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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Jun 24, 2019 1:37:51 GMT
You did a very kind thing. Sleep well at night knowing you are a nice, generous person and feel a pinch of annoyance as well. Be glad your life is not like that. Well said. In fact, it's so well said, I'll just say I agree with LeaP's whole post.
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,428
Jun 26, 2014 2:34:35 GMT
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Post by luvnlifelady on Jun 24, 2019 1:47:18 GMT
It was very kind of you to donate your leave. It’s sort of like when you give a family member money for what you think is a crisis and they end up blowing it on something frivolous. Only thing you can do is stand back and watch and learn the lesson not to give again.
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moodyblue
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,254
Location: Western Illinois
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Jun 24, 2019 1:50:03 GMT
I’m guessing she has no idea how this might look to you and the other co-worker who have donated leave. She’s probably thinking only that it’s a huge relief because she can use her own accrued leave for all this other stuff. Her life sounds horribly stressful. SHE is definitely being taken advantage of by her husband and her sons. I would not want to be in her shoes.
Be glad you can help a kind person. I’d be a little annoyed too, and wouldn’t be inclined to give her any more leave, but I’d also be very glad I’m not living her life.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 5:17:12 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 24, 2019 3:15:26 GMT
You gave a gift. You don’t get to add string to it now. Be happy that you could help your friend and let it go.
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Post by 50offscrapper on Jun 24, 2019 5:08:05 GMT
Did you offer because you thought she didn’t have any leave left? Or did she ask? If you offered, then let it go. If she asked or implied that it was all gone then I would be upset. $700 is a lot. Her going home because her husband is bored and lonely doesn’t constitute an emergency. People don’t learn because they don’t suffer consequences. That said, we should err on the side of helping others less fortunate. What you did was very kind but I am not sure I would do it again for her.
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Post by nlwilkins on Jun 24, 2019 5:41:17 GMT
she sounds like a woman I know who allows her family to take advantage of her and she plays the martyr. All she has to do is say "no" but she doesn't and then carries on about what all she has to do. In fact she goes out of her way to be use by her family and then lets everyone know what is going on. Your friend needs counseling and help to prioritize. Grown children should be on their own, husband should have boundaries when it comes to her work time. She needs to learn how to cope with her own life before taking on the chores and responsibilities of family members who should be taking care of themselves. Think of the penalties and interest she will be paying on the taxes she is just now getting around to not to mention the new car for son, all unnecessary. She should not be missing one day's work without pay - that is so irresponsible. the bit about your donated leave is just aspect of all of this that is so wrong.
Actually, have you tried to talk to her about the choices she is making. Maybe she needs a bit of advice or help. You can suggest options for seeking help and getting her life and family in order. (I don't believe in finding fault but finding solutions together.) Getting her to seek counseling would be a much better help to her than giving her leave or money,
PS I agree with the above, a gift is a gift and should not have strings.
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ddly
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,019
Jul 10, 2014 19:36:28 GMT
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Post by ddly on Jun 24, 2019 11:19:38 GMT
This just sounds like a woman in a really bad situation. Perhaps your donated leave gave her a little breathing room and kept her emotionally afloat. You did a nice thing giving it to her and you never know what impact you may have had. I agree with this. Find other ways to support her. You’ll be gone soon.
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Post by myboysnme on Jun 24, 2019 11:22:40 GMT
Did you offer because you thought she didn’t have any leave left? Or did she ask? I know she rarely has much accrued but when she stayed home with her husband for 3 weeks then took time off for all his doctor appointments so he could make sure she could hear what the doctor said, she told me she was in leave without pay status and was applying for FMLA. I told her if she could get it approved before I retire I would give her 2 days for his follow up surgery in July. I figured with my donation, our coworkers donation and what she would accrue in that time it would cover his surgery and follow up. $700 is the amount I would get if I cashed it out at retirement and it is a lot of money. I want to be a generous person but not to my own detriment.
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hannahruth
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,688
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Aug 29, 2014 18:57:20 GMT
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Post by hannahruth on Jun 24, 2019 14:53:18 GMT
"taking advantage of me or not" - if you have to ask the question I would think you already know the answer.
Yes in a word imho I think you are. Having given the gift walk away and don't be as generous next time she asks, she will ask as she is that kind of person.
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Post by scrapcat on Jun 24, 2019 15:55:06 GMT
I agree with the others. Her life sounds like a sh!tshow, and you are kind for trying to help.
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Post by workingclassdog on Jun 24, 2019 16:06:04 GMT
I'd let it go and no more donating. She needs to figure her life out. I would not worry about what she is doing or what she is going to do at this point. I think it is great that you did donate... but at this point I wouldn't donate or get involved.
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Post by LisaDV on Jun 25, 2019 0:03:56 GMT
You are very sweet to help her out. I don't think she's taking advantage of you. You offered. If she asked you in the first place or asked you for more time, then she's trying to take advantage. I think her life is just a mess right now. She's completely stressed out. Be thankful you aren't in her shoes. Feel good about yourself as a person who helps out those less fortunate.
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Post by maryland on Jun 25, 2019 12:09:45 GMT
I hope she makes it up to you and the other coworker by doing something nice to let you know you are appreciated. Maybe when things calm down for her a little. You are a nice friend!
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MorningPerson
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,543
Location: Central Pennsylvania
Jul 4, 2014 21:35:44 GMT
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Post by MorningPerson on Jun 25, 2019 14:32:20 GMT
I realize your friend is in a difficult situation and she seems to mean well, but her family members are totally taking advantage of her, and by extension, you. $700 is no small amount, at least in my world.
I just re-read your OP and somehow I missed the part about her husband receiving wages illegally (presumably with taxpayer money.) And then he wanted her to miss all that work just so he wouldn't have to be home alone? There is so much wrong with this situation.
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