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Post by seikashaven on Sept 30, 2015 0:50:38 GMT
Ok ladies. I need some perspective.
My son will be three in January. He's always been a decent napper. And he needs his naps badly because he is so busy and active all the time. I swear he's battery operated!
I work part time and he attends a small daycare in a private residence three days a week (has for the last year). On days that he's at home he still naps 2 hours + for me. The last few weeks he's been skipping naps at daycare and he's coming home just incapable of dealing with anything.
He throws tantrum after tantrum, everything pushes him over the emotional brink and getting him to consume any food at dinner is basically a hostage negotiation. It's basically intermittent screaming from the moment he comes home until bed. It's exhausting for all of us and hard to see him so upset. It's very out of character for him. This is only on days he skips napping at daycare.
My daycare provider says she tries really hard to get him to sleep and makes him stay in his room for "quiet time" for at least 30 mins before giving up on getting him to nap.
I understand she has other children in her care and can't stop the whole world to help my son but he cannot function (literally) on the days he goes without sleep.
I don't know what's reasonable to expect from her. I don't want to have her feel defensive if I question it. But it's brutal to go through this.
Is this just normal toddler behaviour and I'm out of luck? What have you guys done in similar situations? What's reasonable to expect from a childcare provider in terms of trying to get a child to sleep?
Signed first time mom who has no idea what she's doing
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 19:31:18 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 30, 2015 0:56:50 GMT
How do you put him down for his nap at home? Maybe she can try a similar pattern without disrupting the others. Hugs, that can be a hard age.
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AnotherPea
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by AnotherPea on Sept 30, 2015 1:01:30 GMT
That sucks.
I definitely wouldn't place any blame on the caregiver. I imagine she would much rather he sleep too.
Maybe once he gets used to kids being around he will resume his naps.
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Post by seikashaven on Sept 30, 2015 1:04:44 GMT
He has been in her care for the last year and has napped well at her house until the last few weeks. He has the same blankie at daycare that does at home. But maybe I can provide white noise or a humidifier because we use those at home.
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Post by epeanymous on Sept 30, 2015 1:11:47 GMT
If he has napped with her until the past few weeks, I assume she is good at getting him to nap, usually. Possibly he is getting to an age where he is fighting the nap there because he thinks he is missing out on play with other kids, but is able to relax more at home? The white noise idea sounds like a good one.
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 19:31:18 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 30, 2015 1:12:50 GMT
He has been in her care for the last year and has napped well at her house until the last few weeks. He has the same blankie at daycare that does at home. But maybe I can provide white noise or a humidifier because we use those at home. Has anything changed his schedule there or at home the last few weeks? Different wake up time, nap time, or bedtime? New kids at daycare? |
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Post by smokeynspike on Sept 30, 2015 1:19:18 GMT
At some point around that age, some kids stop taking naps. They'd rather be doing other things, like would be expected at a daycare when they are around other kids and can feel like they are missing out on playing. Unfortunately, I think the onus will be with you guys to make sure that he gets a nap after pickup if he still needs one, although I imagine that will mess with bedtime too. I've never been a strict bedtime mom though with my only child. I want her in bed near a certain time, but I'm okay with her reading or doing some other quiet activity in bed though too. She still takes naps though (and I will too if given the chance!).  Melissa |
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Post by beaglemom on Sept 30, 2015 1:19:45 GMT
DD is the same way. She is older (4.5) but she needs the nap! She goes through phases with it. We just have pushed through them each time and eventually she goes back to napping. She has to stay quiet/lay down for at least 45 minutes and then at that point they will let her read quietly. She naps much better at home. At school it is a well lit room (even with the lights out) and there are 18 other kids trying to nap. At home she has a very dark room and a white noise maker. Keep pushing!
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Post by seikashaven on Sept 30, 2015 1:21:09 GMT
Has anything changed his schedule there or at home the last few weeks? Different wake up time, nap time, or bedtime? New kids at daycare? Not that I'm aware of but I'll ask. |
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Post by seikashaven on Sept 30, 2015 1:22:12 GMT
At some point around that age, some kids stop taking naps. They'd rather be doing other things, like would be expected at a daycare when they are around other kids and can feel like they are missing out on playing. Unfortunately, I think the onus will be with you guys to make sure that he gets a nap after pickup if he still needs one, although I imagine that will mess with bedtime too. I've never been a strict bedtime mom though with my only child. I want her in bed near a certain time, but I'm okay with her reading or doing some other quiet activity in bed though too. She still takes naps though (and I will too if given the chance!). Melissa He's not home until 5:30, we eat dinner right away and then he's in bed by 7-7:30 because we're up again at 6am. I can't imagine where I'd fit a nap in. |
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Post by littlemama on Sept 30, 2015 1:25:35 GMT
Does the entire day care have quiet time at the same time? If not, he probably feels like he is missing out on something.
The provider is giving him 30 minutes quiet time. If he doesn't fall asleep in that time, he probably isn't going to.
My ds stopped napping by the time he was two. When he started day care at age 4, he had quiet time at the same time everyone else was napping. Occasionally, he would sleep, but usually not. Your ds may be getting ready to stop napping. On days when he doesn't nap, keep things calm and quiet at home, limit stimulation, and get him to bed early.
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Post by Basket1lady on Sept 30, 2015 1:32:40 GMT
My DS did this when he gave up his nap before he was 2. Really, it was a tough 6 months. I really worked to have a calm evening and then he went to bed early. Yes, there were days when he would just cry over everything. I'd just give him something (anything!) to eat and put him to bed.
I'd enforce a rest time. A video, books, quiet cars... At least 30 minutes, but I'd do an hour if it's possible. Try the white noise or soft music playing. I'd make him stay in bed or on a nap mat. For DS, he wasn't allowed off the couch. It really is hard laying there when you can't sleep. But some brains won't turn off when there is other activity going on.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Sept 30, 2015 2:02:29 GMT
At three my DD still took naps every day and she NEEDED them. We were lucky to have a childcare provider that came to our house a few days a week so it was a lot easier for DD to stay in her regular routine even though it wasn't me putting her down for her nap time. Is there something you do differently at home that the daycare lady could try to get him to lay down on the days that he's there? I would ask her about it again, and tell her that he's really having a hard time on the days he's there and not getting a decent rest time. If he's always that crabby on the no nap days, he still needs an afternoon nap.
FWIW, my DD is now five and in all day K. She hasn't taken an afternoon nap since before she started half day preschool last year, and they don't have any rest time in school at all. There are some days (like today!) when that kid comes home SO tired and SO cranky and every little thing totally sets her off. I made her lay down in her bed and set the timer for 20 minutes, and she was out in five! Needless to say, I turned off the timer and let her sleep for an hour. She really needed it and was in a much better mood when I woke her up. She's not like that every day, but I'd say with the increased activity from school she probably needs extra sleep a couple days a week and we let her sleep in on weekends too.
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Post by maryland on Sept 30, 2015 2:14:06 GMT
My girls were the same way! Energizer bunnies! They had so much endless energy and really needed to nap. But they didn't want to miss anything. There were at home, but they didn't want to miss what each other was doing.
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Post by hop2 on Sept 30, 2015 2:16:18 GMT
At some point around that age, some kids stop taking naps. They'd rather be doing other things, like would be expected at a daycare when they are around other kids and can feel like they are missing out on playing. Unfortunately, I think the onus will be with you guys to make sure that he gets a nap after pickup if he still needs one, although I imagine that will mess with bedtime too. I've never been a strict bedtime mom though with my only child. I want her in bed near a certain time, but I'm okay with her reading or doing some other quiet activity in bed though too. She still takes naps though (and I will too if given the chance!). Melissa Yes I was going to say that. One of mine stopped napping at 3 it was a rough few months until we all adjusted. One thing we did was make afternoon snack more dinner like so if 'bedtime' happened before dinner then they were fed. There were days that he went to bed at 4:30 and slept thru the night. Not ideal for DH to spend time with him but let's face it DH wasn't spending time with him during meltdowns anyway. Eventually we ended up with a later wake up time and an earlier bed time, which cramped family stuff at night for awhile but what can you do. Hope you figure it out soon and get some peace. |
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Post by elaine on Sept 30, 2015 2:41:40 GMT
Consider yourself lucky! My boys both stopped taking naps at 18 months, even though they were at home. They had quiet time in their rooms, but never have napped since then unless sick, even when they have needed them.
It may be rough for a time while his natural schedule doesn't match yours perfectly, but it may be that he will need his dinner as soon as possible getting home and then be in bed by 6:30 or 7:00 until he can manage with less sleep.
In many households with young kids the witching/bitching hour is from 5:00 until bedtime. In any case, it sounds typical whether or he is in daycare - I don't think this is on the daycare provider.
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Post by bc2ca on Sept 30, 2015 2:47:09 GMT
I would assume he is transitioning to not napping.
Can you suggest the daycare try put him down for a nap 30-60 minutes later than usual and see if the extra activity time helps?
When DS was that age he stopped napping regularly after lunch but would fall into a deep sleep if in the car anytime after 4, including the time we took him to the ER for stitches. When you walk into the ER with a limp, bleeding 3 year old you get immediate service and no one believes you when you say "he's just asleep".
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luvnlifelady
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Post by luvnlifelady on Sept 30, 2015 3:45:57 GMT
If he is giving up a nap now, just wait until he's a teen. Then he won't want to get out of bed!
I sure hope you can rectify this problem. Having all that stress at the end of the day would be hard for everyone. You will get through it though. Hang in there.
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Jili
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Post by Jili on Sept 30, 2015 4:35:18 GMT
Consider yourself lucky! My boys both stopped taking naps at 18 months, even though they were at home. They had quiet time in their rooms, but never have napped since then unless sick, even when they have needed them. It may be rough for a time while his natural schedule doesn't match yours perfectly, but it may be that he will need his dinner as soon as possible getting home and then be in bed by 6:30 or 7:00 until he can manage with less sleep. In many households with young kids the witching/bitching hour is from 5:00 until bedtime. In any case, it sounds typical whether or he is in daycare - I don't think this is on the daycare provider. I agree. My girls stopped napping early. I was not working full time when this happened (off work for summer), and I seriously just cried at the thought of getting through day/evening with no nap. Just because they don't nap doesn't mean that they don't need to. It really sucked. I think Elaine's advice is pretty spot on. It sounds like your day care provider is making a decent effort at enforcing some quiet time for him. I'm not sure you can realistically expect much more from her. She probably wants him to sleep, too. Our daycare providers did the same thing and the girls did learn to accept that routine--but they just weren't nappers after about 2 years. Hang in there. This, too, shall pass. |
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Post by finally~a~mama on Sept 30, 2015 5:22:13 GMT
I also think it sounds like he's transitioning away from naps. My youngest DD is almost 2 and 1/2. Mid summer she started dropping a nap every 10 days to 2 weeks. I'm a SAHM the routine wasn't any different those days. It was rough. She was cranky & would be falling asleep on the floor by 6 or 7 p.m. But she wouldn't be down for the night then, just a nap for an hour or two. Now we are dropping 2 naps a week. Doesn't matter what I do. I've tried to be extra active to see if that would help. It's like it makes it worse. No naps on those days. At least now DD has adjusted & isn't cranky, but those no nap days are HARD on Mama. Even if she doesn't fall asleep I have her rest for 45 minutes. I need it - even if she doesn't.  My oldest DD did the same dropping naps thing for a few months before giving them up entirely. I worked full time then and she went to a small home daycare. She napped there longer than she did at home on the weekends. I think she was afraid she would miss out on something at home. At daycare everyone took naps at the same time. She stopped naps at home right before age 3. If I remember right, naps lasted almost to 3 1/2 yrs old at daycare. ETA: I think your idea about offering your daycare provider a humidifier or white noise is a good one to try. Worth a shot! I'm guessing she would very much like him to nap too. |
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Post by anxiousmom on Sept 30, 2015 11:53:28 GMT
I had a napper and a non-napper.
The non-napper stopped around 18 months or so and almost got himself booted out of a pre-school program because he wouldn't nap. He was mr. cranky pants for the longest time, but we made up for it with a very early bedtime-which he also fought but would eventually settle down. At almost 20, he still has odd sleep habits.
The napper still (at 17) naps. As a little one, he would wander off into a corner, lay down, pull his blankie over his head and go to sleep. In kindergarten, his teach pulled me aside and said that he was trying to sleep after lunch and I may want to consider putting him to bed earlier-and at that point the kid was going to bed at 7.
I tell you this so that you know that kids are weird, and no two-even in the same house-are the same. It is entirely possible that your little one is outgrowing his nap. It stinks, and there is a reason why they call it the witching hours. Just keep chanting the mantra that 'this too shall pass' and do the best you can.
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gloryjoy
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Post by gloryjoy on Sept 30, 2015 12:33:41 GMT
I work in a daycare and that is an age where kids are transitioning to no naps. Often at that age they nap every other day.
If you really want him to nap I would ask her to give him 60 minutes of nap/quiet time if she can. Sometimes at that age it can take them a good 30 minutes to fall asleep.
Also if he won't eat dinner, perhaps she could give him a good protein larger snack later in the afternoon so if he doesn't eat dinner it isn't such a big deal.
And yes, that is the witching hour for most kids anyway.
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Post by cyndijane on Sept 30, 2015 13:28:05 GMT
I'm another who thinks he's transitioning out of napping. No real advice, because mine both stopped napping at 18 months, just I'm sorry. I know it's a rough point in parenting, and it's exhausting. I do think a more substantial afternoon snack at daycare could be helpful, then when he's just inconsolable at night, put him to bed. He really could sleep all night long.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 30, 2015 13:30:47 GMT
Home is boring: so napping is easy. Daycare has new toys and new friends and just NEW everything...it's an adventure every day! So who wants to nap? Even though he's been there a year.
No, you can't expect your daycare provider to force him to sleep. It does seem like it might be a phase, so maybe he'll go back to napping.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 30, 2015 13:44:26 GMT
I run a daycare out of my home and it's hard when the little ones stop napping, but still need it. If she has multiple children, adjusting his nap schedule may not be much of an option without putting everyone else out of schedule. I would have her make him lay down for at least an hour. There is a chance he will doze off after a while. There isn't much she can do to get him to sleep and she probably wants him to sleep as much as you do. Nap time is where I can get things done that need done in the house or prepare for the activities for the afternoon. I watch a little girl who will be 2 in November and at least once a week she won't nap. She still goes into her pack and play for at least an hour of rest time. She sits in there and sings, talks and plays quietly. After the hour, if she isn't sleeping I will let her up. There isn't much more I can do to make her nap.
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