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Post by busy on Dec 8, 2021 16:16:06 GMT
Specifically with a spouse/partner? DH and I aren't big gift givers to begin with, neither of us especially likes being surprised and we generally buy what we want when we want it, so aren't that easy to buy for lol This year, we decided not to exchange gifts - we just bought DH a new car, and a few other larger things that were needs but upgraded so partially wants too  And I just finished A TON of redecorating and upgrading projects around the house and those hit all my current wants, really. We also have a weekend away planned shortly after the new year for a concert we're both very excited about. My mom asked what I'm getting DH and I mentioned we're not doing gifts and I swear to god, she thinks we're getting divorced or something. We've been married for 22 years and gifts have never been a big thing to us, but I suppose we haven't not exchanged them at all for Christmas before. But honestly, things are fine and we are both 100% onboard with this. Do you think it's weird or a sign of issues in a relationship if gifts aren't exchanged? (Not asking about US lol, but in general - does it seem strange to you.) |
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Deleted
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May 18, 2024 20:07:29 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 8, 2021 16:16:59 GMT
Not even a little bit.
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amom23
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Post by amom23 on Dec 8, 2021 16:21:10 GMT
Sounds normal to me.
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teddyw
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Post by teddyw on Dec 8, 2021 16:22:23 GMT
Normal in my house.
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peabay
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Post by peabay on Dec 8, 2021 16:22:59 GMT
Nope. I think that's totally fine. Dh and I buy what we want for ourselves throughout the year - there's no reason to come up with something else just because it's Christmas.
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Post by Linda on Dec 8, 2021 16:25:04 GMT
I think giving gifts should be something one wants to do not an obligation. My DH prefers to get a gift for someone because he saw something that was 'just right' for them or that he knows they want/need and not just get something for the sake of giving something.
That said, gifts were very very important to my mother and she was horrified that some years, DH didn't get me one and that other years I got such awful gifts as an appliance or vacuum. Please note I was fine with both of those scenarios....this year's Christmas gift is a replacement dishwasher (the one here died shortly after we moved in, the previous house didn't have one at all) which will be installed tomorrow. I'm thrilled!
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Post by scrapmaven on Dec 8, 2021 16:25:59 GMT
You have to do what works for you. If it's not important then don't give it a 2nd thought. If you are absolutely sure that neither of you will be sad or disappointed then be glad that you two are wise when it comes to your budget. You can have a nice Christmas together that is cozy and warm w/o presents.
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Post by busy on Dec 8, 2021 16:27:16 GMT
gifts were very very important to my mother Gifts are a big deal to my mom... at least receiving them. She is not an especially good gift giver; she's one of those who buys things she thinks people should like or want, regardless of if they do. But that's probably why it's such a big deal to her. She can't imagine not caring about receiving a surprise gift. |
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Post by MZF on Dec 8, 2021 16:40:57 GMT
Not at all weird/odd—more the norm here.
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Post by amp on Dec 8, 2021 16:41:44 GMT
No, I think what you are doing is a sign of a healthy relationship. My second ex was all about the gifts, and the more you spent (even if you had to go into debt to do it), the more you loved someone. This was just one of the many things we disagreed on.
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Post by gar on Dec 8, 2021 16:47:31 GMT
It wouldn’t be the norm for us but if it works for you then not weird 😊
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Post by jeremysgirl on Dec 8, 2021 16:49:41 GMT
I think as long as two partners are on the same page, it doesn't really matter what anyone else does and a marriage is probably healthy. It's when one member has a different expectation than the other partner and someone's needs aren't met that I think is ripe for a problem.
Now with that said, we are gifters. Jeremy usually surprises me pretty good each year and it's an ongoing guessing game all season about what he's getting me. I buy him presents too, but he knows how much I appreciate a surprise and he comes through for me year after year. With that said, by mutual agreement we decided not to exchange gifts this year. There were too many things we both wanted our Christmas money spent on that required us to pick them out ourselves. So that's what we did. To my surprise, it has not taken the fun out of my Christmas (with that said, I did buy a bass guitar). And we are still filling each other's stockings with small surprises. But the key here is, we discussed this ahead of time, agreed to what we were doing, and then did it and are both happy with how we spent our money.
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Post by waffles on Dec 8, 2021 16:54:53 GMT
We tend to wrap anything we get from October till Christmas as gifts. Of course, not the food.
I currently have a big bottle of car wash I need to wrap 😜
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Post by Linda on Dec 8, 2021 17:04:28 GMT
gifts were very very important to my mother Gifts are a big deal to my mom... at least receiving them. She is not an especially good gift giver; she's one of those who buys things she thinks people should like or want, regardless of if they do. But that's probably why it's such a big deal to her. She can't imagine not caring about receiving a surprise gift. do we have the same mother? Mine was a firm believer in quantity over quality so she liked buying lots of on sale/clearance stuff even if it wasn't what the recipient would like/want |
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Post by padresfan619 on Dec 8, 2021 17:09:57 GMT
My husband and I have been together for 10 years now, that is a lot of birthdays, anniversaries, and Christmases. We are not really into gift giving anymore with each other. Now if I see something when I’m out and about that he might like or makes me think of him I’ll pick it up and just give it to him. But we have so much stuff between the two of us we are now much happier with a nice dinner out or a trip to a winery.
I don’t think it spells trouble but I could see why someone who’s very much into receiving gifts could see it that way. As long as the couple is on the same page and someone isn’t secretly stewing about not getting gifts I think it’s fine!
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milocat
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Post by milocat on Dec 8, 2021 17:14:04 GMT
I don't exchange Christmas or birthday gifts with DH or any adults in my life. I buy for my 2 kids, 2 nieces, 2 nephews. The nieces and nephews are under 18. My kids are over 18 (one just turned 18) so presents from aunties and uncles have stopped for them so I will stop once the nieces and nephews turn 18.
So much less stress. Less money spent. Less waste of buying people stuff they don't want or need. Or just exchanging gift cards.
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Post by catck on Dec 8, 2021 17:32:09 GMT
We didn't do gifts last year as we didn't want anything. The same goes for this year. I think you get to the stage where you get whatever you want/need during the year so come Christmas it's hard to find something to surprise a spouse with. DH got me the Costco wine advent calendar and I am so enjoying that!!!!!
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Post by nightnurse on Dec 8, 2021 17:36:02 GMT
Not weird at all, unless one person wants to and the other just can’t be bothered. We rarely do Christmas gifts for each other. My husband hates to shop and gets stressed by it, he ends up spending more for the same things i get cheaper. My sisters and I stopped
Exchanging gifts and instead make a plan for
The three of us to spend time together. In my opinion, gifts are the best when they are for no reason other than “I’m thinking of you.” I hate the pressure around required gift giving events.
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Post by giatocj on Dec 8, 2021 17:48:14 GMT
Nope...not at all. My DH and I don't exchange and neither do my DD and I. She and I usually do some type of event or service together at some point and say it's our Christmas/Birthday gifts to each other.
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Post by disneypal on Dec 8, 2021 18:00:43 GMT
My mom asked what I'm getting DH and I mentioned we're not doing gifts and I swear, she thinks we're getting divorced or something. I don't think it is weird at all...plus you have gotten mutual gifts for each other (a car, home remodel, an upcoming trip). Just tell her those ARE you gifts to each other.
Not strange at all. |
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Post by rst on Dec 8, 2021 18:07:30 GMT
It's not weird, and it's kind of how my DH and I are.
It *can* get weird when you have new people added to the family mix.
For example, my DH and 3 sons and I are very ok with one gifty nice thing, actually given any time of year. Being a surprise and wrapped is not important to us. Generous acts of service or a trip planned together are also very highly acceptable. But this year, add in a new girl friend and her 2 young daughters staying over Christmas, and we start getting a little awkward with our status quo. The gf is not financially able, but is giving everyone gifts (per son, who strongly suggested that she not do that, but she's going to anyway.) I get it that opening presents is a big deal for her little girls, and of course I'm on board with giving them something nice to open, and I'll give the gf something taking cues from my son. as to what would be appropriate. But then it gets kind of weird if none of the rest of us are exchanging anything. I'm not going to buy into having to give everyone the same number of presents or some monetary value, but this year I am wrapping and gifting some things to my DH and sons in the interest of not seeming weird.
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Post by Ramona on Dec 8, 2021 18:09:52 GMT
Sounds normal to me. My husband and I bought when we needed/wanted things. For holidays, he usually gave me a big bouquet of flowers and I gave him pie (which he loved).
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Post by originalvanillabean on Dec 8, 2021 18:10:37 GMT
Nope. I think that's totally fine. Dh and I buy what we want for ourselves throughout the year - there's no reason to come up with something else just because it's Christmas. This 100%. |
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Post by SockMonkey on Dec 8, 2021 18:14:45 GMT
We don't do gifts. Stocking stuffers and that's it. We take a fat vacation every year (or did before COVID). We already buy whatever we want, so it's dumb to do gifts.
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Post by papersilly on Dec 8, 2021 18:15:51 GMT
nope, not at all. DH and i did it for the first 25 years of marriage. for the past 5 years, we have gotten a "family" gift. one big ticket item we both like. it's worked out so well. i love it. we buy whatever we want for ourselves the rest of the year. no more guessing. no more returns. makes me wonder why we didn't start off this way in the first place.
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miyooper2b
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Jun 27, 2014 15:38:05 GMT
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Post by miyooper2b on Dec 8, 2021 18:16:51 GMT
DH and I have been married for 30+ years and we don't exchange gifts on birthdays or Christmas. We either buy what we want ourselves or put the money in the vacation fund. It's not weird at all.
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Post by mayceesgranny on Dec 8, 2021 18:23:01 GMT
not weird - I would prefer to do this since dh is always buying himself stuff. He still wants a gift too though. I'd rather just buy myself something and call it good.
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Post by lurker on Dec 8, 2021 18:26:51 GMT
Married 46 years. Never exchanged gifts. That's our normal.
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Post by voltagain on Dec 8, 2021 18:27:03 GMT
Specifically with a spouse/partner? DH and I aren't big gift givers to begin with, neither of us especially likes being surprised and we generally buy what we want when we want it, so aren't that easy to buy for lol This year, we decided not to exchange gifts - we just bought DH a new car, and a few other larger things that were needs but upgraded so partially wants too And I just finished A TON of redecorating and upgrading projects around the house and those hit all my current wants, really. We also have a weekend away planned shortly after the new year for a concert we're both very excited about. My mom asked what I'm getting DH and I mentioned we're not doing gifts and I swear to god, she thinks we're getting divorced or something. We've been married for 22 years and gifts have never been a big thing to us, but I suppose we haven't not exchanged them at all for Christmas before. But honestly, things are fine and we are both 100% onboard with this. Do you think it's weird or a sign of issues in a relationship if gifts aren't exchanged? (Not asking about US lol, but in general - does it seem strange to you.) Seems normal to me! My ex and I did the same thing (had nothing to do with our divorce decades later!) Neither one of us enjoyed being surprised and both of us are hard for someone else to buy for. We agreed very early in our marriage to each buy a gift and put the other person's name on it. That kept my mom from going nuts. In your case I would have told her his car and my house remodel was our gifts to each other... or give your dh a car care kit and keep back one/two things in the remodel to wrap if she is going to be with us over the holidays. My sister and I also prefer to not gift each other but mom insists we "must" Sis and I just want to play games and snack. |
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Post by busy on Dec 8, 2021 18:44:55 GMT
Ok, y'all are making me feel like less of a freak lol. WE are fine with it but my mom got into my head lol (that's her speciality ) She's also a big jewelry person and I'm not, so my stepfather usually buys her jewelry each year. She thinks my DH should do the same and I'm like... but I don't want that! I have a handful of pieces of fine jewelry and want no more. I do buy some trendier things here and there and like those but DH has no clue about accessory trends |
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