How do people afford to get divorced?

If they have enough money and a house, they sell that and split the profits and put that down on a new home if they're lucky.

That's what I'd do, only I would buy a condo closer to where I work. It would be like starting all over again in the housing game, which would be decidedly uncool, but I guess that's how it would have to be.

Thankfully I'm pretty sure we worked through all our problems 20 years ago and I believe we'll be happily married until we die. I know enough not to count on that, but that's how we feel now.

I'm also glad to have my own career and not need to worry about his money, one less thing to fight about. He will always make more money than I will but I'm totally ok with that. I would only want my dog and cats and half of the house money. There really isn't any other debt besides the cars and mine will be paid for in less than a year.

Good questions! It's very hard. My 1st husband was (is) a lawyer and we had a long Separation Agreement going on because he kept stretching it out. I agreed to everything in the Agreement (I keep my stuff, he keeps his stuff, and I sell the house and decide what to do with the proceeds--it was in my name). My story was more like "War of the Roses". My ex stashed his salary away, had my leased car taken away very early one morning, and stopped paying the OUR mortgage the day I signed the Separation Agreement.

Long story but I tried for years to remain on decent terms with him (we both lived in my house with our 2 adult children). It was harder and harder to do. I had no car and no $$. He drained every source of money. I couldn't afford legal help and had no way to get there and no will by that point. A couple of contentious years later, I met the love of my life at a concert in NYC (DD's best friend drove us to the railroad that we took into the city). It was unexpected and I swore off any kind of relationship, but there was no denying this one. We dated for a few weeks and then I moved in! It still took 2 more years for my divorce to be finalized and then I got married to my husband (the polar opposite of my ex).

I assumed I'd have my house and be okay but my divorce turned out to be a shocker. My 2nd husband said, "Now you know what he's all about. Let it go." He was right, and I tried!! LONG road with lots of twists and turns, and I only agreed to the Separation papers because I thought I was getting the house, etc.....

My advice? Don't marry a lawyer!! They know how to really play with your head and screw you out of everything.

One more thing: Being widowed is similar to the falling out of a divorce if your spouse had no pension, etc. Our rent went up almost $500/mo as soon as DH passed and I found out that I was only getting 1/3 of DH's Social Security because I took my SS Disability early. Never counted on that!!!!!!!!!!

That's why DH always jokes "it's cheaper to keep her".

I am acutely aware of how expensive it is out there so I would never leave the marriage for anything less than half of everything and alimony. I hear women say "I don't care about getting anything. I just want out." That's a noble statement but many, of not all, of those women earned their share of the marital assets. There is no reason to leave it behind or not fight for it. 

That's why I always joke to DH that I have planned the logistics of our divorce for years. (We've been married for going on 32 years). I've seen too much and heard too much to get on the losing end of a divorce. 

That’s what one of my BILs found out. My sister has been married to the jerk for over 40 years and she should have dumped him decades ago. At one point he apparently consulted with a lawyer and learned what he would likely end up with if he divorced her, and he decided nope, he would just stay miserably married and keep his money and his stuff. She would never voluntarily leave him. As far as I know they’re still together. I haven’t talked to her in probably ten years.

DH nor I would have to consult with an attorney to find out what half would be. we can "afford" to divorce but thankfully are happy we don't have to. 😊

To be clear, DH is not lazy. We made conscious, joint decisions about where we want to live and the kind of life that we want to live knowing that his professional options and thus his earning potential would be somewhat limited. And we're totally ok with that. We also made the choice for him to sideline his career to be a SAHD and only do a little freelance work from when DS was born until he started kindergarten, so that also affected his earnings. 

I'm not complaining about him making less, just pointing out that if we were ever to divorce, I'd stand to lose a hell of a lot. 

I am successful because I have an income in which I can afford to sell the house (along with ex), downsize to a condo and start my life fresh.   

If I didn't have the job I have (that pays very well), I would be hooped.   

In the condo I buy, I may need to repaint and replace appliances depending on where I move, and will also need to buy a few pieces of furniture ...

Ex and I have a great relationship now ... very unusual ... we are just waiting for the last details to be finalized on the sale of our house ... then I can move to a condo and be truly independent!

Oh, and the divorce was simple ... we had already split households and money ...

As it turns out, my Ex wanted a divorce and he could afford to get divorced so we are divorced.

I feel rather lucky that I did end up with 1/2 the marital assets & that he wanted a divorce enough to pay the alimony. It doesn’t always work out that way.

Rent in my area is out of control. Crazy high. It became cheaper to buy than rent.

It's difficult. We stayed together until both kids were out of the house and could live on their own. Now we're separated and each pay more than our mortgage was on a rental. It stinks! One of the hardest things for me to get over was the fact that our house would have been paid off in 6 years and we were doing well for retirement. Now everything is split and I will have to pay rent forever unless I buy an overpriced condo. I'm finally getting over that fact more than a year later. It actually is nice to be on my own.

It would be very difficult for us. Neither of us could afford to pay more for a mortgage or rent that. Our current port gage (heck we can’t really afford more than that with two incomes). We have a “starter house” in our town but if we were to buy it today it would be quite a bit more than we paid and likely much higher payment even with the equity. Rent would also be the same or higher. It would really be a stretch.

Several years ago dh and I had some problems and my mom said she and stepdad would help me financially if I decided to leave. I don’t know if that would still be the case or not. Might depend on the reason for the divorce. They also didn’t expand on what “help” means.

My parents divorced when I was four. I don’t know the details but I think my mom got help buying a house from her parents and my dad lived with some friends for awhile. My mom has always been better with her money than my dad was. Dad paid $250 for child support for three kids and complained about it all the time.

I can't imagine any amount of money that would have kept me married to that bum.

With that said, we lost everything in the recession. The only things of value we had at the time of the divorce were his truck (payment) and my car. I kept my car and he kept his truck. He had a pension and I didn't touch the pension in favor of full custody of my kids.

I lived with my mom for 7 months while I was searching for a job and a place. I finally found a little, tiny house for rent for $575 a month. I made $14.50 an hour at that time. I moved my kids out and we survived 8 months until I finally got some child support. My child support ended up being $900 per month and that was enough for us to make it ok.

We did what we had to do. There was a lot of ramen with chicken breast added and a side of frozen vegetables. Peanut butter sandwiches. For that school year my kids qualified for reduced fee breakfast and lunch and I took advantage of that because it was cheaper than packing lunches.

Basically we survived. Just barely. But it was better than being married to him. Right before we moved out, I met Jeremy and a little while later, he moved in with us. He didn't make much money either but with child support and his income, we made it.

I eventually got hired in my current place as a secretary for $17.50 an hour to start. I felt like I had hit the jackpot. And then I took advantage of a half price tuition program to get my masters. Jeremy took a truck driving course. Now we both have good jobs and our lifestyle is much different than it was 11 years ago.

Every time I talk to my ex-husband I am so grateful I walked away. I would have rather lived in a cardboard box with Jeremy than be with him.

But the recession taught me that no matter how financially stable you think your life is, it isn't. And I had nothing left to lose at that point. So I went for it.

one of my best friends just got a divorce - she has an income but she is walking away from a huge inheritance /retirement money but says her freedom and independence is worth every single penny - I have never seen her happier.

My sister and brother-in-law have been living in two different houses since 2014. He lives in their old house and my sister moved into my dad's house- Dad moved to a condo when mom died. Dad's old house is paid for so it is just taxes now.

They have never gotten a divorce- mostly because of the cost and the fact neither one has the gumption to do it. He is finally dating someone so maybe they will eventually divorce. They get along fine and share the kids so easily. I'm glad it is so amicable.

I'm sorry you have these worries. I had a lot of worries and uncertainty too. The one thing I knew though was that I was willing to fight for it. I was willing to move where I needed to to be able to afford to raise my kids. I was willing to work as hard as I needed to in order to survive. And every bit of my freedom was worth the difficulties I faced. And I know you have the fighting spirit.

Read my post above. See how destitute I was with 2 kids to support. I did it. You'll be ok. You'll eventually see that you are better off. Hugs.