casii
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,517 
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Post by casii on Aug 30, 2019 19:33:33 GMT
Well, thank you for the thoughts and commiseration. He has picked up the camper and thinks he's headed somewhere to meet Sis and BIL, but when I asked him if he'd made reservations, he hadn't thought about that, so he's not going where he had planned on.
If he hadn't spent a lifetime of making poor financial decisions, maybe I wouldn't feel so worried. As for his house, a tornado passed through the area several years ago (Mom was interviewed on tv) and damaged the house to the point that it was declared condemned. Mom and Dad continued to live in it after they got the insurance settlement and Dad still resides in it. A condemned house. So if he were to sell his property, he would only be able to legally list the land it stands upon. After they got the insurance settlement, he bought a new boat. After my middle sis and I had sent money to help cover initial emergency costs and I'm sure several other family members sent money as well.
As for my youngest sister, yes I also worry about her. She has a similar life track of troubled choices. The day after she confronted BIL about his cheating, he called and wanted her to come back to talk. Dad encouraged her to go make it work. So as far as I know, they're all camping together this weekend. And Sis and BIL can't afford marriage counseling, so Dad wants them to see his fundamentalist Christian pastor for marriage advice. Again, this is like a bad country song.
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Post by lisae on Aug 30, 2019 19:48:14 GMT
It's almost impossible to get someone who isn't financially responsible to become better with money. And someone older? No way. If it wasn't the truck or the camper, it would be something else. At least these are assets that will retain some of their value. I"m lucky that my mother is very financially responsible and that she started looping me in on financial decisions a few years ago before my father passed. She also had her attorney draw up a business power of attorney just in case we ever needed it. You should probably try to sit down with your father and talk about the future but I would caution you not to expect too much. Widowers often seem to make rash decisions. Most men I know left on their own have a serious decline in health fairly quickly or they remarry in a hurry. Buying impulses may actually be a better scenario. I think men just don't know what to do with themselves alone.
I'm sorry for the loss of your mother. It's tough moving to this new stage with having only one parent and their issues while still grieving your own loss.
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Post by llinin on Aug 30, 2019 20:13:24 GMT
My parents died two weeks apart so obviously no issue there. However another family member died and her husband went crazy with the money. He bought a Harley and a camper and went to the Bahamas and did lots of cool things and bought lots of cool things, gave money to all his kids and “loaned” money to people who would never pay it back. He had a lot of fun and some not so fun times trying to spend away his sadness.
We were very close and I always told him he’d be the old man eating cat food if he didn’t slow it down. He very unexpectedly got sick and died of surgery complications on his late wife’s birthday last year. It was less than 3 years after her death from cancer at age 45. Now I say I wish he had spent every penny! Would give anything to have him be the old man eating cat food.
My point being grief does strange things to people, especially men (just my humble opinion). Hopefully he settles down and doesn’t blow through all his cash while he’s trying to navigate his grief!
Sorry for your loss!
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Post by tentoes on Aug 30, 2019 21:19:20 GMT
tentoes , I saw my mom make these type of decisions too. It killed her to spend the money, but she had to think of it as without my dad there to help, it changed her perspective. Although it's been about 9 months since my husband passed, I still feel strange making those type of decisions by myself. We always talked about things together and had comparisons pro and con for about everything. Thankfully, my son lives close by and is a good sounding board--and he doesn't seem to mind! |
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bethany102399
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,623
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Post by bethany102399 on Aug 30, 2019 23:43:30 GMT
Although it's been about 9 months since my husband passed, I still feel strange making those type of decisions by myself. We always talked about things together and had comparisons pro and con for about everything. Thankfully, my son lives close by and is a good sounding board--and he doesn't seem to mind! I totally get it. My folks were married for 43 years when dad passed. He was her anchor. Honestly, I think part of the reason she refused treatment when she got really sick was the depression she never really came out of after dad died. Go easy on yourself, it's hard to realign to a new way of thinking about things. |
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Post by tentoes on Aug 31, 2019 4:56:02 GMT
I totally get it. My folks were married for 43 years when dad passed. He was her anchor. Honestly, I think part of the reason she refused treatment when she got really sick was the depression she never really came out of after dad died. Go easy on yourself, it's hard to realign to a new way of thinking about things. Thanks so much for the encouragement. We were married almost 55 years, and yes, it's tough to be ONE. I still think of me as "WE." And it's OUR home, and OUR dog. It's hard to even say MY house, MY dog. I guess it will come easier one of these days. |
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