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Post by twistedscissors on Nov 26, 2021 3:14:03 GMT
Need to vent and get this out before I explode!
I cook thanksgiving dinner every year for my moms side of the family. I cook it all, nobody brings anything. I cook enough for an army so I have leftovers. Usually don’t cook for 3-4 days.
This year I even cooked extra because my step daughters can’t come until tomorrow and my mom has been in the hospital all week and just got out this morning so I was planning to take extra to her and my dad so they didn’t have to cook while she’s recovering.
I cooked a 15 lb turkey, two huge dishpans of homemade dressing, mashed potatoes (8 lb bag), gravy, 3 qts of green beans, 3 qts or corn, bourbon sweet potatoes, 6 cans of baked beans, three-bean salad, broccoli cauliflower salad, four dozen deviled eggs, macaroni salad, cranberry sauce, rolls, salted Carmel butter bars, and a pumpkin crunch four layer cake. So tons of food.
There was only 15 people total. One did not eat. Two were small kids.
When it was over and I started to put food away one of my aunts pulled a stack of to go containers out of her bag and fixed her son a plate to take to him. He hasn’t ever been to my dinner before and I’ve cooked for the last 26 years. Another aunt fixed herself two plates to go and had her two foster kids fix two each. All together I counted 12 meal sized container get filled up and carried out.
I don’t have extra food left to take plates to my parents or to feed my step daughters tomorrow. I will have to cook again tomorrow. To say I’m pissed is an understatement.
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Post by elaine on Nov 26, 2021 3:23:23 GMT
I’m sorry. I’ll validate you. How rude of your guests. 🤬
Next time, give yourself permission to say “no” to family helping themselves to leftovers if they didn’t bring anything or contribute in any way to the meal, other than to consume it. You can even be polite about it: “Hey, I’m flattered that you love my cooking. My step-daughters and parents couldn’t be here tonight, so I cooked extra so that I could feed them tomorrow. I don’t have enough for people to package up to-go plates this year. I know that you understand and would do the same in my shoes.”
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Post by christine58 on Nov 26, 2021 3:24:19 GMT
Why didn’t you stop them from taking leftovers? No way I let that shit happen.
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Post by twistedscissors on Nov 26, 2021 3:33:43 GMT
Why didn’t you stop them from taking leftovers? No way I let that shit happen. I was stunned. If I had said anything it wouldn’t have been nice. I was already stressed so much cause of my parents not being able to be there. I would’ve explode if I opened my mouth.
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Post by elaine on Nov 26, 2021 3:42:07 GMT
Why didn’t you stop them from taking leftovers? No way I let that shit happen. I was stunned. If I had said anything it wouldn’t have been nice. I was already stressed so much cause of my parents not being able to be there. I would’ve explode if I opened my mouth. I could totally picture that moment of shock when you can’t believe what you are seeing and then feeling like it was too late to say anything without creating a scene. And then, of course, when all the relatives have watched one load up, it becomes even harder to stem the freeloading without feeling like you would say something that would cause a lot of conflict at the holiday get-together. I can see how it all got away from you - I can see it happening to me too. And like you, I would be livid. Both at my relatives/guests and also at myself for not saying something in the moment. I would also resent the hell out of having to cook again tomorrow. I’m not cooking again - other than to reheat leftovers - until Chanukah on Sunday, when I have another Herculean load of cooking to do.
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tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,368
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Nov 26, 2021 3:48:32 GMT
I give you permission to not cook next year except for you and your immediate family. Let the freeloaders go elsewhere. Either that or you assign everyone food to bring.
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ellen
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,496
Jun 30, 2014 12:52:45 GMT
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Post by ellen on Nov 26, 2021 3:49:46 GMT
And that would be the very last Thanksgiving I would ever host for these people. That is ridiculously rude. Have they ever done this before?
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seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,404
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Nov 26, 2021 3:57:25 GMT
I completely validate you!
That’s horribly rude! Omg! You let the hostess decide if left overs go home! Never EVER assume they’re up for grabs unless you are straight up told so.
Next year, immediate family only!
As another pea said, I can totally picture the shock and then the WTF and the pissed. I can’t even fathom doing something like that!
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muggins
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,861
Jul 30, 2017 3:38:57 GMT
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Post by muggins on Nov 26, 2021 4:01:11 GMT
I cant imagine taking containers to a meal, let alone filling them without being invited by the host. Very presumptuous and rude. I would not be cooking for them next year.
My story - I was invited to a friend’s house for TG. I was asked to bring veggie sides for 13 people. Ok, no problem. Discovered yesterday I was providing all the veggie sides for the whole meal. I brought 4 dishes and a dessert. One family didn’t bring any food at all.
And, by the time the food was served, it was almost cold. I suggested microwaving made up plates, but the host said it wasn’t needed.
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Post by twistedscissors on Nov 26, 2021 4:07:30 GMT
And that would be the very last Thanksgiving I would ever host for these people again. That is ridiculously rude. Have they ever done this before? No they haven’t done this before. Maybe somebody takes one plate to someone that was working or something but never to this extent.
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Post by grammadee on Nov 26, 2021 4:17:39 GMT
Well that's too bad. Wonder why suddenly this year they decided to take leftovers? Did they think you had cooked more than usual, so you were expecting this and they were "helping you" by taking the leftovers off your hands?
We always plan for the day after a feast to be leftover day, so I cook extra. But if I know someone can't come the first day, I will save the food for them before I put out the meal, just in case their favourite foods are gone by the time kitchen clean up happens.
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tanya2
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1604
Posts: 4,422
Jun 27, 2014 2:27:09 GMT
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Post by tanya2 on Nov 26, 2021 4:19:22 GMT
wow that's crazy!!! unfortunately though I'm worried it may set a precedent & they'll feel like this is an ok thing to do in following years. You're going to need to either uninvite them next year or find a way to stop them from taking all the food
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Post by twistedscissors on Nov 26, 2021 4:22:23 GMT
Well that's too bad. Wonder why suddenly this year they decided to take leftovers? Did they think you had cooked more than usual, so you were expecting this and they were "helping you" by taking the leftovers off your hands? We always plan for the day after a feast to be leftover day, so I cook extra. But if I know someone can't come the first day, I will save the food for them before I put out the meal, just in case their favourite foods are gone by the time kitchen clean up happens. Well with my mom (their sister) being in the hospital should have been obvious they would need prepared food. And I said several time the twins would be down tomorrow for thanksgiving meal too.
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Post by twistedscissors on Nov 26, 2021 4:22:52 GMT
wow that's crazy!!! unfortunately though I'm worried it may set a precedent & they'll feel like this is an ok thing to do in following years. You're going to need to either uninvite them next year or find a way to stop them from taking all the food Really leaning towards uninviting most of them.
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*Marjorie*
Full Member
Posts: 360
Location: Hawaii
Jun 26, 2014 16:43:45 GMT
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Post by *Marjorie* on Nov 26, 2021 4:24:33 GMT
If you do it again, take the food you need to give to others that aren't there and put it aside. I assume, since this is the first time this has happened, that your Aunt set the ball rolling by helping herself to the left overs. Others then thought that they could help themselves too. Sorry this has happened. I can see why you are pissed.
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Post by epeanymous on Nov 26, 2021 4:31:19 GMT
I am so sorry. Literally cannot imagine bringing takeout containers to someone else’s home.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 28, 2024 19:58:57 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 26, 2021 4:33:34 GMT
Can you ask and say “the extra food I prepared was for your sister. Since you guys took it all, may I assume you’ll be bringing it to her? I wish you would have checked with me first.”
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Post by kluski on Nov 26, 2021 4:38:10 GMT
My brother and SIL bring carry out containers every time they visit, Mind you, they have the biggest house, no children yet never host.
My point, I feel you. Mine have learned to not bring containers to my house bc I have learned to laugh at them when they ask for leftovers.
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moodyblue
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,171
Location: Western Illinois
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Nov 26, 2021 5:35:13 GMT
That she pulled out her own leftover containers tells you she came prepared to do exactly as she did. Really presumptuous. I get how you’d be stunned and pissed and not want to explode on them. I hope I’d be able to speak up in the moment, as I’d be pissed too if I had specifically planned to have extras left for tomorrow.
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Post by Legacy Girl on Nov 26, 2021 8:18:21 GMT
Completely outrageous. For heaven's sake, my own mother even offered me leftovers tonight, and I declined because my little clan will all be back at my parents' house on Saturday to watch football, and I wanted to make sure we would have enough food there for turkey sandwiches, etc. We agreed that if there's still quite a bit left after the entire family (mom and dad included) have eaten on Saturday, I'd be happy to take some food home. But to come to dinner and bring your takeout containers and start loading up without permission? Beyond rude!
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Post by compeateropeator on Nov 26, 2021 11:04:35 GMT
I am so sorry that happened to you and it was rude. I probably would not have been able to say anything at the time either because of shock and then would have been pissed at myself later. I also agree that you will have to think about how to stop this next year, if you continue to host them, as now that it has happened once it will happen again.
Kind of off topic: I love that reading these threads make me very introspective and look at all different perspectives..and then realize how many rules I break and/or don’t know are rules. Hahaha. Said tongue in cheek as I do know that situations are all different.
I will admit I brought my own takeout containers this year also. But truthfully, I was just returning ones that I took previously and just used them again today. It was just my parents and I this year and my dad made extras so we could all have some leftovers. They love sending me home with food and I love taking it. 😄.
Before my best friend passed away, it was always a joke that leftover containers were communal property and went back and forth between ours houses so much no one knew whose were whose. I always brought leftovers home when I ate there and did not hesitate to ask, but that was expected and acceptable to both of us…so not considered rude in our world. I also usually left the rest of whatever I brought. 😉
I have another set of friends who alway do a reminder text before I come over to remember to bring some containers with me.
So while it was extremely rude and I would never do it as those guest did, I do have to fess up to bring my own takeout containers in certain situations also.
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Post by mollycoddle on Nov 26, 2021 12:15:38 GMT
I’m sorry. I’ll validate you. How rude of your guests. 🤬 Next time, give yourself permission to say “no” to family helping themselves to leftovers if they didn’t bring anything or contribute in any way to the meal, other than to consume it. You can even be polite about it: “Hey, I’m flattered that you love my cooking. My step-daughters and parents couldn’t be here tonight, so I cooked extra so that I could feed them tomorrow. I don’t have enough for people to package up to-go plates this year. I know that you understand and would do the same in my shoes.” This. And you are right to be irritated. I would be too. I’m kind of floored that people just brought to-go containers and took food without being invited to take it. Next year, stop them in their tracks-politely. On the plus side, you must be a good cook! 😁
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Post by mikklynn on Nov 26, 2021 12:35:29 GMT
wow that's crazy!!! unfortunately though I'm worried it may set a precedent & they'll feel like this is an ok thing to do in following years. You're going to need to either uninvite them next year or find a way to stop them from taking all the food Really leaning towards uninviting most of them. Yes! Just call them a month before and tell them you will not be able to host them this year. Don't give any excuse. Like you, I know I would have been too stunned to react the way I wanted to.
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Post by librarylady on Nov 26, 2021 13:11:51 GMT
OP, you have every right to be outraged and angry. If you host again next year, be prepared with the words and courage to stop her in her tracks.
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Post by peace on Nov 26, 2021 13:14:34 GMT
I'm on board with everyone that said no invitation for next year. The good thing is that at least now you are prepared mentally for it to possibly happen again and you'll have your go-to phrase ready. It's so difficult to address when you are overwhelmed and caught off guard. I'm floored that they had the gall. And since they all did it, it seems like maybe they discussed it beforehand. My TG vent is that we had made reservations to go out. I don't particularly like going out for Thanksgiving. Especially now that I'm vegan BUT there is this fancy plant based place here and they were going to be open. It was just going to be my partner and his mom We work 7 days a week trying to get our retail store up and going. AND I live on a boat now with an itty bitty kitchen. No really way to cook anything. Or store anything. My child then decided he would comedown for thanksgiving and I call the restaurant about 10 days ago to amend the count to 4. I spoke to someone and she said it wasn't a problem. I was actually excited to go out, to NOT cook, and to enjoy myself. Partner's mom texts Wednesday at 6:30 to say she went online to see their menu and they have an announcement that they will be closed Wed and Thur. We never got a call. Nor an email. I reached out through the website and called. After I left a post on their fb page they responded. She said her daughter was in the hospital from exhaustion and they thought they called everyone. oopsie. Their website made it sound like it was planned to give their employees time off with family. sigh
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Post by Basket1lady on Nov 26, 2021 13:34:21 GMT
I'm on board with everyone that said no invitation for next year. The good thing is that at least now you are prepared mentally for it to possibly happen again and you'll have your go-to phrase ready. It's so difficult to address when you are overwhelmed and caught off guard. I'm floored that they had the gall. And since they all did it, it seems like maybe they discussed it beforehand. My TG vent is that we had made reservations to go out. I don't particularly like going out for Thanksgiving. Especially now that I'm vegan BUT there is this fancy plant based place here and they were going to be open. It was just going to be my partner and his mom We work 7 days a week trying to get our retail store up and going. AND I live on a boat now with an itty bitty kitchen. No really way to cook anything. Or store anything. My child then decided he would comedown for thanksgiving and I call the restaurant about 10 days ago to amend the count to 4. I spoke to someone and she said it wasn't a problem. I was actually excited to go out, to NOT cook, and to enjoy myself. Partner's mom texts Wednesday at 6:30 to say she went online to see their menu and they have an announcement that they will be closed Wed and Thur. We never got a call. Nor an email. I reached out through the website and called. After I left a post on their fb page they responded. She said her daughter was in the hospital from exhaustion and they thought they called everyone. oopsie. Their website made it sound like it was planned to give their employees time off with family. sigh I would be irritated too! And then feel bad because someone was in the hospital. I hope that you were able to price a meal together. Our oven is out. I made my entire meal without an oven. Plus, I was in quarantine until 4 pm on Wednesday because my French teacher popped positive and I had to get tested on Day 5. So I couldn’t have a repairman in or buy a countertop oven. I went over to a friends house and baked the pie. Everything else was done in my small crockpot. One. Thing. At. A. Time. I was cooking for 30 hours straight! On the other hand, the turkey was really juicy. Not browned, but juicy. And stuffing in a crockpot works surprisingly well.
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Post by Alexxussss on Nov 26, 2021 13:45:34 GMT
I’m so sorry! I’m angry for you! Definitely don’t invite them next year - so selfish and rude!
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Post by dewryce on Nov 26, 2021 13:48:08 GMT
I'm on board with everyone that said no invitation for next year. The good thing is that at least now you are prepared mentally for it to possibly happen again and you'll have your go-to phrase ready. It's so difficult to address when you are overwhelmed and caught off guard. I'm floored that they had the gall. And since they all did it, it seems like maybe they discussed it beforehand. My TG vent is that we had made reservations to go out. I don't particularly like going out for Thanksgiving. Especially now that I'm vegan BUT there is this fancy plant based place here and they were going to be open. It was just going to be my partner and his mom We work 7 days a week trying to get our retail store up and going. AND I live on a boat now with an itty bitty kitchen. No really way to cook anything. Or store anything. My child then decided he would comedown for thanksgiving and I call the restaurant about 10 days ago to amend the count to 4. I spoke to someone and she said it wasn't a problem. I was actually excited to go out, to NOT cook, and to enjoy myself. Partner's mom texts Wednesday at 6:30 to say she went online to see their menu and they have an announcement that they will be closed Wed and Thur. We never got a call. Nor an email. I reached out through the website and called. After I left a post on their fb page they responded. She said her daughter was in the hospital from exhaustion and they thought they called everyone. oopsie. Their website made it sound like it was planned to give their employees time off with family. sigh I would be irritated too! And then feel bad because someone was in the hospital. I hope that you were able to price a meal together. Our oven is out. I made my entire meal without an oven. Plus, I was in quarantine until 4 pm on Wednesday because my French teacher popped positive and I had to get tested on Day 5. So I couldn’t have a repairman in or buy a countertop oven. I went over to a friends house and baked the pie. Everything else was done in my small crockpot. One. Thing. At. A. Time. I was cooking for 30 hours straight! On the other hand, the turkey was really juicy. Not browned, but juicy. And stuffing in a crockpot works surprisingly well. That is seriously impressive!
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Post by paulao on Nov 26, 2021 13:59:30 GMT
I would have a talk with the food takers now. Not a text, not an email, don’t wait. Tell them you were too shocked to say anything at the time. Stress how the leftovers were for your mom and her husband. Tell her/them IF they are invited next year, there will be no taking left over food. Period. They will try to blame you “oh, but you didn’t say anything” but don’t let that happen. Be a broken record “the leftovers were meant for mom and you didn’t ask.”
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Post by mollycoddle on Nov 26, 2021 14:06:27 GMT
I'm on board with everyone that said no invitation for next year. The good thing is that at least now you are prepared mentally for it to possibly happen again and you'll have your go-to phrase ready. It's so difficult to address when you are overwhelmed and caught off guard. I'm floored that they had the gall. And since they all did it, it seems like maybe they discussed it beforehand. My TG vent is that we had made reservations to go out. I don't particularly like going out for Thanksgiving. Especially now that I'm vegan BUT there is this fancy plant based place here and they were going to be open. It was just going to be my partner and his mom We work 7 days a week trying to get our retail store up and going. AND I live on a boat now with an itty bitty kitchen. No really way to cook anything. Or store anything. My child then decided he would comedown for thanksgiving and I call the restaurant about 10 days ago to amend the count to 4. I spoke to someone and she said it wasn't a problem. I was actually excited to go out, to NOT cook, and to enjoy myself. Partner's mom texts Wednesday at 6:30 to say she went online to see their menu and they have an announcement that they will be closed Wed and Thur. We never got a call. Nor an email. I reached out through the website and called. After I left a post on their fb page they responded. She said her daughter was in the hospital from exhaustion and they thought they called everyone. oopsie. Their website made it sound like it was planned to give their employees time off with family. sigh Oh my. I hope that you were able to somehow have a pleasant Thanksgiving nonetheless.
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