Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2019 15:02:10 GMT
I had my ultrasound appointment today. The tech had a hard time finding the lump so the radiologist came and did the ultrasound. It’s nothing! I’m so relieved! Thanks to all of you who had me I. Your thoughts and prayers!
This may be long and for that I apologize. Over 3 months ago the anxiety that has been managed very well for 10 years by Zoloft came back with a vengeance and brought along depression with it. It’s been awful. Debilitating, to the point where I can’t get out of bed most days. I was only sleeping a couple hours a night. My Dr has been the one that’s prescribed my Zoloft so I went back to her in early August and she decided to try to up my dose. I dealt with that until mid September, along with starting therapy. I tried to find a psychiatrist but finding one that takes our insurance was next to impossible.
In September I entered a psychiatric hospital for a few days because it was just too much and I just didn’t want to live like that anymore. There they upped my Zoloft even more and gave me something for sleep. They also set me up with a psychiatrist before I left the hospital which was so helpful.
Along with my psychiatrist and klonopin I fought through the next 4 weeks to see if the max dose of Zoloft was going to work. It didn’t. I am now on my last day of Zoloft taper and I’m struggling. Horribly. I was supposed to start Effexor tomorrow but I scheduled an appointment today because I don’t feel comfortable taking it after doing some reading.
So to say I’m in a horrible mental space is an understatement. The Friday before Halloween I found a lump in my armpit and I couldn’t get it to see my Dr until Halloween. He “ thinks” it’s a cyst but referred me for an ultrasound. The ultrasound isn’t until the 14th! I’m an absolute mess. I’m not eating and I’m struggling to get through every day.
I do have a klonopin prescription for a small dose but I am trying not to take it so I don’t get dependent on it.
I’m not sure why I’m putting all of this out there. If anyone has a prayer or positive thoughts to share I will gladly take them.
Thank you
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RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,077 
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Nov 5, 2019 15:07:17 GMT
That's a LOT to be going through. I'm so sorry. I can't offer you any practical help, but a hug is on its way through cyber-space to you.  |
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 21:36:21 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2019 15:15:15 GMT
Thank you RedSquirrelUK. My husband is active duty military so we have no family around. I have great friends and an amazing husband but it’s still very lonely. |
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hannahruth
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,849
Location: Adelaide, Australia
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Post by hannahruth on Nov 5, 2019 15:20:19 GMT
Sorry you are dealing with this all alone.
My way of thinking is that if the ultrasound is so far off then I would take that as a good sign. If it was really urgent I'm sure it would be booked earlier. Maybe it is denial but that is my coping mechanism when confronted with they type of situation!
Hugs to you.
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hutchfan
Drama Llama
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Post by hutchfan on Nov 5, 2019 15:21:32 GMT
I will be praying and sending you hugs.
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Montannie
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Post by Montannie on Nov 5, 2019 15:23:21 GMT
Oh dear. Hugs to you, indeed! If the doc felt it, his prelim diagnosis is likely right. Try not to worry about it.
I hope you get your depression under control. While the side effects of Effexor may be troubling, the depression is nothing to mess with. The benefit may outweigh the concern.
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Post by bbkeef on Nov 5, 2019 15:25:05 GMT
I'm sorry for all that you are going through. I once had a painful hard lump in my armpit. It turned out to be a blocked, infected sebaceous oil gland. A round of antibiotics and some patience and it was gone. I hope it's something simple for you. Hugs, and please know that you are not alone.
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Post by Crack-a-lackin on Nov 5, 2019 15:25:41 GMT
I’m sorry, this sounds really stressful. When is your appointment with your psychiatrist? Maybe they can pull some strings to get your ultrasound moved up?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2019 15:34:18 GMT
I’m sorry, this sounds really stressful. When is your appointment with your psychiatrist? Maybe they can pull some strings to get your ultrasound moved up? I see the psychiatrist today but she is civilian and the ultrasound is through the military health system. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2019 15:36:14 GMT
Sorry you are dealing with this all alone. My way of thinking is that if the ultrasound is so far off then I would take that as a good sign. If it was really urgent I'm sure it would be booked earlier. Maybe it is denial but that is my coping mechanism when confronted with they type of situation! Hugs to you. I’ve been telling myself the same thing. The dr felt it and put the referral in and said no hurry. The ultrasound department originally tried to schedule me for January! 😩 |
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RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,077
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Nov 5, 2019 15:56:07 GMT
Sorry you are dealing with this all alone. My way of thinking is that if the ultrasound is so far off then I would take that as a good sign. If it was really urgent I'm sure it would be booked earlier. Maybe it is denial but that is my coping mechanism when confronted with they type of situation! Hugs to you. I’ve been telling myself the same thing. The dr felt it and put the referral in and said no hurry. The ultrasound department originally tried to schedule me for January! 😩 I know being positive is not easy right now, but that IS positive. I hope the psychiatrist's visit goes well for you. And more hugs. We're here if you need a chat, or just to get stuff off your chest. Bottling it up is never a good thing. |
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Post by elaine on Nov 5, 2019 16:18:43 GMT
(((Hugs)))
That is so much to deal with! Let me make a suggestion - if you have a military hospital with an ER near you, I’d consider going to the ER if the anxiety about the lump gets too great, and that might push up the ultrasound. Normally, I wouldn’t suggest a visit to an ER for this purpose and I wouldn’t suggest it if you were a civilian, but I know all too well how military medicine works. Since you will have no fees for the ER, if you have the time and have an ER, it may be worth a visit. And it may also help put your mind to rest if another physician thinks it is a cyst.
Second, both of my boys have been on klonopin/Clonidine for sleep for over a decade. Younger ds was off of it for six months, but is back on. It isn’t an addictive drug, because its main use is as a BP medicine, the sleep aid use is something they found after it was released. I would start that without worry, if I were you.
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Post by ntsf on Nov 5, 2019 16:20:57 GMT
hugs.. just remember we are all here to support you at any hour.. the advantage of the extent of the pea universe. I hope your visit today will help
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2019 16:24:50 GMT
(((Hugs))) That is so much to deal with! Let me make a suggestion - if you have a military hospital with an ER near you, I’d consider going to the ER if the anxiety about the lump gets too great, and that might push up the ultrasound. Normally, I wouldn’t suggest a visit to an ER for this purpose and I wouldn’t suggest it if you were a civilian, but I know all too well how military medicine works. Since you will have no fees for the ER, if you have the time and have an ER, it may be worth a visit. And it may also help put your mind to rest if another physician thinks it is a cyst. Second, both of my boys have been on klonopin/Clonidine for sleep for over a decade. Younger ds was off of it for six months, but is back on. It isn’t an addictive drug, because its main use is as a BP medicine, the sleep aid use is something they found after it was released. I would start that without worry, if I were you. Thanks elaine. I’m actually very near you, my appointment is at Belvoir. I tried to get in earlier at Walter Reed but they haven’t returned my calls. I had thought about going to the ER, I just don’t know how helpful they would be. Thanks for the advice about the klonopin. My psychiatrist is so hesitant for me to take it but I’m really not ok. |
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peasquared
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,176
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Post by peasquared on Nov 5, 2019 16:28:48 GMT
Oh, that is so much for one person to handle.  I am keeping you in my prayers. We're here for you! |
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Post by KikiPea on Nov 5, 2019 16:29:17 GMT
I am so sorry you are dealing with all of this. Sending a hug and saying a prayer that they will be able to help you find a solution, and you can start feeling better soon!
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Post by glory77 on Nov 5, 2019 16:32:03 GMT
I’m so very sorry you are going through all of this. Good thoughts, prayers and a nice strong hug from me!
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Post by elaine on Nov 5, 2019 16:41:29 GMT
(((Hugs))) That is so much to deal with! Let me make a suggestion - if you have a military hospital with an ER near you, I’d consider going to the ER if the anxiety about the lump gets too great, and that might push up the ultrasound. Normally, I wouldn’t suggest a visit to an ER for this purpose and I wouldn’t suggest it if you were a civilian, but I know all too well how military medicine works. Since you will have no fees for the ER, if you have the time and have an ER, it may be worth a visit. And it may also help put your mind to rest if another physician thinks it is a cyst. Second, both of my boys have been on klonopin/Clonidine for sleep for over a decade. Younger ds was off of it for six months, but is back on. It isn’t an addictive drug, because its main use is as a BP medicine, the sleep aid use is something they found after it was released. I would start that without worry, if I were you. Thanks elaine . I’m actually very near you, my appointment is at Belvoir. I tried to get in earlier at Walter Reed but they haven’t returned my calls. I had thought about going to the ER, I just don’t know how helpful they would be. Thanks for the advice about the klonopin. My psychiatrist is so hesitant for me to take it but I’m really not ok. Oh, okay if we are talking Belvoir and Walter Reed, then definitely go to the ER. I’d recommend Walter Reed, because the various imaging facilities run even until the wee hours of the morning. I don’t think that they have as many of the various machines at Belvoir - even though it is a nicer facility. I and my family have had many different types of after hours x-rays, CT scans, ultrasounds, etc. We’ve been here 16 years now and I’m more familiar with both Belvoir and Walter Reed than I want to be. Sleep is crucial for being able to cope. You need to take what you have to to sleep in the short term, and make more decisions after you have a few nights of sleep under your belt. (((hugs))) |
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Post by crazy4scraps on Nov 5, 2019 16:42:53 GMT
That’s a lot to have to process all at once, for sure. Hopefully the lump will turn out to be nothing scary, but I get it that the waiting and wondering and worrying sucks.  Hang in there and know that the Peas are here for you day or night if you need to vent! Sending you hugs and good thoughts! |
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Post by Merge on Nov 5, 2019 16:47:15 GMT
I’m so sorry. Don’t have a lot of advice but I know how crippling anxiety can be and then a health scare on top of that.
Hugs and hang in there. We’re here for you!
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Post by femalebusiness on Nov 5, 2019 16:55:11 GMT
I am sorry about the depression and am no help with that but I had a lump in my armpit years ago and it was a small cyst. The doc lanced it and gave me antibiotics. At the time he said he sees cysts in the arm pit all the time. Wishing you the best outcome.
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Post by bc2ca on Nov 5, 2019 17:02:56 GMT
I'm just sending hugs & positive thoughts. I do think the wait for the ultrasound means your doctor isn't feeling urgency, but the worry and anxiety will be fed by depression and sleep issues. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2019 17:06:27 GMT
I am sorry about the depression and am no help with that but I had a lump in my armpit years ago and it was a small cyst. The doc lanced it and gave me antibiotics. At the time he said he sees cysts in the arm pit all the time. Wishing you the best outcome. Thank you! I hope that’s the case. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2019 17:08:41 GMT
I'm just sending hugs & positive thoughts. I do think the wait for the ultrasound means your doctor isn't feeling urgency, but the worry and anxiety will be fed by depression and sleep issues. You’re right. I’m trying to tell myself that because he didn’t think it was urgent it’s nothing but I have built a distrust of military drs unfortunately. |
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ashley
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Post by ashley on Nov 5, 2019 17:16:36 GMT
I’m so sorry I have been waking up every 45-60 min every night, pretty much all night long, with panic attacks. It’s exhausting. And makes everything else worse. And I have so many unknowns in my life right now — no stable job, I don’t know what’s going on with this cervical cancer thing. I am relying on things getting better. |
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Post by lbp on Nov 5, 2019 17:17:55 GMT
That's a lot on your plate. I think if the Dr. thought it was "something" she would have gotten you in to the Ultrasound sooner. Sending prayers up for you.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2019 17:41:11 GMT
I'm just sending hugs & positive thoughts. I do think the wait for the ultrasound means your doctor isn't feeling urgency, but the worry and anxiety will be fed by depression and sleep issues. You’re right. I’m trying to tell myself that because he didn’t think it was urgent it’s nothing but I have built a distrust of military drs unfortunately. I was going to suggest the ER as well. Since elaine is familiar with the military system in your area I'd take her advice on it. |
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caangel
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Post by caangel on Nov 5, 2019 18:44:26 GMT
I'm sorry you are struggling 😔. Fwiw I found a lump in my arm pit that turned out to just be extra breast tissue. I started noticing it because it would swell and feel tender at times. Apparently there just wasn't any more room in my size A/B breasts 🙄🤦🏻♀️.
Good luck and try not to panic until there is something to panic about (easier said than done, I know).
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2019 19:33:51 GMT
I’m so sorry I have been waking up every 45-60 min every night, pretty much all night long, with panic attacks. It’s exhausting. And makes everything else worse. And I have so many unknowns in my life right now — no stable job, I don’t know what’s going on with this cervical cancer thing. I am relying on things getting better. I’m so sorry you’re going through all of that. Life just sucks sometimes! I hope it gets better for you! |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2019 19:43:13 GMT
I am sorry you are going through this. I have been dealing with a "mini-depression" from having a surgical procedure and it was so difficult for me. I just can't even imagine what you are feeling and going through right now. I think elaine gave some great suggestions. Just like one of the Peas said, there is always someone on here since we are all over the world. I cannot even begin to say how much just talking with the Peas this week has helped put my mind at ease. Yes, we are a crazy and at times, dysfunctional! But we are a Pea family and we are here for you. Please keep us posted and check in regularly!  |
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I am keeping you in my prayers. 
Hang in there and know that the Peas are here for you day or night if you need to vent! Sending you hugs and good thoughts!
