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Post by teach4u on Nov 24, 2021 18:44:44 GMT
Friend mentioned a comment her husband shared with her, and she found it weird. I'm not good at reading things, so asking for thoughts.
Apparently her husband mentioned meeting a former (male) coworker for drinks, she was invited along. This former colleague had to cancel. When disclosing the meet up was cancelled, he also said "oh, I was hoping X (female coworker, never mentioned or introduced to wife) would be there. I invited her, you'd like her. She's a good person, religious and 10years younger than you."
A few weeks later, friend met this female coworker. However, when they were introduced, coworker wouldn't look at wife. My friend has an off feeling about this. What are your thoughts? Coincidental? I told her her husband wouldn't want to invite a colleague that he's up to know good with. But then again, who knows?
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Post by gar on Nov 24, 2021 18:49:36 GMT
On the face of it, it seems unlikely he'd deliberately orchestrate a meeting between the 2 women if he was playing away, but the colleague's behaviour seemed off so...I would find it very odd.
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Post by disneypal on Nov 24, 2021 18:49:54 GMT
The fact that her DH mentioned that he was hoping that female co-worker would be there and he invited his wife to the meet up says a lot to me. I think it is what he says...just that..he thought his wife would like her and he wanted them to meet...doesn't sound like he is being sneaky or anything. The fact that the female co-worker didn't really look at her doesn't mean a thing - some people are nervous when meeting new people and some people are uncomfortable looking directly at others.
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Post by Ryann on Nov 24, 2021 19:01:22 GMT
It's possible that nothing untoward had happened at the time of the meetup (so it wouldn't have been weird to mention to wife about meeting each other). Maybe something has happened since then, which could explain the female colleagues' behavior when meeting your friend/the wife.
Too many unknowns really. Your friend should follow her gut.
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Post by papersilly on Nov 24, 2021 19:05:37 GMT
i think your friend should trust her Spidey senses.
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Post by teach4u on Nov 24, 2021 19:07:46 GMT
His wife was invited from the jump. He hadn't mentioned inviting the female coworker until plans fell through. She told me she asked about why he invited a female coworker to a "date" and he said the meet up was supposed to be open to his whole work team. and he invited wife as well. Apparently a work meet up open to many people. She thought age comment was weird.
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Post by teach4u on Nov 24, 2021 19:10:05 GMT
His wife was invited from the jump. He hadn't mentioned inviting the female coworker until plans fell through. She told me she asked about why he invited a female coworker to a "date" and he said the meet up was supposed to be open to his whole work team. and he invited wife as well. Apparently a work meet up open to many people. She thought age comment was weird.
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Nov 24, 2021 19:11:39 GMT
I’m confused. Did he actually meet up with someone when the coworker cancelled? I’m having a hard time understanding what exactly happened.
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FurryP
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Post by FurryP on Nov 24, 2021 19:15:02 GMT
His wife was invited from the jump. He hadn't mentioned inviting the female coworker until plans fell through. She told me she asked about why he invited a female coworker to a "date" and he said the meet up was supposed to be open to his whole work team. and he invited wife as well. Apparently a work meet up open to many people. She thought age comment was weird. The age comment *is* weird. But then sometimes people don't think and just say things for no particular reason. |
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Post by teach4u on Nov 24, 2021 19:15:54 GMT
I'll try to be clear.
Friend and husband were planning to meet a guy friend of husband's. Friend's husband apparently didn't specify that the whole work team were invited to meet up at this place. Wife thought it was just her husband, herself, and male friend that left to take a new job. After everyone else bailed, friend and her husband still went out. It was at that point he told her that he wanted her to meet a coworker that he thought she'd really hit it off with. She said he never mentioned this person before hand, and it was only when the female coworker did not go out that he told her. Husband's friend did not meet up with her at that time, or after as far as she's told me.
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Post by teach4u on Nov 24, 2021 19:18:28 GMT
I'm not a good judge. Part of me thinks that he works with someone his wife would get along well with and should meet. Part of me thinks the age comment is weird: could be like "she's a kid, way younger" dismissive type comment. Could be a comment that he digs younger women. But why would he invite is wife to meet someone he's hooking up with and then be obvious to say things about age? My gut says he made an innocent comment in a clumsy way, but I'm not sure. No other odd behavior mentioned from friend, and I don't get any weird vibes around them.
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Post by dewryce on Nov 24, 2021 19:28:51 GMT
It think it would be odd for most people to purposefully introduce their lover to their wife. But, I’m a big believer in following your gut. However, some people are naturally suspicious or jealous, especially if they’ve been cheated on in the past. So my opinion would be formed partially based on friend’s normal behavior. eta: Looking at it from the suspicious point of view, he could have mentioned it after they were supposed to meet to throw her off the scent if she later voiced her concern. “Remember honey, I mentioned her before and wanted to introduce you…” Since they’ve subsequently met, I think that’s unlikely.
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Post by smalltowngirlie on Nov 24, 2021 19:38:17 GMT
My husband will often comment about the age of others I am meeting for the first time. It may be because I am 7 years older than him so his comment is more about me being close to others in age or a bit older. So for us an age comment would not be unusual. I am also not one that is usual suspicious of others, so I would just think the co-worker is just not comfortable meeting others, or was focused on something else.
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Post by gizzy on Nov 24, 2021 19:52:13 GMT
On the surface this wouldn't phase me. Sometimes my DH will say something that comes out wrong. It's how the coworker acted that would put my antennae up. I'd ask be asking if coworker is normally shy. I'd keep an ear open just in case.
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lindas
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by lindas on Nov 24, 2021 19:56:56 GMT
I personally wouldn’t have given the age comment or lack of eye contact a second thought but if you’re looking to validate your friend’s “off feeling” then you’ve come to the right place. The vast majority of peas are suspicious of everything involving the opposite sex.
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Post by teach4u on Nov 24, 2021 19:59:41 GMT
I asked my friend about meeting husband's coworker. As far as I know, it went like this:
Her husband's work team had a dinner (paid for by boss) at a local restaurant. Her husband invited her to stop up while work team was eating. Friend did just that. She said her husband introduced her to the team (6 guys, 2 2 women) and the coworker mentioned said hello and looked away . Friend didn't eat with her husband as it was a work sanctioned event and spouses were not at dinner. She was just there for a drink with husband and left. According to her, her husband ate dinner and left less than an hour later.
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Post by Zee on Nov 24, 2021 20:00:58 GMT
It could be completely innocent OR he's trying to set up a "we're just friends from the office" sort of cover here. "You've met Cheryl, she's cool, thought you'd like her, she's gonna meet up with me and Greg" meanwhile Greg was never coming.
Your friend should trust her gut.
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Post by sean&marysmommy on Nov 24, 2021 20:01:32 GMT
The female coworker being weird when she actually met the wife could just be b/c she doesn't want to be pushed into a friendship. He might've told her more than once, "Oh, you have to hang out with my wife!", etc. Or she might not really like the husband at all, and have no interest in getting to know his wife because of it.
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Post by Zee on Nov 24, 2021 20:02:02 GMT
I personally wouldn’t have given the age comment or lack of eye contact a second thought but if you’re looking to validate your friend’s “off feeling” then you’ve come to the right place. The vast majority of peas are suspicious of everything involving the opposite sex. Usually for good reason. Look at how many pea divorces there are over infidelity. Too many times, these women are blindsided. |
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Post by busy on Nov 24, 2021 20:38:44 GMT
Seems like she’s way overthinking it to me.
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Post by auntkelly on Nov 24, 2021 20:44:18 GMT
I asked my friend about meeting husband's coworker. As far as I know, it went like this: Her husband's work team had a dinner (paid for by boss) at a local restaurant. Her husband invited her to stop up while work team was eating. Friend did just that. She said her husband introduced her to the team (6 guys, 2 2 women) and the coworker mentioned said hello and looked away . Friend didn't eat with her husband as it was a work sanctioned event and spouses were not at dinner. She was just there for a drink with husband and left. According to her, her husband ate dinner and left less than an hour later. I just can't imagine showing up at my husband's business dinner, if spouses were not invited. Even though the spouse didn't sit down and have dinner, I think it's weird that she even made an appearance if spouses weren't invited. I think it is very unprofessional of your friend and her husband to expect the co-worker to chitchat w/ an uninvited spouse at a work dinner. It's not the time and place. If I had been that co-worker, I would have avoided my co-worker's spouse as well. It would be a completely different situation if your friend's husband introduced your friend to his co-worker at a function where spouses were included, such as a Christmas party. In that case, I might be a little suspicious if the co-worker refused to make eye contact. |
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Post by busy on Nov 24, 2021 20:59:42 GMT
I asked my friend about meeting husband's coworker. As far as I know, it went like this: Her husband's work team had a dinner (paid for by boss) at a local restaurant. Her husband invited her to stop up while work team was eating. Friend did just that. She said her husband introduced her to the team (6 guys, 2 2 women) and the coworker mentioned said hello and looked away . Friend didn't eat with her husband as it was a work sanctioned event and spouses were not at dinner. She was just there for a drink with husband and left. According to her, her husband ate dinner and left less than an hour later. I would totally have avoided your friend in this situation, too, if I were the coworker. A spouse that shows up at a work meal that spouses aren’t invited to just reeks jealousy/insecurity. (Yes, I understand the husband invited her, but that’s weird too.). I would want to steer way way way clear of that. And the fact that your friend is now jealous/suspicious of this woman suggests avoiding her is the right way to go. |
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Post by julieinsweden on Nov 24, 2021 22:01:23 GMT
What Auntkelly said.
Super weird that husband told his wife to stop by to the work dinner. And worse that the friend actually drop by.
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Nov 24, 2021 23:38:38 GMT
I agree with what some of the others have said.
Not cool to invite or have one's spouse/signifigant other drop by a work only event, dinner, drinks, coffee, etc...
The spouse/ signifigant other "dropping by" come across as >> must be insecure and checking up on the spouse or signifigant other.
The colleague who had the drop by spouse, is now probably known as "Mr can't go out without his Wife checking up on him".
My ex husband used to do this to me all the time.
Another scenario, is spouse is trying to be one of the cool kids at work, perhaps trying to get himself and Wife invited and included when the others get together outside of work.....but probably doesn't get invited, because he is likely trying way to hard to be included.....and that can come across to the others annoying, needy and pushy.
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Post by bothmykidsrbrats on Nov 25, 2021 0:48:56 GMT
It could be completely innocent OR he's trying to set up a "we're just friends from the office" sort of cover here. "You've met Cheryl, she's cool, thought you'd like her, she's gonna meet up with me and Greg" meanwhile Greg was never coming. Your friend should trust her gut. I've seen this more than once with friends. It's part of the gaslighting. |
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kate
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Post by kate on Nov 25, 2021 1:13:24 GMT
I think she should trust her gut. I'm not saying he's messing around with this woman, but the situation is weird, and if she felt something was "off", then IMO she's justified in moving up a DEFCON level or two.
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Post by doesitmatter on Nov 25, 2021 9:14:44 GMT
Originally I thought maybe he did think they’d become friends. And you have now stated, what I originally thought, is that a group of people were invited. Not weird. The age comment. I don’t see what everyone else sees. If I were telling, say my son for example, that I know someone he might want to hang out with, I can see myself saying, “He’s an engineer like you and he rides dirt bikes too. He lives about 15 minutes. He is really cool. He is about 10 years younger than you.” Seems fine. BUT - I believe in trusting your gut! She knows her DH, what is normal for him and what isn’t. She knows the energy she felt when the 3 of them were together. If something is going - wow, the balls… Also - when you says the girl wouldn’t look at her, I was thinking maybe she has a crush on your friends DH and was embarrassed to look at her. And maybe he knows abs wanted them to meet to remind his friend he’s taken. BUT I believe a woman knows  |
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Post by doesitmatter on Nov 25, 2021 9:18:15 GMT
It could be completely innocent OR he's trying to set up a "we're just friends from the office" sort of cover here. "You've met Cheryl, she's cool, thought you'd like her, she's gonna meet up with me and Greg" meanwhile Greg was never coming. Your friend should trust her gut. I've seen this more than once with friends. It's part of the gaslighting. Damn, hadn’t thought of that. I wanted it to innocent. But that, if true, is some maliciousness. |
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joelise
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Post by joelise on Nov 25, 2021 10:01:13 GMT
Something very similar happened to me 15 years ago. I was meeting up for drinks with my then DH and his male colleague, they were coming straight from work. They turned up with a young female colleague who I had never met before. She spent the evening undermining everything I said! Afterwards my DH asked me what I thought of her. To cut a long story short, my ex DH is now married to the female colleague and has 2 children!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 25, 2021 11:44:16 GMT
It's weird to be invited to a works drink unless other spouses are invited - does the husband usually do that?
I can tell you, I can never keep eye contact when I first meet someone. I know it's a bad thing to do, but I always look away. So I would not read anything into that at all.
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