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Post by shanniebananie on Oct 13, 2021 9:56:53 GMT
Found out that my good friend’s spouse has cancer in several spots of his body. They are in for a long fight. How can I best support her and her husband? Son is away at college so it is just the two of them at home.
For those that have gone through this, what was most helpful when you were on this journey? As the caretaker, what did you need most?
We are all in shock.
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Post by malibou on Oct 13, 2021 12:44:24 GMT
Ugh, I'm sorry. Cancer fucking sucks!
Biotene products to help combat dry mouth.
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Post by stormycat on Oct 13, 2021 12:46:22 GMT
Just be a good listener first of all and food, arrange meals or gc for food.
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Post by mikklynn on Oct 13, 2021 13:01:44 GMT
I appreciated an occasional meal, a surprise delivery of Starbucks, someone offering to mow my lawn, shoveling snow, or telling me to call if I needed a home repair.
As a woman with a disabled spouse, having someone willing to do small repairs was amazing.
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Post by PolarGreen12 on Oct 13, 2021 13:09:59 GMT
Meals, restaurant gift cards, help out with some housekeeping. One thing my Mom also really appreciated when my Gramma was fighting cancer was just having someone to sit with her for a few hours every now and then so my Mom or Poppa could run errands and/or take care of some of their own needs.
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Post by withapea on Oct 13, 2021 14:28:56 GMT
Im so sorry. Check in on them. Meals and household help are great. My strongest suggestion is to really lean in down the road. There’s usually lots of well wishes and support the first few months and then it all kind of falls off. ( not being judgy, it’s life ) It can really make a difference when you’ve been it in for a while.
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Oct 13, 2021 15:33:39 GMT
Will he be traveling for treatment? My sister and I had loads of support when my mom was being treated for her brain cancer. She had radiation 5 days a week (for ten freaking minutes at a time) for several months, and my sister and I generally made sure we did that--it was at like 3pm, so others were at work, and we both had made arrangements in our schedules to be available.
But it sure was nice whenever someone said "hey, can we take your mom to radiation today?" And then those friends would generally take mom on whatever errands she thought she needed to run.
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Post by scrapcat on Oct 13, 2021 15:47:50 GMT
I would say just follow your heart in doing things and don't question too much if it's wrong or right. Don't ask "what can I do?" or "let me know what I can do." It's so much to process that the last thing someone can do is think of something you can do. Drop off a meal, groceries, help with lawn care, etc and just send a message "I left xxx on your doorstep." Send cards for support.
I agree with whoever said also check in as the weeks go on. Most people reach out in the beginning, but then fall off and it can get sort of lonely as treatment goes on.
Also, you know your friend, so rely on what you know about their boundaries and honor that as well. When you are thinking of them, let them know (not incessantly). The thing that has meant the most to me is getting a text or card from people saying "thinking of you" or "lit a candle for you" and just that notification of support is nice.
If they are going to need any serious help, like financial whether it be for treatment, meals, childcare, etc, you could research organizations in the area that help with things like that. Sometimes the doctors/hospitals will be able to refer to things like that, but if it weren't for a friend of my brother telling me about a great organization with all kinds of support, I would not have known.
Also, sorry to hear about your friend's spouse, I hope it is treatable and he recovers soon.
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