purplebee
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,726
Jun 27, 2014 20:37:34 GMT
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Post by purplebee on Nov 26, 2021 14:21:58 GMT
Completely rude and thoughtless. I admire your restraint. But I understand that once you started, it would be hard to stop! I hope you are not planning on a repeat at Christmas. And let everyone know in June that you are taking a break next year for Thanksgiving. No way would I work that hard to feed that bunch.
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kelly8875
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,390
Location: Lost in my supplies...
Oct 26, 2014 17:02:56 GMT
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Post by kelly8875 on Nov 26, 2021 15:13:27 GMT
I’d be mad. But why didn’t you say something?!
Years ago XMIL wanted to take food home, and I told her no. She was welcome to come back for leftovers the next day, but I cooked it all, so the food stayed at this house. She was fine with it, and never tried that again.
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Post by maryland on Nov 26, 2021 15:28:46 GMT
My husband likes to cook his grandmothers recipes for thanksgiving. But we both do the work. But he gets all the credit from his family and he doesn't speak up that we both did it. And he says , "I" to describe the dinner being cooked, not we. It's so frustrating and I don't enjoy it as much as I would if he gives us both credit. And I did all the clean up and cleaning before, but if I bragged about that they would look at me like I'm crazy. Just a vent though!
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Post by mollycoddle on Nov 26, 2021 16:05:56 GMT
My husband likes to cook his grandmothers recipes for thanksgiving. But we both do the work. But he gets all the credit from his family and he doesn't speak up that we both did it. And he says , "I" to describe the dinner being cooked, not we. It's so frustrating and I don't enjoy it as much as I would if he gives us both credit. And I did all the clean up and cleaning before, but if I bragged about that they would look at me like I'm crazy. Just a vent though! He who hogs 100% of the credit should do 100% of the work. 😉
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Post by elaine on Nov 26, 2021 16:13:32 GMT
My husband likes to cook his grandmothers recipes for thanksgiving. But we both do the work. But he gets all the credit from his family and he doesn't speak up that we both did it. And he says , "I" to describe the dinner being cooked, not we. It's so frustrating and I don't enjoy it as much as I would if he gives us both credit. And I did all the clean up and cleaning before, but if I bragged about that they would look at me like I'm crazy. Just a vent though! That would drive me nuts. I would say something in early November next year -when it isn’t in the heat of the minute, yet close enough to the holiday that he can’t forget - about how you would appreciate him verbally sharing the credit when talking about the meal with his family/your guests. Depending on his reaction/response, I would also share that I would feel free to publicly correct his use of “I” instead of “we” if it happened again. Unless he was profusely apologetic, swearing not to do it again, and then I’d let it drop.
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Post by maryland on Nov 26, 2021 16:17:42 GMT
My husband likes to cook his grandmothers recipes for thanksgiving. But we both do the work. But he gets all the credit from his family and he doesn't speak up that we both did it. And he says , "I" to describe the dinner being cooked, not we. It's so frustrating and I don't enjoy it as much as I would if he gives us both credit. And I did all the clean up and cleaning before, but if I bragged about that they would look at me like I'm crazy. Just a vent though! That would drive me nuts. I would say something in early November next year -when it isn’t in the heat of the minute, yet close enough to the holiday that he can’t forget - about how you would appreciate him verbally sharing the credit when talking about the meal with his family/your guests. Depending on his reaction/response, I would also share that I would feel free to publicly correct his use of “I” instead of “we” if it happened again. Unless he was profusely apologetic, swearing not to do it again, and then I’d let it drop. Elaine and mollycoddle, thanks for your support! And it's not like his/my family is always complimenting me and he gets no attention. If that was the case it would make sense. I also don't enjoy holidays, so I am probably more upset and need more support to get through holidays.
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Loydene
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,639
Location: Albuquerque, New Mexico
Jul 8, 2014 16:31:47 GMT
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Post by Loydene on Nov 26, 2021 20:56:13 GMT
It is too late now-- but an explosion would have been totally permissible.
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Loydene
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,639
Location: Albuquerque, New Mexico
Jul 8, 2014 16:31:47 GMT
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Post by Loydene on Nov 26, 2021 20:58:20 GMT
It is too late now-- but an explosion would have been totally permissible.
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Post by kitkath on Nov 26, 2021 22:26:08 GMT
A few years ago my best friend cooked everything (as she always does) and after dinner they all went to the basement to play games and hang out. Her SIL took ALL the leftovers, unbeknownst to my friend or her husband until the next morning. Friend’s husband called the sister but she didn’t answer. He went to her house and took all the food back. He said her fridge was filled with leftovers, and not just from friend! SIL is no longer invited to friend’s house. She’s a taker and gives nothing in return. We refer to her as the “turkey thief.”
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Post by twistedscissors on Nov 27, 2021 0:11:50 GMT
A few years ago my best friend cooked everything (as she always does) and after dinner they all went to the basement to play games and hang out. Her SIL took ALL the leftovers, unbeknownst to my friend or her husband until the next morning. Friend’s husband called the sister but she didn’t answer. He went to her house and took all the food back. He said her fridge was filled with leftovers, and not just from friend! SIL is no longer invited to friend’s house. She’s a taker and gives nothing in return. We refer to her as the “turkey thief.” That’s awesome that he went and got them!
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Post by malibou on Nov 27, 2021 0:21:01 GMT
What did your mom say when you didn't show up with a plate and told her why?
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Post by twistedscissors on Nov 27, 2021 3:49:08 GMT
What did your mom say when you didn't show up with a plate and told her why? I did take them each a plate but I had planned to take enough for a few meals. Mom is still to weak to care, my dad told me to stop hosting them.
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Post by voltagain on Nov 27, 2021 6:18:20 GMT
Why didn’t you stop them from taking leftovers? No way I let that shit happen. I was stunned. If I had said anything it wouldn’t have been nice. I was already stressed so much cause of my parents not being able to be there. I would’ve explode if I opened my mouth. Sometimes exploding is good for others. Yes, they will be mad for being called out on their rude behavior but some people need to be told point blank in bullet points they are rude.
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sweetpeasmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,585
Jun 27, 2014 14:04:01 GMT
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Post by sweetpeasmom on Nov 27, 2021 14:44:33 GMT
I'll validate you. That is beyond rude.
My mom does take a plate and I'm ok with that. She'd take one for her and my grandmother before she passed. I was ok with that. We had more than enough to share.
My sister on the other hand pissed us all off last year. She shows up as we are finishing up. She was the one bringing the green beans. So no one got those. She proceeded to eat her meal then make a plate for her and my younger niece. Not so bad. Except she loaded up the plate with a good portion of the mac and cheese that was left. My mac and cheese is a big deal around here (I'm pissed I screwed it up this year). My kids and husband were not happy at all.
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Post by mollycoddle on Nov 27, 2021 14:59:55 GMT
One thing that *might* help some of you is to tell people that IF there are leftovers, then you will be making the plates. You can do this nicely before everyone eats.
“I need to make sure that I have enough leftovers for ________________ tomorrow, so I will make any leftover plates after we eat.” Say this using a pleasant tone, and do not sound apologetic.
There is nothing wrong with saying this. It is rude to start heaping your containers with leftovers without being asked.
And because some of you will invariably have pushy relatives who will start filling their plates anyway, stand next to them, take hold of their container, and say “I’ll do that” in a firm tone, delivered with a smile. Do not ask if you CAN do that, because they will tell you no.
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peaname
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,389
Aug 16, 2014 23:15:53 GMT
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Post by peaname on Nov 27, 2021 15:16:09 GMT
There’s nothing like thanksgiving to bring out the dysfunction in families! I’d rather be the one being taken advantage of than the grabby bitch but you do give people permission to treat you a certain way when you don’t react.
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Post by **GypsyGirl** on Nov 27, 2021 15:45:31 GMT
She proceeded to eat her meal then make a plate for her and my younger niece. Not so bad. Except she loaded up the plate with a good portion of the mac and cheese that was left. There is a pretty simple answer to that problem. Bake your mac & cheese in two smaller casserole dishes, then hold the second one back in the kitchen. Then do not breathe a word of its existence to guests! Your family would have their mac & cheese leftovers then. Personally, I'm the hostess begging people to take home leftovers with a good supply of take away containers on hand. I am not big on leftovers and there are very few things I want for later.
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Post by auntkelly on Nov 27, 2021 15:51:34 GMT
After observing one family member snatch up all the leftovers for years, I almost think her desire to take home leftovers is some kind of sickness. This family member never offers to help w/ food prep, but as soon as the meal is on the table, it’s almost like she rushes us through the meal so she can “help” clean up. The second everyone stops eating, she grabs a couple of dirty dishes and bolts to the kitchen to begin helping w/ cleanup. The way she helps w/ cleanup is by making sure she is in charge of bagging up the leftovers. Needless to say, she ends up w/ 90% of the leftovers.
I always have trouble getting around her so I can scrape plates and load things in the dishwasher because she is taking up so much room bagging up the leftovers instead of just covering the uneaten food and putting it in the refrigerator for later.
I’ve even noticed how she bags up food for my elderly aunt and makes a big deal of presenting it to her like she is the one gifting the food, when in reality it is my husband and I who have made all the food.
The relative who grabs the leftovers has never been poor or gone without food. I wouldn’t be surprised if most of the leftovers end up in the trash or fed to her dogs.
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Post by peace on Nov 27, 2021 17:25:53 GMT
I'm on board with everyone that said no invitation for next year. The good thing is that at least now you are prepared mentally for it to possibly happen again and you'll have your go-to phrase ready. It's so difficult to address when you are overwhelmed and caught off guard. I'm floored that they had the gall. And since they all did it, it seems like maybe they discussed it beforehand. My TG vent is that we had made reservations to go out. I don't particularly like going out for Thanksgiving. Especially now that I'm vegan BUT there is this fancy plant based place here and they were going to be open. It was just going to be my partner and his mom We work 7 days a week trying to get our retail store up and going. AND I live on a boat now with an itty bitty kitchen. No really way to cook anything. Or store anything. My child then decided he would comedown for thanksgiving and I call the restaurant about 10 days ago to amend the count to 4. I spoke to someone and she said it wasn't a problem. I was actually excited to go out, to NOT cook, and to enjoy myself. Partner's mom texts Wednesday at 6:30 to say she went online to see their menu and they have an announcement that they will be closed Wed and Thur. We never got a call. Nor an email. I reached out through the website and called. After I left a post on their fb page they responded. She said her daughter was in the hospital from exhaustion and they thought they called everyone. oopsie. Their website made it sound like it was planned to give their employees time off with family. sigh I would be irritated too! And then feel bad because someone was in the hospital. I hope that you were able to price a meal together. Our oven is out. I made my entire meal without an oven. Plus, I was in quarantine until 4 pm on Wednesday because my French teacher popped positive and I had to get tested on Day 5. So I couldn’t have a repairman in or buy a countertop oven. I went over to a friends house and baked the pie. Everything else was done in my small crockpot. One. Thing. At. A. Time. I was cooking for 30 hours straight! On the other hand, the turkey was really juicy. Not browned, but juicy. And stuffing in a crockpot works surprisingly well. I am so impressed at your dedication. That is crazy impressive! I kinda did something similar. I brought my instant pot to work. I sautéed the onions and celery for stuffing and tossed that to bake in the little air fryer/toaster oven. Then I did the mashed potatoes in the instant pot. I have no stovetop and had to wait to get to partner's mom's house for the gravy. She was less than thrilled with the kink in plans but she has a kitchen and partner just wanted to use the grill. Wile he's getting ready to grill asparagus and his beyond burger, we see a mouse sitting on the grill. Well, don't you know he had a cute little nest in that grill. lol Always something. We did eat. It was fair. I don't wish to repeat the experience. 2 stars. Now if anyone is still reading this- here's a question: isn't it the host that offers leftovers? We always went to my sister's house prior to me moving. She made the bulk of the food. We all brought something. I figure I am bringing a dish to give. I don't even feel like I have claim to take THAT home since they are hosting. I wouldn't take a thing without my sister (host) saying "here, please take this home." I just can't wrap my head around all of that.
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Post by mollycoddle on Nov 27, 2021 22:50:51 GMT
I would be irritated too! And then feel bad because someone was in the hospital. I hope that you were able to price a meal together. Our oven is out. I made my entire meal without an oven. Plus, I was in quarantine until 4 pm on Wednesday because my French teacher popped positive and I had to get tested on Day 5. So I couldn’t have a repairman in or buy a countertop oven. I went over to a friends house and baked the pie. Everything else was done in my small crockpot. One. Thing. At. A. Time. I was cooking for 30 hours straight! On the other hand, the turkey was really juicy. Not browned, but juicy. And stuffing in a crockpot works surprisingly well. I am so impressed at your dedication. That is crazy impressive! I kinda did something similar. I brought my instant pot to work. I sautéed the onions and celery for stuffing and tossed that to bake in the little air fryer/toaster oven. Then I did the mashed potatoes in the instant pot. I have no stovetop and had to wait to get to partner's mom's house for the gravy. She was less than thrilled with the kink in plans but she has a kitchen and partner just wanted to use the grill. Wile he's getting ready to grill asparagus and his beyond burger, we see a mouse sitting on the grill. Well, don't you know he had a cute little nest in that grill. lol Always something. We did eat. It was fair. I don't wish to repeat the experience. 2 stars. Now if anyone is still reading this- here's a question: isn't it the host that offers leftovers? We always went to my sister's house prior to me moving. She made the bulk of the food. We all brought something. I figure I am bringing a dish to give. I don't even feel like I have claim to take THAT home since they are hosting. I wouldn't take a thing without my sister (host) saying "here, please take this home." I just can't wrap my head around all of that. I can say that whenever I have eaten dinner at someone’s house, the hostess has asked if I wanted leftovers, which she then would put into containers. And when I take food to someone’s house, I have no expectation of getting it back.
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Post by mikklynn on Nov 29, 2021 13:24:30 GMT
My husband likes to cook his grandmothers recipes for thanksgiving. But we both do the work. But he gets all the credit from his family and he doesn't speak up that we both did it. And he says , "I" to describe the dinner being cooked, not we. It's so frustrating and I don't enjoy it as much as I would if he gives us both credit. And I did all the clean up and cleaning before, but if I bragged about that they would look at me like I'm crazy. Just a vent though! That is definitely vent worthy!
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Post by mikklynn on Nov 29, 2021 13:27:08 GMT
What did your mom say when you didn't show up with a plate and told her why? I did take them each a plate but I had planned to take enough for a few meals. Mom is still to weak to care, my dad told me to stop hosting them. Listen to your dad, lol!
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