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Post by delila on Apr 23, 2022 18:48:15 GMT
Added info at end
As a grandparent do you feel obligated to go to all the grands sporting events?
Backstory here. My boys played competitive baseball, soccer, basketball and football for over 25 years combined. I sucked it up and didn’t miss anything of theirs.
One boy did theatre arts and I fully supported him in that also. That same boy got a full football scholarship to UNI and I supported him throughout his university years too.
My oldest son now has a boy playing baseball. I don’t feel like I need to be at every single game at all. I fully support the child, I just don’t feel that need or obligation.
What say the peas?
The child we are speaking of is only 5 if that matters.
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tincin
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Post by tincin on Apr 23, 2022 18:51:59 GMT
I’m not certain I would attend every event but I would certainly attend a few each season.
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cakediva
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Post by cakediva on Apr 23, 2022 18:55:10 GMT
When our son was finally old enough to play sports, my Dad was no longer with us. Mom came to games if we asked, and so did my inlaws. But sitting at a basketball game on a hard bleacher was not great for the inlaws at all. Mom didn't mind but basketball wasn't her thing.
I firmly believe that if dad was still alive, he'd have never missed a game!
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Post by Linda on Apr 23, 2022 19:07:43 GMT
I think IF you're local - it's nice to attend a game now and then. Every game? Even as a parent, I don't feel obligated to - I mean when they were little, sure, we were at all the games because we were driving them but once it was school sports/activities? We attended what we could of the home games/tournaments and didn't go to away ones at all.
I do think it's more important to show interest in what they are doing though - whether or not you're local, you can ask how the game went and listen/respond to the answer. Know enough about what they're playing/involved in to have a conversation with them.
disclaimer - my older two played rec league soccer, the youngest did one season of middle school Basketball (as the manager not a player) and the younger two did/do Academic Team in high school - in fact my youngest is at a tournament today ... 3 hours south of here. We dropped her off at 510 this morning at the high school. We're not a super sports family.
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Post by myshelly on Apr 23, 2022 19:12:56 GMT
My dad never missed a single game of any of my kids. They don’t play anymore, but now my sister’s kids do and he is at the ball fields every Saturday and Sunday ❤️
His grandkids will remember that forever.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2022 19:20:08 GMT
When one of my kids played baseball, my mom came if the weather was good and she didn't want to hang out at a car show. She came to maybe 2 per season? He quit in middle school so I don't know how many she would've came to in high school.
My parents came to most concerts and maybe one competitive show during the band years. They came to one soccer game.
Ex's parents only went to the football playing kid's games. He was the grandson that mattered to them.
At the same time, I was friendly with another baseball mom despite mine quitting. Her mom came to every single game. He was her favorite though.
Go to some but don't feel bad if you have other plans.
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Post by delila on Apr 23, 2022 19:21:35 GMT
I have gone to most and I definitely went to the first and last of each sport he has played.
I am struggling to be at everyone of the games when it takes up my day and time doing something I need to do, as selfish as I sound. I’ve never been able to make that choice before.
My grands have their other grandparents here and my parents also are here so it’s not as if these kids are lacking in the grandparent dept.
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Post by Crack-a-lackin on Apr 23, 2022 19:22:25 GMT
Is it really supporting them if you’re only there out of obligation? You should only go if you want to be there and see them, to cheer them on. If you don’t want to be at a game there are other ways to show you love and support them, like maybe lunch afterwards or a phone call to ask about the game.
My parents were not at a lot of events (sports, theater, choir, etc) but they did try to make the ones they attended special. Even so, I know my kids wish they were at more, especially when they saw how involved the in-law grandparents of their cousins were.
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Post by voltagain on Apr 23, 2022 19:30:02 GMT
As a grandparent do you feel obligated to go to all the grands sporting events? Backstory here. My boys played competitive baseball, soccer, basketball and football for over 25 years combined. I sucked it up and didn’t miss anything of theirs. One boy did theatre arts and I fully supported him in that also. That same boy got a full football scholarship to UNI and I supported him throughout his university years too. My oldest son now has a boy playing baseball. I don’t feel like I need to be at every single game at all. I fully support the child, I just don’t feel that need or obligation. What say the peas? I don't live close to any of my grands so that means I haven't been to any events for any of them. But I do acknowledge facebook posts from them (the kids old enough to have a facebook account) or their parents. When my kids were younger I only attended their little league games. First because I had to drive them there and back and second I was concerned about child predators. By high school I knew they were able and willing to say no to adults and report anything weird that happened so only went to a few home games each season. I didn't feel obligated to attend every game so I doubt I'd go to every grandchild's games but I do wish I was close enough to attend some of their events. |
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Post by epeanymous on Apr 23, 2022 19:35:08 GMT
I definitely don’t expect that. If my parents (now my mom) want to come, great! But there is not an obligation to come to everything.
I mean, i think I would raise an eyebrow if the grandparents lived nearby, were healthy and mobile, and never came to anything at all, but there is a huge amount of space between “no games” and “every game.”
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Post by padresfan619 on Apr 23, 2022 19:36:24 GMT
I don’t think my Grannie ever came to a single sports game or extracurricular activity of mine ever. I don’t think I would have wanted her there, she probably would have complained the entire time.
I think you’ve paid your dues, maybe go to one or two if you feel like it.
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peabay
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Post by peabay on Apr 23, 2022 19:42:13 GMT
My kids were not athletes, they were theater kids. My parents (and their step grandparents) came to one show out of their 2 weekends of shows. They didn't attend every show so I don't really understand why you would feel obligated to attend every game.
I'd go a few times out of the season - not every game.
Sounds like you're getting pressure to attend every one? Who is making you feel like you have to do that?
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Post by busy on Apr 23, 2022 19:46:36 GMT
Absolutely not obligated. Attend what you want, when you want. You can show your love and support without letting kids sports rule your schedule yet again.
My in laws live close by and would attend maybe half of our son’s home games. They didn’t plan their schedule around sports, didn’t come in bad weather, and didn’t go to away games. DS loved when they were there and never ever felt like they weren’t there enough.
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amom23
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Post by amom23 on Apr 23, 2022 19:48:12 GMT
DH and I rarely missed an activity for our own kids so I can't see why we wouldn't attend all the activities of future grandkids (at least as much as possible). My MIL lives locally, and she attended everything for the kids. She'd sit with her fellow grandma friends and have a good ole time. My mom lived 2 hours away, but she came as often as she could through those school years.
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Post by ~summer~ on Apr 23, 2022 19:54:53 GMT
My kids were pretty much 3 sport athletes in high school (football, soccer and track) plus one of my kids *also* did jazz band, symphonic band and choir (!). He would go from a football game (as captain) to a choir performance.
That being said there were a ton of performances and events. I definitely wouldn’t expect grandparents at every single one or even most. All the grandparents were local and they came to select games here and there. Though they did for the most part go to every single performing arts concert since there weren’t too many.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2022 19:56:26 GMT
Don't expect my parents to go to every game or event for the kids. Its nice when they do but not expected.
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johnnysmom
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Post by johnnysmom on Apr 23, 2022 20:09:33 GMT
Not obligated.
My parents (mostly my mom) want to have a Norman Rockwell family appearance but without any real effort to build the relationships that go along with that. So they attend as many games/concerts/etc as they can. While I appreciate that, the reality is that sitting in the stands doesn’t build a relationship, if they took the kid to, say, watch a minor league ball game together instead, they could build that relationship they so desperately want to portray.
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lindas
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Post by lindas on Apr 23, 2022 20:22:58 GMT
My DGS (4yr old) just started soccer and I will attend every game he has even though I have to drive 65 miles to be there. He’s my only grandchild and will be an only so as long as I’m able I’ll be right there cheering him on.
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Post by allison1954 on Apr 23, 2022 20:36:25 GMT
We have21 grandchildren, all involved in things.
We o to something for each but sorry, I am 68 and deserve to not have to spend every day runnin to something, besides still working full time.
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garcia5050
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Post by garcia5050 on Apr 23, 2022 20:44:55 GMT
My mom went to all the home games. My dad and in laws went to all the weekend home games. It was fine.
The games were all less than 3 miles from my parents and in laws. So convenience was a factor.
That being said, both sides are very into the sports my kids played (baseball/football/cheer). One nephew was a long distance runner (track/country) and another nephew played roller/street hockey. My in laws only went to one game/meet each year for those sports, since they weren’t as interested in the actual sport. The parents of those kids did feel slighted.
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Post by Zee on Apr 23, 2022 20:50:39 GMT
Listen I wouldn't feel obligated for my own children, let alone grandkids. I hate watching sports and I hate most of the other parents and I hate having to miss sleep to sit there and listen to it all.
I was never so glad when my kids decided sports were over for them.
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peaname
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Post by peaname on Apr 23, 2022 20:55:30 GMT
Anything goes. By the time I’m a grandmother I really hope I care even less what other people think.
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peabay
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Post by peabay on Apr 23, 2022 21:05:48 GMT
My mom went to all the home games. My dad and in laws went to all the weekend home games. It was fine. The games were all less than 3 miles from my parents and in laws. So convenience was a factor. That being said, both sides are very into the sports my kids played (baseball/football/cheer). One nephew was a long distance runner (track/country) and another nephew played roller/street hockey. My in laws only went to one game/meet each year for those sports, since they weren’t as interested in the actual sport. The parents of those kids did feel slighted. I can understand both sides of that. I would probably attend every concert or play my grandchildren participated in. But if they played a sport that it was torture to sit through, I'd be more reluctant. And my feelings would be hurt if my parents went to one game or meet for my kids but all of the ones for the others. You can't win in that scenario! |
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Post by myboysnme on Apr 23, 2022 21:09:52 GMT
I would likely go when I felt like it or if asked. My mom and stepdad usually came down to visit and attend whatever game or activity was going on.
My granddaughter goes to martial arts and I have taken her.
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Post by mnmloveli on Apr 23, 2022 21:13:06 GMT
I don’t think it’s an obligation but it’s something they will remember forever.
My mom, my two nephews’ grandmother, went to every game. I also as an aunt rarely missed a game. It was great because since we had two nephews/grandsons playing at the same time, we would alternate who went where.
I know how much my nephews loved it because when grandma passed 20+ years later, they each placed a game ball with her.
Precious memories for all.
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Post by shamrock on Apr 23, 2022 21:13:50 GMT
Every event? As a parent with 2 in sports & music, I encourage my parents (the local grandparents) to miss many. I tell them what ones would be important and easy for them to attend. They attend almost all the indoor music events. Those are easier in them.
Honestly, they don’t need to be at them all. There are a lot. 8-12 music concerts a year. 20 high school baseball games in the spring. Tournaments for 8 weekends in the summer. Track/cross country meets every week for fall & spring. Band competitions and football games every week in the fall.
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Post by mags243 on Apr 23, 2022 21:16:44 GMT
FWIW, I have twins who are freshmen in college and an 8 year old. My mom passed away before the twins were born, and my dad passed away at the end of their 2nd grade year. He went to everything he could- school concerts, flag football, Upward bball. My MIL have been to one marching band show when the twins were seniors, and my FIL has never been to anything. Even though he was part of my boys' lives for such a short time, my twins still talk about my dad, and have almost no relationship with their grandparents who literally live across the road from us. You might think it's not a big deal to be at events, but the kids know who is there for them, and you reap what you sow.
My parents were very involved with my activities, and I was (am) very involved with my sons'. The opportunities are there for a very short time, and you can't get that time back. Covid took away many of their junior and senior activities, which proves my point. When I have grandkids I won't feel obligated to go to things, but I'll go to show my pride, support and love. I don't take any family time for granted.
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iluvpink
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Post by iluvpink on Apr 23, 2022 21:23:19 GMT
Well my dd was only in recreational sports for short periods here and there. My parents did come to every game/meet for her and my nephew (who was more involved until high school). However while it was nice, I didn't think it was necessary.
Honestly I was glad my dd was not super into sports as they are not my thing or dh's and we would have hated the constant running to practices and games. We would have done it though of course. However for a grandchild I think a few games/meets a season is plenty and no need to feel guilty.
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gina
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Post by gina on Apr 23, 2022 21:27:35 GMT
My parents and in-laws are at the majority of my 3 kids' games, and my 3 nephews. They love going.
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Post by mollycoddle on Apr 23, 2022 21:30:37 GMT
Not a grandparent, but I agree with you. But attending some games if possible would be good.
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