Would You Report Him?

I am a long time Pea but posting anonymously because of the sensitive nature of this post. This is going to be long but I would love to get some input.


I have been seeing a male massage therapist that we’ll call D, to work on a chronic sports injury in my hip and thigh. I saw him weekly for about two months and there was nothing out of the ordinary. But the last time I went, it was different. Nothing grossly inappropriate, but a cumulative experience of careless draping (I was naked), careless placing of his hand in my groin area, pressing some part of his body up against me (I couldn’t tell because I was face down on the table) and caressing my hair while doing Reiki.


When I told DH about it, he asked me why I didn’t talk to him about it at the time. I think there are two reasons for this: the first is that I am an incest survivor and sort of go in and out of my body routinely (if that makes sense) and so it took me a while to figure out that I was feeling uncomfortable; in fact by the end of the massage, I was so repulsed and freaked out I couldn’t wait to get out of there after telling D I wouldn’t be returning (giving him the reason that I thought I’d gotten as much as I could from the series of massages)


The second is that since what happened was so subtle, I was telling myself that I was just imagining things. This is kind of where I am now. I’ve done lots of therapy to deal with the sexual abuse and intellectually I know it happened and know how abusers operate and I’m not making anything up. I don’t normally seek out drama in my life, so I when I was so panicked by the end of the session, I know it was true feelings, not manufactured drama. But I still don’t feel it in my heart.


A complicating factor in this whole situation is that D was recommended to me by my therapist. Both she and her husband had been seeing him with good results and so she recommended him. So in addition to dealing with the D situation, I was dreading having to go in and tell her what happened, knowing she would be horrified and would feel terrible (which she was and did). In that session, she asked me if I was going to report him.


This is where I am stuck. D’s actions were so subtle, when I think about listing them on the state licensing board complaint form (I looked at the form for my state online) I think I will sound like a crazy person or like I am just making things up. Because of where I am emotionally, I don’t feel strong enough to defend myself.
I'm not sure what happens when someone makes a complaint, but it makes me sick to think I could be interfering with someone's livelihood. It worries me that D will be given my name as who reported him and that will make me vulnerable.

I am dealing with a lot of the kinds of thoughts common to being an incest survivor too. It’s just my imagination, he was just having an off day and being careless. Why was it OK for two months and then it happened? Did I do something to encourage him? I’m too old and too fat for anyone to find me attractive enough to do what he did.


Another odd thing happened probably six weeks into seeing D. He asked me if I would take him to pick up his car from the shop after our session. I agreed and it was a little weird and uncomfortable but nothing inappropriate happened. But when I told my therapist this, she said it was very inappropriate and an ethics violation. I think there are some massage therapists on the board—I would love to get your input on this.


I think if I don’t report him, I will feel terrible knowing he is out there maybe doing it to someone else. But I just don’t feel ready to do it yet. Does that make me a bad person?
I would like some Pea wisdom and hear how others would approach this.