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Post by lesserknownpea on Dec 10, 2014 5:34:58 GMT
I have trouble believing time has gone by this fast.
Many here will remember that first I discovered XH lived a disgusting double life, (prostitutes, strippers, affairs), I asked for a separation, he assaulted me, and broke my back.
Hes been in in prison ever since, will be till 2021.
I've been living with my wonderful DS and DIL since.
For those who have followed, here are some developments:
I'm as healed as I will get. Not like I was, but I live a full, semi active life, and have a good dr and pain meds if I need them.
I finished therapy. That made me sad, I had grown so appreciative of her help, but I have the tools she taught me with which to cope. I understand better how my upbringing left me prey to a lying manipulator, and I work hard at not feeling stupid and naive for my 34 years of trusting him.
The DD who kind of took his side has stopped all contact with him as she gradually saw he was lying and using her. However, before she stopped, he had been telling her that he has a woman friend who writes, visits and sends him money.
I was was sick when I heard this. Who considers a convicted rapist and wife beater as a love interest???
DD and I aren't as close as we used to be, but we enjoy each other and see each other often.
I have have a new grandson on the way!! I'm thrilled about that.
I am am using what I learned to try to show a younger friend that she has options. Whichever she decides, I'm there for her, but I hope she doesn't spend her whole life with a man who doesn't deserve her.
XH's younger brother got 28 years for child sex abuse this summer, but he wasn't put in the same prison as X. Too bad, they could have been roomies. ( I know-- I have a sick sense of humor).
I'm very slowly starting to enjoy things like sewing, jewelry making and photography. Things that were a big part of my life before I was hurt, but I just haven't been able to muster up any motivation for during all this time. I've been reading refashioning blogs, I'd like to get back into that, I did it thirty some years ago as it was how I kept the kids clothed.
Yes, I'm still plagued by flashbacks, panic attacks, simply blue days, feelings of worthlessness , ect, but for the most part I'm doing my best to enjoy my family and friends, live in the present, ( my goal each day) and be thankful.
Thank you Peas who were so encouraging to me when this happened.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 17, 2024 2:52:38 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 10, 2014 5:43:09 GMT
I am sorry your life took the turn it did. But so glad to hear the emotional and mental healing are coming along! A new grandbaby is always exciting news!
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Post by chaosisapony on Dec 10, 2014 5:47:04 GMT
I'm glad to hear that you are doing so well. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas.
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Post by lesserknownpea on Dec 10, 2014 5:50:07 GMT
Thank you, Volt. I have appreciated your posts since way, way, back on the Photography Board of the old twopeas. Your encouragement after my assault was most helpful.
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Post by lesserknownpea on Dec 10, 2014 5:50:37 GMT
Thank you, Tina.
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PLurker
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,744
Location: Behind the Cheddar Curtain
Jun 28, 2014 3:48:49 GMT
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Post by PLurker on Dec 10, 2014 5:53:40 GMT
I remember reading your shocking story and happy that X is in jail, not long enough though. I sorry your life took such a tragic turn, but happy to hear you are starting to "make lemonade out of those lemons." Enjoy your new Grandson when he arrives, you can continue to grow with him! Happy holidays to you and all the best.
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Post by PEArfect on Dec 10, 2014 5:54:07 GMT
I'm glad to hear that you are on the mend both physically and emotionally.
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Post by lesserknownpea on Dec 10, 2014 6:07:48 GMT
You know, p lurker, I was shocked to learn how seldom DV offenders are prosecuted, and what often short sentences they can get, so I consider myself lucky he got his 8. Thank you for your encouragement.
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Post by ScrapsontheRocks on Dec 10, 2014 6:09:10 GMT
I remember! Good to hear from you. Go grandbaby! Go continued healing and I hope you have a satisfying and peaceful holiday season.
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Post by lesserknownpea on Dec 10, 2014 6:10:39 GMT
PEAfect, I've gotten more reaction from the officials for the physical injury, but I'm sure it won't be a surprise to those with experience when I say the emotional is the hard one to recover from!!
Thank heavens for the amazing people at SARC.
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Mary Kay Lady
Pearl Clutcher
PeaNut 367,913 Refupea number 1,638
Posts: 3,074
Jun 27, 2014 4:11:36 GMT
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Post by Mary Kay Lady on Dec 10, 2014 6:11:01 GMT
I remember your story from the original 2 Peas. I'm so happy for you that things are turning around for you. Your XDH is a sick man. Like you, I don't understand why some women find men like him attractive. I'm guessing that they think that they can't do any better.
Yours is the type of update I like to read. I know that your life isn't all moonlight and roses, but you sound happy and content. I hope that when your grandson is born you come back and post pictures of him.
You have been through what no person should have to endure. You have come through the other side and you are a better person for it. You are stronger than you realize. I'm proud of you for resuming some of the activities that gave you pleasure before.
You are an inspiration.
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Post by lesserknownpea on Dec 10, 2014 6:12:38 GMT
ScrapsontheRocks, thank you!!
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Post by lesserknownpea on Dec 10, 2014 6:17:50 GMT
MKL, such an encouraging post! I agree, how sad that poor woman thinks he's the best she can get. I can't tell you how much of a loop learning about her threw me for, when really, I should have expected it. Why would he stop manipulating women after a lifetime of it? And his relationship with her is part of my DD seeing him for what he is, so I should be grateful. ( lesserknownpea just had a breakthrough! )
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 17, 2024 2:52:38 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 10, 2014 6:18:07 GMT
He could die in prison. He sounds like a useless human being.
For you, I hope every day your life gets better! I hope you can see something positive every day even if it's tiny. If you see butterfly in spring know summer is coming. If you see a dragonfly in August know fall is near. If you see the stars shining brightly know we are thinking of you as your are among friends...millions of us up there.
Good luck getting on with your life. I know it sounds like a cliche but what I mean is I hope you can move one, do fun things and not let the past eat you alive. Tomorrow you will wake up and I hope you will feel warmth. Even if it's just the shower head beating on your face. I hope great things start happening for you.
You will be in my prayers xoxox
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Post by lesserknownpea on Dec 10, 2014 6:28:44 GMT
Elannah, you described my goal: living in the moment and appreciating the little things.
This weekend my grandsons spent the night with me. I live for these times. Thursday night their mother is going to give me a manicure. (She does amazing things with gels)
This summer I went with my single daughter to an Arcade Fire concert at the beautiful Gorge Amphitheater in Washington. In September I spent a month with my elderly father in California listening to his stories for the thousandth time.
I treasure these things in my life. And yet, I still battle the emotional monsters that hit when I least expect it.
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Post by lindywholoveskids on Dec 10, 2014 6:29:32 GMT
So happy to read your update. Staying in the present is a good thing! When's the grandson due?
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Post by lesserknownpea on Dec 10, 2014 6:42:54 GMT
Thank you Lindy. Yes, staying in the present IS a good thing, and I know I'm not the only one who has to work at it.
My new grandson ( I got to be in the ultrasound room with them just days ago to learn it was a boy), is due April 15. Such a blessing.
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Sue
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,234
Location: SE of Portland, Oregon
Jun 26, 2014 18:42:33 GMT
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Post by Sue on Dec 10, 2014 6:57:22 GMT
So happy to hear such a positive update from you, lesserknownpea. Sounds like your therapist has started you on a journey which will lead to emotional healing and peace. You deserve both and more. And a new grandson is the icing on the cake. Congratulations!
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Post by rainangel on Dec 10, 2014 6:58:25 GMT
It takes a strong person to break out of what you did break out of. I am sorry for everything that happened to you in the process, but it sounds like you got a little bit of justice with him going to prison. He should get MORE time in there if you ask me, but at least you have been heard and believed by the court. It is encouraging to read your update two years later, you seem to have come a long way and I applaud you Best of luck with your new life and the new grandbaby on the way!
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Post by lesserknownpea on Dec 10, 2014 7:08:31 GMT
Thank you, Sue. I truly lucked out with my therapist. She helped so much. Another Oregonian, shall I wave my umbrella at you?
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Post by lesserknownpea on Dec 10, 2014 7:11:37 GMT
Rain angel, it Does help that I got justice. Sometimes I think of him in prison and I am very glad he's there!
I try not to dwell on how fast time goes by and he will get out. Live in the present. . . Live in the present . . .
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Post by gar on Dec 10, 2014 8:15:50 GMT
Sounds like the therapy has been wonderful for you and I hope your new life does nothing but grow and improve. You deserve it
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tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,368
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Dec 10, 2014 8:44:26 GMT
I am so happy for you that things are going well. It seems that the healing is going well for you. I often wonder how you are and am glad you posted such an inspiring update. One day at a time, one step at a time. Whatever it takes. Best of luck.
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wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,768
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Dec 10, 2014 9:53:36 GMT
I remember your story and have read all your updates. Each one reaffirms my belief that you are a strong woman. I hope you go from strength to strength, you have made such progress to date.
Wonderful news about the upcoming new grandson. Enjoy.
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Post by lesserknownpea on Dec 10, 2014 10:32:57 GMT
Thank you so much Gar! Sometimes the growth is so slow I get impatient with myself, but I know it will come.
Tincin. and Wellway, I don't know why, but I have a special place in my heart for those of you who have "been" there from the start. The encouraging words have meant so much to me.
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TankTop
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1,871
Posts: 4,775
Location: On the couch...
Jun 28, 2014 1:52:46 GMT
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Post by TankTop on Dec 10, 2014 11:08:49 GMT
You inspire me!
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Post by miss_lizzie on Dec 10, 2014 11:11:46 GMT
I am so very proud of you. You went through hell and got through it and thrived. Is life perfect? No, but nobody's is. I bet you inspire more people than you know. Thanks for sharing your story. Your strength really touches me.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 17, 2024 2:52:38 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 10, 2014 11:15:02 GMT
I'm so pleased to read your update. You've shown such strength of character throughout your ordeal and whilst the recovery has been long your continued strength will get you there in the end.
Just remember that whilst your ex won a few battles at the time ( in his mind) in what he did to you, you are the one that will ultimately win the war and you will,don't ever forget that.
Wonderful news about the new grandson. Best wishes to you as you continue to go forward.
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eastcoastpea
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,252
Jun 27, 2014 13:05:28 GMT
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Post by eastcoastpea on Dec 10, 2014 12:04:00 GMT
I feel like we should bump this thread from time to time. That way, should any reader find themselves in a similar situation, to what you endured, they will know that their abuser can be successfully prosecuted. Reaching out for support from professionals is beneficial. And, that happiness can be achieved. Your strength is inspiring. I hope you continue to find beauty in every day. Congrats on the new baby.
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back to *pea*ality
Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys ~refugee pea #59
Posts: 3,149
Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
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Post by back to *pea*ality on Dec 10, 2014 12:11:47 GMT
You have come a long way, I hope each passing day becomes lighter and happier for you. Congrats on the new grand baby too.
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