MDscrapaholic
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,386
Location: Down by the bay....
Jun 25, 2014 20:49:07 GMT
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Post by MDscrapaholic on Nov 5, 2022 21:56:20 GMT
This is the first I've heard of "wintering" and it makes sense to me, too. I hope it's what you need to heal and mend your soul. You have had so much to deal with in the last couple years. You will come back stronger when you're ready. I wish you nothing but the best. Take care.
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kate
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,528
Location: The city that doesn't sleep
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Nov 5, 2022 22:04:20 GMT
You are amazing and inspiring - and I would argue that you are indeed self-aware: you recognize that you feel lost, and you've listened to your inner self's recommendation for how best to try to move forward.
The insight that you have shared on this board has transformed my thinking. Thank you.
I wish you a meaningful wintering, and I look forward to your return.
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Post by getting started on Nov 5, 2022 22:15:11 GMT
I wish you all the best. I think you are wise to listen to those who care about you and you are brave to take steps toward making a change. You will be missed.
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Post by Bridget in MD on Nov 5, 2022 22:25:25 GMT
You will be greatly missed around here but good for you for taking care of yourself. I hope this period of winter is everything you need and want it to be and we will be here when you get back. I was just thinking this. I feel like our whole pod will be going into a wintering without you while you take a break (not trying to make you feel guilty, BTW! I completely support you!)
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quiltz
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,714
Location: CANADA
Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Nov 5, 2022 22:30:49 GMT
I am going to put my crochet on hold for a time and connect with my BFF while she teaches me to quilt. I feel the need to try something new during this time. So that's what I am planning. Quilting and piecing a quilt is a great way to disconnect with life. I made sure that I pieced at least 2 quilts per month while I was *actively grieving*. Getting lost in finding the right fabric, doing the math, being precise was all part of the process that helped me escape from the world. My mom was an expert quilter (she hand quilted everything, on a large frame in the basement) and was so precise in her cutting and 1/4" sewing. It was a bit bitter-sweet at times, as I was the recipient of her fabric stash, rules, books and a few UFO's. ScrapbookMyLife ~~~ you will be in my thoughts as you are finding a new balance. Winter can be a great time to hibernate from the world and emerge in the springtime with a fresh view on life. Maybe the bears know something that we humans could learn from. Big hugs to all who are hurting.
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quiltz
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,714
Location: CANADA
Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Nov 5, 2022 22:38:42 GMT
jeremysgirl There is a book, "When the bough breaks" that I read about 15 years ago. It discusses about what happens "when the bough breaks", in a nod to the nursery rhyme. When the Bough Breaks: Forever After the Death of a Son or Daughter Kindle Edition by Judith R. Bernstein (Author) Format: Kindle Edition When the Bough Breaks presents a breakthrough concept of mourning, documenting the process of evolution from initial grief to an altered outlook on life. Excerpts from interviews with 50 parents who lost a child from five to forty-five trace the road from utter devastation to a revised view of life, resulting in a work that is a tribute to resilience and the indomitable human spirit. Author Judith R. Bernstein, Ph.D., speaks from the dual perspectives of bereaved parent and psychologist. Bernstein argues that parents don't recover from the death of a child so much as they adapt to it, forever altering the way they think and act--often with negative consequences. To provide some understanding of this complex situation, she interviewed 55 parents whose children had died. This research, plus her own experiences (Bernstein's son died when he was 25), allows her to examine the various stages of grief, the mourning process, the effects on family and social relationships, and the emotional differences between facing a sudden death (such as a murder) and an anticipated death (such as a terminal illness). She also probes the different ways men and women tend to mourn. This can cause problems, especially when a husband's comparative reticence makes a wife believe that he's relatively unaffected by the death of their child. Compassionate and revealing, it should aid both mental-health professionals and parents dealing with this kind of devastating loss. Brian McCombie
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Post by quietgirl on Nov 5, 2022 22:42:23 GMT
My vey best wishes to you during your time of wintering. I am familiar with the poem and the concept and its a beautiful thing. Take care.
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Post by quietgirl on Nov 5, 2022 22:44:24 GMT
jeremysgirl There is a book, "When the bough breaks" that I read about 15 years ago. It discusses about what happens "when the bough breaks", in a nod to the nursery rhyme. When the Bough Breaks: Forever After the Death of a Son or Daughter Kindle Edition by Judith R. Bernstein (Author) Format: Kindle Edition When the Bough Breaks presents a breakthrough concept of mourning, documenting the process of evolution from initial grief to an altered outlook on life. Excerpts from interviews with 50 parents who lost a child from five to forty-five trace the road from utter devastation to a revised view of life, resulting in a work that is a tribute to resilience and the indomitable human spirit. Author Judith R. Bernstein, Ph.D., speaks from the dual perspectives of bereaved parent and psychologist. Bernstein argues that parents don't recover from the death of a child so much as they adapt to it, forever altering the way they think and act--often with negative consequences. To provide some understanding of this complex situation, she interviewed 55 parents whose children had died. This research, plus her own experiences (Bernstein's son died when he was 25), allows her to examine the various stages of grief, the mourning process, the effects on family and social relationships, and the emotional differences between facing a sudden death (such as a murder) and an anticipated death (such as a terminal illness). She also probes the different ways men and women tend to mourn. This can cause problems, especially when a husband's comparative reticence makes a wife believe that he's relatively unaffected by the death of their child. Compassionate and revealing, it should aid both mental-health professionals and parents dealing with this kind of devastating loss. Brian McCombie Thank you for your book recommendation. My girlfriend lost her daughter a year ago and I'd like to recommend it to her. Thank you, and I'm sorry, I don't mean to hijack the thread.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Nov 5, 2022 22:51:23 GMT
Good for you for taking this time to put yourself first and take care of you! Know that I will keep you in my thoughts while you are away and will certainly miss your thought provoking posts, but I will look forward to you coming back recharged, refreshed and renewed in the spring. ((HUGS!))
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lesley
Drama Llama
My best friend Turriff, desperately missed.
Posts: 7,184
Location: Scotland, Scotland, Scotland
Jul 6, 2014 21:50:44 GMT
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Post by lesley on Nov 5, 2022 22:57:28 GMT
All I want to say is 🥰.
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quiltz
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,714
Location: CANADA
Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Nov 5, 2022 23:22:56 GMT
Thank you for your book recommendation. My girlfriend lost her daughter a year ago and I'd like to recommend it to her. Thank you, and I'm sorry, I don't mean to hijack the thread. I am so sorry that your girlfriend lost her daughter a year ago. My dd was almost 18 when she passed away in 2004. It still feels like that was yesterday and I miss her so very much. Did you know that anthropologists have searched for decades and going into the first known languages to find a word to describe the loss of a child? All that they have found was, "There are no words". When you lose a spouse you are either a widow or widower and when you lose your parents, you are an orphan. This explains the magnitude of the loss of a child, simply no words or description as it is too horrible to even have a one word description.
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Post by quietgirl on Nov 5, 2022 23:31:32 GMT
Thank you for your book recommendation. My girlfriend lost her daughter a year ago and I'd like to recommend it to her. Thank you, and I'm sorry, I don't mean to hijack the thread. I am so sorry that your girlfriend lost her daughter a year ago. My dd was almost 18 when she passed away in 2004. It still feels like that was yesterday and I miss her so very much. Did you know that anthropologists have searched for decades and going into the first known languages to find a word to describe the loss of a child? All that they have found was, "There are no words". When you lose a spouse you are either a widow or widower and when you lose your parents, you are an orphan. This explains the magnitude of the loss of a child, simply no words or description as it is too horrible to even have a one word description. Oh, I'm so sorry. Thank you for sharing with me. No, there aren't any words. The only thing I can do for my girlfriend, she's my best friend and I've known her for 30 years, is to be here for her, and I am.
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Post by lisapea on Nov 5, 2022 23:32:17 GMT
Everyone has worded their support and understanding much better than I could. You will be so missed but we will look forward to your return and your wisdom. If you are looking for another great book, Soulful Simplicity, by Courtney Carver is one of my favorites. It is full of wonderful, gentle advice about self care.
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Post by melanell on Nov 6, 2022 0:23:11 GMT
I wish you all the best and hope that your personal Wintering is a benefit to you. I will look forward to your return in spring.
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anaterra
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,858
Location: Texas
Jun 29, 2014 3:04:02 GMT
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Post by anaterra on Nov 6, 2022 0:29:31 GMT
(((( big hug )))) hoping all the best wishes for you...
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PLurker
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,749
Location: Behind the Cheddar Curtain
Jun 28, 2014 3:48:49 GMT
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Post by PLurker on Nov 6, 2022 0:47:03 GMT
jeremysgirl I was just telling a friend today that "hibernating" this winter sounded like a good thing, just "less" for a bit. In no way have I endured anything like your recent losses but I get it. ((hugs)) I look forward to hearing from you again in the spring. Be safe, relaxed and centered, my friend.
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Post by newfcathy on Nov 6, 2022 1:20:16 GMT
Wish you peace during this reflective phase of grief journey.
I read just the other day that researchers were surprised by the strong uplifting effect of interactions with strangers in our day to day lives. I hope that you have lots of these and no ‘Karen’ encounters.
(((((((Sending virtual hugs)))))))
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Post by gizzy on Nov 6, 2022 2:17:23 GMT
You absolutely do whatever you need to get yourself to a place of healing and I hope you find it. I'm glad your family and friends have rallied around and were able to see what was happening. I wish you peace and happiness & I look forward to seeing you in March.
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Post by grammadee on Nov 6, 2022 3:00:08 GMT
My dd was just commenting the other day about how "Everyone thinks Winter is the end. But it's not. It is a time of rest and reconstruction and a protector of the seeds of moving on". She had been reading some writings by Canadian First Nations elders about life's seasons.
I hope you find the peace and personal connection you seek, and look forward to hearing from you in March.
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on Nov 6, 2022 4:06:36 GMT
I read Wintering in the winter of 2020-21, a month or two after I'd lost my dad, and I found it helpful. I've been thinking of pulling it out again. I'm so glad that you are taking some time for yourself, and I hope the feelings will land gently upon you as you let yourself feel them. I respect you so much for being willing to take care of yourself. Come back when you can; I'll keep you in my prayers.
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Post by gramasue on Nov 6, 2022 12:29:32 GMT
We will miss you here, but wish you all the best in your wintering. What a lovely word that is.
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oaksong
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,164
Location: LA Suburbia
Site Supporter
Jun 27, 2014 6:24:29 GMT
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Post by oaksong on Nov 6, 2022 12:38:45 GMT
Peace and hugs to you, my friend. Your sweet, gentle presence here will be missed.
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Post by smasonnc on Nov 6, 2022 12:49:56 GMT
I wish you well. Not that my opinion matters a bit, but I'm encouraged that you plan to write. A creative outlet can be very healing during times of grief. I hope spring comes soon for you.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Nov 6, 2022 13:00:07 GMT
My dd was just commenting the other day about how "Everyone thinks Winter is the end. But it's not. It is a time of rest and reconstruction and a protector of the seeds of moving on". She had been reading some writings by Canadian First Nations elders about life's seasons. I hope you find the peace and personal connection you seek, and look forward to hearing from you in March. This is a beautiful sentiment.
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Post by stormsts on Nov 6, 2022 13:09:48 GMT
I am happy you are taking care of YOU. I hope wintering gives you everything you need
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Post by Really Red on Nov 6, 2022 13:13:33 GMT
jeremysgirl That is a beautiful poem. I think many people (and likely myself in the Before Days) thought that you just dealt with the pain and then moved on. I will never move on. I am trying simply to manage my pain. Some people need the "wintering" and other need to be reminded that they are not alone. Every single day is a struggle. Sometimes it is your friends who help you through it. I'm not saying this so well, and I'm sorry about that. What I want to say is that you can make any decision you want, and you can also decide that any decision you make can be revoked. You just need to do whatever it is to help you get through the day. I think about you often.
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Post by peasapie on Nov 6, 2022 13:21:41 GMT
It’s so ingrained in us to try to put a good face on things. Smile when your heart is breaking. Keep a stiff upper lip. Stay calm on the surface, paddle like crazy underneath.
We try not to show others our sadness, and in doing so we don’t let ourselves sit in that pain and go through it. Instead we try to go around it, and avoidance is a powerful pull. We find many ways to avoid.
I will be selfishly honest and say that I will miss your posts greatly. You always have a thoughtful, interesting perspective that makes my visits to 2PR worthwhile. I admire your intention, this concept of wintering. I’m learning from what you have posted and hope you know our hearts will be with you as you travel this path, this season, this time with your inner self.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Nov 6, 2022 13:49:13 GMT
jeremysgirl That is a beautiful poem. I think many people (and likely myself in the Before Days) thought that you just dealt with the pain and then moved on. I will never move on. I am trying simply to manage my pain. Some people need the "wintering" and other need to be reminded that they are not alone. Every single day is a struggle. Sometimes it is your friends who help you through it. I'm not saying this so well, and I'm sorry about that. What I want to say is that you can make any decision you want, and you can also decide that any decision you make can be revoked. You just need to do whatever it is to help you get through the day. I think about you often. I pray for you too. I know you are hurting. I know exactly how you are hurting. And given the fact that our losses didn't happen too far apart, I can understand that you are probably not even one step ahead of me on this journey. And frankly I'm beginning to realize that there really are no steps at all. I thought I was healing in September only to be completely knocked out in October. I don't plan to be alone though. I do plan to try to connect with people in my real life more often. I feel like maybe I need the kind of support right now where I can simply be hugged by someone when I need it. The words are failing. The physical touch I think I need. I also need to sort out in my head the trainwreck that I've been caught in for the past 7 years. There are just so many things that went on that nearly destroyed me. I need to learn how to thrive again instead of just survive. I will continue to pray for you.
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Post by twinks on Nov 6, 2022 14:13:51 GMT
I think of you so often. I am not so good at reaching out or posting. I often don’t know the right things to say. I appreciate you sharing Esther with us. I appreciate you sharing your experiences with us. I will miss you. I will miss your crochet projects. I hope you find the peace and comfort you so desire.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Nov 6, 2022 14:28:02 GMT
That is so true peasapie. I am guilty of it too. I have no balance. I ignore, ignore, ignore until I burst. And then it all seems so dramatic.
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