WWTPD - Parenting Question

For starters...What are the ages of the child and adult? What is their relationship? Was this the first time this happened or is it a pattern? How often are they together?

ETA: The fact that you threw in their undocumented status also makes me suspicious.

I'm sure that was so disappointing for your child to see an adult stealing something. I don't think there's much you can do other that possibly limiting their time together and reinforcing that stealing is wrong and that this person is making really bad choices.

Validate your child's feelings. They are right to feel that way. Unfortunately, some people steal. Drum it into their head that stealing is never right, but maybe their friend stole for food? If he is indeed undocumented, he might not have enough money to eat. Doesn't make stealing right, but sometimes people do what they have to do to survive. Since nobody knows this is the case or not, it might help alleviate your child's feelings.

Tell your ds you appreciate him.coming to you and that you are always there to hear his thoughts. It is so important for us to be there for our kids.

I would suggest that your ds no longer hang out with that friend or group.

1. I don't think a kid needs to hang out with 20+ year Olds unless siblings/cousins.

2. That adult isn't setting a good example to your son.

3. That adult could put your ds in a situation he doesn't want to be in and get in trouble.

I would offer my opinion and why without pointing fingers or rambling. And then let your ds decide what to do.

I woukd also suggest he say something to his friend and if he felt needed talk to the store.

First, I want to commend you on how your son felt he could come to you with this information and with the things you have taught him about right and wrong. Not every child would feel they could confide in their parent.

I would commend your son for knowing how wrong this is. He witnessed stealing on a small scale, and if this adult is comfortable stealing from a small business owner, who knows where they would draw the line or how much more the value of a stolen item might be next time. Sometimes when a person steals, it isn’t because they need the item, and they may actually have the money to pay for that item. What they are feeling is a sense of entitlement. Like the world owes them things and they have the right to take anything they want. That can be very dangerous for your son to be around someone like that. He may very well be considered an accomplice next time.

If it were my son, I would discuss the possibility of them distancing themselves from this person. What is an adult doing hanging with minors anyway? Is this just a group of friends? It seems odd that the adult would have much in common with the younger kids. And in this case, he is certainly not setting a good example. It is up to you and your son if he wants to confront this person before severing the friendship. It may help or it may put your son in danger. You certainly wouldn’t want your son to be used by this person slipping something into his backpack or jacket without his knowledge and involving him in a theft. Even if he doesn’t have anything on his person when the guy gets caught, he may be banished from the store or even taken to the police station and questioned, depending on the circumstances and value of what is taken. You have to assume this was not the first time this guy stole something and it won’t be the last.

And as for the comment that if it was a food item, it might seem excusable, I don’t subscribe to that. Stealing is stealing. There are programs available in this country for people without food. And being undocumented during this political climate, especially in a border state such as Texas, they should be on their absolute best behavior. Just my opinion.

There's an inherent power imbalance between an adult and a child - both in an individual relationship between the two and the child's relationship within the group. What kind of influence does the adult have in the group, and how might the adult influence the group towards the child?

I just had another very scary thought. There is always the possibility of the store personnel having a gun behind the counter. If things got crazy, I wouldn’t want my child anywhere near something like that because they could be hit by a bullet not meant for them.

I would tell the teenager, that what their friend did was wrong.

I would tell the teenager, that we are each responsible for our own actions.

I would tell the teenager, that we as individuals can't control what other people do, we can only control our reaction to what someone else does or doesn't do.

I would advise teenager to calmly and politely, tell the friend "I saw what you did, and it's wrong to do that". If I see it happen again, I will be terminating our friendship. 

If I were a Parent, I would want to know what they took and why. Getting to the root pf the problem, may offer some insight.
Are they hungry and taking food...out of desperation?
Are they a jackass and doing it because they think they can?
Are they a kleptomaniac--have a mental illness?

Does your child have the choice to avoid this person?

If they need to be together, I would distance myself as much as possible from this person, especially in a retail setting. To the point of just waiting in the car/bus/outside. 

I wouldn’t report it without proof unless this person is in a position of authority over your child. Then I would report it, even without the proof.

The adult knows it’s wrong. I wouldn’t seek the person out to tell them they were wrong, but I’d say so if it came up in conversation.

I would discuss the feelings that comes with the disappointment.

My daughter works in a popular clothing store in a large mall. This is what they are told to do about shoplifters - nothing. They have been instructed to do nothing for their own safety. A manager might call security, but a regular worker would just tell the manager. They have security tags on items and other practices to reduce shoplifting. Workers try to be in areas to reduce shoplifting, but they are not to confront a shoplifter. That makes me think that it really isn’t your son’s job to confront the shoplifter either. I would just advise my son to not go into a store with him.