|
Post by peano on Dec 4, 2019 14:21:08 GMT
I think the bigger picture is being missed. I had something similar happen to me a few months ago. I was turning off a busy street into a busy gas station. A car was facing me but not moving and in the 2 seconds of me pulling in I drove around her and pulled into the parking spot. What I didn't know is that it was her intention to back into the very same parking spot. I assumed she was waiting for me to get out of her way so she could exit. I was trying to be kind and get out of her way and the misunderstanding is that I ended up taking her parking spot. She pulled behind my car trapping me in and got out screaming at me. Some phrases involving my race. I apologized to her. I said I misunderstood and was trying to be kind by getting the heck out of her way so she could exit. And that I'd be happy to move. She continued screaming. Went into the store all while my car was trapped. Came out then sped away. I sat there shocked and quite frankly I was scared because the level of anger she felt I wondered if it would escalate. When that subsided, I wasn't angry. I was sad. Sad that this women's experience in life was such that she's so used to being disrespected because of her race that she assumed that's exactly what I was doing to her too. Because that's the real hurt. When a minority lashes out at a white person like that it is because they have years of racial incidents leading up to it that they assume your mistake is another slap in their face. No matter how right or innocent your intentions might be. And isn't that sad? Isn't that a sad commentary on the world we live in that people are so oppressed they assume we are doing it too? And I left there feeling very poorly that I couldn't make it right with her. I was sad that I was going to be another disrespectful incident instead of a positive experience. jeremysgirl, I really love how well you resist being reactive in a situation like this, and are able summon an internal response that comes from a place of love, rather than anger. Imagine what the world would be like if this happened more often.
|
|
schizo319
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,030
Jun 28, 2014 0:26:58 GMT
|
Post by schizo319 on Dec 4, 2019 14:27:56 GMT
When that subsided, I wasn't angry. I was sad. Sad that this women's experience in life was such that she's so used to being disrespected because of her race that she assumed that's exactly what I was doing to her too. Because that's the real hurt. When a minority lashes out at a white person like that it is because they have years of racial incidents leading up to it that they assume your mistake is another slap in their face. No matter how right or innocent your intentions might be. And isn't that sad? Isn't that a sad commentary on the world we live in that people are so oppressed they assume we are doing it too? And I left there feeling very poorly that I couldn't make it right with her. I was sad that I was going to be another disrespectful incident instead of a positive experience. What a powerful observation. The world would be a much better place if we could offer grace and understanding to one another when we are at our worst.
|
|
|
Post by jeremysgirl on Dec 4, 2019 15:06:17 GMT
I think the bigger picture is being missed. I had something similar happen to me a few months ago. I was turning off a busy street into a busy gas station. A car was facing me but not moving and in the 2 seconds of me pulling in I drove around her and pulled into the parking spot. What I didn't know is that it was her intention to back into the very same parking spot. I assumed she was waiting for me to get out of her way so she could exit. I was trying to be kind and get out of her way and the misunderstanding is that I ended up taking her parking spot. She pulled behind my car trapping me in and got out screaming at me. Some phrases involving my race. I apologized to her. I said I misunderstood and was trying to be kind by getting the heck out of her way so she could exit. And that I'd be happy to move. She continued screaming. Went into the store all while my car was trapped. Came out then sped away. I sat there shocked and quite frankly I was scared because the level of anger she felt I wondered if it would escalate. When that subsided, I wasn't angry. I was sad. Sad that this women's experience in life was such that she's so used to being disrespected because of her race that she assumed that's exactly what I was doing to her too. Because that's the real hurt. When a minority lashes out at a white person like that it is because they have years of racial incidents leading up to it that they assume your mistake is another slap in their face. No matter how right or innocent your intentions might be. And isn't that sad? Isn't that a sad commentary on the world we live in that people are so oppressed they assume we are doing it too? And I left there feeling very poorly that I couldn't make it right with her. I was sad that I was going to be another disrespectful incident instead of a positive experience. jeremysgirl , I really love how well you resist being reactive in a situation like this, and are able summon an internal response that comes from a place of love, rather than anger. Imagine what the world would be like if this happened more often. I am totally not joking when I say I spent years in therapy learning to do this. It's a teachable skill. As I am bipolar, I don't always have the best functioning frontal lobe and sometimes it does get the better of me.
|
|
|
Post by peano on Dec 4, 2019 15:08:01 GMT
jeremysgirl , I really love how well you resist being reactive in a situation like this, and are able summon an internal response that comes from a place of love, rather than anger. Imagine what the world would be like if this happened more often. I am totally not joking when I say I spent years in therapy learning to do this. It's a teachable skill. As I am bipolar, I don't always have the best functioning frontal lobe and sometimes it does get the better of me. I believe it, and I admire your hard work.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 19, 2024 15:04:47 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2019 15:37:28 GMT
I think there are White people who certainly don’t have tolerance for their own race. It could be a person from Asian descent, Indian decent, etc. I’m not trying to point fingers anywhere. I actually went back a few times thinking I missed something in the post. Lol! POC means “persons of color” and includes Asians, Indians, Native Americans, Latinos, etc. While people who are black are POC, so are many many other people in our country, including the examples you gave. I understand that, but felt that when the black race was mentioned, that it went in that direction. I must have been mistaken.
|
|
|
Post by elaine on Dec 4, 2019 16:47:48 GMT
I do find it interesting that this has become a race issues when nowhere in the post did the OP mention the race of the two women behind her in line. It’s certainly possible that two women behind her weren’t POC but of a different race. Either way, what was said WAS wrong and I wouldn’t blame the OP for taking it personally when it was directed at her and her husband. So, if you understand that POC refers to anyone who isn’t white (not necessarily black), what does this mean? All the examples you gave in the next post to further explain this are all POC too. I think there are White people who certainly don’t have tolerance for their own race. It could be a person from Asian descent, Indian decent, etc. I’m not trying to point fingers anywhere. I actually went back a few times thinking I missed something in the post. Lol! It is okay to just say that you weren’t aware what POC referred to. We throw around acronyms on the internet all the time that some people may not understand right away. When was the last time you heard a white person say anywhere in public that they ”hate white people” to someone they didn’t know?
|
|
|
Post by andreasmom on Dec 4, 2019 17:28:56 GMT
I think the bigger picture is being missed. I had something similar happen to me a few months ago. I was turning off a busy street into a busy gas station. A car was facing me but not moving and in the 2 seconds of me pulling in I drove around her and pulled into the parking spot. What I didn't know is that it was her intention to back into the very same parking spot. I assumed she was waiting for me to get out of her way so she could exit. I was trying to be kind and get out of her way and the misunderstanding is that I ended up taking her parking spot. She pulled behind my car trapping me in and got out screaming at me. Some phrases involving my race. I apologized to her. I said I misunderstood and was trying to be kind by getting the heck out of her way so she could exit. And that I'd be happy to move. She continued screaming. Went into the store all while my car was trapped. Came out then sped away. I sat there shocked and quite frankly I was scared because the level of anger she felt I wondered if it would escalate. When that subsided, I wasn't angry. I was sad. Sad that this women's experience in life was such that she's so used to being disrespected because of her race that she assumed that's exactly what I was doing to her too. Because that's the real hurt. When a minority lashes out at a white person like that it is because they have years of racial incidents leading up to it that they assume your mistake is another slap in their face. No matter how right or innocent your intentions might be. And isn't that sad? Isn't that a sad commentary on the world we live in that people are so oppressed they assume we are doing it too? And I left there feeling very poorly that I couldn't make it right with her. I was sad that I was going to be another disrespectful incident instead of a positive experience. Thank you for sharing that. So insightful. Can be applied to multiple situations. I love that you saw further into the situation. I will try to remember this and offer kindness and grace when/where i can.
|
|
RosieKat
Drama Llama
PeaJect #12
Posts: 5,398
Jun 25, 2014 19:28:04 GMT
|
Post by RosieKat on Dec 4, 2019 17:51:49 GMT
I was accused by a young black man selling stuff door-to-door of being a racist since I said no. I called my biracial black/white son over to the door with me to say goodbye as I closed the door.
The shoe doesn't fit, so I don't wear it. You were the next in line, you responded to the cashier's directive. Nothing racist in the slightest in that action.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 19, 2024 15:04:47 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2019 18:45:09 GMT
I do find it interesting that this has become a race issues when nowhere in the post did the OP mention the race of the two women behind her in line. It’s certainly possible that two women behind her weren’t POC but of a different race. Either way, what was said WAS wrong and I wouldn’t blame the OP for taking it personally when it was directed at her and her husband. So, if you understand that POC refers to anyone who isn’t white (not necessarily black), what does this mean? All the examples you gave in the next post to further explain this are all POC too. I think there are White people who certainly don’t have tolerance for their own race. It could be a person from Asian descent, Indian decent, etc. I’m not trying to point fingers anywhere. I actually went back a few times thinking I missed something in the post. Lol! It is okay to just say that you weren’t aware what POC referred to. We throw around acronyms on the internet all the time that some people may not understand right away. When was the last time you heard a white person say anywhere in public that they ”hate white people” to someone they didn’t know?
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 19, 2024 15:04:47 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2019 18:51:12 GMT
I do find it interesting that this has become a race issues when nowhere in the post did the OP mention the race of the two women behind her in line. It’s certainly possible that two women behind her weren’t POC but of a different race. Either way, what was said WAS wrong and I wouldn’t blame the OP for taking it personally when it was directed at her and her husband. So, if you understand that POC refers to anyone who isn’t white (not necessarily black), what does this mean? All the examples you gave in the next post to further explain this are all POC too. I think there are White people who certainly don’t have tolerance for their own race. It could be a person from Asian descent, Indian decent, etc. I’m not trying to point fingers anywhere. I actually went back a few times thinking I missed something in the post. Lol! It is okay to just say that you weren’t aware what POC referred to. We throw around acronyms on the internet all the time that some people may not understand right away. When was the last time you heard a white person say anywhere in public that they ”hate white people” to someone they didn’t know? Wow Elaine! Thank you so much for your permission for what I am allowed to say! I was so worried about your approval! And it was a bit ago, but I do remember reading an article about a professor at Rutgers who was white, writing about hating white people. I hope that’s current enough for you. I did say, “I must have been mistaken.” Is there some reason you need to insult?
|
|
|
Post by lucyg on Dec 4, 2019 19:35:31 GMT
So, if you understand that POC refers to anyone who isn’t white (not necessarily black), what does this mean? All the examples you gave in the next post to further explain this are all POC too. It is okay to just say that you weren’t aware what POC referred to. We throw around acronyms on the internet all the time that some people may not understand right away. When was the last time you heard a white person say anywhere in public that they ”hate white people” to someone they didn’t know? Wow Elaine! Thank you so much for your permission for what I am allowed to say! I was so worried about your approval! And it was a bit ago, but I do remember reading an article about a professor at Rutgers who was white, writing about hating white people. I hope that’s current enough for you. I did say, “I must have been mistaken.” Is there some reason you need to insult? You have completely minimized the experience and concerns (and historical and ongoing treatment) of people of color, minorities, black people, whatever you want to say, in this country. And you keep digging in deeper. That is why you are irritating people in this thread. I’m sorry it wasn’t clear. ”Well, it could have been a white person.”
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 19, 2024 15:04:47 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2019 19:39:56 GMT
I have read this tread and gained a lot of perspective of different views. I actually found an article that helped me somewhat in understanding the two separate view points on racism and it’s two separate definitions. I feel it is an extremely complicated matter way beyond what most are willing to dive into. It is traumatic for POC and not something I believe can be overcome even if racism/ power were over turned. I would like to compare it to someone who has been abused/rape( my own personal experience). Even if they were to no longer be in that situation and knew 100% they were safe their fear would still be so deeply ingrained it can never be eradicated. It is not that person’s fault for that fear. It was not something they ever asked for nor wanted to carry the burden of. Our society is so quick to tell someone to “get over” something that traumatized them. If only it was that simple. No one would tell a mother to “get over” the death of her child and could understand their illogical fear of losing another child since it had happened before. Yet for people whom racism has affected they are to some how overcome that trauma.
I have a African friend that I am close to her and family, she is 63 and I know her entire family. Her mother grew up in AR in the time of segregation and my friend /family was mistreated at the hands of white people. I take no offense to some things that are said I hate that she still fears the past but I UNDERSTAND, she has what we define as PTSD. I am white, yet she and her family know beyond a doubt we are good but her past can not change how she reacts. My heart hurts for her knowing she has this terror and knowing she doesn’t want it however it was a WHITE person put that fear there. We have to realize what we have done and even if I myself have never caused any pain, I wear the mark of my people by the color of my skin because some of “my” people have and are still causing harm. It is a protective mechanism. Jest as if your were mauled by a dog, are you going to just fear that dog or all dogs? Most likely all dogs.
The fix for me is raise my children just as I was, everyone is the same, treat everyone as you would want to be treated and have compassion for those whom have been traumatized and NEVER expect anyone to “get over” their fears. We all have something that has traumatized us to the core and we want compassion.
It took me a long time to understand racism since I grew up sheltered not knowing such a thing. I was and still am somewhat ignorant on society. (I grew up in a tiny town on a farm and nothing but fields for miles, to poor to even know what beef was until nearly 9. My grandmother whom lived in a holler in KY, married off at 12 to 37 yr old because her mother couldn’t feed all her kids.)
|
|
thwarth
Full Member
Posts: 152
Sept 15, 2018 0:33:00 GMT
|
Post by thwarth on Dec 4, 2019 20:15:40 GMT
I'm going to say bad behavior is bad behavior and race has nothing to do with it. Don't be a jerk. I may have been bitten by a dog, but that doesn't give me the right to go around kicking all dogs. I may feel fear, or dislike but that doesn't justify me kicking every dog I see.
I will postulate that the two incidents described in this thread were two jerks who threw out hateful racist epithets. That isn't a reflection of anyone but those people.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 19, 2024 15:04:47 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2019 2:58:17 GMT
Wow Elaine! Thank you so much for your permission for what I am allowed to say! I was so worried about your approval! And it was a bit ago, but I do remember reading an article about a professor at Rutgers who was white, writing about hating white people. I hope that’s current enough for you. I did say, “I must have been mistaken.” Is there some reason you need to insult? You have completely minimized the experience and concerns (and historical and ongoing treatment) of people of color, minorities, black people, whatever you want to say, in this country. And you keep digging in deeper. That is why you are irritating people in this thread. I’m sorry it wasn’t clear. ”Well, it could have been a white person.” That’s not at all true. If you scroll back, you will see I specifically said that NOBODY deserves this treatment. 🙄
|
|
|
Post by gar on Dec 5, 2019 8:20:25 GMT
You have completely minimized the experience and concerns (and historical and ongoing treatment) of people of color, minorities, black people, whatever you want to say, in this country. And you keep digging in deeper. That is why you are irritating people in this thread. I’m sorry it wasn’t clear. ”Well, it could have been a white person.” That’s not at all true. If you scroll back, you will see I specifically said that NOBODY deserves this treatment. 🙄 Where did she go?
|
|
|
Post by finsup on Dec 5, 2019 14:47:16 GMT
That’s not at all true. If you scroll back, you will see I specifically said that NOBODY deserves this treatment. 🙄 Where did she go? She got injured. Attachments:
|
|
|
Post by lucyg on Dec 5, 2019 16:34:03 GMT
That’s the second one gone this morning. hmmm ...
|
|
|
Post by mom on Dec 5, 2019 17:15:33 GMT
That’s the second one gone this morning. hmmm ... who else is missing?
|
|
|
Post by gar on Dec 5, 2019 17:37:34 GMT
That’s the second one gone this morning. hmmm ... Is it? C'mon then
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 19, 2024 15:04:48 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2019 19:31:49 GMT
That’s the second one gone this morning. hmmm ... Is it? C'mon then Kettlebell, page 2 of this thread.
|
|
|
Post by gar on Dec 5, 2019 20:05:36 GMT
Is it? C'mon then Kettlebell, page 2 of this thread. Hmmm, yeah...not a huge bust up or anything 🤔
|
|
|
Post by lucyg on Dec 5, 2019 21:30:24 GMT
Sorry, I’ve been out all day since posting. Yes, kettlebell aka bluetardis (or maybe it was tardisblue) and vintageval, both gone poof this AM.
|
|
|
Post by gar on Dec 5, 2019 23:25:12 GMT
Sorry, I’ve been out all day since posting. Yes, kettlebell aka bluetardis (or maybe it was tardisblue) and vintageval, both gone poof this AM. Odd...
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 19, 2024 15:04:48 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2019 1:38:26 GMT
Sorry, I’ve been out all day since posting. Yes, kettlebell aka bluetardis (or maybe it was tardisblue) and vintageval, both gone poof this AM. Maybe the same person. We get two for one here very often
|
|