|
Post by lucyg on May 1, 2023 20:59:11 GMT
the will changing to the wife rather than the children. Children and/or other people are not "Owed ANYTHING" in a will. It is up to the person who is doing their own will to make decisions about their assets. Getting anything in a will is a bonus and not an obligation of the person who has made up their will. Cutting out your own children and leaving everything to a new spouse is a crap move, no matter what the legalities may be.
|
|
|
Post by Delta Dawn on May 1, 2023 21:01:39 GMT
the will changing to the wife rather than the children. Children and/or other people are not "Owed ANYTHING" in a will. It is up to the person who is doing their own will to make decisions about their assets. Getting anything in a will is a bonus and not an obligation of the person who has made up their will. You don’t know how much better your words made me feel about someone I know. That really helped a lot.
|
|
|
Post by Delta Dawn on May 1, 2023 21:05:08 GMT
Children and/or other people are not "Owed ANYTHING" in a will. It is up to the person who is doing their own will to make decisions about their assets. Getting anything in a will is a bonus and not an obligation of the person who has made up their will. Cutting out your own children and leaving everything to a new spouse is a crap move, no matter what the legalities may be. Agree but what happens when 5 lawyers fire you? It doesn’t sound like the person I know going after the new wife has a case. Five lawyers so far.
|
|
|
Post by littlemama on May 1, 2023 21:06:10 GMT
the will changing to the wife rather than the children. Children and/or other people are not "Owed ANYTHING" in a will. It is up to the person who is doing their own will to make decisions about their assets. Getting anything in a will is a bonus and not an obligation of the person who has made up their will. Of course not and I did not say that ANYONE was owed ANYTHING. What I said was that when a couple is married, they tend to make arrangements in their will to leave things to certain people and a new wife so late in the game could end up causing the father (intentionally or unintentionally) in the situation to change the arrangements both parents had made
|
|
|
Post by KelleeM on May 1, 2023 21:21:21 GMT
My late husband wasn’t a man who could be without a partner. This was evidenced by five marriages. I have no doubt that if I had passed first he would be in a relationship within a short time. I, on the other hand, have absolutely zero interest in dating.
|
|
|
Post by don on May 1, 2023 22:05:21 GMT
Of course, not to say the 80 year old gal didn't chase him down.
A guy standing in line at the Fair asks the lady in front of him if this is where you pay to get in. She says yes, and asks if this is his first time at the Fair. He replied "This is my first time anywhere in 25 years." The lady says "Oh, where have you been?" "I've been in prison." "What did you do?" "I killed my wife with an axe." "OH! You're single then." Yes, I'm a Geezinslaws fan.
|
|
|
Post by ScrapbookMyLife on May 1, 2023 22:06:05 GMT
Marriage or relationships, some people don't like to be alone.....and they move on quickly. In some instances, they settle.....because they would rather have anyone rather than no one.
I know several people who hate being alone, without a significant other. Some of them don't even like being home alone by themselves or going anywhere(store, errands, gym, Library, etc...) by themselves. It's just how some people are.
|
|
|
Post by crazy4scraps on May 1, 2023 22:28:40 GMT
Of course, not to say the 80 year old gal didn't chase him down. A guy standing in line at the Fair asks the lady in front of him if this is where you pay to get in. She says yes, and asks if this is his first time at the Fair. He replied "This is my first time anywhere in 25 years." The lady says "Oh, where have you been?" "I've been in prison." "What did you do?" "I killed my wife with an axe." "OH! You're single then." Yes, I'm a Geezinslaws fan. My friend’s mom passed away about six years ago. My friend and I were helping her dad by going through all of mom’s craft hoard. At one point he mentioned that not long after she passed away several women from their church started nosing around pretty quickly, strongly hinting that they were interested (he wasn’t) so I’m sure it isn’t an uncommon occurrence. My brother’s longtime girlfriend passed away when they were in their 50’s and I was surprised by how quickly he started looking for someone new. Same with a friend of DH’s. He had a profile up on Match within six months of her passing and was dating someone seriously not long after that. Now they’re getting married but I don’t know when.
|
|
|
Post by mollycoddle on May 1, 2023 22:35:49 GMT
My sister passed away at age 59 after being diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's in her mid 50's. My brother-in-law cared for her until 3 weeks before she died. His health was being affected so he finally put her in a memory care place. A few months later he met a woman who had cared for her husband who had Parkinson's. They married 10 months after my sister died. BIL called me before he proposed to let me know. You know what? I cried because I was so happy he had met someone to share the rest of his life with. He always thought it would be my sister. They were married for 34 years. Long story short, I pass no judgement. Life is short, especially when you get older. ETA: I attended their wedding and was so happy to meet his new partner. She reminded me a lot of my sister. This ^^ is the ideal attitude. Life is short. Be happy.
|
|
|
Post by crazy4scraps on May 1, 2023 22:49:53 GMT
Marriage or relationships, some people don't like to be alone.....and they move on quickly. In some instances, they settle.....because they would rather have anyone rather than no one. I know several people who hate being alone, without a significant other. Some of them don't even like being home alone by themselves or going anywhere(store, errands, gym, Library, etc...) by themselves. It's just how some people are. My dad passed away when my mom was 50 and not long after that my mom’s best friend passed away too. I want to say maybe a year or so later my mom and BFF’s widowed husband dated for a while, as they had all been longtime friends. He was super nice and really REALLY wanted to marry my mom but with a couple young kids still at home she wasn’t looking for anyone to coparent us kids so she said no. A few years later, I found out that not long after breaking up with my mom he married a friend of my boyfriend’s mom, and his new wife was supposedly kind of a witch. Guess he really did want to be married again! He had a fairly unique name so I knew it was the same guy and I was surprised he settled for someone like that.
|
|
|
Post by hop2 on May 1, 2023 23:01:48 GMT
Some ( not all ) men of that generation were not raised /taught / expected to take full care of themselves & a home and therefore are not used to doing so. Add to that the simple fact that by that age if they were married a long time, they are used to having companionship. Companionship is a human need.
Lastly, at that age, one never knows how much time there is left and ‘waiting’ is a gamble.
As long as he is of sound mind, then no one else gets to say how long he ought to hang around and wait to move on with his life. It’s not their business, unless he wasn’t of sound mind.
|
|
|
Post by epeanymous on May 1, 2023 23:46:03 GMT
I am pretty sure I remember reading that post!
|
|
|
Post by mikklynn on May 2, 2023 13:10:37 GMT
My sister passed away at age 59 after being diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's in her mid 50's. My brother-in-law cared for her until 3 weeks before she died. His health was being affected so he finally put her in a memory care place. A few months later he met a woman who had cared for her husband who had Parkinson's. They married 10 months after my sister died. BIL called me before he proposed to let me know. You know what? I cried because I was so happy he had met someone to share the rest of his life with. He always thought it would be my sister. They were married for 34 years. Long story short, I pass no judgement. Life is short, especially when you get older. ETA: I attended their wedding and was so happy to meet his new partner. She reminded me a lot of my sister. I just wanted to say that I have a friend that her husband passed away last July from a very lengthy illness and she is dating and in a pretty committed relationship and other friends and family are having a tough time with it. What they don't realize is that she mourned his death long before his actual death. it was years in the coming and like you I pass no judgement, but I also see where they are coming from moving on, she has gone through the stages of grief for a lot longer than just the last 9 months.
You are so right! I cared for my DH for nearly 15 years as his cancer progressed. I lost him at least a year before he actually died. Most people do not understand that. There is a joke among widows that men want a nurse or a purse! Obviously that is not true for all men, LOL.
|
|
|
Post by kristalina on May 2, 2023 16:42:18 GMT
I have an older friend who passed away after an illness of a few years. Our other friend told me he (the widower) would marry the first woman who brought him a casserole. He did. Some people just can't be alone.
I wish it were a happy ending though. He was 82, the new woman was an immigrant from China and 40 years old. He ended up changing his will and leaving his properties to her instead of his kids. AND she was already pregnant with another geriatric man's baby when he died. She knew what she was doing and had planned it, and actually he knew also but the other option was being alone. (he was my boss of 34 years, and I am now the trustee of his trust and estate - ugh. I loathe having to distribute his properties to this woman.)
|
|
|
Post by librarylady on May 2, 2023 20:17:33 GMT
Read a book and main character married within a month of his wife dying. Every one was shocked. His daughter began to lecture him on waiting longer and his reply was. "She won't be any more dead if I wait."
|
|
DEX
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,355
Aug 9, 2014 23:13:22 GMT
|
Post by DEX on May 2, 2023 20:46:12 GMT
My dad asked me if he could ask out a former girlfriend about 6 months after my Mom died. They married the following year.
|
|
The Great Carpezio
Pearl Clutcher
Something profound goes here.
Posts: 2,930
Jun 25, 2014 21:50:33 GMT
|
Post by The Great Carpezio on May 2, 2023 20:46:47 GMT
I think this is one of those things that vary so much from person to person. There are people I know that if they lost a spouse, they would be looking soon after. Sometimes because they are extraverted and can't be alone, sometimes because they don't know how to take care of themselves/kids, sometimes they have a high caretaking need, sometimes--like some have said-- it was a long time coming, and sometimes they have a high "relationship" drive, etc...
There are people I know of all ages that I would not be surprised if they remarried/had a serious relationship within a year or two, but there are people I know that would really surprise me and, I guess, freak me out a bit if it was a quick relationship or, to be honest, any relationship. Like, my mom finding someone would be really weird. She also is not looking or putting herself out there nor does she plan to. My MIL? I would be a little less surprised because she has a more active social life, but it would be really weird thinking of her having another relationship at all, let alone within a year.
There isn't anything specifically wrong with a widow remarrying quickly---but it is easy to say it is OK from a distance; I will say it really depends on the person/circumstances.---and older men, in particular, have a tendency to expect someone to take care of them and aren't competent or confident on their own. (something that I think is changing)
I think my dad, at a younger age before getting ill, would have found someone else. After he got ill, he would have needed me to help him if something happened to my mom. He was an early (1946) boomer.
|
|
|
Post by lucyg on May 2, 2023 21:41:53 GMT
My dad asked me if he could ask out a former girlfriend about 6 months after my Mom died. They married the following year. I think it’s sweet that he asked your opinion first.
|
|
hannahruth
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,616
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Aug 29, 2014 18:57:20 GMT
|
Post by hannahruth on May 2, 2023 22:10:24 GMT
My sister passed away at age 59 after being diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's in her mid 50's. My brother-in-law cared for her until 3 weeks before she died. His health was being affected so he finally put her in a memory care place. A few months later he met a woman who had cared for her husband who had Parkinson's. They married 10 months after my sister died. BIL called me before he proposed to let me know. You know what? I cried because I was so happy he had met someone to share the rest of his life with. He always thought it would be my sister. They were married for 34 years. Long story short, I pass no judgement. Life is short, especially when you get older. ETA: I attended their wedding and was so happy to meet his new partner. She reminded me a lot of my sister. I just wanted to say that I have a friend that her husband passed away last July from a very lengthy illness and she is dating and in a pretty committed relationship and other friends and family are having a tough time with it. What they don't realize is that she mourned his death long before his actual death. it was years in the coming and like you I pass no judgement, but I also see where they are coming from moving on, she has gone through the stages of grief for a lot longer than just the last 9 months. This is true - our dear neighbour's husband had a very severe heart attack when he was in his 60's and she nursed/cared for him for another 20+ years so when he passed away and I said to her I was sorry she had lost him her comment was that she had lost him when he had the heart attack. Their lives where certainly not the same as had been as he was unable to do so many things.
|
|
|
Post by Leone on May 2, 2023 22:23:10 GMT
Living here in The Villages, I see many people who have lost a spouse either remarry or find a committed partner...many enjoy having someone to travel with and enjoy social outings. They seem really happy.
|
|
|
Post by epeanymous on May 2, 2023 23:08:51 GMT
Well, now I stepped in it. I told this to my mother to try to get her to see that the remarriage probably doesn't mean he didn't really love his wife, but that he loved her a lot and the remarriage is a good sign, but she turned around and told my other aunt this -- her husband died about 17 years ago, and now she's really insulted because she's never remarried and "my marriage was better than hers."
Ugh. Maybe some people just like being mad.
|
|
mimima
Drama Llama
Stay Gold, Ponyboy
Posts: 5,020
Jun 25, 2014 19:25:50 GMT
|
Post by mimima on May 2, 2023 23:15:26 GMT
Well, now I stepped in it. I told this to my mother to try to get her to see that the remarriage probably doesn't mean he didn't really love his wife, but that he loved her a lot and the remarriage is a good sign, but she turned around and told my other aunt this -- her husband died about 17 years ago, and now she's really insulted because she's never remarried and "my marriage was better than hers." Ugh. Maybe some people just like being mad. Truth
|
|
peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,618
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
|
Post by peabay on May 2, 2023 23:29:16 GMT
Well, now I stepped in it. I told this to my mother to try to get her to see that the remarriage probably doesn't mean he didn't really love his wife, but that he loved her a lot and the remarriage is a good sign, but she turned around and told my other aunt this -- her husband died about 17 years ago, and now she's really insulted because she's never remarried and "my marriage was better than hers." Ugh. Maybe some people just like being mad. I think they are all mourning their sister and are hurt that he looks like he "moved on" (even though he really hasn't) and they don't want to feel better. They want to feel angry because it's a whole lot better than feeling sad. They've shifted their grief to being pissed off at him. Hopefully they will figure that out. You did nothing wrong. He did nothing wrong. No one is wrong here - feelings are messy.
|
|
|
Post by Chips on May 3, 2023 1:24:36 GMT
I became a widow in 2020 and it has been the most difficult journey that no one wants. My sons were 17 and 15 and we suffered together and still suffer.
I was blessed to join a wonderful widows support group and that has been a game changer in understanding experiences of other widowers and widows. While it is a great suppport group it also brings to light peoples struggles, bad choices and etc. remember in this group we have experienced an extrenely painful loss and our whole life, identies are nothing that we thought they would be. I extend a tremendous of grace of when I hear thier stories of life as a widow.
My Dad was also a widow and when I looked at care facilities for him it was 80 to 90% women. Numbers alone lean towrads men being in short supply and there are women that go after them. For me having sons still at home I do not feel ready to seek another partner. Interesting 2 years out I am still going thorough his things to donate since eventually I will be down sizing. Yet in my group I hear people say you are not ready for a relationship unless you are free of those items. So it is a very complicated process.
I just respect peoples choices even if it is different than mine.
|
|
|
Post by scrappinmom3 on May 3, 2023 2:23:02 GMT
My dad remarried less than 2 years after my mom died. He was 68. He was completely self sufficient, but he was lonely. The only weird thing was that his 2nd wife knew my mom and grew up with her. My parents grew up in PA but lived in MI until they moved to Florida to retire. I never did find out, before my dad died, how they got in touch.
|
|
|
Post by dewryce on May 3, 2023 6:36:59 GMT
I think a lot of people want their spouse to find love and happiness again after they die, I know I do. I’ve always told my DH this, though he doesn’t like talking about it. And I’ve stressed that guilt shouldn’t play a role in him moving forward. My mom was upset because her SIL wanted to date/hook-up within a year of her brother dying, I mean she was absolutely livid and still is over 10 years later. I made sure to have a conversation with her telling her my feelings so hopefully she won’t treat DH poorly should that come to pass. BFF knows how I feel about it as well. We have a wonderful marriage, but our lives have also been really tough in so many ways. After losing me the last thing he’ll need is anger and judgement at finding happiness again.
|
|
|
Post by Gem Girl on May 3, 2023 19:39:38 GMT
It may also be that men remarry because they don't have many close friends. That's always been more the case for men than women (at least from what I've seen), but it's gotten steadily worse from 2013 to the present (so, declining even much prior to the pandemic). www.americansurveycenter.org/why-mens-social-circles-are-shrinking/I think it goes beyond being lonely to missing having somebody validate thoughts and feelings, which men may be more comfortable sharing with a female partner than a male potential "competitor," since our American culture trains men not to show weakness or doubt before one another.
|
|