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Post by cindyupnorth on Feb 20, 2021 14:37:34 GMT
I'm leary about posting this thread, but here goes. I'll explain later. it gets long, sorry
I've shared how I live in redneck red country. I'm pretty much the only liberal/democrat in my dh's circle, though 2 of his cousins are that don't live here. All his friends are Trumplicans. Luckily my workplace is medical, so most are democrat, but that's my work life. I've also shared that my dh is republican, and we've made it work. We don't agree on a lot of things, and we have many heated discussions. It works. Both our dd's are very liberal, and moved out of the area. imagine that. So I don't have many friends in the area I live in. One of dh's friends was so kind to tell me because I don't fit in. I'm don't think like everyone else. I actually took that partly as a compliment, because I don't want too. but also, gee. thanks. My dh has a friend he used to work with, who is on disability now. I mention that because he doesn't work. Which aren't republicans against that sort of assistance? shouldn't he be able to find some sort of job? haha. sorry..back on track. Anyway. my dh called and talked to V 2 nights ago. I think they talk like 1-2xs a yr, even though he lives like 15 miles away. so they talked and I overheard some of the conversation. Just the usual catching up, until I heard him tell my dh that they plan to move to south dakata in the future, because it's a conservative state, and they don't have to pay taxes. I was like like....blink blink. that's a good reason.
Sooo, here's the tricky part. My dh and I are very open with our phones. He uses mine, I use his, we know each other's passwords. It's not a big deal for us to be on each other's phones. I'm saying this, so you guys won't get hung up on this next part. Last night I noticed he had a message from V, so I read it. (trust me dh wouldn't normally care if I read his messages, in fact he likes it so I can remind him of things people message him). Here is what the message said.
"Btw the democrats are gonna try their dambest to take our guns away one way or the other,either by making ammo so expensive we can't afford it it guns or themselves,which I'm quite sure you know this. My point is ,I'm pretty sure your wife is a democrat,I think we need to find you a new one đ. However she still sends me Xmas cards even though she deleted me as a friend on Facebook a couple years ago cuz I told her something along the lines that it's never ok to be a liberal,I may have been a lil more frank on thus point,I can't remember now,but she didn't like my dislike for liberals,so not all of her is bad. As I get the Xmas card every year."
Like What.the.hell. We need to find you a new one? plus the whole insinuation that he schooled me on something on facebook? ahh. no. I was sick of his constant Trumplican lies and misinformation so I unfriended him. I'm a bit PO'd. I want to text him back, soooooo bad. so bad. do I? do I just suck it up? I'm sick of my dh's friends saying shit about me, and then my dh basically not defending me, because he HATES confrontation. All my life I've felt like I didn't know my way, or what I thought. I feel very grounded in what I believe in now, and who I am. So why should I put up with little white man mentality like this? Needless to say, He's off the cmas card list. 
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Post by Skellinton on Feb 20, 2021 14:51:52 GMT
What would texting him back get you? I canât see any reason to text back.
If you have an issue with your husband not defending you, you need to bring that up with him.
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Post by freecharlie on Feb 20, 2021 15:00:50 GMT
Leave it be. There is nothing you gain from responding.
Type your response here.
And instead of nit sending the guy a card. Send him one that is obviously liberalish.
Fwiw, I live in a very conservative part of Colorado and there are many here that see South Dakota as their utopia
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Post by crazy4scraps on Feb 20, 2021 15:03:52 GMT
Yeah, definitely cut that loser off of your Christmas card list! I can relate somewhat. My DH is more of a right leaning independent than a dyed in the wool republican, but many of his friends are more staunchly so, to the point of being Trumplicans. Some of the stupid crap they spew infuriates me.  My DH has also made comments to them about me in a similar vein, saying things like âthe resident liberalâ or some other such BS and itâs definitely aggravating, but I think he would put the hammer down on anyone suggesting he get a new wife, if even in jest. A couple weeks back when someone here posted the link to the Beau of the Fifth video about the 14 Trump things that was the description of fascism, I wanted to show it to DH because it was something his friends would absolutely fall right in line with, and he was having none of it. I said something to the effect of, âThis is something your loser Trump loving friends should seeâ and he got all butt hurt because I called them losers. Well sorry, but IMO if they voted for Trump TWICE, then yeah, they ARE. Some people are going to be assholes. I think that what I would take the most offense with from your whole post is that your DH wonât push back at all to defend you when his friends make comments like that, and I think that how angry you feel warrants at least a discussion. This is the kind of thing that will fester under your skin if you donât address it and come to an understanding. At the very least, he needs to know that itâs not okay for his friends to spew that kind of nonsense and not be shut right down. By not speaking up and standing up for you in any capacity he is showing them that he condones that type of talk and to you that feels like silent agreement. And that is what I would take issue with. |
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Post by crazy4scraps on Feb 20, 2021 15:06:15 GMT
Leave it be. There is nothing you gain from responding. Type your response here. And instead of nit sending the guy a card. Send him one that is obviously liberalish. Fwiw, I live in a very conservative part of Colorado and there are many here that see South Dakota as their utopia LOL! I can see making up a special card for that guy with the saying, âIâm having a BLUE CHRISTMAS, because thereâs a Democrat in the White House this year!â  |
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Post by cindyupnorth on Feb 20, 2021 15:08:22 GMT
What would texting him back get you? I canât see any reason to text back. If you have an issue with your husband not defending you, you need to bring that up with him. Oh, I know. It would be just like banging my head against a wall. It's the whole, just letting him say shit about me thing,KWIM? dh and I have had that discussion. He feels I don't need defending. Which is true. I guess I'm here just to vent, because it just pissed me off. |
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Post by cindyupnorth on Feb 20, 2021 15:09:33 GMT
Leave it be. There is nothing you gain from responding. Type your response here. And instead of nit sending the guy a card. Send him one that is obviously liberalish. Fwiw, I live in a very conservative part of Colorado and there are many here that see South Dakota as their utopia OMG! I love that idea!! the liberal cmas card! PERFECT! it's the perfect passive aggressive MN way! thank you! |
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wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,767
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Feb 20, 2021 15:11:17 GMT
Don't engage, there is nothing to be gained although it's clear he will be left wondering about the lack of a Christmas card.
It would be nice if your dh replied with something like you are his one and only and no one should joke about his marriage. Not confrontational just drawing a line in the sand and warning his friend not to cross it.
He mustn't have many Facebook friends if he can remember you deleted him years ago!
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Post by jeremysgirl on Feb 20, 2021 15:14:18 GMT
It would be nice if your dh replied with something like you are his one and only and no one should joke about his marriage. Not confrontational just drawing a line in the sand and warning his friend not to cross it. Yeah, this. The problem is with your DH who lets his friends get away with talking like that. |
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Post by padresfan619 on Feb 20, 2021 15:16:49 GMT
The opinion of some random friend my husband talks to twice a year would not be enough to get me pea livid. He sounds like a typical man who likes to run his mouth for reactions, like bringing up the fact that he said something to get you mad enough to delete him off Facebook.
The liberal Christmas card idea sounds hilarious. Iâd do that but otherwise not spend another moment thinking about the guy.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Feb 20, 2021 15:17:17 GMT
Some people are going to be assholes. I think that what I would take the most offense with from your whole post is that your DH wonât push back at all to defend you when his friends make comments like that, and I think that how angry you feel warrants at least a discussion. This is the kind of thing that will fester under your skin if you donât address it and come to an understanding. At the very least, he needs to know that itâs not okay for his friends to spew that kind of nonsense and not be shut right down. By not speaking up and standing up for you in any capacity he is showing them that he condones that type of talk and to you that feels like silent agreement. And that is what I would take issue with. Yes, I totally agree. He usually stays silent and lets me defend myself. He always says I can defend/talk for myself just fine. but yes, even it's the telling his friends to let me talk, or something like that would at least be something. |
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Post by cindyupnorth on Feb 20, 2021 15:18:55 GMT
LOL! I can see making up a special card for that guy with the saying, âIâm having a BLUE CHRISTMAS, because thereâs a Democrat in the White House this year! I would need more then one. He has another friend, who I am also very good friends with, that is worse then V, but he never told my dh to get a new wife. He loves engaging me in political discussions and we have a great time bantering. |
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Post by dewryce on Feb 20, 2021 15:20:19 GMT
It would be nice if your dh replied with something like you are his one and only and no one should joke about his marriage. Not confrontational just drawing a line in the sand and warning his friend not to cross it. Yeah, this. The problem is with your DH who lets his friends get away with talking like that. I agree. And this isnât even defending you, but your marriage. |
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Post by cindyupnorth on Feb 20, 2021 15:20:21 GMT
He mustn't have many Facebook friends if he can remember you deleted him years ago! LOL!! I have no idea. but apparently it made an impression. |
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Post by padresfan619 on Feb 20, 2021 15:21:10 GMT
Also I wouldnât really expect or care if my husband didnât âdefend my honorâ with his dumb friend. My husband is very passive and non confrontational, heâs the type to nod and smile along with whatever people say just to keep the conversation moving along. I prefer his gentle nature over an aggressive type of guy.
You wouldnât have known he even said anything if you didnât read the messages. Thatâs not a criticism or hand slap for doing it, either. I wouldnât expect my husband to tell me something mean or rude his friend said about me during a twice yearly talk, THAT would hurt me more than whatever his friend would say. Gee thanks for telling me your friend thinks you need a new wife!
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Post by cindyupnorth on Feb 20, 2021 15:22:35 GMT
The opinion of some random friend my husband talks to twice a year would not be enough to get me pea livid. He sounds like a typical man who likes to run his mouth for reactions, like bringing up the fact that he said something to get you mad enough to delete him off Facebook. The liberal Christmas card idea sounds hilarious. Iâd do that but otherwise not spend another moment thinking about the guy. agreed. I mean, I'm really not pea livid mad. Just PO'd. You guys are going to have to help me find some good liberal cmas cards!! |
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Post by cindyupnorth on Feb 20, 2021 15:24:10 GMT
Also I wouldnât really expect or care if my husband didnât âdefend my honorâ with his dumb friend. My husband is very passive and non confrontational, heâs the type to nod and smile along with whatever people say just to keep the conversation moving along. I prefer his gentle nature over an aggressive type of guy. You wouldnât have known he even said anything if you didnât read the messages. Thatâs not a criticism or hand slap for doing it, either. I wouldnât expect my husband to tell me something mean or rude his friend said about me during a twice yearly talk, THAT would hurt me more than whatever his friend would say. Gee thanks for telling me your friend thinks you need a new wife! Oh yea, That's totally my dh too. So you get it. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Feb 20, 2021 15:29:07 GMT
I prefer his gentle nature over an aggressive type of guy. My husband is truly one of the most laid back guys you could ever meet and he still wouldn't let his friend talk about our marriage like that. |
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Post by padresfan619 on Feb 20, 2021 15:31:59 GMT
I prefer his gentle nature over an aggressive type of guy. My husband is truly one of the most laid back guys you could ever meet and he still wouldn't let his friend talk about our marriage like that. I am speaking in the context of a âfriendâ he talks to twice a year like the OP stated. That kind of opinion really doesnât hold any weight or is worth getting worked up about, IMO. Now if one of his friends we spend a lot of time with said something like that? Iâd expect him to push back. |
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Post by cindyupnorth on Feb 20, 2021 15:33:04 GMT
My husband is truly one of the most laid back guys you could ever meet and he still wouldn't let his friend talk about our marriage like that. My dh is very laid back. Like I said, I've had this discussion with him before. I told him, I don't care if you agree with me, at all. But I do want you to say something when they start to say something about me personally. or the comment about getting a new wife, that is exactly what made me PO'd. So I agree with you. |
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Post by crazy4scraps on Feb 20, 2021 15:34:01 GMT
Some people are going to be assholes. I think that what I would take the most offense with from your whole post is that your DH wonât push back at all to defend you when his friends make comments like that, and I think that how angry you feel warrants at least a discussion. This is the kind of thing that will fester under your skin if you donât address it and come to an understanding. At the very least, he needs to know that itâs not okay for his friends to spew that kind of nonsense and not be shut right down. By not speaking up and standing up for you in any capacity he is showing them that he condones that type of talk and to you that feels like silent agreement. And that is what I would take issue with. Yes, I totally agree. He usually stays silent and lets me defend myself. He always says I can defend/talk for myself just fine. but yes, even it's the telling his friends to let me talk, or something like that would at least be something. You can, WHEN YOUâRE THERE. But when youâre not there, he shouldnât just let those comments slide because then he is tacitly in agreement with what they are saying. |
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purplebee
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,732 
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Post by purplebee on Feb 20, 2021 15:37:27 GMT
I feel your pain.... Iâm in a similar situation with a politically divided household. Iâm completely surrounded by trump supporters. Dh and I just donât discuss politics. I would not stop sending Christmas cards, he will know he got to you if you do. Go for the Peace on Earth, love all, Jesus came to save all mankind type. Get him on the White House Christmas card list if you can! But donât waste time being angry - your Dh doesnât see it as a big deal (obviously itâs not if they only talk a few times a year). Just remember that you canât fix stupid. Good luck!
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Post by crazy4scraps on Feb 20, 2021 15:37:35 GMT
I prefer his gentle nature over an aggressive type of guy. My husband is truly one of the most laid back guys you could ever meet and he still wouldn't let his friend talk about our marriage like that. Agreed. Same here. |
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Post by cindyupnorth on Feb 20, 2021 15:39:09 GMT
You can, WHEN YOUâRE THERE. But when youâre not there, he shouldnât just let those comments slide because then he is tacitly in agreement with what they are saying. Ya know, that's a good point. I'm going to ask him just that. What he does. |
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janeliz
Drama Llama
I'm the Wiz and nobody beats me.
Posts: 5,633
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Post by janeliz on Feb 20, 2021 15:41:21 GMT
I wouldnât engage with the friend, but Iâd certainly expect my husband to speak up on my behalf. I know when weâve had discussions in the past about mixed political marriages that youâve defended your marriage and spoken positively about your husband. He owes you the same.
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Post by lisae on Feb 20, 2021 15:42:03 GMT
I think the new wife thing is just a joke and it wouldn't bug me that much. You already knew who this man was so his opinions shouldn't be that surprising at this point. The only thing I would be tempted to tell him is that we heard the same thing from Republicans led by Sarah Palin with Obama took office and nothing happened with guns. Obama tried to enact some sensible legislation but it wasn't to take away everyone's guns. I wouldn't bother though. You won't change his mind. Hope he moves to South Dakota. It is so hypocritical that a man on disability is grumbling about paying taxes.
If finds out that you read the message on your husband's phone, he will go off on that, too. This is the type of man who thinks a woman needs her place. Ignore him and be glad your husband has infrequent contact.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Feb 20, 2021 15:44:39 GMT
I would not stop sending Christmas cards, he will know he got to you if you do. Go for the Peace on Earth, love all, Jesus came to save all mankind type. Get him on the White House Christmas card list if you can! But donât waste time being angry - your Dh doesnât see it as a big deal (obviously itâs not if they only talk a few times a year). Just remember that you canât fix stupid. Good luck! Oh, no, I'm totally going all in on the liberal cmas card! Best idea ever!! |
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Post by cindyupnorth on Feb 20, 2021 15:45:24 GMT
I wouldnât engage with the friend, but Iâd certainly expect my husband to speak up on my behalf. I know when weâve had discussions in the past about mixed political marriages that youâve defended your marriage and spoken positively about your husband. He owes you the same. Thank you! |
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StephDRebel
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,665
Location: Ohio
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Post by StephDRebel on Feb 20, 2021 15:46:11 GMT
id mark that message as unread and see what my husbands response was.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 14, 2024 8:47:02 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2021 16:07:51 GMT
I prefer his gentle nature over an aggressive type of guy. My husband is truly one of the most laid back guys you could ever meet and he still wouldn't let his friend talk about our marriage like that. Same here, telling someone not to disrespect your wife and your marriage is not aggressive. |
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