My BIL touches my boys too much, am I being paranoid?

First instincts......if it makes you uncomfortable, and your son ends up crying - these are not two combinations I like to see together.

Family or not, I wouldn't be happy - your sons are first and foremost. I'm glad your hubby supports your decision.

Is your husband like this as well....touchy, thickly, wrestling with the boys?

Could be innocent but it does sound a little weird. If your spidey senses are telling you something is off about it, I would trust that. 

I don't think you're ridiculous. Trust your gut. Tell BIL no more tickling or wrestling because the boys don't like it, end of story.

If he continues with the touching, you might have to escalate to a sit down talk, but I'd start with the above and not leaving the boys alone with him.

I remember a creepy step-uncle when I was a kid. He liked to pinch and tickle and grab. I was only about 4 or 5 but he creeped me out and I refused to be left alone with him. Mom intervened when I told her why I didn't like him. I also refused to be left alone with grandma's husband, another handsy creep. My parents and aunt made sure I was never alone with him, grandma of course just thought he loved kids. When I was a kid I had a strong sense of self preservation and didn't mind voicing my displeasure, lol.

Talk to your boys about touching, what is inappropriate, and to always tell you if someone makes them uncomfortable. They need to know that no one is allowed to touch them without their consent and that you will take them seriously (I'm sure you know that already!)

As a survivor of sexual abuse by a family member I say trust your instincts ... don't leave your boys alone with this man ... ever.

I would listen to my gut 100% And even if he is not beginning to groom them with his strange touching, he made one child cry, and that child is too intimidated to tell him to stop, so that right there is enough reason to intervene with any contact he has with your boys. I would never let him alone with your boys and I would stop the tickling and wresting before it gets started. There are many ways he can interact with your boys without tickling. Toss him a ball and tell them to play catch or something else, but stop all wrestling and tickling. I personally HATED being tickled by anyone at any time. I still do. I didn't tickle my son either. And in the mean time, work with your sons on the right to stand up for themselves. It is never too early to start giving them a sense of control over their own bodies.

Oh, and just so you don't end up with an episode like I did, I had done the teaching with my son over his right to protect his body and that no one, not even family, is to ever make him uncomfortable with their touching him. He loved the phrase I used with him that "he was the boss of his own body." As a young child, there wasn't a lot he was allowed to control, but he needed to know this was his and his alone to say NO when he was uncomfortable with anyone touching him. He loved thinking of himself as a boss for some reason.

He was still very young, but he was listening to me. Then we went to his pediatrician for one of his medical visits. I didn't realize it was coming, but the pediatrician went to examine his testicles during the appointment. Right there in the exam room, he grabbed the doctor's hand and yelled NO! at him and then said, Mommy, he's doing it! I was very proud of him for reacting in this way at such a tender age, but I had forgotten to include the part that under certain circumstances, and ONLY with Mommy or Daddy present in the room, it was acceptable for a doctor to examine him in his private region. Make sure you add that into your teachings.

I was not really too worried from your description I mean wresttly tickly could go either way. I was just non committally reading UNTIL I got to the second paragraph. That's just weird. Flat out weird. Even my bitch of a narcissistic SIL who is all about her -her -her can have a minimum conversation with my kids.

THEN I got to your fourth paragraph and I'm like HELL NO! Who puts a child to tears and doesn't stop? He's either what your gut is telling you or he's an unfeeling, macho, toughen 'em up, type jerk who doesn't care for your children at all! You know the kind who terrorized kids because they should toughen up. Either way that's bad.

I assume it's your DH's brother? You need to have a chat with your DH. One way or the other I'd have to make it stop before your children ARE terrorized by that

That story is just too cute.

It is not being paranoid to distrust someone who won't respect your kids' bodies. I would tell him that you'd prefer that he keep his hands off the kids, and I wouldn't leave him alone with them or with anyone who would give him access to them.

I agree with all but the bolded.  NOPE!

Trust your mom instincts here and protect your kids.
He sounds a bit too touchy-feely in my opinion. I agree that he needs to stop but your DH needs to be the one to tell him so. It is his family so he carries that responsibility. He needs to say that HE needs him to stop tickling the boys; not "my wife wants you to stop."

I was a tickled kid and my cousins got great pleasure of holding me down until I peed on myself. It was utterly humiliating and inappropriate! I was not a shy kid either. I begged and begged for my parents to make them stop but they ignored me. To this day, I hate those cousins. Not exactly the same situation but still not right. Come to think of it...their dad was that creepy uncle too. He always made me feel very uncomfortable.

Trust your gut!!

I think that you and the boys do not need to be around this man.

That's the part that's the least weird to me, if he's a guy without kids of his own it might just not occur to him to engage with them on that level. He may think the tickling, wrestling etc is the way to go, he may just be that clueless when it comes to children.
However, your instincts are telling you that there's something off with the situation so you should listen to them. As another poster said, it is up to you or your husband to address this with him don't leave that up to your child. He won't know how to advocate for himself in that way.

Trust your instinct.

I was reading as Devils Advocate too, until he pinned your son. That's not something a thoughtful person would do to a puppy, much less a young human.