Etiquette - or Social Question regarding timing and funerals

My dad died in January of 2020..right before COVID hit. We were going to have a celebration of life and burial (he was cremated) in May when we knew my nephew and niece could be home. Well that didn't work obviously so we waited till July. After he died my brother opened his home to anyone who wanted to come and see us.

I attended a memorial about six months after a family member's death last year. We were informed about the date within a few weeks of her passing.

The deceased wanted it held at an outdoor park in the state where she had lived years ago. That was the best option for travel plans and for weather. It was a touching family reunion of a different sort.

I would not put a limit on when someone decides it is the right time for a funeral (without a body) or memorial.  Are we (general we) really judging people for this now? 

When my grandma died we had her funeral within a week, but since it was winter we had to wait several months to bury her. Funeral homes are equipped to store caskets here in the north.

I have attended a few celebrations of life 6 months give or take due to when the family could gather. In one case the person had been cremated and in the other the person was buried shortly after death with a private burial.

My father passed away the day my mother had her knee replacement surgery. We waited a few months until she was recovered enough to attend a memorial service. Family was being very insistent that we have it soon, but we wanted mom to be comfortable enough to get through it.

My FIL died last Tuesday and his service was on Saturday.

This has changed just tremendously over the last generation as cremation has become so common - and families have become more spread out. When I was a kid, it was a rare funeral that wasn't done the same week. Now, I've been to many, many 6+ months later - usually deciding to do a summer celebration which is easier for travel and there is no body to intern. I think the only funeral I've been to in the last 4-5 years that WAS the same week was an observant Jewish family where they adhered to the guidelines which require a burial soon after death.

My mum passed away on 8 Dec and the earliest we could get her cremated was 17 Jan, and that was a drop and go appointment ( unattended). We had a church service for her the day before.

I think because of Covid, customs are evolving…and whenever you feel it’s right, do it.   We had to have a tiny funeral because my husband died during a high point of Covid, we waited 9 months until his birthday weekend to have a celebration picnic, at the park where he and I met. 

Note: This information pertains to the funeral home/cemetery I am most familiar with.


Generally, it’s what ever the family wants. Under normal circumstances, most families will hold visitations and the funeral 4-7 days after death, with or without the body present. The quickest funerals are generally due to religious practices.

However, there can be a delay in holding the services for reasons such the family obtaining the money, waiting for signatures on the death certificate or a delay because family members can’t agree on the details for the services and burial.

When a body first arrives at the funeral home it will be put in the cooler. Once it’s embalmed, dressed and casketed, the individual will be held in a back room until the services and burial. If the ground is frozen or the family wishes to delay burial for some reason, the body will temporarily be placed in an available space in one of the mausoleums. If there are cremains, they can be buried immediately or the family my choose to take the cremains home. Sometime people delay in making arrangements for a direct cremation, so the cremains after being picked up from the crematorium are locked in a special vault for safe keeping.

Delayed funerals (with no body) are often called “celebrations of life” which are usually not held at the funeral home, but held at churches or other locations that had significant meaning for the deceased.

Crazy family here too. My beloved grandparents sit in someone's linen closet almost 30 years after they were cremated.  Ashes to ashes, pillow cases to tea towels. Here we all lie 

Usually it is within days. I did go to one that was held for a couple who passed away within 3 months of each other. They hadn't done anything for the father before the mother needed surgery and then she passed away right before Christmas that same year. If I remember right, it was at least a month after her death before a service for both was held.

A dear friend passed (MS) on Dec. 4th. Her Dh elected to wait ‘til after the holidays (she was cremated) and held a Celebration of Life on Jan. 7. Entirely up to the family.