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Post by myshelly on Jul 7, 2019 3:42:24 GMT
My circle of friends and I are all members of an organization.
One friend, Maria, is way more involved in the organization than the rest of us. The organization held a conference in another state last year and Maria travelled there to attend. The rest of us did not.
This year the organization is having an online conference and Maria is in charge of it. She has worked hard organizing the speakers and arranging for some vendors to answer questions and offer discounts.
The online conference is not my thing. I don’t like listening to speakers online and I just don’t see any value in the conference. I think most of the content can be found elsewhere online for free.
The conference is expensive (to me). There are no in person events and you do not get any physical products.
I think Maria is upset that no one in our circle has signed up for the online conference. I would have signed up just to support her, but after I found out the cost I simply can’t justify spending that much.
So, WWYD, would you sign up just to support a friend? How much would you be willing to pay? Would you say something to your friend in person about not signing up or would you wait until she asked about it?
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Post by mom on Jul 7, 2019 3:45:29 GMT
If its out of your budget, tell her that. You don't have to include the part about the information being found for free. I would say something to her vs. waiting for her to come to you. IMHO if you wait it will look like you are just using the cost as an excuse.
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Post by 950nancy on Jul 7, 2019 3:46:42 GMT
I would probably wait for the right time to tell her I just can't afford it (or choose not to). Spending money isn't something friends should require of one another. Perhaps you can support her with this in another way?
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Post by elaine on Jul 7, 2019 4:16:03 GMT
If Maria is truly in charge of the conference, she should have ability to give free/discounted registration to her friends. If she doesn’t offer, that is on her, and I wouldn’t feel bad telling her “hey, I’d like to go and support you online, but I can’t swing the full registration costs” and leave it at that.
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Post by nlwilkins on Jul 7, 2019 4:16:47 GMT
If hou did not got to the out of state conference, why would you want to participate in this? Ask her why she expects this out of you all.
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smcast
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,474 
Location: MN
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Post by smcast on Jul 7, 2019 4:31:20 GMT
I wouldn't feel bad about it not being your thing. Complement her on her dedication and hard work to throw it all together.
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Post by bc2ca on Jul 7, 2019 4:36:06 GMT
My circle of friends and I are all members of an organization. One friend, Maria, is way more involved in the organization than the rest of us. The organization held a conference in another state last year and Maria travelled there to attend. The rest of us did not. This year the organization is having an online conference and Maria is in charge of it. She has worked hard organizing the speakers and arranging for some vendors to answer questions and offer discounts. The online conference is not my thing. I don’t like listening to speakers online and I just don’t see any value in the conference. I think most of the content can be found elsewhere online for free. The conference is expensive (to me). There are no in person events and you do not get any physical products. I think Maria is upset that no one in our circle has signed up for the online conference. I would have signed up just to support her, but after I found out the cost I simply can’t justify spending that much. So, WWYD, would you sign up just to support a friend? How much would you be willing to pay? Would you say something to your friend in person about not signing up or would you wait until she asked about it?
If it was $50 or under I might sign up to support a friend. I would definitely say something in person about not signing up next time I saw her otherwise I'd feel like it was the elephant in the room. |
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,402
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Jul 7, 2019 7:15:10 GMT
If it doesn't take your fancy, don't do it.
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Post by gar on Jul 7, 2019 8:07:20 GMT
I can sort of see that she would be a little upset if none of your circle has signed up...she may well have assumed (yes, I know...) that one or two of you would. I think I would say that the cost was prohibitive for me so that she understands that it's not simply a lack of interest/lack of support from me.
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Post by stacmac on Jul 7, 2019 11:09:19 GMT
I would just tell the truth - that it is too expensive for me. Is this the first thing like this she's organised? It may be learning curve for her.
I would wait until it came up or she asked about it. I would only sign up for support if it was cheaper unfortunately. I couldn't justify something like that right now.
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Post by christine58 on Jul 7, 2019 11:11:18 GMT
So, WWYD, would you sign up just to support a friend? How much would you be willing to pay? Would you say something to your friend in person about not signing up or would you wait until she asked about it? No I would not but I would talk to my friend and tell her why, |
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Post by mikklynn on Jul 7, 2019 12:05:42 GMT
I would tell her it's not in my budget. I would not wait for her to ask. I would let her know now.
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sweetpeasmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,652
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Post by sweetpeasmom on Jul 7, 2019 12:06:23 GMT
Did she have control over the cost? As a friend, I think I would be honest and let her know the cost is out of your budget. I know I tend to be sensitive to costs. I had a homebased business. One of my team members was a really strong leader of her team and in the company. Money wasn't an issue for her. She didn't think twice about the cost of events and such. I was more aware about it.
I would think if there is a significant cost, you'd be getting materials of some sort.
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Post by mustlovecats on Jul 7, 2019 12:25:58 GMT
I’ve hosted a variety of conferences and events and sometimes my friends come and sometimes they don’t.
She may be trying to pad the attendance to make it more successful. I get that, it’s valid. But if it wasn’t in my budget I would say so, and ask how I could support her otherwise, would she like her kids to hang out with me for a day so she can finish up her prep?
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Post by myshelly on Jul 7, 2019 14:08:07 GMT
Did she have control over the cost? As a friend, I think I would be honest and let her know the cost is out of your budget. I know I tend to be sensitive to costs. I had a homebased business. One of my team members was a really strong leader of her team and in the company. Money wasn't an issue for her. She didn't think twice about the cost of events and such. I was more aware about it. I would think if there is a significant cost, you'd be getting materials of some sort. She had input into the cost, but not complete control. |
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Post by myshelly on Jul 7, 2019 14:09:10 GMT
If hou did not got to the out of state conference, why would you want to participate in this? Ask her why she expects this out of you all. Because an online conference is easier and cheaper to attend than an out of state conference. No travel costs, no hotel costs, food costs, etc. |
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JustTricia
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,842
Location: Indianapolis
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Post by JustTricia on Jul 7, 2019 14:18:27 GMT
Just be honest with her for both reasons. If it’s out of your price range, there’s nothing wrong with that. And if it isn’t your thing that’s fine, too!
If you sign up just because she’s also going to ask why you haven’t watched anything, so you’ll be in the same boat.
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StephDRebel
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,692
Location: Ohio
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Post by StephDRebel on Jul 7, 2019 14:33:01 GMT
Please dont assume that she is upset unless she has said 'I'm upset'
I've been in similar situations and I dont expect my friends to participate for something that they have to pay for and arent interested in. The only time I get frustrated is when people expect a discount or freebie because we are 'friends' . I would never ask for a discount and I never grant one that is asked for.
Ask her if there is anything you can do to help cheer her on, let her know that you are proud of her, and if she is your friend just have a conversation with her.
She is likely working hard, her schedule is demanding, and her nerves are lit with a big event coming up. She could be coming across as aggressive when it's simply focus.
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Post by myshelly on Jul 7, 2019 14:34:41 GMT
Please dont assume that she is upset unless she has said 'I'm upset' I've been in similar situations and I dont expect my friends to participate for something that they have to pay for and arent interested in. The only time I get frustrated is when people expect a discount or freebie because we are 'friends' . I would never ask for a discount and I never grant one that is asked for. Ask her if there is anything you can do to help cheer her on, let her know that you are proud of her, and if she is your friend just have a conversation with her. She is likely working hard, her schedule is demanding, and her nerves are lit with a big event coming up. She could be coming across as aggressive when it's simply focus. I think you are right that it’s tacky to ask for a discount. I would never, ever do that or expect that. |
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Post by myboysnme on Jul 7, 2019 14:44:04 GMT
I have made it a point to say upfront what I am willing to do and not do. Right from the first discussion I would have been saying, "Don't count on me for this. I don't like online conferences and I wouldn't be able to spend the money for it."
In this case, no I would not pay money for something I don't want. $5 for girl scout cookies, $10 for a roll of wrapping paper, maybe, but anything over that I have to want it to buy it.
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Post by mnmloveli on Jul 7, 2019 14:58:16 GMT
I would definitely tell her I don’t like on-line conferences or classes. I would also mention I can’t afford it but be prepared that she might be able to offer you a discount. Have a price in mind that you would be willing to “donate” to keep the peace.
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Post by chaosisapony on Jul 7, 2019 15:02:51 GMT
No one in my circle of friends signs up or buys things just to "support" a friend. I would only worry if she brings it up. Then simply tell her that it's just not in the budget. It's nothing personal, finances are finances and everyone has different priorities when it comes to spending money.
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Post by mrssmith on Jul 7, 2019 20:14:51 GMT
Sounds like she's put in a lot of work, but I agree with the poster who said don't assume she's upset unless she's said so. If it's out of your budget than that's what it is. I find the concept of an online conference to be odd. One of the best parts of a conference is in person networking!
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Post by refugeepea on Jul 7, 2019 20:24:16 GMT
If Maria understands it's too expensive for you, she'll continue to be your friend. If not, her loss. I wouldn't think anymore of it if she is offended.
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Post by vjlau on Jul 8, 2019 4:41:24 GMT
If I were her, I might be disappointed overall to not have my friends attend and see what I worked hard for, but I'd genuinely know that it was fine if they didn't go.
If I were you (and I have been!)
1. Don't feel bad about not going. She may not even feel it, you just think she is.
2. Offer support as a friend - ask how it's going and if there is anything you can do to help. Be a listener for her frustration or success. She likely wants to talk about it!
3. If it comes up, simply say - I really support the work you're doing, but I just can't swing the cost. Can't wait to hear about how it went.
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Post by lisacharlotte on Jul 8, 2019 13:31:05 GMT
I wouldn’t say that you can’t afford it. She probably knows if this is something you can afford. Unless directly asked, I wouldn’t say anything. If asked, I would give my regrets and wish her luck on a successful conference. If she pushes for your attendance, I would be honest that it’s not in your budget, which it clearly isn’t. Not because you can’t afford it but because it doesn’t offer you value for cost. Friends and professionals don’t push for more information. However, if she really asked for honest feedback due to lack of signups I would tell her the truth.
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schizo319
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,030
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Post by schizo319 on Jul 8, 2019 14:18:41 GMT
I'd approach my friend and tell her something like this:
I saw how much work you've put into this year's conference, I'd love to attend to support you, but it's out of my budget right now. Is there anything else I can do to help/support you? Keep the kids during the conference, run some errands for you, fix you guys a meal while you're busy with conference stuff, etc.?
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Post by disneypal on Jul 8, 2019 14:21:15 GMT
I would tell her plainly..."I want to support you, but I simply cannot spend that much" and then offer to help in other ways, if you can.
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Post by beepdave on Jul 8, 2019 17:38:31 GMT
Is the organization a hobby/interest or a business/non-profit you support? That would make a difference for me.
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