Grief - How did you cope?

((( craftmepink ))) My heart breaks for you in your pain and grief. I know that the peas are going to surround you with love and support, and I hope that will bring you some comfort. 💗

I am so sorry for your loss. You cry all you want. Grieving means you loved. ((Hugs))

No lie, the first year is rough. My Dad died at 53 and my brother at 38, 9 years apart. Neither was expected. 32 years and 23 years later it still hits me some days. ((Hugs))

My Mom died 7 years ago and there are some days where the grief is still overwhelming. Not the holidays or events other people mention, just normal days when I really wish my Mom was around to talk to.

Grief is one of those things, IMO, where the only way out is through. So cry when you need to, step away from things when you need to, let other people carry the load when you need to. My brain was so totally fried from making sure my Dad had what he needed that I couldn’t make simple decisions in my own life about when I wanted to run errands or get dinner. A couple months later, Disney Pixar’s Inside Out came out and the character Sadness wasn’t moving so Joy would just drag her around by her leg. So that became DH and my code. If he would ask a question I couldn’t answer, I’d stick out my foot and that was his cue to come up with a plan on his own and I would object if I really didn’t like it, but otherwise things would get done.

I don’t think we as a society do well with vulnerability. The Brits have their stiff upper lip, and the US has their bootstraps and never let them see you sweat. I think it’s part of why we have the mental health crisis we do. We don’t allow people the space they need to work through stuff and heal. Your boss may even think he’s helping by “keeping you busy.” The more we embrace our vulnerabilities, imo, the better people we will be.

I’m also a list make and check off type person. So I would sometimes need to challenge myself get this one thing done, or these three things done. Not everything all the time.

And I am sorry for your loss.

I'm sorry for your loss.

My mom passed in March (dad died in 2000). I'm a wreck if I'm being honest. I fake it and go through the motions of life but it's difficult. I miss her like crazy.

I did just join a gym and am training to walk the Pittsburgh half marathon in May. This is her girlhood hometown (she lived in CA for years). I will do the marathon in her memory (God willing). I'm not in shape at all so this will be challenging.

I find myself crying at random times. I don't think life will ever be the same again.

I'm sorry for your father's death.

My mom died awhile ago now. At first, there were tears and anxiety attacks when I realized I'd never talk with her again. It's taken a lot of years to get to the point where I can smile at a memory instead of breaking down.

Everyone's healing is their own but what I found helpful was being able to talk about it with people who understood what I was going thru.

I'm very sorry for your loss. Does your employer have an employee assistance program that provides access to a therapist?

I’m sorry. It is sucky, and there is no way to deny that.

Lots of good posts above. I will say that the grief doesn’t go away and it doesn’t get better - but it gets different and you get better at coping with it.

For many people, the first year is hardest, and for others, the second year is more difficult, as reality sets in. You’ll always have things that can trigger tears and a renewal of the grief, and some of those can come out of the blue when you aren’t prepared. It’s okay. Whatever you need to do to cope is okay.

I'm sorry about your dad. Grief isn't predictable. It sneaks up on you when you think you are ok. I remember bursting into tears at Wendys when I saw a mom, child and grandma eating. This was 3 years after my mom had died. I realized how much my dd was going to miss not knowing her grandmother. And how angry I was that she was not here.
But there are more times that I smile than cry. My father died 3 years ago. I miss them both so much and envy those who still have their parents.
The grief is always there. Sometimes tucked away in a corner, sometimes right out front.
Everyone deals differently with grief. But everyone goes through it. You are not alone.

A grief counselor told my sister that grief starts out like a hand in your face and eventually becomes a hand on your shoulder. I think that is accurate. When I lost my mom I could hardly believe just how sad I was. It consumed my thoughts all day long and somedays I could barely get off the couch, but I think I just had to feel those feelings. Eventually you get used to what happened, but it takes a while and sometimes you'll think you're doing ok and then something trips you up for a while. I remember very well the day first day that I had a few hours where I felt like myself. It was just a day where I hit a few garage sales and found a few fun things. I met up with a friend where we showed each other our finds and had lunch on the deck by the lake. It was about a month after I lost my mom. It made me feel very hopeful that I would find myself again. I remember having "role models in grief." I kept thinking about all of the people I knew who lost a parent and went on to be functioning human beings. I truly believed that I would get there too. It'll happen to you too. It's hard to see past the end of the day now, but you will get there. I'm sorry you lost your dad. It's just so hard to lose a parent. Left foot, right foot, breathe.

I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my DH unexpectedly on Feb 1st, my mom on April 24, and my soul pup, that was holding me together, June 12. To say it has been rough year would be an understatement! I can tell you that 7 months into this hell, it does get better. I haven't come close to having a day I don't cry, but overwhelming crippling sadness doesn't consume me 24/7 anymore. Let your body tell you what it needs and be prepared to ride the waves. Cry, scream, hit a pillow, I f*cked up a cinderblock with a sledgehammer! You can also smile, laugh, sing and dance while you are grieving. There is no wrong or right way to grieve. Just remember you will never get over it, but you will get through it.

Two books I found somewhat helpful early in were It's OK That You're Not OK and I Wasn't Ready To Say Goodbye. There are some good TED talks about grief. My neighbor became a widow a month after I did and has found comfort going to a GriefShare group. GriefShare is Christan based, but nondenominational and open to anyone grieving.

{HUGS}

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sorry too that you've been thrown into work so hard after two short days off. I don't have any wisdom, but I just wanted to say how sorry I am.