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Post by putabuttononit on May 25, 2023 21:16:26 GMT
That it’s okay to rest. That he doesn’t have to keep having these horrible treatments that make him feel half dead. My mom couldn’t do it. I told Dad maybe it’s time to rest. Told him we don’t want him to feel like he has to do anything beyond what HE wants. Told him only he knows what he wants, what he can handle, and how things should go for HIS body and end of life transition. He cried so hard and so did I and it broke me.
I also told him we’d support him no matter what he decides, even if he changes his mind over and over. Wherever he “is” day to day, moment by moment we will be there too. Even if he’s just “resting longer” between treatments. (Stopping but not ruling it out might feel less “final”)
I’m very close with my dad. He’s been my rock my entire life. He’s 86 so he can’t live forever but gosh this is killing me.
Feel like something broke in me during that conversation. Trying to find the right words and stumbling along.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,613
Member is Online
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on May 25, 2023 21:19:37 GMT
I'm so sorry.
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Post by SweetieBugs on May 25, 2023 21:21:54 GMT
You did something amazing that not everyone could handle, gave him the gift of understanding. I wish my BIL had given my SIL who passed after 5 years of brain cancer that same "permission". He kept at her to keep fighting up to the very end, even after she said she wanted to stop, and it was a really hard situation. Comfort to you during his final days.
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Post by Scrapper100 on May 25, 2023 21:23:03 GMT
Hugs to you. So sorry you are going through this.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on May 25, 2023 21:31:33 GMT
Sorry you had to have that conversation. May your dad be able to rest.
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basketdiva
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,619 
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Post by basketdiva on May 25, 2023 21:31:35 GMT
I’m sorry you are going through this.
That is such a difficult conversation. My Mom was holding on just waiting to hear some news about m6 brother and sister. My brother, sister and I made the decision to tell her my sister’s surgery went well (it was canceled ) and my brother earned his captain’s hat as a firefighter ( didn’t have the results that day but he did pass). The Hospice chaplain didn’t agree with me but to this day I stand by my decision to help her be with her parents and favorite brother. I know she passed in peace knowing her kids were OK.
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Post by Zee on May 25, 2023 21:34:06 GMT
It's really ok to not fight...it's ok to reach the end of the battle and decide you want to spend your final days at rest and at peace. I wish more people would accept this and allow mom or dad to go instead of insisting they go through awful treatments just to prolong the inevitable.
Gentle hugs to you both and I pray for a peaceful passing for your father and for you also to be at peace with his decisions.
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Post by gillyp on May 25, 2023 21:38:23 GMT
You did the most wonderful, caring thing for him. I wish you both peace now and in the future, and for all your family.
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edie3
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,474
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Post by edie3 on May 25, 2023 21:52:08 GMT
That was truly a gift you gave your father, even as hard as it was.
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Post by scrapmaven on May 25, 2023 21:54:55 GMT
I've had to do this twice. It's gut wrenching, but it's the right thing to do. Your dad needs to know that you will be fine and that your mom will be fine. He needs permission to go and as difficult as it is to give him that permission he will be much better off and not suffering. ((((HUGS)))).
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Post by Gem Girl on May 25, 2023 22:01:27 GMT
putabuttononit I'm sorry for what your father and you are going through. You did him a kindness. Our culture always pushes people (especially men) to be tough, to fight, to live at all costs. It's not always what somebody who's suffering wants, and those expectations need to go away when the outcome is deemed inevitable/pending shortly. Quality of life matters.
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hutchfan
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,131
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Post by hutchfan on May 25, 2023 22:03:45 GMT
I am so sorry you're going through this. Sending you hugs and prayers for the family especially your dad.
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Post by hmp on May 25, 2023 22:05:45 GMT
You are the very embodiment of love. Hugs to you & your Dad as you take this final journey together.
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peasquared
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,454
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Post by peasquared on May 25, 2023 22:06:54 GMT
I am so sorry. I will keep your dad in my prayers, that whatever he decides to do, will bring him peace. Warm hugs for you.
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Post by Texas Scrap on May 25, 2023 22:17:43 GMT
That took so much love and courage. It is such a hard season. I’m so sorry.
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Post by scrappintoee on May 25, 2023 22:24:06 GMT
I'm so, so sorry! I know how hard this is, and your words are making me cry.......((( hugs ))))  |
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Post by lucyg on May 25, 2023 22:28:18 GMT
I’m sorry. That’s such a difficult thing. Hugs to you.
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Post by shamrock on May 25, 2023 22:44:16 GMT
I think you gave your dad a gift. Sounds like in a way you gave one to your mom to (I’m assuming she feels the same but couldn’t bring herself to have the conversation.) As a daddy’s girl, I can imagine how difficult that conversation was for you. Hugs to you now and in the days to come.
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Post by stormsts on May 25, 2023 22:47:02 GMT
What a hard thing to do but what a gift you gave your dad. Hugs to you and your family.
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Post by deafpea on May 25, 2023 22:50:49 GMT
Sending the biggest hugs and love to you.
Merilee
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sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,574
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on May 25, 2023 23:01:53 GMT
I don’t know if you could ever feel like anything but broken in that kind of situation. Bless you.
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Post by Linda on May 25, 2023 23:04:54 GMT
((((Hugs)))) and prayers - I'm so sorry
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Post by karenlou on May 25, 2023 23:16:44 GMT
BIG ((((HUGS)))) to you ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
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CeeScraps
Pearl Clutcher
~~occupied entertaining my brain~~
Posts: 3,827
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Post by CeeScraps on May 25, 2023 23:24:33 GMT
Everything you said was fantastically correct. You've given him permission with your support. He needed that.
It's very hard.......very hard. One suggestion I wish I would have done, but never, ever thought of it.....get someone to take a photo of your hand with your dad's. It's a very powerful photo. You will treasure it forever. Do this with your mom too. It's such a special photo.
{{{hugs}}}
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Post by getting started on May 25, 2023 23:27:12 GMT
Wishing you so much comfort, just like you gave to your dad.
I'm in the same decision type of place with my dad and it's so hard. You did a good, hard thing.
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Post by sillyrabbit on May 25, 2023 23:28:08 GMT
I'm so sorry. I had that same conversation with my beloved Daddy, and it broke me too. He passed away almost six years ago, and I still miss him like crazy. Prayers, hugs, and love for you and your family. ❤️
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Post by wallyagain on May 25, 2023 23:28:32 GMT
Big hugs, it is all so hard.
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Post by Lexica on May 25, 2023 23:29:24 GMT
As hard as that had to be for you to do, it was the most generous and loving thing you could have done for him. I’m sorry you are having to deal with this. Hugs.
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Post by calgaryscrapper on May 25, 2023 23:35:21 GMT
{{{hugs}}}
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Post by Lurkingpea on May 26, 2023 0:03:59 GMT
I am sorry. That was an incredible gift to give your father though. I hope his remaining days are peaceful.
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