pinklady
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,538
Nov 14, 2016 23:47:03 GMT
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Post by pinklady on Jul 10, 2020 4:56:36 GMT
Count me in as single and child free. Even if I end up in a relationship, I'll never get married and he'd never live with me. For me, the ideal situation would be for him to live down the street and he'd have to do the walk of shame every night. Frankly, I like me and I have no problem doing stuff on my own (travel, eating out or going to the movies...pre-covid of course). I have great friends that I like to do stuff with too but all this quarantine has worked out just fine for me and my dog.
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Post by quinlove on Jul 10, 2020 5:00:56 GMT
Single and childless. Same situation as OP, not on purpose just never found the right person. However, for the past 13 years I've helped my sister raise her two kids (13 and 8). They all lived with me on and off over the course of those 13 years. Well, this past April, my sister passed away. As neither of the dads were involved in the kids lives and since they were living with me at the time, I've inherited two kids. Life hasn't changed much other than my sister not being here, because the kids were living with me at the time and I've supported them for the most part all these years. So, in a sense, I'm not childless any longer. I don’t have the words ... You are my hero.
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Jul 10, 2020 7:18:23 GMT
I have a little more to add...
If I were ever in another relationship and we lived together.....I want my own bedroom.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 18, 2024 4:15:52 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 10, 2020 9:13:52 GMT
ya’ll are child-free and not child-less I much prefer childfree, childless implies that I wanted to have them but didn't for whatever reason. I worked for many years in different child care settings and studied long and hard for various qualifications (I don't post on child-related or parenting-related threads because my qualifications have been questioned and ridiculed by a couple of Peas!) I loved my job and cared very deeply for the children in my care but it never made me feel that I wanted my own children. I was very happy to hand them back at the end of the day and go home. I had a fantastic social life that I didn't want to give up and I enjoyed dating and test driving different men. I know many women my age (50) that don't have children by choice, I don't think it's uncommon these days. Thankfully I've never really encountered anyone who's questioned my decision.
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Enna
Full Member
Posts: 296
Location: The land of the midnight sun
Jan 26, 2016 14:55:35 GMT
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Post by Enna on Jul 10, 2020 9:38:04 GMT
I think it is more common too.
I can always feel the silent (and some not so silent) questions when I tell new people that I'm single and don't have children. Even though I love my life and I am not ashamed of it, I feel like I've to explain why I'm happy. A lot of people really think you need a husband and kids in order to have a full life. And think that I must be bit selfish because I want to travel and enjoy my life alone.
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Post by sleepingbooty on Jul 10, 2020 12:05:31 GMT
Not single but definitely childfree! 'Tis bliss. I was a very underpaid babysitter from age 17 until 22 (around 20h/week) so I got a good taste of what life with kiddos is like. I love being the fun aunt to my friends' children but I also love handing them back over and not having to deal with them daily.
I didn't think I'd be without children in my thirties when I was younger. I thought I'd have a couple someday when I was a teen. Then, as a young adult, I thought one. By my mid-twenties, I thought maybe one. Now, I'm good without any. 🤷 When our living space is a little larger, we'll start seriously looking into adopting a dog, not as a replacement for children but as another living creature in our home.
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QueenoftheSloths
Drama Llama
Member Since January 2004, 2,698 forum posts PeaNut Number: 122614 PeaBoard Title: StuckOnPeas
Posts: 5,955
Jun 26, 2014 0:29:24 GMT
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Post by QueenoftheSloths on Jul 10, 2020 12:35:45 GMT
My personal opinion- ya’ll are child-free and not child-less. If ever, you get hit with a “child” bug, I am sure one of us peas can let you borrow our teenagers and ya’ll will be so glad that you are child/free....lololol I'm sure that you meant this in a lighthearted way. But there are peas on this thread who did want children and were unable for whatever reason and I think for them joking about kids being annoying and boy are you lucky to not have them comes across as insensitive.
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Post by summer on Jul 10, 2020 12:49:10 GMT
Me! I always thought I’d get married and have kids but it just never happened. I’m currently in a committed relationship and plan to marry him one day, but I feel like it’s too late to have kids now. Which I am ok with as I don’t think I’d have to energy to have kids now. We both love dogs so they will be our fur kids. Plus everyone says we both look so much younger than our actual age, we attribute that to not having kids! Lol
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 18, 2024 4:15:52 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 10, 2020 13:28:03 GMT
My personal opinion- ya’ll are child-free and not child-less. If ever, you get hit with a “child” bug, I am sure one of us peas can let you borrow our teenagers and ya’ll will be so glad that you are child/free....lololol I think some of the Peas who responded are childless (meaning not by choice) and some are childfree (by choice). And all are welcome! So surprised at so many pea avatars I thought assumed were married/divorced who've always been single; and surprised at the avatars I thought were parents who are childless/childfree. Thank you for starting this thread!
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mich5481
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,576
Oct 2, 2017 23:20:46 GMT
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Post by mich5481 on Jul 10, 2020 13:55:59 GMT
Single and childless here. I always wanted a family, but that hasn't worked out. I just moved to a new state for a new job, so you never know what the future may hold.
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artbabe
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,042
Jun 26, 2014 1:59:10 GMT
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Post by artbabe on Jul 10, 2020 15:01:43 GMT
I am married and childless, but not by choice. Years ago I had someone snarkily ask me what I scrapbook if I don’t have any kids. That was fun. What an asshole. Was this here or on the other board? Oh my gosh, that happened all of the time. I used to go to crops and at almost every one someone said that. That is why I ended up on the Unscrappable board. There were a lot of single scrappers there. I do want to add that, even though I don't have my own kids, my life is filled with children. When my sister's kids were little I saw them 5 or 6 days a week, and for two summers they lived with me half the week. I was very lucky to experience a life with little kids. I'd love to spend time with them now but they are 10, 15, and 17, and are busy with their own lives. I used to take the little one everywhere with me (shopping, zoo, museums, park, etc.) but covid has ruined that. I am also a school teacher (26 years) and spend 8 hours a day with middle school kids. So there are a lot of kids in my life. Just not after 4 o'clock.
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,375
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
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Post by cycworker on Jul 10, 2020 18:57:24 GMT
No relationship, no kids.
I love kids, and I did want them, for multiple reasons, some likely better than others.
Even if I could safely carry a child (my doctors couldn't be sure, because of my disability), I have ZERO interest in ever engaging in the activities that one needs to in order to get pregnant the natural way, which in and of itself rules out a romantic relationship. Much as I love the idea of many aspects of marriage, sex is off the table for me (seriously, ZERO interest, and I'm not willing to fake it) and that just wouldn't be fair.
I jokingly refer to myself as the world's oldest, most inexperienced, disinterested virgin.
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chendra
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,861
Location: The 33rd State
Jun 27, 2014 16:58:50 GMT
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Post by chendra on Jul 10, 2020 19:10:32 GMT
Years ago I had someone snarkily ask me what I scrapbook if I don’t have any kids. That was fun. What an asshole. Was this here or on the other board? Oh my gosh, that happened all of the time. I used to go to crops and at almost every one someone said that. That is why I ended up on the Unscrappable board. There were a lot of single scrappers there. I was on Unscrappable too, up to the dramatic implosion. I'm trying to remember my user name; I think it was Courgette. I didn't post much. I have always had oodles of material to scrap and never enough time to do so--travel, family, friends, events, pets, my cool jobs. . . MYSELF. I eventually married someone with teenagers, so I'm a wicked stepmother. I never personally gave birth to anyone. (I'm always unsure how to answer the "children" question when I see a new doctor. I have to clarify whether it's a mental health/lifestyle question or an anatomical question because they seem bemused no matter what I say.) I took a look at the world when I was about eleven and decided that I was never having children. I have no regrets. Finally, I am at an age where people have stopped asking me when I'm going to reproduce, which always struck me as an intrusive question. For some people, it's not a choice, which I believe more people are sensitive to these days.
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Post by anniefb on Jul 10, 2020 19:59:06 GMT
Single, never married. No kids. Very independent.
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Post by chaosisapony on Jul 10, 2020 20:15:14 GMT
My younger sister is not married and childless. Mostly by choice. I used to say things like "She's attractive, but never found someone to settle down with..." etc. But I don't do that anymore. I felt like it was feeding into the stereotype that single women must be unattractive, and that's why I had to make sure to say, "but she's attractive." So, now, if people ask, I just say "Nope. Single and happy." I appreciate this I don’t consider myself unattractive and do okay for myself in a high COL city. I do think the fact that I am so secure in just doing my own thing in life does ‘scare off’ some men. I’m also okay with being alone and I hope people don’t look at it as a bad thing if I (or other women) never marry. I bought my first place when I was 24. I've alwy worked and paid my own way. I've gone on trips alone. Owned my own business, etc. I've been told by a couple of men that they were interested in me but too intimidated by the fact that I'm independent to pursue me. I really don't get that but I guess that just means we wouldn't have been a good match anyway.
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Post by Really Red on Jul 10, 2020 20:36:29 GMT
Single and childless. Same situation as OP, not on purpose just never found the right person. However, for the past 13 years I've helped my sister raise her two kids (13 and 8). They all lived with me on and off over the course of those 13 years. Well, this past April, my sister passed away. As neither of the dads were involved in the kids lives and since they were living with me at the time, I've inherited two kids. Life hasn't changed much other than my sister not being here, because the kids were living with me at the time and I've supported them for the most part all these years. So, in a sense, I'm not childless any longer. You sound pretty amazing
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,375
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
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Post by cycworker on Jul 10, 2020 22:15:16 GMT
It ate part of my post.
I didn't go the single parenting route - be it via adoption, foster parenting, or surrogacy - because it wasn't financially feasible. I'd never pasg let me have the 2 bedroom, because I didn't need it for another person, and they wouldn't let me get on the list to adopt or foster until I got a 2 bedroom place.
I'm pretty darn left wing & in support of the need for the checks & balances of bureaucracy, and even I can see the stupidity here.
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Post by scrappyem on Jul 12, 2020 20:07:47 GMT
It's really cool to see everyone's responses.
I was basically single and childfree until recently. I always wanted kids and was very sad for a lot of my 30's I didn't have them. I didn't think I'd make a good single parent (but I stand in awe of all single parents, I just felt like I would need support and I live across the country from any family). I never met the right person, so no kids. A few months ago, I started a dating a really nice man with a 4.5 year old and it's been a really interesting experience. Due to circumstances (house fire) they are currently living with me. We have his son every other week in the summer. My bf would like another one and I'm on the fence. I'm 41 and I'm seeing just how much work and change having a kid would bring to my life. I love his son and he's a wonderful kid. We have a lot of fun but it's been a huge change in a short period of time. I see the difference between one week on and one week off vs having one 24/7 with no family nearby to help. I honestly don't know how it will shake out. I was/am very independent. I worry the ship may have sailed for multiple reasons. Having his son may end up being perfect and I'm okay with that too.
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Post by marzbar71 on Jul 12, 2020 21:56:47 GMT
Single and childless here as well. Not necessarily by choice, just the way it happened. I feel like I live a pretty full and happy life - I have wonderful friends and family, I travel a lot (not right now though!) and I get to be involved in the lives of my friend's kids, etc.
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on Jul 12, 2020 23:35:51 GMT
I am married, but we are childless by choice. It's less weird now that I'm pushing 50 than it was when I was 30 and it seemed like everyone I knew was having kids. Now I stick out less. Lol. No regrets.
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Post by travelscrapper on Jul 13, 2020 2:44:34 GMT
Married and no kids here. Sometimes I "regret" it now that my parents are both deceased and I have to spend the holidays alone as DH works holidays. I do have neices but they have their own families with their own things going on.
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Post by Linda on Jul 13, 2020 3:39:25 GMT
I have kids but my sister doesn't - she was child-free by choice and is now a bonus-mum to stepchildren (teen/young adult). She's certainly had more opportunities to travel, work, do things that I haven't had - and she has no regrets. My best friend is also child-less - I think because she never found the right man, I know she wanted children. But she's been an awesome aunt to my kids and now her siblings' kids. She's the one who introduced me to scrapbooking.
I'm glad that things are changing and that there's more freedom for women than there used to be - that it's okay to be single, it's okay to be married and not have kids, it's okay to make the choices that work for you and not based on what society or parents want/expect.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 18, 2024 4:15:52 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2020 3:40:24 GMT
For all those who have mentioned not spending time w/families for holidays, etc., keep in mind, having a family is NO guarantee of not spending holidays alone.
Children grow up, sometimes they move far away, sometimes there are family ruptures where parents/kids don't stay close, sometimes there are losses due to illness, etc.
I guess my point is to say, children are not a guarantee against being alone. And families are also who you make them.
I hope if my kids move away or follow their dreams and end up living in another country, etc., or even if they're always close to us, that we (DH and () would always have friends to share events with. But that's on us to build.
One of my dear friends is about 10 years older, married, no kids. They have joined us for holidays. We have joined them. They make friendships a priority and are always surrounded for the holidays because they spread love where they go.
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,421
Jun 26, 2014 2:34:35 GMT
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Post by luvnlifelady on Jul 13, 2020 4:25:41 GMT
Count me in as single and child free. Even if I end up in a relationship, I'll never get married and he'd never live with me. For me, the ideal situation would be for him to live down the street and he'd have to do the walk of shame every night. Frankly, I like me and I have no problem doing stuff on my own (travel, eating out or going to the movies...pre-covid of course). I have great friends that I like to do stuff with too but all this quarantine has worked out just fine for me and my dog. That's about what my ex's gf has. I think that's a nice arrangement for her. She gets her time with him but then gets her privacy too and no need to clean up after him. LOL
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,421
Jun 26, 2014 2:34:35 GMT
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Post by luvnlifelady on Jul 13, 2020 4:29:27 GMT
For all those who have mentioned not spending time w/families for holidays, etc., keep in mind, having a family is NO guarantee of not spending holidays alone. Children grow up, sometimes they move far away, sometimes there are family ruptures where parents/kids don't stay close, sometimes there are losses due to illness, etc. I guess my point is to say, children are not a guarantee against being alone. And families are also who you make them. I hope if my kids move away or follow their dreams and end up living in another country, etc., or even if they're always close to us, that we (DH and () would always have friends to share events with. But that's on us to build. One of my dear friends is about 10 years older, married, no kids. They have joined us for holidays. We have joined them. They make friendships a priority and are always surrounded for the holidays because they spread love where they go. This exactly. My bf's son comes up from Cincinnati (4 hours away) every other Thanksgiving/Christmas. That is the only time he comes up and he stays with his mom nearby. Last Christmas, we saw them briefly at my bf's daughter's house. Then, we were to have dinner out that night but the son's wife got sick. We asked him to see us separately (their gift to us was going to be dinner) but he declined. They were in town another day and he still didn't make time to see his dad. (We get along fine as far as I know). His daughter lives nearby but is busy with her hospital job and their nearly 5 year old daughter. Her husband works 2nd shift. Unfortunately, he lost a lot of friends when he became sober over 3 years ago but we seem to have a similar lifestyle so we are enjoying doing things together.
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