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Post by busy on Feb 6, 2023 2:45:14 GMT
My BFF’s husband is planning a surprise trip to San Francisco for my BFF’s 50th birthday next month. He picked a perfectly nice hotel and the rest is the group is staying there. (A total of 10 people - everyone booking for themselves, no group rates or blocked rooms or anything like that.)
I decided to book an Autograph Collection hotel that’s half a block away because I travel a ton for work and prefer to stay at Marriott related properties when there’s a good option, to maximize my perks, upgrades, etc. I really hate paying extra for wifi, gym access, etc.
I don’t expect anyone to come to my hotel and don’t see how I’ll be inconveniencing anyone in any way. I’ll meet everyone for our meals and other events in the lobby of the hotel where everyone else is staying. I’m literally half a block away! I can be in the lobby almost ad quickly as they can be. No one is getting a suite so I don’t think there are going to be group hangs in anyone’s room in our pajamas lol
Two of our friends are irritated I’m staying at a different hotel and pressuring me to change. They insist it won’t be as fun if I’m not in the same hotel; I genuinely don’t think there’s any difference.
I’m 99% sure BFF won’t care. Her DH isn’t bothered. But these two are making me second guess myself.
What am I missing? Should I switch hotels and stay with everyone else?
ETA: ok, ok, I canceled my reservation and booked at the other hotel. Still not convinced it’s necessary but don’t want to risk anything detracting from BFF’s celebration.
POST-TRIP UPDATE:
We're back and I'll say... I wish I'd stayed at the other hotel lol
Apparently, one of women who helped with planning (the one who doesn't believe I should be the "best friend" because I don't live close), called the hotel the day before check in and asked if my room could get upgraded (for free, not charging me extra). I guess they had capacity so they did it. And so I ended up with a suite. She literally announced at dinner the first night that my room was the after-hours home base for everyone. wtaf. There was no hotel bar and the lobby was small, so everyone was excited to have a space for everyone to gather. It put me in an impossible situation, though. If I kicked everyone out, or got another room for me to sleep in, then I'm the party pooper and it creates drama.
The first night, there were five people in my room drinking and playing cribbage until 3:30. I LITERALLY cannot sleep in. I just can't. So even not getting to bed until that late, I was wide awake and in the gym before 7 (which is late for me since I'm usually up about 5). No one else rolled out of their rooms until 11.
Rinse, lather, repeat.
I had fun, but it was too much for me. I'm still exhausted. Besides the suite, there was some other seriously obnoxious shit from that same woman, and I couldn't say a damn thing about any of it without screwing up the trip for everyone - and she damn well knew that, which is why she did it. Frustrating.
But bottom line, BFF had an amazing trip and doesn't have a clue that shit like the suite was against my will, so that's what matters. And I don't need to see that other woman for a good long time, thankfully.
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Post by dewryce on Feb 6, 2023 2:51:09 GMT
I think it’s completely reasonable to stay in a different hotel in these circumstances, and don’t see the impact to others at all.
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Post by tampascrapper on Feb 6, 2023 2:51:46 GMT
I would stick with the hotel you’ve booked. It’s close enough that it won’t really impact the trip plus the trip is your your dh
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Post by cade387 on Feb 6, 2023 2:53:21 GMT
I have had almost the same issue and I just told them that I was using points. It all worked out. I also have status with Marriott and would do the same.
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Post by pjaye on Feb 6, 2023 2:55:27 GMT
I'd be irritated too.
It's a group trip...stay with the group, it makes you like you think you are better than they are and need to stay in a better hotel. Just saying "prefer to stay at Marriott related properties" makes you sound like a snob.
Even if all those thing you posted above are true - you are separating yourself from the group and it feels 'off' and even if your BFF says she doesn't care - I'll bet she does.
It'll go down in friend folklore too, "remember that time we all went away to XX's birthday and Busy booked herself into different hotel to the rest of us?"
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Post by myshelly on Feb 6, 2023 3:01:15 GMT
I don’t know…
I do LOTS of group trips and we always stay at the same place. We do lots of hanging out at the pool/hot tub/each others’ rooms/meals in the lobby, etc.
I’d be bummed if someone decided to stay somewhere else.
Yes, the half a block away does make me feel like eh, not a huge deal.
But I definitely understand why some of your friends feel like it takes away from the groupness of a group trip.
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Post by Lurkingpea on Feb 6, 2023 3:08:12 GMT
I think you are fine. It doesn’t sound like anyone will have rooms together. It would be like if they cane to your town and you met at hotel from your house. You can still hang out in their rooms and at pool.
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tracylynn
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,864 
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Post by tracylynn on Feb 6, 2023 3:09:28 GMT
I'd be irritated too. It's a group trip...stay with the group, it makes you like you think you are better than they are and need to stay in a better hotel. Just saying "prefer to stay at Marriott related properties" makes you sound like a snob. Even if all those thing you posted above are true - you are separating yourself from the group and it feels 'off' and even if your BFF says she doesn't care - I'll bet she does. It'll go down in friend folklore too, "remember that time we all went away to XX's birthday and Busy booked herself into different hotel to the rest of us?" There are nicer hotels than Marriott hotels. There is nothing about that statement that makes her sound snobby. I prefer to stay at Hilton properties as that's where all my work travel has accumulated. Half a block away? I don't think it's a big deal. I'd stay where I'm comfortable quite frankly. |
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Post by smasonnc on Feb 6, 2023 3:09:32 GMT
Not a big deal. I travel with friends a lot and nobody gets worked up if we're not all in the same hotel. We go to New Orleans Jazzfest every year with our best friends. They like Marriotts and have lots of points. We have a boutique hotel that we like. It's fine. I went on a girls' trip where one woman stayed at a fancy club where she had a membership. We all got to use the rooftop bar so it was fabulous. Just have fun with your friends and if they are going to whinge about where you stay, they're kind of sh*tty. All the more reason not to change your plans. You don't sound like a snob for sticking with where you get points.
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Post by busy on Feb 6, 2023 3:10:42 GMT
I don’t know… I do LOTS of group trips and we always stay at the same place. We do lots of hanging out at the pool/hot tub/each others’ rooms/meals in the lobby, etc. I’d be bummed if someone decided to stay somewhere else. Yes, the half a block away does make me feel like eh, not a huge deal. But I definitely understand why some of your friends feel like it takes away from the groupness of a group trip. I totally get what you’re saying and other trips I’d likely agree… but this one is all about going *out* - BFF is a huge foodie and we have an itinerary for all our meals and some sightseeing. We won’t be at the hotel much at all. And the rooms are very small - not even a desk or couch unless it’s a suite, and no one is getting a suite. There’s no pool. Any time as a group at the hotel would be in public space, where I could join. |
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Post by busy on Feb 6, 2023 3:11:38 GMT
I'd be irritated too. It's a group trip...stay with the group, it makes you like you think you are better than they are and need to stay in a better hotel. Just saying "prefer to stay at Marriott related properties" makes you sound like a snob. Even if all those thing you posted above are true - you are separating yourself from the group and it feels 'off' and even if your BFF says she doesn't care - I'll bet she does. It'll go down in friend folklore too, "remember that time we all went away to XX's birthday and Busy booked herself into different hotel to the rest of us?" The hotel they’re staying at is more expensive but whatever. Thanks for your feedback. |
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Deleted
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May 15, 2024 10:15:31 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2023 3:14:20 GMT
At first I was totally going to say that you should stay where you like, but after thinking about it, BFF might not care (too much) but her DH might feel slighted that his plans weren't quite "good enough" for you. That's not true, I know and you know, but the perception to the whole group is important here, I think.
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Post by pjaye on Feb 6, 2023 3:15:15 GMT
I'd be irritated too. It's a group trip...stay with the group, it makes you like you think you are better than they are and need to stay in a better hotel. Just saying "prefer to stay at Marriott related properties" makes you sound like a snob. Even if all those thing you posted above are true - you are separating yourself from the group and it feels 'off' and even if your BFF says she doesn't care - I'll bet she does. It'll go down in friend folklore too, "remember that time we all went away to XX's birthday and Busy booked herself into different hotel to the rest of us?" The hotel they’re staying at is more expensive but whatever. Thanks for your feedback. "Whatever"? You asked what people think - don't get all bent out of shape when it isn't what you want to hear. And "perfectly nice hotel" does not make it sound like it's the more expensive option. |
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Post by Texas Scrap on Feb 6, 2023 3:20:47 GMT
I don’t know… I do LOTS of group trips and we always stay at the same place. We do lots of hanging out at the pool/hot tub/each others’ rooms/meals in the lobby, etc. I’d be bummed if someone decided to stay somewhere else. Yes, the half a block away does make me feel like eh, not a huge deal. But I definitely understand why some of your friends feel like it takes away from the groupness of a group trip. I totally get what you’re saying and other trips I’d likely agree… but this one is all about going *out* - BFF is a huge foodie and we have an itinerary for all our meals and some sightseeing. We won’t be at the hotel much at all. And the rooms are very small - not even a desk or couch unless it’s a suite, and no one is getting a suite. There’s no pool. Any time as a group at the hotel would be in public space, where I could join. I think this extra info definitely would sway me to think you are fine and if everyone has their own room, it's not like other people are going to be hanging out. I have been on trips where we shared rooms and that definitely makes a difference. I guess I would also be thinking about BFF and how they perceive things and just make sure you feel good that they won't be disappointed - it is their birthday so I would just be thinking about if they would care or not. Some people are just more sensitive than others. I can also totally see why the other might feel disappointed bc you are all not staying in the same place, but if there really are no community places to hang out in a suite or at the pool, then its really going to be fine once you are all there. I think it may be more a perception thing than a reality thing. I would just be intentional about participating and being on time when they are meeting up. Just make it a point ahead of time to let people know you are looking forward to all being together. |
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Post by busy on Feb 6, 2023 3:21:51 GMT
The hotel they’re staying at is more expensive but whatever. Thanks for your feedback. "Whatever"? You asked what people think - don't get all bent out of shape when it isn't what you want to hear. And "perfectly nice hotel" does not make it sound like it's the more expensive option. You said I was being a snob and wanting to stay at a nicer hotel. I am not choosing a nicer, more expensive hotel. I’m choosing one where I will earn points on my most-used hotel brands, where I won’t have to pay for wifi and gym access, and so on. “Whatever” is about your assumptions for my why of staying elsewhere. I’m open to being disagreed with but no need to be so unpleasant about it. |
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Post by pjaye on Feb 6, 2023 3:32:53 GMT
"Whatever"? You asked what people think - don't get all bent out of shape when it isn't what you want to hear. And "perfectly nice hotel" does not make it sound like it's the more expensive option. You said I was being a snob and wanting to stay at a nicer hotel. I am not choosing a nicer, more expensive hotel. I’m choosing one where I will earn points on my most-used hotel brands, where I won’t have to pay for wifi and gym access, and so on. “Whatever” is about your assumptions for my why of staying elsewhere. I’m open to being disagreed with but no need to be so unpleasant about it. I wasn't being unpleasant, I was stating how I think your comment came across. If you'd added that your hotel is the cheaper one, that would have changed that specific part of my comment, but writing that one is "perfectly nice" but you'd rather stay at a "brand name" does give a particular impression. All that extra information would have been pertinent in the OP, and not added on later. |
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Post by papersilly on Feb 6, 2023 3:37:39 GMT
I wouldn't change hotels. Stay where you are comfortable and where ever works best for you.
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Post by busy on Feb 6, 2023 3:39:42 GMT
You said I was being a snob and wanting to stay at a nicer hotel. I am not choosing a nicer, more expensive hotel. I’m choosing one where I will earn points on my most-used hotel brands, where I won’t have to pay for wifi and gym access, and so on. “Whatever” is about your assumptions for my why of staying elsewhere. I’m open to being disagreed with but no need to be so unpleasant about it. I wasn't being unpleasant, I was stating how I think your comment came across. If you'd added that your hotel is the cheaper one, that would have changed that specific part of my comment, but writing that one is "perfectly nice" but you'd rather stay at a "brand name" does give a particular impression. All that extra information would have been pertinent in the OP, and not added on later. I said all of that, except that their hotel is more expensive, in my OP. Truly, whatever. You’re free to think I’m a snob and I’m free to think you have a habit of being aggressively rude to people. |
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Post by MichyM on Feb 6, 2023 3:41:41 GMT
I often travel with friends, many times in a group of 6-8. Sometimes everyone stays in the same hotel, BnB, or Airbnb and sometimes we will stay separately (nearby each other). I think that it’s far more fun when everyone stays in the same place. That said, I think you should do whatever you want, and if others are annoyed, so be it.
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Post by morecowbell on Feb 6, 2023 3:51:51 GMT
I don't agree that you're coming off as snobby, but I agree with the rest of that.
The idea that you're all together, even for those spontaneous moments that you logically can't see ahead of time. Logically it's not much different than each of you going to your separate rooms at night. Emotionally, it feels like excluding yourself from the group.
You just have to decide if the points are more important than goodwill.
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amom23
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,331
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Post by amom23 on Feb 6, 2023 3:53:15 GMT
If it were me I'd stay at the same hotel as everyone else.
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Post by myshelly on Feb 6, 2023 4:04:02 GMT
I wasn't being unpleasant, I was stating how I think your comment came across. If you'd added that your hotel is the cheaper one, that would have changed that specific part of my comment, but writing that one is "perfectly nice" but you'd rather stay at a "brand name" does give a particular impression. All that extra information would have been pertinent in the OP, and not added on later. I said all of that, except that their hotel is more expensive, in my OP. Truly, whatever. You’re free to think I’m a snob and I’m free to think you have a habit of being aggressively rude to people. 2 questions 1) If you won’t be at the hotel at all because you’ll be out all day as you said in another post, why would you need gym access or Wi-Fi? Either you’ll be at the hotel enough to use those amenities, in which case you should stay with your friends, or this is a moot point yet you keep harping on it. 2) what’s more important to you - a couple of nights worth of points or your friends’ feelings? For me it would come down to, you agreed to a group trip, you should follow the group plans. I care more about making the group happy/not causing bad feelings/not causing future rifts/not missing anything than I do about getting my way regarding hotels. |
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Post by padresfan619 on Feb 6, 2023 4:15:50 GMT
Stay where you want. You’ll want Wi-Fi in the morning and night when you’re on your own and maybe having a chance to get a quick workout in if you are an early riser makes complete sense. This isn’t college spring break where you’re sleeping seven to a two bed room, you’re all adults and you can walk over if a spontaneous drink or hang out happens at the hotel before dinner.
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ComplicatedLady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,037
Location: Valley of the Sun
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Post by ComplicatedLady on Feb 6, 2023 4:16:17 GMT
If you will be in SF for the birthday celebrations and her dh doesn’t care where you stay, I wouldn’t worry about it.
Even if everyone were to hang out in someone’s room after dinner, you can hang out and go back to your hotel when everyone goes back to their rooms.
As long as you don’t care about having to go outside then it shouldn’t be a big deal.
Heck, I bet if you didn’t tell anyone, they’d never know you weren’t in the same building.
I get the fun of everyone staying together but it doesn’t sound like everyone is staying on the same floor and you are half a mile away.
Everyone is staying in SF and you are right there too.
Plus, if it’s your bff, they will understand that your motivations aren’t selfish and that it makes sense to stay nearby.
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Post by busy on Feb 6, 2023 4:27:31 GMT
I said all of that, except that their hotel is more expensive, in my OP. Truly, whatever. You’re free to think I’m a snob and I’m free to think you have a habit of being aggressively rude to people. 2 questions 1) If you won’t be at the hotel at all because you’ll be out all day as you said in another post, why would you need gym access or Wi-Fi? Either you’ll be at the hotel enough to use those amenities, in which case you should stay with your friends, or this is a moot point yet you keep harping on it. 2) what’s more important to you - a couple of nights worth of points or your friends’ feelings? For me it would come down to, you agreed to a group trip, you should follow the group plans. I care more about making the group happy/not causing bad feelings/not causing future rifts/not missing anything than I do about getting my way regarding hotels. I am an early riser - I’m up by 5 to workout and will most likely to do some work after that. The rest of the group won’t be up before 8 at the earliest. But I moved hotels. I think it’s pretty silly but if those two are going to make a deal out of it now, they’ll probably be worse when we’re there and I don’t want anything to cause issues and affect BFf’s weekend. |
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Post by calgaryscrapper on Feb 6, 2023 4:37:45 GMT
We have gone on group trips and have no problems when people stay at other hotels. We have each others contact information. Try and talk them into free wifi etc. When we book a hotel in Banff dh will call then I get on the line to the hotel we always go to and ask for free wifi and parking.
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Post by Lexica on Feb 6, 2023 4:43:26 GMT
I would think that staying with the group would be much better, perception wise, than staying at your own hotel. And as was just pointed out, when are you going to have time to use the gym and Wi-Fi if you are joining the group for all meals and site seeing?
I would personally stay with everyone else. It is just one trip. I would do without the points for one trip, especially since that trip is to celebrate your BFF. I agree that needing to stay somewhere other than where everyone else is staying sends a definite message. Are you sure you want to do that?
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Post by auntkelly on Feb 6, 2023 4:52:37 GMT
I hope you have a fun trip. I would have stayed at the Marriott. I love travelling with my friends, but we‘re all pretty chill. It wouldn’t be an issue if someone wanted to stay at a hotel a short walk away from the hotel everyone else was staying at.
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Post by manda on Feb 6, 2023 4:56:29 GMT
I think you made the right decision to be at the hotel everybody is staying at.
I’ve been on a trip where two of the ten people stayed elsewhere (a couple) and it was honestly annoying at times for the rest of the group.
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Post by cmpeter on Feb 6, 2023 4:56:40 GMT
I would stay with the group and I’m also loyal to my own favorite hotel brand. I haven’t stayed at a hotel that charges guests to use the gym and I use my own data plat/hotspot when working from a hotel room. I’m not a fan of public wifi.
But, I also wouldn’t give anyone grief for choosing to stay at a different hotel.
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