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Post by mollycoddle on Oct 7, 2019 0:05:49 GMT
2 more things.... I work with a guy who was married for 20 years. His ex wife never held a job or went to school. He's now supporting her financially for the next 10 years. Kids grown, married etc.... You know the saying, you can change yourself and your reactions, but you can't make someone else change. He's abusive because he can be. He knows he can do and say anything to you because you can't leave. Everything you have said here is true about me. I am entitled to alimony for at least 10 years but most likely longer because of my health. He does it because he knows I’m not going to do anything about it. I haven’t for 35 years why would I now? Because you deserve better. A lot better. You can do this. |
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Post by delila on Oct 7, 2019 23:35:28 GMT
My heart hurts for you. It's awful that he says those things to you and I think part of it is that he's having a mental breakdown. Would it be possible to have a regularly scheduled break... like a friend come by once a week... so that he can just go off and recharge? Maybe even if hiring someone to help or for you to join some type of regular social activity away from home, just so that you two can take a break from each other? We spend a lot of time apart & I mean a lot. He travels for work & fun. He’s always doing fun things that I’m not part of or invited to. I’ve learned to accept that I’m never invited to his fun stuff just like I’m not invited to my mothers Friday evening get together at her house. DH goes to a shit ton of sporting events in & out of town; Super Bowl, Masters, Final 4, whatever is going on he’s there & you’ll find me at home. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 21:05:49 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 8, 2019 1:15:03 GMT
My heart hurts for you. It's awful that he says those things to you and I think part of it is that he's having a mental breakdown. Would it be possible to have a regularly scheduled break... like a friend come by once a week... so that he can just go off and recharge? Maybe even if hiring someone to help or for you to join some type of regular social activity away from home, just so that you two can take a break from each other? We spend a lot of time apart & I mean a lot. He travels for work & fun. He’s always doing fun things that I’m not part of or invited to. I’ve learned to accept that I’m never invited to his fun stuff just like I’m not invited to my mothers Friday evening get together at her house. DH goes to a shit ton of sporting events in & out of town; Super Bowl, Masters, Final 4, whatever is going on he’s there & you’ll find me at home.
Then he is just an a$$! If he's gone that often, then it sounds like you are managing without him. Time to kick him to the curb! Absolutely NO ONE deserves to be treated the way he's treating you.
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Post by scrapmaven on Oct 8, 2019 1:29:46 GMT
I'm going to say something for your benefit. I hope that you'll be inspired to make those necessary life changes. Here goes: Your dh is a piece of shit. Please make that exit plan and get out of a really verbally abusive marriage. No one has the right to make you feel less than. You're ill, not stupid. Be strong. You can do this.
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Post by delila on Oct 8, 2019 15:43:58 GMT
The only part of me that IS stupid is the part that has stayed in this marriage & hell for as long as I have. That truly does make me stupid.
I am always amazed at the love & support that can come from here. Y’all are a great group of ladies & I appreciate the kind words, the hugs & telling me the truth. This is a place of true support that I know I can never get from my family & that is sad for me.
Y’all are appreciated.
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Montannie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,486 
Location: Big Sky Country
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Post by Montannie on Oct 8, 2019 16:03:44 GMT
You are being abused by your husband. Ask a good friend for help locating a women's DV shelter, and make a plan. Make copies of important paperwork. Get your ID paperwork in order -- passport or birth certificate. Find a good lawyer that can help you with Social Security, and a good divorce lawyer.
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Post by twinks on Oct 8, 2019 17:32:48 GMT
You need to get your ducks in a row. I realize that with a brain injury that it feels impossible. But, you do need to visit with a divorce attorney. You may need to pay for a paralegal in his office to help. If that is not possible, still visit with an attorney - especially one who is good with representing victims of domestic violence. You also need to work with your own therapist. Make a plan with your therapist and an outline of what needs to be done. For example, apply for Social Security by a given date. In your situation, if you are unable to drive, then I would get a friend to take me to the office or help you apply online. Get your own bank account is another thing to be added to the list. It is overwhelming in the best of situations, but, if you take a step at a time and ask your friends to help then you can do it. I would be getting your ducks in a row secretly. If he suspects you are leaving him then he will start to hide things, if he hasn't already.
Sorry you are going through this. Emotional abuse is the hardest because it destroys your self esteem. Telling you that you are stupid and crazy is just plain abusive and unacceptable.
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Post by birukitty on Oct 9, 2019 3:43:00 GMT
You are NOT stupid! You are a victim of domestic violence. Did you know that victims of domestic violence cross all the borders? Women are from all ethnic types, and from all incomes. From all educational levels. From senators and lawyers to store clerks without a high school degree. Do you know why? Because the men are master manipulators. They can charm almost anyone and get away with it and often do. In my experience people in my neighborhood were shocked when they found out what'd been going on in our house when it was over. Why? Because to everyone else my ex seemed charming and friendly. They can charm people like crazy. They are Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
You are not stupid for staying as long as you have. This is also very common. When someone verbally abuses you over and over for a number of years your self-esteem begins to vanish until there is almost nothing left. You begin to believe it when you hear day after day that you'll never make it on your own, that you're helpless, that you're stupid. Look, you're already believing that you're stupid.
You are not stupid! You are a beautiful, courageous woman who is taking the first brave steps toward leaving. You can do this. You deserve a better life for yourself. Right now you are brainwashed but underneath that is a strong woman bursting to come out. The old, stronger you that was there before you met him.
I want you to consider doing something tomorrow-Please call the national domestic violence hotline or chat with them online. Their number is 1-800-799-7233. The online site is http://www.thehotline.org. Do whatever is safest for you that he won't find out about, okay? They will talk to you and help you figure out what steps to take to get out. They should help you find local resources to help you. You don't have to do this alone. There is help for you-take advantage of it.
Don't worry about the time that has passed or how long you've spent in this marriage. Concentrate on the time going forward. You've been a victim. But you can take control now-you are stronger and wiser now-and change that for yourself.
I'll pray for you and if you ever want to talk please PM me.
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Post by delila on Oct 10, 2019 0:12:01 GMT
My primary care dr who I have been with for 25 years out me on Zoloft. I cannot say if it’s helping me or not but at this point I am willing to try anything. I am a bit pissy that I am taking yet another Med on top of the shit ton of meds I already take for seizure control. I take 3 anti seizure meds.
Friday I will see my therapist & go over some more things with her.
This place really gives me strength!
Thank you so much ladies, you are all truly appreciated. ❤️❤️
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