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Post by sideways on Aug 17, 2021 23:46:28 GMT
First, I am a petty asshole. Send him a receipt for a donation to The Lincoln Project, Andy Democratic candidate, Planned Parenthood... Send him either of Obama's books or Bob Woodward's unflattering Trump book. Or who's Boat is this Boat[I believe those proceeds still go to charity) Or send a thank you note that says you will be donating the pillow to the refugee camp. He's not punishing the child, just being an asshole Post his name and address. We’ll all send donations to Planned Parenthood and Black Lives Matter in his honor. (Kidding. A little.)
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Post by 950nancy on Aug 17, 2021 23:51:55 GMT
Taking all political talk out of my response. People give gifts all the time in an effort to "teach" a point of view, yet no gift is as unwelcome or received as poorly. My kids used to get bad plastic toys that broke nearly as soon as they were unwrapped from family. I hated that's what they got, but we just politely said "Thank You" and got on with our lives. Why not just consider your dad's gifts in the same category? Thank him and move on. Or, you can make a big deal about them and feed energy into family divisiveness. What someone chooses to give you is their choice, but your response is entirely yours. I think it can be hard to know when you need to just stop promoting divisiveness... it can look like you are a doormat. For me, a gift like this for my child would be different than Hannity's book for an adult. Gpa would know he had crossed my line and there would be a discussion. Anyone who had fallen down the Q rabbit hole would probably not have access to my kid. Difference of political opinion is fine, but this goes beyond that.
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casii
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,466
Jun 29, 2014 14:40:44 GMT
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Post by casii on Aug 17, 2021 23:56:38 GMT
First, I am a petty asshole. Send him a receipt for a donation to The Lincoln Project, Andy Democratic candidate, Planned Parenthood... Send him either of Obama's books or Bob Woodward's unflattering Trump book. Or who's Boat is this Boat[I believe those proceeds still go to charity) Or send a thank you note that says you will be donating the pillow to the refugee camp. He's not punishing the child, just being an asshole Post his name and address. We’ll all send donations to Planned Parenthood and Black Lives Matter in his honor. (Kidding. A little.) He's 74 and pretty vindictive. We might drive him over the edge, so I'll pass, but the devil on my shoulder tried to talk me into it. I killed her with kindness.
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Post by leftturnonly on Aug 18, 2021 0:34:59 GMT
I think it can be hard to know when you need to just stop promoting divisiveness... it can look like you are a doormat. For me, a gift like this for my child would be different than Hannity's book for an adult. Gpa would know he had crossed my line and there would be a discussion. Anyone who had fallen down the Q rabbit hole would probably not have access to my kid. Difference of political opinion is fine, but this goes beyond that. I abhor labeling people. Truly, I do and that's all I see happening here. Step aside from the damn political BS for a moment. Dad is giving presents that are meant to get a rise out of the OP. She has two choices: Either she takes the bait or she ignores it. Period. I'm choosing to put my money where my mouth is and just simply walk away from all that bait you laid out there.
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Post by gizzy on Aug 18, 2021 2:01:54 GMT
I'm sorry your Dad is acting this way. Especially doing that to his grandchild. I hope he rethinks his "gift" and surprises her with a phone call from a loving grandfather.
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quiltz
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Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Aug 18, 2021 2:57:52 GMT
He's 74 and pretty vindictive. We might drive him over the edge, so I'll pass, but the devil on my shoulder tried to talk me into it. I killed her with kindness. WOW -- This is your father. Obviously a lot of missing background information. WHY fuel the flame? You know what is going to happen, so ignore it.
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Post by 950nancy on Aug 18, 2021 3:48:49 GMT
I think it can be hard to know when you need to just stop promoting divisiveness... it can look like you are a doormat. For me, a gift like this for my child would be different than Hannity's book for an adult. Gpa would know he had crossed my line and there would be a discussion. Anyone who had fallen down the Q rabbit hole would probably not have access to my kid. Difference of political opinion is fine, but this goes beyond that. I abhor labeling people. Truly, I do and that's all I see happening here. Step aside from the damn political BS for a moment. Dad is giving presents that are meant to get a rise out of the OP. She has two choices: Either she takes the bait or she ignores it. Period. I'm choosing to put my money where my mouth is and just simply walk away from all that bait you laid out there. Her father isn't stepping away from the political BS. He is gifting his granddaughter a gift he knows will not be appreciated to his grandchild. He's choosing to put his granddaughter right into the middle of a political argument. He is baiting the parent through the child. While you don't have to start WWIII over it, letting dear old Papa know what you are going to do with the gift isn't a bad thing either. I believe you (hypothetical you) teach people how to treat you. You can stand up for yourself or you can be a doormat. It is up to each person to decide to walk away and be a target for repeat bad behavior, or you stand up for yourself and your daughter and expect more from your family. Family doesn't automatically get a pass. I have some very close friends who walk this line in the things they say about politics and I have had to say enough is enough when we have conversations. They need to hear where my line is and thankfully they usually respect that line. If I ignored it, I would not hear the end of it.
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pilcas
Pearl Clutcher
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Aug 14, 2015 21:47:17 GMT
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Post by pilcas on Aug 18, 2021 4:20:42 GMT
How sad. This is what Trump has done to us.
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Post by hookturnian on Aug 18, 2021 6:06:12 GMT
I think it can be hard to know when you need to just stop promoting divisiveness... it can look like you are a doormat. For me, a gift like this for my child would be different than Hannity's book for an adult. Gpa would know he had crossed my line and there would be a discussion. Anyone who had fallen down the Q rabbit hole would probably not have access to my kid. Difference of political opinion is fine, but this goes beyond that. I abhor labeling people. Truly, I do and that's all I see happening here. Step aside from the damn political BS for a moment. Dad is giving presents that are meant to get a rise out of the OP. She has two choices: Either she takes the bait or she ignores it. Period. I'm choosing to put my money where my mouth is and just simply walk away from all that bait you laid out there. I lived through apartheid. What allowed apartheid to go on for so long was people choosing to turn a blind eye to family members supporting hate; things like saying "Ignore him, you know what he's like", not challenging them, not pushing back, not letting them know every time they do it that you find it unacceptable, allowing them to face no social consequences. In other words, what you are advocating.
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paigepea
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Post by paigepea on Aug 18, 2021 7:27:48 GMT
I haven’t read the replies. Are you saying he gave a crap gift because their political views are different from his own? Did he used to give amazing gifts? Just asking because that is something my in laws would give, politics aside. In laws once gave dh a body wash. And they once gifted my in diapers girl a package of underwear. And their gift cards are the ones that keep on giving - the ones where I have to throw in a bunch of money to buy anything.
My oldest is the same age as your niece. They are old enough to form their own opinions. I’d let the kids start forming their own opinions about grandfather. If he chooses to alienate them then that is his doing / mistake. I wouldn’t get worked up about it or start a war. Show the kids how to behave. Don’t stoop to his level.
If there is some hidden political meaning here that I don’t get I apologize. I don’t get the comparison to apartheid. I understand his views might be bad so maybe argue with him re : his political views separately from birthday gifts. I’m just an outsider looking in. I know the states is divided politically at the moment and i might be missing something. I just don’t understand how teaching the kids that everything should be politically motivated helps. Isn’t the point to not act this way. Like I said I think I’m missing something. Sorry.
I’d probably never use the gift card as my new pillow would always annoy me and sleeping is supposed to be relaxing.
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Post by mikklynn on Aug 18, 2021 11:34:25 GMT
I'm primal screaming for you! OMG. I would absolutely donate the stupid pillow. I wouldn't waste my money sending a retaliatory gift. Although, donating money to a good cause isn’t wasting money. Of course not. Donate in his name, but it won't change anything.
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Post by Merge on Aug 18, 2021 11:44:18 GMT
Oh good lord. You have my sympathy.
One of DH’s cousins sent younger DD some right wing propaganda books and a pocket constitution as a graduation gift - likely as a response to the political views I post on Facebook, with which she must surely be “indoctrinated.” We put the constitution with her books to take to college, and pitched the rest in the recycle bin.
She sent him a brief thank you note and that was that.
I get that it’s different when it’s your own father, though. The thing is that those folks see themselves as misunderstood victims of the oppressive left, and anything you do to make your point with him will be perceived as proof of his victim status. If he wants to know where the pillow is, tell him it fell apart - I hear they’re shitty pillows anyway. 😉
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Aug 18, 2021 17:00:43 GMT
I haven’t read the replies. Are you saying he gave a crap gift because their political views are different from his own? I'm not the OP, but I can assure you that when my right wing father gave me books by Jeanine Pirro (radicals, resistance, and revenge) and Dana Loesch (hands off my guns) it was absolutely, unquestionably, and expressly because I have much different political ideas from him.
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AmeliaBloomer
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Jun 26, 2014 5:01:45 GMT
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Post by AmeliaBloomer on Aug 18, 2021 20:09:12 GMT
I haven’t read the replies. Are you saying he gave a crap gift because their political views are different from his own? Did he used to give amazing gifts? Just asking because that is something my in laws would give, politics aside. In laws once gave dh a body wash. And they once gifted my in diapers girl a package of underwear. And their gift cards are the ones that keep on giving - the ones where I have to throw in a bunch of money to buy anything. My oldest is the same age as your niece. They are old enough to form their own opinions. I’d let the kids start forming their own opinions about grandfather. If he chooses to alienate them then that is his doing / mistake. I wouldn’t get worked up about it or start a war. Show the kids how to behave. Don’t stoop to his level. If there is some hidden political meaning here that I don’t get I apologize. I don’t get the comparison to apartheid. I understand his views might be bad so maybe argue with him re : his political views separately from birthday gifts. I’m just an outsider looking in. I know the states is divided politically at the moment and i might be missing something. I just don’t understand how teaching the kids that everything should be politically motivated helps. Isn’t the point to not act this way. Like I said I think I’m missing something. Sorry. I’d probably never use the gift card as my new pillow would always annoy me and sleeping is supposed to be relaxing. Bold mine. No, it’s not the quality of the gift. The OP is saying the gift is literally a political statement because money was spent to support a company owned by a man who whose political activism couldn’t be further from the child’s parents’ views. Assumedly the gift has little do with the birthday girl and everything to do with the “dig,” hence the “punishing granddaughter for parents’ views” bit.
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paigepea
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Post by paigepea on Aug 19, 2021 1:51:57 GMT
I haven’t read the replies. Are you saying he gave a crap gift because their political views are different from his own? Did he used to give amazing gifts? Just asking because that is something my in laws would give, politics aside. In laws once gave dh a body wash. And they once gifted my in diapers girl a package of underwear. And their gift cards are the ones that keep on giving - the ones where I have to throw in a bunch of money to buy anything. My oldest is the same age as your niece. They are old enough to form their own opinions. I’d let the kids start forming their own opinions about grandfather. If he chooses to alienate them then that is his doing / mistake. I wouldn’t get worked up about it or start a war. Show the kids how to behave. Don’t stoop to his level. If there is some hidden political meaning here that I don’t get I apologize. I don’t get the comparison to apartheid. I understand his views might be bad so maybe argue with him re : his political views separately from birthday gifts. I’m just an outsider looking in. I know the states is divided politically at the moment and i might be missing something. I just don’t understand how teaching the kids that everything should be politically motivated helps. Isn’t the point to not act this way. Like I said I think I’m missing something. Sorry. I’d probably never use the gift card as my new pillow would always annoy me and sleeping is supposed to be relaxing. Bold mine. No, it’s not the quality of the gift. The OP is saying the gift is literally a political statement because money was spent to support a company owned by a man who whose political activism couldn’t be further from the child’s parents’ views. Assumedly the gift has little do with the birthday girl and everything to do with the “dig,” hence the “punishing granddaughter for parents’ views” bit. Ahhh. That makes more sense. Thanks for clarifying.
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casii
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Jun 29, 2014 14:40:44 GMT
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Post by casii on Aug 19, 2021 18:56:42 GMT
A continued thanks for the commiseration and understanding. We'll see what the weekend holds with 2 more birthdays coming up. My DD is an adult and while baffled that her grandfather may be sending this her way, she'll be able to let it roll off her back. My curiosity got to me and I checked out the My Pillow retail website. You don't have to spend more than a minute there to realize Mike Lindell is concerning. There are a few links I wouldn't click on because I would worry where it would take me. He's also peddling other well known Trump acolyte's products, gimmicks, etc. In other words, there's no separating My Pillow's retail owner from his politics. My Pillow
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Post by pierogi on Aug 19, 2021 20:11:38 GMT
I'm so sorry, casii. I hope everyone navigates the remaining birthdays with as little conflict as possible. You're not alone. There's a subreddit out there for Qanon Casualties - people who have lost spouses, family members and friends to the cult, and there's support and advice how to handle relationships that have not yet been cut off. These aren't harmless beliefs. Two weeks ago, a Qanon follower in California kidnapped his kids and took them to Mexico where he murdered them because he seriously believed they were becoming "lizard people." I don't know what sends people down this rabbit hole, and I believe people will be studying this phenomenon for years after the fact. Don't give him any "retaliatory" gifts. Don't fuel into it at all. Your dad isn't well. Protect your family as need be.
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Post by Laurie on Aug 19, 2021 23:18:19 GMT
I think it can be hard to know when you need to just stop promoting divisiveness... it can look like you are a doormat. For me, a gift like this for my child would be different than Hannity's book for an adult. Gpa would know he had crossed my line and there would be a discussion. Anyone who had fallen down the Q rabbit hole would probably not have access to my kid. Difference of political opinion is fine, but this goes beyond that. I abhor labeling people. Truly, I do and that's all I see happening here. Step aside from the damn political BS for a moment. Dad is giving presents that are meant to get a rise out of the OP. She has two choices: Either she takes the bait or she ignores it. Period. I'm choosing to put my money where my mouth is and just simply walk away from all that bait you laid out there. This. A couple of years ago I started taking this approach and it is so much better for you. I have a few close family members that would get me riled up (not just about politics) and it always ended up as a fight and conflict for days, weeks or months. Then I decided they don’t have control over how I react and the conflict I will carry afterwards. Instead I have decided to love them for who they are, know I can’t change them so just walk away from the conflict. It has brought me so much peace in my day to day life not having this negative energy.
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Post by maryland on Aug 19, 2021 23:20:58 GMT
casii , I “liked” your post simply to let you know that I heard you. I love the idea of making donations to your favorite cause in return in his name and sending him the receipt. Planned Parenthood would be at the top of my list for a variety of reasons. I’m sure that they can use the My Pillow at any of the immigrant holding facilities/jails along the border. That's a great idea!
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,375
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
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Post by cycworker on Aug 19, 2021 23:53:24 GMT
Post his name and address. We’ll all send donations to Planned Parenthood and Black Lives Matter in his honor. (Kidding. A little.) He's 74 and pretty vindictive. We might drive him over the edge, so I'll pass, but the devil on my shoulder tried to talk me into it. I killed her with kindness. He needs to experience SOME kind of consequence. Maybe it's time to just cut him out of your lives. Please, please, get your sister to send the pillow to a refugee camp & make sure he knows it...whether border refugees or Afghan refugees, it doesn't matter. Though I'd prefer you choose the one he'd find the most irritating/offensive. And let him know he's out of all your lives until he gives up his Trump worship & his Q Anon/Fox News/OAN obsessions. I feel bad for the teen who got such a crappy gift. Can her mom afford to replace it by giving her $40 to use on something she'd actually like?
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,375
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
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Post by cycworker on Aug 19, 2021 23:57:25 GMT
I abhor labeling people. Truly, I do and that's all I see happening here. Step aside from the damn political BS for a moment. Dad is giving presents that are meant to get a rise out of the OP. She has two choices: Either she takes the bait or she ignores it. Period. I'm choosing to put my money where my mouth is and just simply walk away from all that bait you laid out there. I lived through apartheid. What allowed apartheid to go on for so long was people choosing to turn a blind eye to family members supporting hate; things like saying "Ignore him, you know what he's like", not challenging them, not pushing back, not letting them know every time they do it that you find it unacceptable, allowing them to face no social consequences. In other words, what you are advocating. Sorry leftturnonly - the post above me is correct. casii & her sister can't keep allowing their dad to get away with this.
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casii
Drama Llama
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Jun 29, 2014 14:40:44 GMT
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Post by casii on Aug 23, 2021 17:16:12 GMT
Oh yeah, both my DD and I also got My Pillow gift cards this past weekend, so I'm wondering whether he got a 3 for 1 special. He didn't call me on my birthday until late in the evening when we were at a concert, so I haven't spoken with him.
I feel the worst for my niece who is young enough that birthdays should be all about the fun, but even at her tender age, she's fairly aware politically, so she knows exactly who Mike Lindell is. Fortunately, that gift will be a blip in the radar from the other fun stuff her parents did with her on her special day.
My DD handed the card over to me and said "Return to Sender". There are a couple of ladies from Afghanistan in my running group and they are asking for donations for refugees who will be coming into Maryland, so the cards may be going to them. Our governor, Larry Hogan, has already made it clear that we will be welcoming many to our state.
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