peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,610
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on May 14, 2023 1:11:01 GMT
My dd#3 has a really good friend who has been going out with a guy for 3 years (since undergraduate). Guy just got into grad school far away and her friend started making plans to move to the grad school city. Guy said “I’m not ready for that” and now she’s not moving.
They are all 25 years old.
If this was your daughter, what would you say? Cut your losses? Hang in there?
They don’t live together now, but did through much of Covid. They are a long distance couple - he is from Europe and often travels back and forth between his country and the US.
Me? I think he’s saying “I’m just not that into you” and she should run for the hills before wasting any more years on him. But my mind could be changed.
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Post by SweetieBugs on May 14, 2023 1:13:52 GMT
Cut your losses, for sure.
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Post by epeanymous on May 14, 2023 1:15:47 GMT
If he has lived with her but doesn't want her to move with him then yeah, I am not really sure how else to read that situation. That is the structural breakup everyone I know had in their mid-20s.
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Post by busy on May 14, 2023 1:15:57 GMT
Agree with you.
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gina
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,221 
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Post by gina on May 14, 2023 1:18:08 GMT
Cut the losses, move on.
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pancakes
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,993
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Post by pancakes on May 14, 2023 1:22:55 GMT
Three years and he’s not ready to have her move for him? He is not serious about the relationship. He’s not a child either.I’d cut and run.
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Post by Monica* on May 14, 2023 1:26:17 GMT
Girl, get yourself some ribs and ice cream because you have been dumped.
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MorningPerson
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,506
Location: Central Pennsylvania
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Post by MorningPerson on May 14, 2023 1:27:40 GMT
I won’t try to change your mind because I agree with you.
He’s not ready to settle down and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s good that he’s being honest with her and not leading her on.
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momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,151
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on May 14, 2023 1:30:12 GMT
Before I got to your last paragraph I was thinking just as you said "he's just not that into you." I would definitely be hoping she'd move on.
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Post by lisae on May 14, 2023 1:41:15 GMT
This guy actually said what he wants or rather doesn't want. She should believe him. If he isn't ready at 3 years, he isn't going to be.
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compeateropeator
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,998
Member is Online
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Post by compeateropeator on May 14, 2023 1:42:36 GMT
I would say it is probably time to move on, especially if he was saying that just about moving to the same city and not even in with him. If it was just in with him but fine with the city my answer might be different.
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Post by leslie132 on May 14, 2023 1:44:53 GMT
Move on. If he comes back and they are still both single great, but I wouldn’t waste much time sitting at home. He isn’t ready to commit!
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Post by scrapmaven on May 14, 2023 1:57:53 GMT
I think he's not in the space to have the relationship right now. He is focused on grad school. It could be that after grad school he'll want a serious relationship w/her, but right now he has his priorities in order. He's focusing on building a future before he takes care of a wife and kids. At 25 they're still very young. She should free herself from this. This is a period of growth for both of them.
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Post by librarylady on May 14, 2023 2:00:01 GMT
She needs to listen to what he has said, which is he does not want her as his forever partner.
Time to move on.
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Post by lucyg on May 14, 2023 2:00:28 GMT
I’m with everyone else. Move on. Easier said than done, of course. Hope this isn’t excruciatingly difficult for her.
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Post by mollycoddle on May 14, 2023 2:01:23 GMT
I would move on.
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Post by mom on May 14, 2023 2:18:05 GMT
To me, it reads like he wants to keep his grad school dating options open.
It's time for her to move along.
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on May 14, 2023 2:55:47 GMT
Time to move on, for one (or more) reasons:
He's not that into you.
She is Miss right now, not Mrs forever.
It's been three years, that's enough time to know if you want to go the next step, or not.
If he's been doing back and forth, long distance....my guess is that he doesn't want to commit because he's probably got a significant other....in the other country as well as here.
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seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,419
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on May 14, 2023 2:57:55 GMT
Peace out bitches.
She needs to cut her losses and move on.
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Post by Lurkingpea on May 14, 2023 3:03:14 GMT
Let him go. Move on.
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Post by myshelly on May 14, 2023 3:12:13 GMT
Time to move on.
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Post by tmarschall on May 14, 2023 4:07:45 GMT
The rare situation where planets are aligned and all the Peas agree...move on. Sorry, sweetheart. But the only thing worse that breaking up after 3 years is breaking up after 3 years and a day. Cut and run.
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tanya2
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1604
Posts: 4,423
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Post by tanya2 on May 14, 2023 4:42:11 GMT
oh ya that guy is totally cheating on her
buh bye, moving on!
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Post by Lexica on May 14, 2023 4:46:06 GMT
He gets credit from me for being honest with her that he isn’t ready for a continued relationship with her. She needs to cut her losses and move forward with her own life. It is better that she learn this now rather than spend any more of her time hoping for more from this guy. If I were her mother, I would give her a big hug and be prepared to listen to her. I would strongly discourage her from continued contact with this guy, but that has to be her decision.
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mich5481
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,569
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Post by mich5481 on May 14, 2023 5:06:24 GMT
Girl, get yourself some ribs and ice cream because you have been dumped. Love that movie! LOL, a former roommate's mom bought that book for her when she was engaged. Mom was onto something because she didn't marry that guy. |
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Post by snugglebutter on May 14, 2023 6:31:05 GMT
This guy actually said what he wants or rather doesn't want. She should believe him. If he isn't ready at 3 years, he isn't going to be.
This. He has made his feelings perfectly clear, even though they are not what she wants to hear.
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Post by MsChiff on May 14, 2023 11:52:59 GMT
He’s been honest with her and I think she needs to listen to him. For whatever reason he doesn’t want her with him while he’s in grad school so she should free herself from him, at least for that time. Time apart will make it clearer to both of them whether they should be together long term or not.
i believe every relationship has value and purpose and depending on her relationship goals (not everyone wants to be married, especially in their mid-20s) she needs to act to meet those goals.
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Post by meriannj on May 14, 2023 12:19:35 GMT
yep she needs to move on, if he was in to her he would be doing everything he could to make it work. My daughter went through something similar then he finally said he just tought of her more like a sister. She was heartbroken. Now she has a very sweet guy who when they were with friends talking about dogs she mentined she always wanted a dog name beatrice, he asked if it was negotabile becuase he coudln't see us with a grandma name dog. She was funny she said "MOM" he is thinking about our future and was just so casual about it." it was so cute.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on May 14, 2023 12:33:45 GMT
Relationships can circle back around at a later point. (Ask me how I know. Lol.) But at this point in time he’s being very clear that he wants to use this move as a way to signal a significant change in their relationship. She shouldn’t try to go where she’s not wanted. I’d hope if she were my daughter she would throw herself into building her own life and see what comes.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on May 14, 2023 12:52:46 GMT
I think he’s saying “I’m just not that into you” and she should run for the hills before wasting any more years on him. Yes, I agree.
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