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Post by mikklynn on Jul 17, 2019 11:40:41 GMT
I think you should sit him down and tell him exactly this. That was my reaction, as well. I'd be tempted to open a second savings account in my name only or hide some cash for those unexpected expenses that we all know WILL happen.That is a BAD idea. That is just telling her dh that she doesn't trust him at all. Please don't do this. But, isn't her need for security just as important? In a situation where the husband didn't disregard her wishes, I would agree with you.
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kelly8875
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Oct 26, 2014 17:02:56 GMT
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Post by kelly8875 on Jul 17, 2019 13:05:15 GMT
I’m sorry you’re upset by his decision. But I agree with him. You will pay less money in the long run, by paying the car off now. Put the monthly car payment into savings, and continue to build savings back up. One less price of debt to worry about, and money to save.
Also, your plan clearly didn’t match his plan. Since it’s also his money, doesn’t he get a say in the plan?
Please don’t hide money.... just use the savings account you already have, and add to that.
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Country Ham
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Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
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Post by Country Ham on Jul 17, 2019 13:06:04 GMT
But, isn't her need for security just as important? In a situation where the husband didn't disregard her wishes, I would agree with you. Because someone was going to be upset in this this situation. Someone wasn't going to get their way. I have only been married 18 years but my trust in my spouse isn't built upon or destroyed because he makes a financial decision I disagree with. There were 2 options on the table. Pay it off, don't pay it off. One says Do and the other person says Don't. Would I be a annoyed in the moment I didn't "win" yes, but I trust my husband to know he wouldn't pay it off and put us into financial trouble. In so many situations we discuss here it seems like the men should always acquiesce to the emotional needs of the female and rarely the other way around. I am thinking again of the promposal thread. I know my husband hates debt. It would be stressful for him to carry a car payment, I like a nest egg like the OP. Thankfully we are presently debt free with a nest egg but I did have to trust in him enough to know that if wants to buy something outright instead of on payments he did have the whole family's well being in mind. Both men and women have emotional needs, both are important and in a situation like this one the OP describes someone is not going to be happy and that's where you lean on the strong foundation of your relationship built over the years.
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TankTop
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Jun 28, 2014 1:52:46 GMT
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Post by TankTop on Jul 17, 2019 14:34:40 GMT
OP I get you.
I think that a lot of people do not understand the complexity of being raised in an unstable manner and how it deals with your psyche.
There are certain things that are fundamentally changed about people who grew up in certain situations. These things often seem ridiculous to the outside world. For instance, my husband knows I mentally can’t handle the smell of beer on his breath. If he chooses to drink beer it is generally when I am not around or he makes sure to brush his teeth.
My husband and I have been married for over 20 years now, and this would rock me. Even though it makes financial sense, I would hope that he would see the mental toll it would take on me. Trust me. I wish I could control it. I wish it could be different.
There were other ways her husband could have played this out. For instance, let’s pay half of it off now, and the rest we will discuss in a month.
I would also bet her husband has dealt with this part of her long enough to see the error of his ways. I can be 99.9% sure that my husband would willingly agree to me having my own account once I explained why.
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Post by MissBianca on Jul 17, 2019 16:11:36 GMT
I didn't read all the responses but I've just started listening to David Ramsey on YT and he says you should in theory have 3 to 6 months of your salary saved before a person tackles their debt. [ This is backwards. Baby step 1 is $1000 emergency fund. He does only $1000 because he wants people to be uncomfortable with not having a savings so they will work harder to pay the debt off faster. Step 2, pay off all debts except for the house. Step 3 is 3-6 months of living expenses. Now one thing Dave does have a slogan for is WSW, what Sharon wants. They are multimillionaires but they still have life insurance policies. Because Sharon wants it. Logically in his mind he knows they don’t need it, she is set for life but if it makes her happy he will gladly keep the policies. It’s because she remembers them being financially insecure. I feel the OP’s husband needs to understand her feelings of past financial insecurity. It was wrong for him to go and pay the car off off without resolving it with the OP first. That shows a lack of trust and a lack of worth of the OP’s opinion. Now obviously what’s done is done and she can’t go back and get the money back but now her husband not only needs to rebuild the savings he now has to rebuild the trust and that is the bigger issue.
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basketdiva
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Jun 26, 2014 11:45:09 GMT
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Post by basketdiva on Jul 17, 2019 16:36:35 GMT
I’m sorry you’re upset by his decision. But I agree with him. You will pay less money in the long run, by paying the car off now. Put the monthly car payment into savings, and continue to build savings back up. One less price of debt to worry about, and money to save. Also, your plan clearly didn’t match his plan. Since it’s also his money, doesn’t he get a say in the plan? Please don’t hide money.... just use the savings account you already have, and add to that. Of course he gets a say in the matter but that doesn't mean he gets to make a huge financial decision and not tell her until after the fact. Her money too.
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