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Post by Deleted on Jul 26, 2023 4:23:34 GMT
Update: Thanks again for sharing your experiences. It helped me a lot, especially as I'm reassuring and having conversations with DD, yet all of a sudden unsure if I really knew what I thought I did. They have attended church together and it went good. We didn't know they were planning to go since they were camping with a big group that weekend, so kind of surprised us when they told us (and were both happy telling us). They apparently woke up early Sunday when everyone else was still sleeping and went. And if there were concerns about what he's like, in their conversations he had told her he is supportive of practicing a different religion if she finds that she doesn't share the Catholic beliefs. Both DH and I both felt like that's a really big deal and reinforces that he's a very caring, considerate guy. And, best of all, DD's friend group loved him. She was a little worried since he doesn't drink, swear, etc. but he's very outgoing and it all went fine. There is one other LEO in the group so sounds like they especially hit it off. ---------------------- Help me start organizing my thoughts, there are going to be some interesting future discussions at my house as DD has a bf that is fairly devout Catholic. I was raised Lutheran and DH Catholic and we originally intended to raise our kids Lutheran, then opted not to do anything when we attempted to baptize out of wedlock 1st kid (due to the hypocrisy of what they expected from us). I'm not above little heathens jokes amongst friends  but what matters to me is all 4 are good humans. #1: Birth control - if you are young and fairly devout, what is the likely opinion on using it? Anything more acceptable than others? Is the needing for health reasons that I know some of my friends had, still common (it would apply for DD)? #2: Waiting until marriage - I was a little surprised this came up although said she is 100% okay with that. Told her that's perfectly okay and something that isn't anyone's business necessarily, it's between them. Yet, she has history, including living with an ex. It sounds like she has shared some of this with him...I expect not all. He is military, has been deployed and is LEO so certainly doesn't live under a rock. Yet I encouraged her to be open and matter of fact about it and sooner than later. My concern is she doesn't feel guilt or badly about it and I'd expect he wouldn't do that, yet maybe this is something that would weigh on someone that's devout? Any insight? #3: Since this was already brought up, DD fully expects to attend mass (probably sooner than later) and I gave the brief primer on what I could recall - when I was young I'm pretty sure I was taught only Catholics kneeled during mass, yet in later years I have but just at weddings or funerals. Then for receiving a blessing during communion, I can't recall what I did with my hands - it seems crossed and on my chest? I've mostly opted out pretty much as an adult. Anything else glaring to prepare her for (greeting those around you with peace be with you comes to mind)? FWIW, my feelings about organized religion has ebbed and flowed, along with some regret choosing to not practice. I have fond thoughts of the traditions and miss them in some ways. So I have an open mind yet I'm a little surprised by all this and she seems very okay and accepting. Yet the conversation went from how she wants to attend mass with him to saying she won't get married in a Catholic Church, so this may be an interesting time for her. His family met her and seemed accepting about the fact she isn't religious. The couple will have to sort it all out, just know this is all really unfamiliar for DD at this point. |
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gsquaredmom
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Jun 26, 2014 17:43:22 GMT
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Post by gsquaredmom on Jul 26, 2023 4:56:47 GMT
I think you should let her and her boyfriend figure it out. Even the seemingly most devout are often cafeteria Catholics who pick and choose what works for them. You may be assuming a lot. And what your daughter chooses to do is up to her. This really is not your problem to solve. I’m not trying to be mean or snarky. Their choices as individuals and as a couple are theirs to make. He should be able to tell her about the service and priests often make an announcement about receiving a blessing.
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pilcas
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Post by pilcas on Jul 26, 2023 5:07:37 GMT
I’m 60+ Catholic, mostly non practicing but have close friends who do. Went to Catholic school elementary through college. I attend yearly retreats to support the order of nuns from my HS. They are by the way very concerned about social justice, the environment and very active in the community. Now, I live in NYC and I know things are very different here. If you look around church at the families there you will quickly realize that everyone uses birth control. Do I think everyone waits until they are married…I very much doubt it. Some might. If you attend mass you do what everyone does, stand, sit or kneel. You would not take communion, just stay in your seat. Hands can just be in your lap, or crossed in front of you, on the back of the pew in front of you, never seen hands across chest. For the peace be with you people shake the hand of the people next to them. Some turn to the pew behind them and do the same. She is right not feeling remorseful for whatever happened before they met and any attempt to make her feel guilty would be a big waving red flag for me. Now, is she planning to convert? Is the lifestyle of a devout Catholic what she wants? I have been married 30 yrs, my husband is not Catholic but is very active with his congregation and attends services weekly. I have maintained my religion although I don’t practice and I am not a real fan of organized religion and the older I get the more it seems to me to be a way to control people.
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Post by Zee on Jul 26, 2023 5:15:57 GMT
I've never met a young "devout" Catholic living in this country. I've met plenty of Catholics, meaning they are from a Catholic family (as am I, large Irish Catholic family with traditions but not actual strong believers).
Your DD will have to navigate this one herself but the very thought of former military, now LEO, devout ANYTHING into purity culture just throws up so many stop signs for me I'd have a really hard time discussing anything at all about this guy. It's not the LEO or military alone, it's that combined with what I see as a strong religious bent that seems to never turn into anything good. The potential for this guy to be overbearing and controlling is just too much for me.
I really hope she doesn't get sucked into anything she's not 100% into. She should probably run is my honest thought.
As far as mass, she can just attend and do what everyone else does, it's easy to follow along. The only thing she can't do is receive communion. She can stay in the pew for that.
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Post by basket1ladyphotos on Jul 26, 2023 5:32:33 GMT
A lot of this is stuff that even devout Catholics wouldn't necessarily know or could have wrong answers about. I was a conformation teacher at our last US parish but even so, I looked some things up.
#1 birth control--the Catholic church teaches abstinence for those who are unmarried and use of the rhythm method only for those who are married. But then there are those who use birth control for other reasons... this can be interpreted in a lot of ways by your deacon or priest, depending on how conservative or liberal the parish is. A clergyman won't/shouldn't ask unless they are in for marriage counseling or the like.
#2 waiting for marriage--this is pretty standard. Some priests/deacons won't marry a couple who live together, others view it as a "make it legal" situation. This WILL come up in marriage counseling. DH and I had our marriage convalidated (blessed) after the wedding because it was simpler than doing it long distance (we were in college in different states). We were told that we couldn't live together until after the convalidation or if that wasn't feasible, to not live as man and wife. I just said that we weren't doing that, as the horse was out of the barn because we had been married for quite some time at that point!
#3 Mass attendance-- all faiths are welcome at Mass. Only those who have had their first communion should celebrate the eucharist, however. She can remain in the pew or go up for a blessing--that's up to her. If she does go up for a blessing, yes, she should cross her arms in an X in front of her to indicate she isn't receiving the eucharist.
If she marries the BF and chooses to do so, she can become Catholic before her marriage or even after though RCIA. That will dictate the type of wedding ceremony but that's a discussion with the deacon/priest. Some parishes will "fast track" a person before a wedding, others may make them wait until the Easter Vigil or a special ceremony at the basilica. However it's done, at that time she will be baptized, have her first communion, and be confirmed. She will have celebrated her first penance prior to the ceremony.
I agree that on paper the BF seems a bit alarming--AD military and military police on top of that along with the "devout". They tend to be rather rigid. I'd encourage a long waiting period for them to really get to know each other. Of course, you won't really have any say in that!
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Post by compeateropeator on Jul 26, 2023 10:01:47 GMT
I am not religious, but grew up Catholic and am part of a large Catholic family. Maybe they are not considered devout because most of the younger generation has waited to have kids until they were ready, therefore obviously using birth control…I am pretty certain most girls use birth control pills and also the use of condoms. I do not really know anyone who practiced abstinence until they were married but I obviously don’t know the ins and outs of personal lives. obviously everyone is different so I would leave it to the couple to discuss amongst themselves and decide their path and what is acceptable to both of them.
Again many of the younger generations (and older also) have lived with various girlfriends/boyfriends, and did not necessarily marry those people. So in essence have lived with multiple girlfriends/boyfriends. We also have many family members with same sex partners who have married (obviously not in or by the Catholic Church) or been with their partners for many years but will attend Mass. So again, maybe my large extended family is not considered devout?
All she has to do for mass is follow along in the missal (the little book in the pews) for mass. They tell you when to stand, when to kneel, and the responses to give. Since the pandemic, the masses I have attended people no longer shake hands in the part of mass where you offer peace to those around you, you just kind of make eye contact and nod.
Since she isn’t a Catholic she wouldn’t be going up to receive communion so she would just sit in the pews and not have to worry about that (or as mentioned above just go up to receive a blessing). There are a couple of parts of the mass where you do kneel and there is a lot of sitting, standing, and kneeling. Again, it is noted in the missal when to do this and just take your cues from what everyone around you is doing. The one thing about the Catholic mass is it is very structured, so after you have attended a few times there are really no surprises. 😄. Even after not regularly attending church since high school, I can still attend Mass and go through all the motions automatically. My only problem is they changed some of the responses slightly years ago, so I automatically respond with older version if I am not following along with the missal.
Hopefully you can get more/better information from someone who is religious/practicing, but this is my take on it. All my relatives are very accepting of their children’s choices in boyfriends/girlfriends and there is no stigma or expectations of them being catholic or religious. A 2nd cousin is married to a Lutheran minister (?) and he always performs the little service that we always have on the Sunday of our large reunions. So it is not like even the older generations are so devout that everything revolves around Catholicism…they are just faith driven and God loving but are pretty inclusive. But again everyone’s faith and practices are different so maybe they are exceptions.
Good luck to the couple. I hope they can find their way together in their religious/non religious path and enjoy a long life together.
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Post by peasapie on Jul 26, 2023 11:11:45 GMT
You should speak with a priest to get the correct answers to these questions. Many of us will answer based on our own knowledge, but priests often feel differently than what we’ve been taught. As an example, I’m divorced and I practiced birth control. Priests I spoke with in my younger years didn’t have issues with my receiving communion.
Although I was a certified catechist and taught in Catholic school for several years, I wouldn’t presume to answer these questions. If the couple does decide to marry within the church, they will be required to go through several classes prior to marriage to explore their feelings about these issues.
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Post by smasonnc on Jul 26, 2023 12:58:19 GMT
I think you should let her and her boyfriend figure it out. Even the seemingly most devout are often cafeteria Catholics who pick and choose what works for them. You may be assuming a lot. And what your daughter chooses to do is up to her. This really is not your problem to solve. You should speak with a priest to get the correct answers to these questions. Your daughter should speak to a priest if she has concerns. Let her figure out what she can live with. As with anything, there's being devout and there's being a zealot. If he's devout, his faith is important to him. If he's a zealot, your faith is important to him. Big difference. I grew up in a very Catholic household. My uncle was Vicar General for a large diocese and my mom played the organ in church and taught catechism. Despite what image that conjures up, I never knew two kinder, less judgemental people. My husband's family was not religious. We made it work and even sent our kids to Catholic school. Although I am no longer Catholic because of all that's gone on, I was a "Cafeteria Catholic". Certain aspects of Catholic teaching, our responsibility to serve others and take care of those less fortunate, I really took to heart, but a lot of the rest I felt was celibate men telling others how to behave. If you don't play the game, you don't make the rules. Don't let all that you've heard color your impression of this young man. We gave up human sacrifices long ago.  |
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anniebygaslight
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Post by anniebygaslight on Jul 26, 2023 13:02:27 GMT
Leave it all to the couple.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 26, 2023 13:07:23 GMT
Thank you, a lot of this has been very helpful. I'm not trying to figure this out for her, she came to me and we had a long discussion starting with surprise, I have a Catholic boyfriend (which wasn't unexpected by us). For my questions in #2 & #3, these were specific to a big part of our conversation and where she had questions. For #1, her and I didn't talk about it, but in my mind I'd think she would want to find out where he stands if she doesn't know already, I know her well enough to know this would be a deal breaker for her and not sure if she's aware of the stance on it.
I'm calling him devout based on saying a blessing before meals and the waiting until marriage. He could fully be a pick and choose Catholic beyond that, they will figure it out.
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Post by bbkeef on Jul 26, 2023 13:19:36 GMT
never seen hands across chest It's very common here in MN. You walk up to receive a blessing with your arms crossed. You don't get a wafer or wine, someone just says "bless you" and you follow the herd back to your pew. I'm the daughter of a man who grew up in Catholic school and had the scars on his hands to prove it (nuns cracking a ruler across the tops of his hands for "misbehaving"). Once he was an adult, he ran from the Catholic church even though the rest of his family stayed in it. I do believe there are some good Catholics that truly understand the bible and practice good faith (my in-laws). Your daughter will need to navigate this with open eyes. Unless you foresee attending church with her, you need to let her figure this out. Each church has its own nuances. |
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peabay
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Post by peabay on Jul 26, 2023 13:25:25 GMT
So, you're not asking "will he wait til marriage", because he's already told her that. That's pretty devout nowadays. I grew up Catholic, married a Catholic, went to Catholic school for 12 years - and I think I know one person who waited until marriage and that was only because she really didn't have any dating opportunities. I'm guessing he'd expect her to become Catholic and raise their kids very Catholic. She should be prepared for that. And I'd be shocked if he didn't want to be married in a Catholic church. Hope he's a nice guy and treats her well and they are happy together.  |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 26, 2023 13:34:38 GMT
I've never met a young "devout" Catholic living in this country. I've met plenty of Catholics, meaning they are from a Catholic family (as am I, large Irish Catholic family with traditions but not actual strong believers). Your DD will have to navigate this one herself but the very thought of former military, now LEO, devout ANYTHING into purity culture just throws up so many stop signs for me I'd have a really hard time discussing anything at all about this guy. It's not the LEO or military alone, it's that combined with what I see as a strong religious bent that seems to never turn into anything good. The potential for this guy to be overbearing and controlling is just too much for me. I really hope she doesn't get sucked into anything she's not 100% into. She should probably run is my honest thought. As far as mass, she can just attend and do what everyone else does, it's easy to follow along. The only thing she can't do is receive communion. She can stay in the pew for that. Contrary to your experience, I have met what I would consider devout young Catholics and where I live it isn't completely uncommon. And although they aren't young anymore, I work with a number of devoutly religious folks. Zero issues or concerns from me. I'm going to respectfully disagree with your thoughts on the LEO + military + religious though. I 100% trust my daughter's instincts and that she'll give this the time she needs. I have had zero sense of controlling and if he was I doubt this would turned into anything. He was hyping up that she was put in as acting chief of her gun (howitzer) team last weekend and has encouraged her to volunteer for a training exchange program in Norway. He knows she likely will get called for a deployment next year and he is encouraging about it. They were introduced by one of her friends that was talking to him first and things didn't pan out but she told him I think I know someone you really should meet, she thought they would be good together. And one of his good friends was DD's team leader a couple of years ago and when he found out they were hanging out, he said she deserved a nice guy like him. I think if friends are recommending you to each other that's a decent start. I do absolutely agree that I hope she doesn't get sucked into anything she isn't accepting of. He fully knew she wasn't religious and wasn't hiding anything from his family about it. I'm sure this will evolve quite a bit and they'll figure things out or not. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 26, 2023 13:45:25 GMT
Your daughter should speak to a priest if she has concerns. Let her figure out what she can live with. As with anything, there's being devout and there's being a zealot. If he's devout, his faith is important to him. If he's a zealot, your faith is important to him. Big difference. I grew up in a very Catholic household. My uncle was Vicar General for a large diocese and my mom played the organ in church and taught catechism. Despite what image that conjures up, I never knew two kinder, less judgemental people. My husband's family was not religious. We made it work and even sent our kids to Catholic school. Although I am no longer Catholic because of all that's gone on, I was a "Cafeteria Catholic". Certain aspects of Catholic teaching, our responsibility to serve others and take care of those less fortunate, I really took to heart, but a lot of the rest I felt was celibate men telling others how to behave. If you don't play the game, you don't make the rules. Don't let all that you've heard color your impression of this young man. We gave up human sacrifices long ago. Thank you, a lot of what you said resonates with me and is somewhat similar to what I'm familiar with, even from when I was young. I'd get bug eyes from her bringing up human sacrifices but I wasn't expecting this in-depth convo and best I had was the concept of sinners and saints, and she took that in stride. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 26, 2023 13:50:00 GMT
It's very common here in MN. You walk up to receive a blessing with your arms crossed. You don't get a wafer or wine, someone just says "bless you" and you follow the herd back to your pew. I'm the daughter of a man who grew up in Catholic school and had the scars on his hands to prove it (nuns cracking a ruler across the tops of his hands for "misbehaving"). Once he was an adult, he ran from the Catholic church even though the rest of his family stayed in it. I do believe there are some good Catholics that truly understand the bible and practice good faith (my in-laws). Your daughter will need to navigate this with open eyes. Unless you foresee attending church with her, you need to let her figure this out. Each church has its own nuances. Thanks, this came back to me a bit more and is also what I remember now. She seems mostly comfortable on attending with him and from what she said, she took the lead in wanting to do that, she just knows she's going to feel like a fish out of water to start. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 26, 2023 14:08:36 GMT
So, you're not asking "will he wait til marriage", because he's already told her that. That's pretty devout nowadays. I grew up Catholic, married a Catholic, went to Catholic school for 12 years - and I think I know one person who waited until marriage and that was only because she really didn't have any dating opportunities. I'm guessing he'd expect her to become Catholic and raise their kids very Catholic. She should be prepared for that. And I'd be shocked if he didn't want to be married in a Catholic church. Hope he's a nice guy and treats her well and they are happy together. She's okay with the waiting until marriage and that doesn't surprise me about her at this point. She's been through her mild wild years and I've heard about the things she wishes she hadn't wasted time on but she probably doesn't regret too much. And I'd agree his waiting made me think he's pretty devout. I can think of 1 friend I had when I was young that waited (her dad was a Deacon, she may have been afraid not to honestly) and I know a friend now that had told me a while ago her DD plans to and is in a now 2 year relationship. I agree they'll have a lot to figure out future-wise, I'm sure they'll get to that. Hopefully she figures out more for herself first. And I'd also be surprised if he would consider not marrying in a Catholic church and I'm sure there are some extra caveats since she isn't baptized. That's the stuff they can figure out. He is a super nice and fun guy, I'm happy for her about that. Her last 2 long term relationships just had a lot of baggage and when I had asked what she liked most about him, she said its that he's normal. |
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peabay
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Post by peabay on Jul 26, 2023 14:20:49 GMT
So, you're not asking "will he wait til marriage", because he's already told her that. That's pretty devout nowadays. I grew up Catholic, married a Catholic, went to Catholic school for 12 years - and I think I know one person who waited until marriage and that was only because she really didn't have any dating opportunities. I'm guessing he'd expect her to become Catholic and raise their kids very Catholic. She should be prepared for that. And I'd be shocked if he didn't want to be married in a Catholic church. Hope he's a nice guy and treats her well and they are happy together. She's okay with the waiting until marriage and that doesn't surprise me about her at this point. She's been through her mild wild years and I've heard about the things she wishes she hadn't wasted time on but she probably doesn't regret too much. And I'd agree his waiting made me think he's pretty devout. I can think of 1 friend I had when I was young that waited (her dad was a Deacon, she may have been afraid not to honestly) and I know a friend now that had told me a while ago her DD plans to and is in a now 2 year relationship. I agree they'll have a lot to figure out future-wise, I'm sure they'll get to that. Hopefully she figures out more for herself first. And I'd also be surprised if he would consider not marrying in a Catholic church and I'm sure there are some extra caveats since she isn't baptized. That's the stuff they can figure out. He is a super nice and fun guy, I'm happy for her about that. Her last 2 long term relationships just had a lot of baggage and when I had asked what she liked most about him, she said its that he's normal. That sounds great! I remember when I hit the "oh, this guy is normal!" stage - and I married him. |
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pilcas
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Post by pilcas on Jul 26, 2023 16:23:01 GMT
I know a Jewish woman who converted to Catholicism and 2 Catholics who converted to Judaism. To me converting or going to mass don’t seem like a big deal to me. To me the big deal is how he feels about birth control. As I said before this is one thing that Catholics who go to mass weekly don’t necessarily follow.
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Post by maryland on Jul 26, 2023 17:00:42 GMT
Where I grew up our family was one of the only Protestant families, most our friends were Catholic. I loved going to the Catholic church with my friends and boyfriend. When I started law school, I was living in a different area and most were not Catholic. But the religion didn't make any difference, my Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, etc. friends were way more similar than different. I hope this makes sense!
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Jul 26, 2023 18:00:26 GMT
I grew up in a big Irish Catholic family, 12 years Catholic schools, all the sacrements, no meat on Friday, wait till marriage type of family. My BFF similar family. All of my siblings and most of hers ( we 16 siblings between us) are either non-practicing or cafeteria catholics. Except BFF's one sister. Who is VERY devout. (though she has been married three times and annulled twice, the last I think was just a divorce) Her kids all went to catholic colleges, mainly in Texas, and they are SUPER SUPER conservative catholics. They would not attend my friends daughters wedding because she was marrying a woman.(their own cousin who they were close to growing up)
In my experience, most catholics aren't super conservative. But when they are ..... it can be daunting. My advice is to make sure your daughter is clear on the things that matter to her. Then if she is happy, YAY!!
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Post by Darcy Collins on Jul 26, 2023 18:13:30 GMT
I’m Irish and Hispanic - even not practicing we be Catholic. For reference my grandmothers had 13 and 8 children not a single one of their children had more than 3 - I don’t know a single Catholic that doesn’t use birth control. We are definitely the cafeteria Catholics referenced above. There is something about the tradition of mass that still resonates even though I’m agnostic leaning to atheist.
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Post by littlemama on Jul 26, 2023 18:27:34 GMT
If your daughter isnt converting to Catholicism, she can do whatever she wants. If she is, she and her fiance will figure it out
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Post by hop2 on Jul 26, 2023 18:36:27 GMT
The issues don’t have anything to do with religion or not having religion. It’s actually a question of respect. Wether he is catholic or not we can’t know how one really respects the other or not. Not from a message board post. Religious people with deep respect for their partners can manage relationships with non religious people.
My unsolicited advice to your DD or anyone waiting until marriage is to make sure that person is open to communicating with you in as much detail as is needed about sexual subjects. Can they discuss sex in whatever detailed manner within their relationship to assure both their needs are met and undesirable actions avoided? Because decades of not having your needs met sucks.
The catholic church is still very against birth control. That is one of those discussions they ought to have before marrying. The Catholic Church teachings are very anti women’s choice. Many Catholics use birth control, sort of a don’t ask don’t tell kind of thing. But will that be acceptable to her partner? 🤷♀️ no idea Discuss discuss discuss.
The most important thing 2 people getting married have to determine is if they both respect each other and all of each others choices no matter what religion or not any of them are. If once married one expects the other to do all the things they say as per their religion then that’s NOT mutual respect. If there’s no mutual respect it will be a tough marriage even if they have the same beliefs.
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Post by 950nancy on Jul 26, 2023 18:42:46 GMT
My husband's sister married a Catholic man and she had to convert for the wedding. They had to raise their kids all Catholic and their four sons are all "devout," (as far as I can tell) and all of their wives and their kids had to be Catholic. I think it depends on the person you are marrying. They were here this weekend and all went to mass on Sunday morning. The Lutherans stayed home.
The kids all have 3-4 kids each. Not sure if birth control is used or not.
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scrapngranny
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Post by scrapngranny on Jul 26, 2023 19:05:01 GMT
All of that should be between her and her boyfriend. If she is going to attend Mass he should give her a little idea of what to expect. She could even watch a Mass on YouTube. No one will think a thing about it if she is misses a cue. When they begin communion she would just stay seated.
They have a lot of other big issues to discuss if this relationship gets more serious. Would she be willing covert? There are many classes to go through and steps in that process.
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Post by wordyphotogbabe on Jul 26, 2023 21:20:30 GMT
I live in a very Catholic part of the country and even with that in mind, I don't know of any Catholic people my age (40s) who don't use birth control and waited until marriage to be intimate. I know that's what they teach officially but I don't know anyone in real life who follows those particular tenets.
I would check to see what "devout" means to him and then go from there.
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Post by librarylady on Jul 26, 2023 21:43:19 GMT
Be aware that some priests are very firmly "old school" and others have changed with the times.
But as several peas have already said, the decisions are for the young couple and no one else.
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Post by trixiecat on Jul 26, 2023 21:45:31 GMT
Obviously your daughter likes this boyfriend enough to be talking about these topics with you. She sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders. We have a friend whose daughter is "technically" Jewish (due to her mom being Jewish), was raised nothing, and she has been dating a guy for probably 6-7 years who is a devout Catholic. She actually converted to Catholisism several years ago and attends mass regularly with him. If I had to guess there is no sex involved until they get married.
My husband and I were of different faiths. We both knew that religion was important for raising kids. To have one or the other. Our kids are now in their 20's, not religious, but one is dating a boy who was raised a devout Catholic, but does things to please his family. We are so proud of what they accomplished with their bar and bat mitzvah's. They have that as their background.
With that being said, if they are truly in love with each other, they will figure it out.
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pilcas
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Post by pilcas on Jul 26, 2023 22:05:19 GMT
I live in a very Catholic part of the country and even with that in mind, I don't know of any Catholic people my age (40s) who don't use birth control and waited until marriage to be intimate. I know that's what they teach officially but I don't know anyone in real life who follows those particular tenets. I would check to see what "devout" means to him and then go from there. I’m 62 and all of my friends my age definitely used birth control, so did my sisters in law and many of them are practicing Catholics. I can’t imagine any priest really wants to talk about not using contraception unless he wants to lose his congregation. I am sure that even a priest can figure out that life in a big city with 5 or more kids is not a good idea for the family or even society in general. As for premarital relations Or lack of them, I’m not really sure that’s a good idea. I think one should go into marriage with as much information as possible. |
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mzhammy
Shy Member
Posts: 24
May 18, 2022 4:08:12 GMT
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Post by mzhammy on Jul 27, 2023 5:56:27 GMT
When my parents were married in the early 70's my dad talked his parish priest about birth control and was told it was up to them and he needed to do what was right for his family.
I am an atheist but taught at the Catholic school by my house when my son went there. They had the kids younger than 1st communion age and all non-catholics attending the mass (through the school) cross their arms and get blessed during communion.
I think MANY things vary by not just diocese but individual churches and individual priests.
I know for Catholics and non Catholics to get married in the church, the couple goes through religious counseling. The non-catholic must agree to raise their children in the church and receive all the sacraments. This was true in the 70's and I have had friends in the last 5 years go through this. They also lied about living together before marriage and had to have 2 witnesses sign that they did not live together. This is for a church wedding by a priest.
Good luck! My parents have been together just under 50 years, with my mom never having any religious upbringing and my dad and his WHOLE huge family being Catholic. It can definitely work, especially if like my dad and his family, serving others and loving your neighbor as yourself are the main Tennents you live by.
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but what matters to me is all 4 are good humans.
