
|
|
|
|
Post by SockMonkey on Jun 22, 2019 14:46:17 GMT
I think it's normal, TBH.
|
|
wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,203
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
|
Post by wellway on Jun 22, 2019 14:50:25 GMT
How long has it been since school broke up for him? Producing good results in two languages that are not his first language is not just fantastic but must be super tiring too. Add in puberty and he is probably shattered.
He might see the week away as something that is going to require more effort on his behalf. I personally am not a beach person. The idea of spending a week on the beach with someone with whom I will have to communicate with in one of my new languages would not be appealing.
Can you both agree that he has to try some new, a new author, produce dinner once a week, learn to produce videos with his creatures? Set him a challenge that might grab his attention.
You know, boredom is a useful state of mind too. I saw an article on how important it was. I'll try to find it and link it.
|
|
johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,687
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
|
Post by johnnysmom on Jun 22, 2019 14:52:25 GMT
Iâm mean, I sometimes have to force my kids to do stuff that I know theyâll enjoy. If left to their own devices theyâd be total slugs in front of video games for weeks on end. I wouldnât force a week long trip with someone else on them but if youâre going somewhere as a family (dinner, park, etc) then they should join. Is he doing a variety of things? From your post it kinda sounds like heâs not just lying around, heâs being creative. Maybe encourage him to get out of the house a bit and/or have friends over. But know that itâs an age thing, before long heâll never be home and youâll miss this (ask me how I know).
|
|
hannahruth
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,849 
Location: Adelaide, Australia
|
Post by hannahruth on Jun 22, 2019 14:56:45 GMT
How long has he been sitting on the couch? He has just finished a pretty exhausting (to me anyway) school year and he needs a break.
At his age doing what he is doing sounds pretty normal to me. Not everyone needs to be "doing" something everyday. I would let him be.
|
|
|
|
Post by chaosisapony on Jun 22, 2019 15:50:25 GMT
I fall in the he is a kid, it is summer vacation, let him relax camp. He has the rest of his adult life to be busy, over worked, over stressed. I don't see why a 13 year old needs to do things, especially those he has no interest in. This. 100%. My parents weren't home with me in the summer. They left before I woke up and got home at 6pm. I was a slug for much of the day. And I needed that down time. School took a lot out of me and being able to relax and recharge without many expectations was exactly what I needed. |
|
|
|
Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Jun 22, 2019 17:22:34 GMT
He has his whole life to rush about. Let him rest.
Also, it might be important for him to have some control of how he structures his day to day life after the super structured, super learning-intensive school year.
|
|
|
|
Post by underwatermama on Jun 22, 2019 17:44:37 GMT
If he gets bored, he will find things to do. I totally enjoyed my early teen summers when I didn't have anything I *had* to do.
|
|
smcast
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,509
Location: MN
|
Post by smcast on Jun 22, 2019 17:51:50 GMT
My dd was so bored last year at age 14. She worked part time in an assisted living kitchen. This year is the exact opposite. She has five part time jobs. Yes, I know. Talk about overextending yourself. Another one of those times she didn't follow my advice. LOL. Now one of the jobs isn't being as flexible as they originally told her when she accepted job. I basically told her she either needs to put in her notice and take it as a learning experience or make it work. She's acknowledged I was right and has been switching things around to make it all work so far. We'll see how the rest of the summer goes.
I bet when he wants spending money to do what he wants to do, he'll find a little motivation. Dd realizes now to fill her car up with gas, when she finally gets her driver's license in one month, the money will be gone pretty fast. He's in those in between years which are hard.
|
|
seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,366
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
|
Post by seaexplore on Jun 22, 2019 18:02:34 GMT
I am in the let him be camp. Maybe introduce him to stop motion animation? He can use his clay creations to make videos. Or what about learning to code? code.org has lots of stuff he can play with.
If he's doing chores around the house- bedroom clean, laundry, dishes properly cleaned up, maybe a bit of yard work, he's doing what most kids his age are probably doing during the summer.
My kids are 7 and 3. They go to art camp (I stay with them as it's 25 min one way) Tues, Wed, Thur 9-11:30. 7 year old has gymnastics at 4:30 Tuesday afternoons (year round, not just summer). As a family, we bowl on Sundays noon to 2. The rest of the time they chill with devices or TV or legos or whatever they can find to do at the house. The only rule is that at 7, the house gets picked up. Some days it's a quick mess pick up. Other days it takes forever with lots of yelling and screaming and threats (lol).
I do NOT entertain my kids. I do not schedule them every minute of every day. Summer is also a break for me. I am a teacher. I need decompression and creative time. So far this summer, I've taught myself to sandblast glass and stainless steel cups. It's really fun! My DH is a SAHD so it's a break for him too having me home so he's not the sole person responsible for the kids.
All that to say that as long as he's being a good kid and keeping up stuff around the house, I'd lay off and let him do his thing. Boredom isn't bad.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:09:46 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 22, 2019 19:04:42 GMT
Thanks guys for your input. I honestly wasn't sure if I was being a lazy mom for thinking it was okay to let him be lazy. I have some friends who have their kids scheduled for something the whole summer...with what little activities there are to do here. Some who leave the kids to electronics. The mom guilt can be tough you know.
He actually took a stop-animation class that was a week long last summer when we were in the States. Upon your suggestion, I sat down in the living room with him and after a bit, I told him I would love to see an animation film of Godzilla crushing the bridge. He raised his eyebrows and nodded his head a bit. LOL That was good, I thought.
Picking up after himself is definitely going to be the struggle, but I am going to take the Peas advice and let his tater butt bake on the couch! LOL
|
|
|
|
Post by 950nancy on Jun 22, 2019 19:04:56 GMT
My kids started mowing lawns in the neighborhood when they were ten. They could easily make $250- $300 bucks a week (5-6 months a year) working about 10 hours a week. It was crazy. I worried when they got out of high school that they wouldn't be able to work a real 40 hour per week job.
They are both in their 20's, out of the house (one owns his own house) working 40+ hours a week.
I think as parents we tend to over analyze the current situation. I think that is normal. Maybe start with baby steps. When my sons were a bit younger than yours, their dad decided to give them each $500 to invest in the stock market. They spend days analyzing the market and trying to figure out the best place to invest. At the time I thought it was a little over the top, but my husband was right. They both are great investors now.
Look at what your kid likes to do. Maybe he could be introduced to some engineers or other professionals that create things. See if there isn't another outlet that you haven't thought of that might interest him. For some kids, they know what they want to do at an early age and for others they need to be introduced to different options. Use this time to let him explore some different things for a short time. Maybe just ask him to try one thing new a week (or few weeks) to get him interested in something. I think compromising (but still letting him choose) is important.
|
|
|
|
Post by chlerbie on Jun 22, 2019 19:13:45 GMT
My mother didn't allow me to have a job during high school--she said I'd be working soon enough. I did babysitting and some lawn mowing and things like that, but I'm really grateful, looking back, that I didn't have one because I look back on those summers so fondly. Some days I was a total slug, other days I pursued my interests like crazy. I went to camp for a week each year. And I never had trouble being motivated for work, etc. when I finally did enter the world of jobs.  |
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:09:46 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 22, 2019 19:28:37 GMT
My mother shipped me off to my family every summer (hence our bad relationship from the other thread), and I wasn't allowed to be lazy. At 15, I had a job when I was back home with her if school hadn't started yet. DH grew up in the "hood" here in Morocco and he was used to leaving out and playing soccer ALL DAY or swimming at the beach. So both of us need to realize DS isn't like us. I just want him to be happy, you know. Is it just me...or is it really hard to tell when a teen is happy?!?!
Now DD, who is about to turn 7, is ready to go and do at the snap of your fingers! She is off swimming and having a sleepover at her cousins house.
For those of you wondering, we just finished school last week. We don't start back until about the second week of September.
|
|
|
|
Post by smokeynspike on Jun 22, 2019 20:00:51 GMT
My daughter will be 16 next month. If we give her an option of doing something or staying home, she will always pick staying home. But once she gets going somewhere she always enjoys herself. So most of the time we don't give her an option anymore.
Melissa
|
|
kelly8875
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,448
Location: Lost in my supplies...
|
Post by kelly8875 on Jun 22, 2019 20:56:54 GMT
When I was 13, I was home all summer, doing nothing. Best time of my life đ. We had basic daily/weekly chores to do, but that was it. There was often a tv in front of me, and a video game controller in my hand. I turned out fine.
I let my kids be similar.
He sounds normal to me.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:09:46 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 22, 2019 20:59:25 GMT
My mother shipped me off to my family every summer (hence our bad relationship from the other thread), and I wasn't allowed to be lazy. At 15, I had a job when I was back home with her if school hadn't started yet. DH grew up in the "hood" here in Morocco and he was used to leaving out and playing soccer ALL DAY or swimming at the beach. So both of us need to realize DS isn't like us. I just want him to be happy, you know. Is it just me...or is it really hard to tell when a teen is happy?!?! Now DD, who is about to turn 7, is ready to go and do at the snap of your fingers! She is off swimming and having a sleepover at her cousins house. For those of you wondering, we just finished school last week. We don't start back until about the second week of September. It is REALLY hard to tell when a teen is happy. Honestly, most of the time they can't tell either. So don't beat yourself up over it. Just point out options he can choose from and let it be to a relative point. Your son is what is sometimes called a "third culture kid" He doesn't belong to your home raising or dad's either. He hasn't lived his life in the country he is currently in. It makes this time of life sort of rougher than normal which is rough enough. You can google about issues, and resolving some of them. Add to it, if you and dad are both extroverts and he isn't then that is yet another layer of feeling out of synch. |
|
|
|
Post by christine58 on Jun 22, 2019 21:04:58 GMT
Does he have friends he can hang out with?? Have you asked him if there's things he'd like to do>> I get the comments about 'de-stressing' once school gets out but I don't think any teen needs 8 weeks to do that (and I taught a shit ton of them!!). Give him a chore or two daily...ask him if he'd like to fix dinner for all of you. Honestly-he's going to get bored.
|
|
|
|
Post by malibou on Jun 22, 2019 22:27:03 GMT
I was also going to suggest stop action movies. If he has any Lego, put that out for him. It's awesome for stop action.
I bet youtube is full of stop action movie tutorials. What a fun rabbit hole.
I have friends whose kids did these, there were competitions they enter. Maybe you can see if there are any he would like to enter.
|
|
|
|
Post by Linda on Jun 22, 2019 22:36:04 GMT
DD12 is hanging at home all summer except for the week that she'll go to Girl Scout camp for Mounted Archery. She does lego, art, watches Star Trek, plays on Minecraft an Zoo Tycoon and on the Wii Fit...and lots of reading, a few extra chores etc...
DD19 is hanging at home all summer also. She goes (horse) riding with friends a couple of times a week, she and her friends have a camping trip planned (just a couple of days), she goes to friends' house maybe once a week or once every two weeks. But mostly reads, goes online, writes, does her own thing, some chores etc...
down time is good, I think. They do cook dinner once a week each (including planning the meal and putting the ingredients on my grocery list)
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:09:46 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 22, 2019 22:41:34 GMT
My mother shipped me off to my family every summer (hence our bad relationship from the other thread), and I wasn't allowed to be lazy. At 15, I had a job when I was back home with her if school hadn't started yet. DH grew up in the "hood" here in Morocco and he was used to leaving out and playing soccer ALL DAY or swimming at the beach. So both of us need to realize DS isn't like us. I just want him to be happy, you know. Is it just me...or is it really hard to tell when a teen is happy?!?! Now DD, who is about to turn 7, is ready to go and do at the snap of your fingers! She is off swimming and having a sleepover at her cousins house. For those of you wondering, we just finished school last week. We don't start back until about the second week of September. It is REALLY hard to tell when a teen is happy. Honestly, most of the time they can't tell either. So don't beat yourself up over it. Just point out options he can choose from and let it be to a relative point. Your son is what is sometimes called a "third culture kid" He doesn't belong to your home raising or dad's either. He hasn't lived his life in the country he is currently in. It makes this time of life sort of rougher than normal which is rough enough. You can google about issues, and resolving some of them. Add to it, if you and dad are both extroverts and he isn't then that is yet another layer of feeling out of synch. I absolutely CANNOT thank you enough for introducing me to the term "third culture kid"!!!! I had no idea this existed. I have already done a quick search on this and absolutely, 100% this is my son! Oh wow! Talk about stumbling around in the dark and then someone hands you a flash light!  Thank you!!!! I may try and find a way to introduce this to him. He has commented on more than one occasion about how "different" he is. Maybe this will help him. |
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:09:46 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 22, 2019 22:43:15 GMT
DD13 is hanging at home all summer except for the week that she'll go to Girl Scout camp for Mounted Archery. She does lego, art, watches Star Trek, plays on Minecraft an Zoo Tycoon and on the Wii Fit...and lots of reading, a few extra chores etc... DD19 is hanging at home all summer also. She goes (horse) riding with friends a couple of times a week, she and her friends have a camping trip planned (just a couple of days), she goes to friends' house maybe once a week or once every two weeks. But mostly reads, goes online, writes, does her own thing, some chores etc... down time is good, I think. They do cook dinner once a week each (including planning the meal and putting the ingredients on my grocery list) I might actually see if I can get him to try and cook a meal. That might be interesting! LOL Even if it is tuna and crackers. |
|
|
|
Post by Linda on Jun 22, 2019 23:09:06 GMT
DD13 is hanging at home all summer except for the week that she'll go to Girl Scout camp for Mounted Archery. She does lego, art, watches Star Trek, plays on Minecraft an Zoo Tycoon and on the Wii Fit...and lots of reading, a few extra chores etc... DD19 is hanging at home all summer also. She goes (horse) riding with friends a couple of times a week, she and her friends have a camping trip planned (just a couple of days), she goes to friends' house maybe once a week or once every two weeks. But mostly reads, goes online, writes, does her own thing, some chores etc... down time is good, I think. They do cook dinner once a week each (including planning the meal and putting the ingredients on my grocery list) I might actually see if I can get him to try and cook a meal. That might be interesting! LOL Even if it is tuna and crackers. I started at 9/10 with mine - I have them pick something that they enjoy eating and we go over the recipe and check for what ingredients need to be purchased and if there are any steps they are unfamiliar with (ie if they are making chilli in the crockpot they might not know what brown the beef mince means). Then I let them go in the kitchen but make myself available to help or answer questions IF asked (it can be hard to step back and let them chop onions themselves rather than doing it for them etc....but if they ask 'are these the right size?', I'll take a look and suggest improvements if needed). At this point, DD19 is completely independent and DD12 is mostly so although she tends to pick slightly less complex recipes |
|
|
|
Post by Basket1lady on Jun 23, 2019 4:05:11 GMT
My kids sound similar to your DS. Lived in multiple countries, werenât interested in just hanging out with peers, and super smart. Iâm in the âlet him beâ camp, but will support you in the concern that they do nothing all summer.
When my kids were in school, they left the house at 6:45am and didnât get him until about 6:30pm. Thatâs a long day for anyone! Add in honors/accelerated/AP classes, homework, working on club stuff... itâs a lot. I got a lot of comments from my family, but they were honor students and both got massive scholarships to their college. What more could I ask for?
Some things that I did encourage over the summerâreading for pleasure. We each chose a book for the other to read. It had to be something that they thought we would like, but also a book that they liked or about a topic they were interested in. In MS, they had to start helping me prepare dinner one day a week. By HS, they had to make a meal. We also planned day trips as a family to a museum (we live in DC), took cooking classes, and went to the pool/beach.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:09:46 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 23, 2019 10:50:16 GMT
Thank you guys for helping me to pull back and relax and see things differently. This morning after breakfast, I plopped down on the couch. He showed me some new stuff he was making with the clay. I told him I was cool with him doing his own thing during the summer. I was like I will leave you alone about doing activities and stuff...just pick up after yourself, keep your room decent and we agreed on an acceptable bedtime that he will monitor himself. This went over very well.
Think you guys can help with the fighting between him and his little sister!?!?! Lol. No?!?! Lol.
|
|
|
|
Post by LisaDV on Jun 23, 2019 12:27:01 GMT
I'm with @calimom2, Let him chill. He's kept up grades in a language that isn't his first. He's a teenager. Sometimes they just need to be. Asking what he'd like to do is a good though, because maybe he is interested in something or needs art supplies but hasn't thought about it yet.
|
|
seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,366
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
|
Post by seaexplore on Jun 23, 2019 17:05:18 GMT
Thank you guys for helping me to pull back and relax and see things differently. This morning after breakfast, I plopped down on the couch. He showed me some new stuff he was making with the clay. I told him I was cool with him doing his own thing during the summer. I was like I will leave you alone about doing activities and stuff...just pick up after yourself, keep your room decent and we agreed on an acceptable bedtime that he will monitor himself. This went over very well. Think you guys can help with the fighting between him and his little sister!?!?! Lol. No?!?! Lol.My DH is tired of hearing my 7 and 3 yo fight. They both get sent to their respective rooms for 5 min (avg. of their ages) if they get into it. So far so good. |
|
Thank you!!!!
