MizIndependent
Drama Llama
Quit your bullpoop.
Posts: 5,927
Jun 25, 2014 19:43:16 GMT
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Post by MizIndependent on Nov 13, 2019 18:48:00 GMT
Ohmygosh...I'm gonna vent a little. It's not a crisis, just a series of huge inconveniences that she's never had to go through so I'm helping her navigate things. Boy is it stressful, lol. 1st off: she and her boyfriend broke up in early October  She thought they were heading towards marriage so it was just hugely crushing - future plans, hopes, dreams...all scrapped. This is her first broken heart (she's 23 btw). So painful to see her go through. Next, two weeks later: They get back together! Yeah! She's happy again and everything is back on track for the future she hoped to have, it's amazing! And we love him too so everyone is just so happy...trepidatiously maybe but still, it's looking okay. Four days after that, her car breaks down (we're up to Halloween btw). But YEAH! Her boyfriend is there to help! And he says it's the alternator so, not a huge deal...he can fix it!! They buy the part, he gets there and then...about two hours into it he looks at my beautiful DD and says he can't do it. She's confused, does she need to take it to the shop? "No," he says, "I can't do any of this. I'm sorry, I have to leave."
And he just...leaves. He breaks her heart again.  I pretty much rush to her side and spend the entire weekend with her as she comes to grips with a for real "it's over" because she wisely will not be giving him any other chances to hurt her. I'm just sick and pissed and so heart broken for my sweet girl...who is DEFENDING HIM!  I mean, yeah, I get it - he's a broken person and I can thank him for not following through on their plans to move to another state where this would have happened without her having any support. At least he did it while she was here, close to home with her family and her friends. She's not alone, she'll get through it. So, she takes her car to the local shop and they repair it and yeah, she's back on the road trying to focus on school so she can graduate in December and work so she can support herself. She's just going through the motions because as we all know, routine can save you. That's where she was at when four days after she gets her car back, she goes to the gas station (Oregon, they pump your gas for you) she asks for Diesel cause that's what she drives and...you won't believe this, you really won't...even though she asks for Diesel and even though "DIESEL" is spelled out on both the fuel cap in big fat letters and a big "DIESEL ONLY" warning sticker encircles the fuel tank entrance...they put regular unleaded in. 
She doesn't know it yet and drives it a couple of blocks to the school. About 3 hours later, she calls me in hysterics because surprise, surprise, her car won't start. She figures it out, has the receipt to prove it but we find out yesterday that the car is beyond repair. I try to tell her GOOD NEWS! THE GAS STATION is buying you a NEW CAR!! But she's not buying it. At this point, she's just so completely done with everything.
Good thing we have good insurance.  But the hassle...between work and school and getting a new car before the rental car coverage ends, she's a frayed little knot at this point and is just holding together.
Then last night, she calls me crying about her boyfriend because yes, she's going through that heartbreak still and likely will be for a long time. The stress is just really getting to her.  It's so much! One right after the other!! BAM! BAM! BAM!
And then...*sigh*...
This morning, she calls sobbing because she accidentally locked the rental keys in the rental car trunk. She's done. Could not deal with ONE. MORE. THING.
I'm doing everything I can...called roadside assistance, paid for the locksmith (because they don't outright cover rentals...whatever) and got him out there. She called a bit ago, sounding much better and is back on the road, but seriously...that's a lot to be going through.
I think I needed to write it out because as a mom, I'm still dealing with things from a couple of weeks ago...things need to settle down now please!!!
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Post by mrssmith on Nov 13, 2019 18:52:45 GMT
I almost thought you were going to say the boyfriend was the one pumping gas.
Ugh - sounds like a rough time. Hope things are on the upswing.
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ashley
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,571 
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Post by ashley on Nov 13, 2019 18:55:16 GMT
Life gets really hard sometimes!! And usually when it seems like it can’t get harder, it does. I think the best thing I’ve learned is that life is not easy, and shit happens, and it’s alwaus going to happen. You get through it, and maybe suffer, and come out the other side and just keep going!
I feel for her broken heart, mine’s still not ok despite taking good care of it.
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Post by kkrenn on Nov 13, 2019 18:58:28 GMT
I completely understand!
My dd is 21 and for the most part is very mature but then there are days when her inner Eeyore comes out to play and suddenly the sky is falling.
Your dd has been through so much in a short period and I'm so glad you're there for her. I have to remind myself that some of the things mine is dealing with are brand new to her and she truly doesn't know how to process or handle them so she stresses.
Hugs to you and your daughter and good riddance to the ex-bf!
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wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,203
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Nov 13, 2019 19:01:35 GMT
The poor thing. She doesn't see it now but at some point in the future she will look back and say thank goodness I didn't travel down that path.
First heartbreak leaves a mark like no other. Thankfully, she has you to stand beside her. I hope things improve soon.
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rickmer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,185
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Post by rickmer on Nov 13, 2019 19:11:31 GMT
been there, done that. DD and her first love broke up on new years eve.... she was heartbroken, they got back together a week or so later.... and it only lasted two weeks and he crushed her heart again.
she would start to feel better and stronger but then something would set her back and we were back to day 1 grief again. and of course the other crap life throws at you that you are able to handle all seems to be so very overwhelming.
be there, listen to her, encourage her and if she doesn't seem to be coping well, encourage therapy.
it's hard being a mom - so much easier when they were little and you could distract them with a disney movie and home made cookies, wasn't it???
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The Birdhouse Lady
Prolific Pea
Moose. It's what's for dinner.
Posts: 7,589
Location: Alaska -The Last Frontier
Jun 30, 2014 17:15:19 GMT
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Post by The Birdhouse Lady on Nov 13, 2019 20:28:31 GMT
it's hard being a mom - so much easier when they were little and you could distract them with a disney movie and home made cookies, wasn't it??? So much easier!!!
My dd went through a similar situation with a break-up and get back together and another break-up. In her case she was the breaker upper. She knew the relationship was going nowhere but didn't want to hurt him (which she ended up doing) then he guilted her into getting back together and that was a disaster. She feels so bad about breaking his heart but knew that she didn't want to be in the relationship anymore.Those early heartbroken days are tough and as a mom trying to be super supportive but not prying all the while walking on eggshells. Also dealing with being away from home (college) and really hard classes. I made the drive to see her on more than one occasion to be sure she was okay. It's been a couple months and she is doing so good, strong and glad that part is over.
You're daughter will get through this. I told my dd that Taylor Swift made millions writing songs about heartbreak!  It sucks but she will get through it. I will be sending your dd good vibes.
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momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,156
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Nov 13, 2019 21:17:04 GMT
Wow that is a lot to go through all in a short period.
ds' girlfriend of a couple years called it quits recently. ds took it hard (even though she did him a big favor because they were not right for each other.) You've made me grateful that once they called it quits they were done with each other.
It's not easy to watch them go through these things.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 19:40:18 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 13, 2019 21:40:39 GMT
Your poor DD. That's a lot that she's had to deal with in a very short amount of time. Hoping this bad streak is over for her.
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Post by roberta on Nov 13, 2019 21:56:49 GMT
When it rains, it pours. The sun will come out tomorrow. I totally feel for you. I think watching our kids go through these life pains is sometimes harder than going through it ourselves.
Sorry for the difficulties and the pain.
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AllieC
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,129
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Post by AllieC on Nov 13, 2019 22:10:15 GMT
Oh your poor DD, I really feel for her. Even though she is an adult and some would say she needs to navigate this all herself, I for one would be doing what you are doing and helping her to get through the next weeks until she finishes school and can then have hopefully have one thing off her plate.
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Post by mikklynn on Nov 13, 2019 22:42:26 GMT
That is a lot. She is lucky to have you for a mom!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 19:40:18 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2019 0:50:04 GMT
Wow that is an awful lot of misery for her and for you. What a wild ride. We’ve all had times when there were quite a few bumps in the road, but I think you all are due for some smooth sailing.
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Post by quinmm14 on Nov 14, 2019 1:00:20 GMT
You know what? Sometimes you just need your mom, and sometimes you need to just be a mom.
I think it's wonderful that you were there for your daughter when she needed you the most.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Nov 14, 2019 1:05:54 GMT
My heavens, bless her heart... that's a lot to deal with. Thank goodness she has your help and support. She'll get past all this and be stronger for having dealt with it, but I'm sure she can't see that now. Just love on her a lot until life gets better.
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kate
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,667
Location: The city that doesn't sleep
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Nov 14, 2019 1:09:05 GMT
Awww, I'm so sorry. That really is tough stuff, whether you're 18 or 81.
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Post by fredfreddy44 on Nov 14, 2019 3:10:32 GMT
I'm sorry your family is going through this right now. Knowing your dd is suffering is hard. So much waffling.
Currently my dh and MIL are attempting to help dd27 through problems, mostly of her own making. But they are exhausted and told her so and as usual she is playing the victim. She re-writes, in her mind, her history and says no one helps her when all dh and MIL have done is help her her whole life.
I checked out ages ago. I am only sad because our grandson suffers.
Sorry I can't go into more detail. Most is too personal.
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Post by cadoodlebug on Nov 14, 2019 3:20:34 GMT
Your poor DD. That's a lot to handle ~ I'm glad you were there to lend a shoulder and some help.
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Post by AussieMeg on Nov 14, 2019 3:25:59 GMT
I really feel for your daughter. My nearly 22yo DD has gone through a similar thing this year. Her boyfriend of 5 years broke it off at the start of the year and she was devastated. When you're going through that heartbreak, it's really easy to become overwhelmed when other problems (like the car) arise, that would otherwise have been easy/easier to deal with.
My DD is in a much better place now. She's had two overseas trips after the break up, which was a nice distraction and it was good for her to have something to look forward to. Your DD too will get over the heartbreak, but it will take a while and unfortunately there's not much any of us can do to help in the short term.
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scrapngranny
Pearl Clutcher
Only slightly senile
Posts: 4,948
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Post by scrapngranny on Nov 14, 2019 3:28:54 GMT
Aww shucks, that’s a lot to go through for both of you.
Someday she will look back and be so glad that boyfriend chose to show his true colors soonest rather than later. On the boyfriend front, they’ve made millions of those and she will find a better one.
The car and all the chaos that ensued would have been more than I can have handled.
Hopefully, the car issues have been solved. Now she can take her new and go look for a better boyfriend. You have earned a large adult beverage!!
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Post by scrapmaven on Nov 14, 2019 3:28:54 GMT
First real breakup is so hard. Plus she's thisclose to graduating and that's both exciting for her and scary. The car is just one more thing. She needs her mama and you're doing a great job being her soft place to land. I'm sorry that things are so chaotic right now, but your dd will graduate, thrive and find love w/a stable, wonderful man. Plus, she'll have a swanky new car.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Nov 14, 2019 12:10:44 GMT
It's never easy to help your child navigate these things. I am like am I too involved? Am I not involved enough? And I saying the right thing? Does anything I say actually ring true to her? When she was 3 I knew I was doing the right thing. At 19 I have a whole lot more self doubt.
Hugs to you. It's tough to be a mom of a young adult.
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Post by camanddanismom on Nov 14, 2019 12:43:55 GMT
Poor kid!! Hugs to you both!!
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julie5
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,627
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Post by julie5 on Nov 14, 2019 12:46:13 GMT
Oh gosh sounds like life is draining her dry right now. I’m glad she has you to lean on, and that she’ll allow herself to lean on you. My adult daughter was having a rough time last year and completely shut me out. I know I wasn’t telling her what she wanted to hear, and I was a bit rough but her situation was a bit different. Anyways, it’s hard to see them hurting, especially when they are adults and there’s nothing you can do to fix it.
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MizIndependent
Drama Llama
Quit your bullpoop.
Posts: 5,927
Jun 25, 2014 19:43:16 GMT
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Post by MizIndependent on Nov 14, 2019 17:08:26 GMT
Thank you all. The support means a lot. And fredfreddy44 , ((((Hugs)))). All of us mommas need each other and it's wonderful to have a place where we can vent and get/give support. Thank you for the encouragement. I'm glad to see so many who have gone through this kind of thing and come out the other side better and stronger. I know she will too even if she doesn't see it now.
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Post by malibou on Nov 14, 2019 17:19:41 GMT
it's hard being a mom - so much easier when they were little and you could distract them with a disney movie and home made cookies, wasn't it??? Are you saying this stops working?! Damn, I was hoping to use this tactic for the rest of ds life. OP that is quite the pig pile on her. I hope things start smoothing out soon. |
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MizIndependent
Drama Llama
Quit your bullpoop.
Posts: 5,927
Jun 25, 2014 19:43:16 GMT
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Post by MizIndependent on Nov 14, 2019 17:48:13 GMT
Are you saying this stops working?! Damn, I was hoping to use this tactic for the rest of ds life. It still works! It's just not going to fix it like it used to. :\ It does help though.  |
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Post by lisacharlotte on Nov 14, 2019 18:23:22 GMT
Luckily she has her family for support. It’s hard now, but most everyone goes through trials just like this. Our job as parents is to be there, but also to allow THEM to navigate these difficult times. That’s how they learn perseverance and self confidence for the even bigger challenges ahead.
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Post by Basket1lady on Nov 14, 2019 19:12:39 GMT
Your poor dd! Hopefully life will calm down soon. That’s a lot to go through in a short amount of time.
DS called a few weeks ago, all in a panic because of a bombed test. He’s in grad school and I’m half a world away across the ocean. For a minute or two, I didn’t know what had happened and I really thought he’d been in a car accident and someone was dead. But he really just needed to panic and vent and for someone to point out that’s he's getting As in his other classes, that he’s not stupid, and that we believe in him.
Luckily, the prof graded on a curve and almost everyone scored in the 25-35% range. Except the one guy who got a 95%. DS was always that guy in HS—I told DS it was his turn to suffer and that karma is a b!tch!
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She thought they were heading towards marriage so it was just hugely crushing - future plans, hopes, dreams...all scrapped. This is her first broken heart (she's 23 btw). So painful to see her go through.
I pretty much rush to her side and spend the entire weekend with her as she comes to grips with a for real "it's over" because she wisely will not be giving him any other chances to hurt her. I'm just sick and pissed and so heart broken for my sweet girl...who is DEFENDING HIM! 
I mean, yeah, I get it - he's a broken person and I can thank him for not following through on their plans to move to another state where this would have happened without her having any support. At least he did it while she was here, close to home with her family and her friends. She's not alone, she'll get through it. 
But the hassle...between work and school and getting a new car before the rental car coverage ends, she's a frayed little knot at this point and is just holding together. 
It's so much! One right after the other!! BAM! BAM! BAM!
It sucks but she will get through it. I will be sending your dd good vibes.
