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Post by freecharlie on Aug 23, 2019 0:21:30 GMT
Says all the research he's read says he has about 29 months to live.
Reached out offering to help in any way he needs.
What else can I say/do?
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Post by christine58 on Aug 23, 2019 0:23:35 GMT
Says all the research he's read says he has about 29 months to live. Reached out offering to help in any way he needs. What else can I say/do? Tell him to get the F off Dr. Google. What have his docs said?? |
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Post by cadoodlebug on Aug 23, 2019 0:32:20 GMT
I have friends who were given less than a year and are still alive 5+ years later. I truly believe a lot of it is attitude!
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Post by elaine on Aug 23, 2019 0:38:24 GMT
Says all the research he's read says he has about 29 months to live. Reached out offering to help in any way he needs. What else can I say/do? Tell him to get the F off Dr. Google. What have his docs said?? This. A bazillion times. What do his doctors say? i looked up his cancer and it is normally diagnosed in people over 70 and if it is diagnosed in people under 50 the odds are MUCH better. Since it is overwhelmingly diagnosed in people over 70, not in his age group, whatever he’s reading on the internet about odds most likely do NOT apply to him. What you can also do is be sure that he is seeing a psychotherapist of some ilk that is used to working with cancer patients. His cancer center should have one or more attached to it. They will be able to help him deal with the expected depression and anxiety and hopefully allow him to focus on what his doctors have actually told him, not what the internet/research (which focuses on a different age group) says. |
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Post by dewryce on Aug 23, 2019 1:02:23 GMT
Remind him that he is not a statistic. Even if they are as bad as he says, who says he will not be part of that successful smaller percentage? Someone gets to be, why not him? As hard as it is, at some point he may have to face a terminal diagnosis, but that time is not now and his attitude is so very important!
When you offer help, don’t make it open ended “how can I help?” Say, “I set aside 3 hours this weekend to come help you, what time works for you and what would you most prefer I get done?” If he fights it let him know that it will help you as much as it helps him. I’m sure you feel helpless and need to do what you can.
And I think health issues like this are an excellent reminde to spend time with people, say things that need to be said, enjoy them. This is just as important if his doctor comes back tomorrow and tells him to keep his butt off google and he’s got an excellent fighting chance. We should all do that.
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Post by pjaye on Aug 23, 2019 1:10:22 GMT
I truly believe a lot of it is attitude! I could not disagree more with this. By claiming it is "attitude" then effectively if things don't go well, then you are blaming the person for their own cancer, because they "didn't do enough" or "didn't want it enough" or their attitude "wasn't positive enough" and that's just bullshit. No-one has control over cancer and claiming it is somehow up to the patient if it gets better or worse just adds a layer of guilt to an already horrible situation. |
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Post by Baseballmom23 on Aug 23, 2019 1:21:23 GMT
I think a person's attitude does play a part. I don't ever want to hear the statistics about my cancer. I am remaining positive and living my life. Some days are better. Statistics will never tell me when my time has ended on this earth. I want to be remembered as Mary not a cancer patient/statistic.
Tell your brother to live his life everyday; enjoy life when he can. Make the best of everyday.
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Post by cadoodlebug on Aug 23, 2019 2:12:28 GMT
I truly believe a lot of it is attitude! I could not disagree more with this. By claiming it is "attitude" then effectively if things don't go well, then you are blaming the person for their own cancer, because they "didn't do enough" or "didn't want it enough" or their attitude "wasn't positive enough" and that's just bullshit. No-one has control over cancer and claiming it is somehow up to the patient if it gets better or worse just adds a layer of guilt to an already horrible situation. I'm not saying it's everything but I believe in my heart that someone with a positive attitude is better off than someone who is resigned to die. |
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,856 
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Aug 23, 2019 3:51:28 GMT
No advice...just keeping him in my thoughts ❤️
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Post by nlwilkins on Aug 23, 2019 4:42:01 GMT
When you offer help, don’t make it open ended “how can I help?” Say, “I set aside 3 hours this weekend to come help you, what time works for you and what would you most prefer I get done?” If he fights it let him know that it will help you as much as it helps him. I’m sure you feel helpless and need to do what you can. And I think health issues like this are an excellent reminde to spend time with people, say things that need to be said, enjoy them. This is just as important if his doctor comes back tomorrow and tells him to keep his butt off google and he’s got an excellent fighting chance. We should all do that. This - - spend time with him and give him the gift of yourself. You two could plan outings like a fav restaurant, a visit to a planetarium, a movie or just bring a movie to watch together. The idea is to be together without having to talk about the elephant in the room and give him love and distraction.
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craftykitten
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,304
Jun 26, 2014 7:39:32 GMT
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Post by craftykitten on Aug 23, 2019 6:27:15 GMT
I truly believe a lot of it is attitude! I could not disagree more with this. By claiming it is "attitude" then effectively if things don't go well, then you are blaming the person for their own cancer, because they "didn't do enough" or "didn't want it enough" or their attitude "wasn't positive enough" and that's just bullshit. No-one has control over cancer and claiming it is somehow up to the patient if it gets better or worse just adds a layer of guilt to an already horrible situation. Thank you, so much. The pressure to 'stay positive' is relentless. freebird I am sorry about your brother. I'd agree with the advice to get off the internet, because that doesn't usually help. Maybe he wants to talk about it with you? I'm having a hard time at the moment with people who insist I am going to get 'through' this, and sure, I might be a miracle but it's also really important to acknowledge death, and dying, and discuss our fears and wishes. In practical terms for chemo, easy food and drink that doesn't take a lot of preparing. Lots of people like sweets to suck to help with a dry mouth, it depends on which chemo as to the side effects. An unscented moisturiser for dry skin. Comfy clothes to lounge around in. Something simple to keep his mind occupied like a puzzle book or colouring. A netflix subscription. Regular texts/visits/phonecalls. Wishing your brother all the best. |
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Post by mikklynn on Aug 23, 2019 12:49:46 GMT
When were those statistics published? Cancer care is changing so quickly. For DH's metastatic renal cancer, ten years ago the 5 year survival rate was 9%. Now it's over 40%.
DH was given 1 year to live. The surgeon said 2 years would be a lot. He's still here after 12 years. Not every day is good, but most are.
If he starts having a metallic taste in his mouth from the chemo, have him use plastic silverware. It helps! Also, when DH finds nothing tastes good, cold foods are better than hot. He likes cold pasta salads. I oversalt them a little, too.
I wish him many more than 29 months.
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Post by tiffanyr on Aug 23, 2019 12:58:33 GMT
I'm not saying it's everything but I believe in my heart that someone with a positive attitude is better off than someone who is resigned to die. I couldn't agree more! |
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