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Post by sweetshabbyroses on Nov 30, 2021 21:09:25 GMT
issues. Two of my children are at war over things each of their wives did respectively. One of the
siblings wants to forget it and just be left alone by the other sibling. The other sibling states that
since we are "patriarch and matriarch of the family, it is up to us to intervene".
I fall on the side kept the he** out of it. What do you say?
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Post by auntkelly on Nov 30, 2021 21:12:24 GMT
I would stay out of it.
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Post by busy on Nov 30, 2021 21:14:26 GMT
I absolutely would not want my parents to intervene in anything between one of my siblings and me. We are adults.
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Post by kkrenn on Nov 30, 2021 21:15:22 GMT
I agree, stay out of it!
There is no way possible you could get involved and come out unscathed!
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smcast
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,318 
Location: MN
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Post by smcast on Nov 30, 2021 21:28:35 GMT
My mother would appeal to me, older of her two daughters, by using guilt to guide me to make peace. Whether if I was wrong or not. It's happened before. She babys my younger sister. Lol.
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Post by Laurie on Nov 30, 2021 21:28:57 GMT
My brother, sister and I get into disagreements often. We are close and I talk to both my brother and sister daily. The disagreements are usually between my sister and I or my sister and brother. My parents usually stay out of it other than my mom will usually be a sounding board for both sides and will try to mediate a little. She won't pick a side but will try to help them see the others person pov.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 17, 2024 2:52:30 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 30, 2021 21:30:57 GMT
Please stay out of it. Dh's mom stepped 8n and made the situation way worse. Of course her lies didn't help and she was manipulative to dh's brother and what not.
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Post by oliquig on Nov 30, 2021 21:31:19 GMT
I would never want my parents to to poke into an issue between me and my sibling. And I know for a fact my stepdad will not do so, as he told my sister when she tried to get him to.
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bethany102399
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,531
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Post by bethany102399 on Nov 30, 2021 21:44:12 GMT
This was the case between my moms brothers (my uncles) over something that happened before I was even born. To this day they don't communicate and I doubt they've seen one another since my grandmother's funeral. My grandmother did step in, taking one uncle's side in the matter but it only pushed them further apart. She attempted to make one last ditch effort by leaving a letter with my mom to give to them after she died, but changed her mind and told mom not to send it on. Mom became the mediator between them until she passed.
My feeling is this s$!t is older than me and I want no part of it. Talk to each other, don't talk to each other it's not my business. When one of them ended up in the hospital (non covid related) in 2020, I did tell the other brother about it and let him make the call to reach out. While I won't mediate, I'm also not going to leave one in the dark if something is going on.
The short answer, as the third generation on the receiving end of this feud, is stay the heck out of it.
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lesley
Drama Llama
My best friend Turriff, desperately missed.
Posts: 7,179
Location: Scotland, Scotland, Scotland
Member is Online
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Post by lesley on Nov 30, 2021 21:49:34 GMT
I think the most I would do if my kids were ever in that situation would be to send them each the same text asking them to find a way to work things out, so that I could continue having them both here for meals, Christmas, etc at the same time. I would have no desire to get in the middle of it or be forced to take sides. Hopefully I’ll never have to test that!
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Post by librarylady on Nov 30, 2021 21:50:33 GMT
ABSOLUTELY STAY OUT OF IT!! |
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Post by maryland on Nov 30, 2021 21:52:48 GMT
For most issues, I think parents need to stay out of disagreements between siblings or try to tell their children how to raise their children. I think siblings would take it out on the parents if the parent didn't take their side. Of course it's probably hard to stay out when you think you have good advice.
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Post by peasapie on Nov 30, 2021 21:59:47 GMT
My mom tried to force my brother and me together after a huge disagreement about the kids, and it just didn’t work. People have to want to work it out themselves and truly be willing to be honest with each other about their feelings.
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Post by papersilly on Nov 30, 2021 22:02:41 GMT
stay out of it unless you have to call 9-1-1. short of that, don't get involved.
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ComplicatedLady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,037
Location: Valley of the Sun
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Post by ComplicatedLady on Nov 30, 2021 22:05:23 GMT
The short answer, as the third generation on the receiving end of this feud, is stay the heck out of it. Oh my—if there ever was an argument to stay out of things, this is it! Yikes! I agree to stay out of it. |
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Post by Zee on Nov 30, 2021 22:05:50 GMT
The most I would do would be to have a family meeting on neutral ground where everyone is allowed to talk it out with me as the peacekeeper. I have to do this at work all the time (with a light touch, for all the millennials).
But to pass judgment or lay down the law, absolutely not. I'm just mediating an Airing of the Grievances and keeping feelings and tempers from getting out of hand.
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Post by disneypal on Nov 30, 2021 22:06:24 GMT
They are grown, married adults - it is their problem to resolve and parents should stay out of it.
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Post by MZF on Nov 30, 2021 22:09:00 GMT
Stay out of it!
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Post by 950nancy on Nov 30, 2021 22:10:18 GMT
No. Heck no. It sounds like your actual children aren't even the ones who are involved. This is the husbands' issue. The wives aren't yours. Even if they were, I'd still say no. I'd understand if they were your children asking them to work it out, but they aren't.
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PaperAngel
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,351
Jun 27, 2014 23:04:06 GMT
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Post by PaperAngel on Nov 30, 2021 22:28:41 GMT
[Disclaimer: I'm an only child with an only child, so without first hand experience as either the parent or child.]
My answer is NO! Especially since the issue is about the behaviors/actions of your daughter-in-laws, I suggest you absolutely refuse to referee or get involved in any way. Your two children & their spouses are adults who are capable of resolving their disagreement, or at least agreeing to disagree, without your assistance. Hope peace is restored soon...
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kibblesandbits
Pearl Clutcher
At the corner of Awesome and Bombdiggity
Posts: 3,305
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Post by kibblesandbits on Nov 30, 2021 22:34:13 GMT
My mother is in the process of meddling and trying to broker peace between my sister and I, and I'm telling you that I resent the hell out of it. My sister is a drunken ass, I refuse to have a relationship with her because of it. That's my boundary. Pisses me off that my mom is trying to get me to erase my boundaries so that she (mom) can feel better. Not happening.
STAY OUT OF IT.
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pinklady
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,535
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Post by pinklady on Nov 30, 2021 22:38:08 GMT
You need to tell the child that wants you to get involved to grow up.
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Post by beaglemom on Nov 30, 2021 23:07:10 GMT
My mother would appeal to me, older of her two daughters, by using guilt to guide me to make peace. Whether if I was wrong or not. It's happened before. She babys my younger sister. Lol. My mom recently did this and I straight up told her she needed to stay out of it. She, thankfully, backed off. But it made me even more upset at my sister. I am still not talking to my sister. This all started in August. I have no intention of talking to her any time soon. I am still really mad and if she (sister or mom) keeps pushing it will only make things worse. |
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Post by summer on Nov 30, 2021 23:14:00 GMT
Nope, stay out of it.
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Post by elaine on Nov 30, 2021 23:30:29 GMT
You need to tell the child that wants you to get involved to grow up. I had this thought as well. There is something seriously amiss with an adult who asks their mommy to run interference in a conflict that they are having with another adult. Other than telling the child who approached you the above, stay out of it. |
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sassyangel
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,456
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Post by sassyangel on Nov 30, 2021 23:39:58 GMT
You need to tell the child that wants you to get involved to grow up. I had this thought as well. There is something seriously amiss with an adult who asks their mommy to run interference in a conflict that they are having with another adult. Other than telling the child who approached you the above, stay out of it. Can you both tell my sister that, please? 😂🥴 You know, I wasn’t even annoyed at her until she did that. |
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,613
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Dec 1, 2021 0:05:16 GMT
Nope. They are grown ups and they can handle it themselves.
Would you get one of your children involved in an issue with your spouse?
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Post by catmom on Dec 1, 2021 0:07:20 GMT
I agree stay out of it.
The only exception could be if someone is doing something egregious and harmful, ie racism or transphobia, and making other members of the family feel unwelcome or unsafe. I would assume this is just a run of the mill family disagreement.
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momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,151
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Dec 1, 2021 0:19:20 GMT
Stay out of it, you have the potential to make it worse even if you don't mean to. My sister and I don't speak. My mother has tried to fix things because she hates that we don't...but honestly she makes things much worse than if she kept out of it.
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Post by Lexica on Dec 1, 2021 0:21:10 GMT
Absolutely stay out of it. My feeling is that the son that wants you to intervene has the feeling that you are on their side and want you to push the other sibling to reconcile. You run the risk of someone claiming you are taking sides and they might end up not talking to you either.
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