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Post by CardBoxer on Nov 6, 2022 14:51:20 GMT
My dd was just commenting the other day about how "Everyone thinks Winter is the end. But it's not. It is a time of rest and reconstruction and a protector of the seeds of moving on". She had been reading some writings by Canadian First Nations elders about life's seasons. I hope you find the peace and personal connection you seek, and look forward to hearing from you in March. Your dd and our arborist years ago. He said it would be best to plant a tree in the autumn rather than in the spring, so the tree could conserve energy and adapt to its new place over the winter, rather than needing to adapt plus grow—because springtime!—at the same time. jeremysgirl I wish you a rich and restful wintering journey. I also wish that if you decide to come back sooner or stay away longer, you allow yourself either change.
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Post by Merge on Nov 6, 2022 15:09:46 GMT
So I’m struggling a bit with the idea of withdrawing to heal, because for me, times of limited contact have led to me being too much inside my head and becoming more anxious and depressed. But I know you know yourself well, and you have Jeremy who also knows you and observes your mental state, so I’m hopeful for you that this will truly be a time of peace and healing. I wish you the best and will look forward to your return in the spring.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Nov 6, 2022 15:22:33 GMT
So I’m struggling a bit with the idea of withdrawing to heal, because for me, times of limited contact have led to me being too much inside my head and becoming more anxious and depressed. But I know you know yourself well, and you have Jeremy who also knows you and observes your mental state, so I’m hopeful for you that this will truly be a time of peace and healing. I wish you the best and will look forward to your return in the spring. My withdrawal is only from the digital world. I'm planning to connect more in the physical world than I have throughout this time. I think I have relied too hard on the online connections (COVID started it) and have had a hard time reconnecting in my real life. I went out with my best friend for the first time since Esther died on Friday night. And I'm so glad I did. She had come to my house a couple of times but we hadn't actively done anything fun. I discussed all this with her and she understood perfectly. And I really realized how much I have missed her.
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Post by hop2 on Nov 6, 2022 15:31:40 GMT
scrapmaven it is nice of you to say I'm self aware but I really don't feel like at this point in time I know up from down. I don't know what I'm feeling anymore. I don't know how to fix myself either and I've been going round in circles looking for the answer to fix myself and I'm just not finding it. So I just think I need to sit with myself until I figure it out. I am thinking 4 months is a good amount of time to just be. In my experience, grief isn’t something you can fix. Fix isn’t the right word. But then again you aren’t ‘broken’ so there’s no need to ‘fix’ it. I know plenty of people who expected me to ‘get over it already’ and ‘move on’ etc. but that isn’t what happened for me. Grief is something I had to endure, go thru, and learn to live with. It changed me. I couldn’t ‘fix’ it, I had to live with it day by day and learn about my new self and how to create a balance and go forward from there with the new me. It’s not broken & needs fixing, it’s changed and needs discovery, new balance, new priorities, new routines and it all needs to be learned & adapted to. It’s change, and everything needs to be adapted to that change. Which is exactly what you described you intend to do, feel the sadness, live thru it, while concentrating on yourself and your needs. I hope you find peace, find your new self, and how to maintain balance going forward with the new you & life. Because you aren’t going to be the same after a loss like that. I have no idea if I’m explaining this right. I hope I’m not saying anything you find hurtful because that is not my intention. You are an inspiration to many of us with your kindness and your self awareness, your ability to reach out to others with kindness.
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Post by sean&marysmommy on Nov 6, 2022 17:29:42 GMT
I think the break that you have planned for yourself sounds like a great idea. I hope it becomes a time of healing and peace for you! My best friend died in Jan. 2019, and her mother moved to our state to help care for her children. I have seen the mom struggle with adjusting to life after losing a child, and it is unfathomable to me, how hard it must be. It was hard losing my BFF as a friend; I can't imagine how her mother must feel. She has said that the first year was the "easiest" (not that it's EVER easy, I hope you know what I mean!) because people rallied around her and it was all still such a shock. Now, a few years past, they seem to expect her to have moved on and adjusted to a loss that leaves you a completely different person entirely. I think taking time to feel your grief and find some peace is the smartest thing you can do for yourself right now.
You will be missed here, and I look forward to your eventual return!
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pantsonfire
Pearl Clutcher
Take a step back, evaluate what is important, and enjoy your life with those who you love.
Posts: 4,762
Jun 19, 2022 16:48:04 GMT
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Post by pantsonfire on Nov 6, 2022 17:44:36 GMT
So I’m struggling a bit with the idea of withdrawing to heal, because for me, times of limited contact have led to me being too much inside my head and becoming more anxious and depressed. But I know you know yourself well, and you have Jeremy who also knows you and observes your mental state, so I’m hopeful for you that this will truly be a time of peace and healing. I wish you the best and will look forward to your return in the spring. My withdrawal is only from the digital world. I'm planning to connect more in the physical world than I have throughout this time. I think I have relied too hard on the online connections (COVID started it) and have had a hard time reconnecting in my real life. I went out with my best friend for the first time since Esther died on Friday night. And I'm so glad I did. She had come to my house a couple of times but we hadn't actively done anything fun. I discussed all this with her and she understood perfectly. And I really realized how much I have missed her. We need to find that balance that works for us between on line world and in person world. And I am glad you are going to access more of the in person world during this wintering. Actual hugs, actual conversations, actual being together just does something for our souls. It's different hearing the words than reading them.
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jayfab
Drama Llama
procastinating
Posts: 5,530
Jun 26, 2014 21:55:15 GMT
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Post by jayfab on Nov 6, 2022 18:34:00 GMT
Hugs, wishing the best for you.
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Post by cannmom on Nov 6, 2022 21:46:46 GMT
I will miss you and your posts while you are gone, but I hope the time away brings you peace. I say Happy Wintering to you, because I hope it is a time that brings you joy in your relationships and life away from this board. Take care of yourself and know you will be missed.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Nov 6, 2022 21:55:31 GMT
My withdrawal is only from the digital world. I'm planning to connect more in the physical world than I have throughout this time. I think I have relied too hard on the online connections (COVID started it) and have had a hard time reconnecting in my real life. I went out with my best friend for the first time since Esther died on Friday night. And I'm so glad I did. She had come to my house a couple of times but we hadn't actively done anything fun. I discussed all this with her and she understood perfectly. And I really realized how much I have missed her. We need to find that balance that works for us between on line world and in person world. And I am glad you are going to access more of the in person world during this wintering. Actual hugs, actual conversations, actual being together just does something for our souls. It's different hearing the words than reading them. This is exactly it. I realize that. I realize that I have in some ways pushed people right away when they are trying their best to help.
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Post by hopemax on Nov 6, 2022 22:05:47 GMT
I haven't been as active as late here (real life), but since you responded to what I posted in the other thread I wanted to make sure I responded in this thread. I am glad you have a plan to address your emotional needs, and I hope that you will enter spring in a state of healthy renewal. But I will miss reading your posts, since despite everything, you demonstrate such self-reflection and awareness that is inspiring. A great example that no matter how messy and dark things get, engagement with yourself and the others who truly support you, will light the way back. So Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and we'll see you again soon.
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RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,748
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
Aug 2, 2014 13:03:45 GMT
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Nov 6, 2022 23:22:52 GMT
You'll be hugely missed on the craft thread, and of course elsewhere. I hope you enjoy your hibernation and come back refreshed afterwards. As the late Queen Mother said of losing someone, you don't get over it, you just get better at it. Heal well my friend.
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moodyblue
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,183
Location: Western Illinois
Member is Online
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Nov 7, 2022 0:21:00 GMT
scrapmaven it is nice of you to say I'm self aware but I really don't feel like at this point in time I know up from down. I don't know what I'm feeling anymore. I don't know how to fix myself either and I've been going round in circles looking for the answer to fix myself and I'm just not finding it. So I just think I need to sit with myself until I figure it out. I am thinking 4 months is a good amount of time to just be. In my experience, grief isn’t something you can fix. Fix isn’t the right word. But then again you aren’t ‘broken’ so there’s no need to ‘fix’ it. I know plenty of people who expected me to ‘get over it already’ and ‘move on’ etc. but that isn’t what happened for me. Grief is something I had to endure, go thru, and learn to live with. It changed me. I couldn’t ‘fix’ it, I had to live with it day by day and learn about my new self and how to create a balance and go forward from there with the new me. It’s not broken & needs fixing, it’s changed and needs discovery, new balance, new priorities, new routines and it all needs to be learned & adapted to. It’s change, and everything needs to be adapted to that change. Which is exactly what you described you intend to do, feel the sadness, live thru it, while concentrating on yourself and your needs. I hope you find peace, find your new self, and how to maintain balance going forward with the new you & life. Because you aren’t going to be the same after a loss like that. I have no idea if I’m explaining this right. I hope I’m not saying anything you find hurtful because that is not my intention. You are an inspiration to many of us with your kindness and your self awareness, your ability to reach out to others with kindness. Lots of good thoughts and good resources on this thread (I’m taking note of some that are new to me), but this post expresses a lot of what I would say. After my husband died I learned very quickly that trying to stuff or hide the emotions would only cause them to come out later in some way. I also learned that there are people who can handle the raw truth and emotions, and others who can’t. Some want to "fix" things; they don’t understand what it is to have such a profound loss that you are forever changed. I almost made it my mission to be honest and tell people that it sucks. If asked how I was, I wasn’t going to do a fake "I’m fine" response. I needed to be honest with them - and with myself. It isn’t easy to let yourself truly feel what you feel, but I think it’s the only way through. Writing was good for me. I read Megan Devine's book It’s OK That You’re Not OK and then did her Writing Your Grief course. She also has a journal called How To Carry What Can’t Be Fixed: A Journal for Grief. You will be missed greatly. I wish you all the best, and look forward to your return when you are ready, be it earlier or later than you plan. And it’s okay to keep your plans flexible. I’ve always felt you have a great deal to offer to everyone here, and I’ve learned much from you. If you want to share or just visit at any time, we are ready and waiting.
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kokomo37
Full Member
Posts: 132
Apr 17, 2022 21:03:36 GMT
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Post by kokomo37 on Nov 7, 2022 1:14:08 GMT
You will certainly be missed by so many. I admire that you can identify the areas of self care that you need. After reading your post and others responses, I have decided this winter I am going to intentionally withdraw from making so many commitments. As I am getting older I am tired. I need a longer stretch of time to recover. Initially I was afraid to admit this and say it out loud. I am ready to implement this change . Thanks for the push!
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Post by jmad122 on Nov 7, 2022 1:33:20 GMT
Although I don't know all that you've been through. I wanted to say that feels like a very brave and admirable thing to do. I hope you find your peace.
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Post by Neisey on Nov 7, 2022 1:53:42 GMT
You will be missed around these parts but I hope that your time away allows you to rest and reconnect. All the best on this journey
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seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,466
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Nov 7, 2022 2:09:04 GMT
jeremysgirl would you be open to receiving a christmas card from friends here?
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Post by Laurie on Nov 7, 2022 2:49:39 GMT
While I am going to miss your presence dearly and the perspective you bring to this board I am glad that you are taking care of yourself and putting yourself first.
(((HUGS))) I will be anxiously awaiting your return.
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Post by lisae on Nov 7, 2022 3:17:05 GMT
I hope this time of creativity and reflection is everything you need it to be. If you feel a need to come back early, give yourself permission to do that. Wishing you all the best and look forward to seeing you again in the spring.
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Post by cindytred on Nov 7, 2022 3:58:07 GMT
I hope that your retreat will strengthen you and bring you peace. When my son passed away I slept for about 5 years. I still worked but when I was home I was asleep. It was healing. My mind and my body needed that. Rest easy my friend. We are here for you, if you need us.
Cindy
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Post by tryingtobewise on Nov 7, 2022 6:01:55 GMT
Wish you a loving, healing winter.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Nov 7, 2022 12:04:09 GMT
jeremysgirl would you be open to receiving a christmas card from friends here? Yes I would. I'll pm you with my address if you would like to send me one. I would love that. ❤️
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Post by christine58 on Nov 7, 2022 12:18:35 GMT
jeremysgirl would you be open to receiving a christmas card from friends here? Yes I would. I'll pm you with my address if you would like to send me one. I would love that. ❤️ I PMed you ETA Well DUH I got it...LOL
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Post by gramasue on Nov 7, 2022 12:26:05 GMT
Hi, I would also love to send you a Christmas card. You will be on my mind while you are taking a break.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Nov 7, 2022 13:19:13 GMT
After my husband died I learned very quickly that trying to stuff or hide the emotions would only cause them to come out later in some way. I also learned that there are people who can handle the raw truth and emotions, and others who can’t. Yes, this is what is happening. I'm not allowing myself grace enough to feel my feelings. And things are coming out all wrong. My thoughts, words, and actions are tangled. And I feel the need to sort things out in my mind. I didn't mean fix in terms of my loss and my heartache, I meant I need to fix what is going on in my head so I can interact in my life in a way that is consistent with the kind of person I want to be. This break is partly to spare peas from a bit of my confusion, craziness, and instability. Because that is what I mean by fix. I will never get Esther back and I know that. My life will never be same. But I need to be able to function as myself again and I've really lost track of that the past 7 years. Writing was good for me. I read Megan Devine's book It’s OK That You’re Not OK and then did her Writing Your Grief course. She also has a journal called How To Carry What Can’t Be Fixed: A Journal for Grief. Thank you for that recommend. After reading your post and others responses, I have decided this winter I am going to intentionally withdraw from making so many commitments. As I am getting older I am tired. I need a longer stretch of time to recover. Initially I was afraid to admit this and say it out loud. I am ready to implement this change . Thanks for the push! I hope it works out for you. I think sometimes a little quiet and self-reflection is just what we need.
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scrappert
Prolific Pea
RefuPea #2956
Posts: 7,811
Location: Milwaukee, WI area
Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
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Post by scrappert on Nov 7, 2022 13:45:41 GMT
So much love and respect for you jeremysgirl. I don't know if anyone has noticed, but I have been stepping back just so I can get a grip on my life, so I support you and look forward to "seeing" you in the spring. Just know that many, many peas are supporting you.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Nov 7, 2022 13:48:36 GMT
I don't know if anyone has noticed, but I have been stepping back just so I can get a grip on my life, so I support you and look forward to "seeing" you in the spring. Scrappert, I have noticed your absence. And I'm sad to hear life has been unsteady for you too.
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seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,466
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Nov 7, 2022 13:54:39 GMT
jeremysgirl would you be open to receiving a christmas card from friends here? Yes I would. I'll pm you with my address if you would like to send me one. I would love that. ❤️ I think I still have it in our shirt conversation messages. 🥰
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Just T
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,548
Jun 26, 2014 1:20:09 GMT
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Post by Just T on Nov 7, 2022 14:20:08 GMT
jeremysgirl, I would love to keep in touch with you as well. I will send you a pm.
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oh yvonne
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,009
Jun 26, 2014 0:45:23 GMT
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Post by oh yvonne on Nov 7, 2022 16:38:34 GMT
Awe, you will be missed here but I'm excited for your decision. I wish you a Happy Wintering <3 and look forward to your return in the spring.
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Post by mandolyn9909 on Nov 7, 2022 16:52:42 GMT
You will be missed for sure but I wish you nothing but the best! I hope you have a rejuvinating winter break. HUGS to you.
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