mich5481
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Post by mich5481 on Mar 19, 2024 17:49:56 GMT
The Peas have spoken. Decline the meeting. Personally, I think she did this intentionally. 💯 percent she did.
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mich5481
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,569
Member is Online
Oct 2, 2017 23:20:46 GMT
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Post by mich5481 on Mar 19, 2024 17:50:14 GMT
Include in your complaint about her requesting meetings outside of your known working hours and the last minute nature of the request. Also include about her not completing her portion of work in a timely manner.
You've shown you are flexible and willing to be a team player countless times. She is trampling all over your boundaries because she knows she can.
Declining today's meeting request and filing the complaint are two concrete steps to reestablishing your boundaries to create a healthier work environment.
Everyone has shown they won't change, even though you keep giving them second, third, fourth, fifty millionth chances. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting different results. They won't change their behaviors, so you need to change your responses.
I know this is tough love, and I'm sorry if that hurts you, but you've been far more patient than I ever could be.
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teddyw
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,840
Jun 29, 2014 1:56:04 GMT
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Post by teddyw on Mar 19, 2024 17:59:27 GMT
Man she just keeps doing whatever she wants. It must be nice to collect a paycheck and never really finish your work.
I’d file the complaint. Your administration just keeps ignoring it.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Mar 19, 2024 17:59:35 GMT
Personally, I think she did this intentionally. Never in a million years would I have thought this. But Jeremy said the same thing. Hmm...
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Post by jeremysgirl on Mar 19, 2024 18:09:02 GMT
Include in your complaint about her requesting meetings outside of your known working hours and the last minute nature of the request. Also include about her not completing her portion of work in a timely manner. You've shown you are flexible and willing to be a team player countless times. She is trampling all over your boundaries because she knows she can. Declining today's meeting request and filing the complaint are two concrete steps to reestablishing your boundaries to create a healthier work environment. Everyone has shown they won't change, even though you keep giving them second, third, fourth, fifty millionth chances. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting different results. They won't change their behaviors, so you need to change your responses. I know this is tough love, and I'm sorry if that hurts you, but you've been far more patient than I ever could be. No, not at all does this hurt me. I need the back up. I'm a terrible advocate for myself. I'm waiting to see if either manager responds to my message so I can incorporate that in my complaint too.
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SweetieBsMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,611
Jun 25, 2014 19:55:12 GMT
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Post by SweetieBsMom on Mar 19, 2024 18:21:01 GMT
I would decline and propose a new time. Also, since it's a recurring issue that the meeting runs over and causes you to have to stay late, I'd ask that the meeting time, going forward, be changed to accommodate your schedule, have it first thing in the morning. I have worked in an office my whole career, if you keep making an accommodation to attend a meeting outside your working hours, the scheduler will not respect your calendar. I 'leave' at 4pm and if someone schedules a meeting for 4pm or 4:30pm, I have no problem e-mailing them and asking them to move it. I will accommodate such requests if there are a ton of people that need to attend and 4pm is the only time it works for everyone. 99.9% of the time, the scheduler will move the meeting to a time I can attend.
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Post by busy on Mar 19, 2024 18:27:22 GMT
She definitely did this intentionally with one of two motivations (probably both): 1. to be able to control the tenor and content of the meeting, likely including throwing you under the bus on some things, and also likely including sharing "her version of the truth" without you there to share actual facts, and/or 2. to make it look like you're not putting in full effort and aren't a team player.
Decline. Don't play her games.
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styxgirl
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,875
Jun 27, 2014 4:51:44 GMT
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Post by styxgirl on Mar 19, 2024 22:28:43 GMT
I am a big, passive-aggressive TURD. I would politely decline Stating your working hours. Then, propose a new time that required her to come in early just to prove a point. LOL!!
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pantsonfire
Pearl Clutcher
Take a step back, evaluate what is important, and enjoy your life with those who you love.
Posts: 4,762
Jun 19, 2022 16:48:04 GMT
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Post by pantsonfire on Mar 19, 2024 22:58:33 GMT
Was the meeting time changed? And did anyone higher up get back to you?
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Post by Lurkingpea on Mar 19, 2024 23:39:10 GMT
I agree that you need to stop attending this meeting past your scheduled work time. Is there a reason it needs to be at 3 once a week? Are you paid for the extra time? If they are strict about overtime I can't believe they don't fuss about a meeting running over every week.
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Post by seveerb on Mar 20, 2024 0:48:12 GMT
I would either accept the meeting, log in at 3 and immediately state you have a hard stop at 3:30 or I would decline and propose a new time start time stating this meeting usually runs over the allotted time frame.
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Post by mollycoddle on Mar 20, 2024 0:54:15 GMT
So, is it petty to turn down the meeting notice? I would of course, send an email off to my boss to let him know why I'm doing so. No. They are paying for your time during certain hours. It is not petty to confine your work to the agreed-upon schedule. Don't explain except to say you don't work those hours and certainly don't apologize. I'm debating whether to accept it and attend or turn it down on the principle that someone who is completely unreliable in her scheduling can't seem to schedule within my known working hours and I'm constantly having to make exceptions for her to do things at her convenience. No debate. Just a hard no. Go on with your plans without remorse. I can't believe this person still has a job. Also, say you do get another job (which I hope you do!). Is it really fair to saddle someone else with a new role AND an unreliable coworker, meaning they have to learn two massive jobs. You know your coworker will throw that new hire under the bus when there are problems, and that poor person won't know any better. If you don't file the complaint for yourself (which you should), file it for the person who comes after you. Not your problem, jeremysgirl . That person can advocate for him or herself. You have enough on your plate without worrying about the work situation of someone you don't even know. This. She has a lot of nerve. And how is she still employed there?
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Post by mollycoddle on Mar 20, 2024 0:55:54 GMT
Include in your complaint about her requesting meetings outside of your known working hours and the last minute nature of the request. Also include about her not completing her portion of work in a timely manner. You've shown you are flexible and willing to be a team player countless times. She is trampling all over your boundaries because she knows she can. Declining today's meeting request and filing the complaint are two concrete steps to reestablishing your boundaries to create a healthier work environment. Everyone has shown they won't change, even though you keep giving them second, third, fourth, fifty millionth chances. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting different results. They won't change their behaviors, so you need to change your responses. I know this is tough love, and I'm sorry if that hurts you, but you've been far more patient than I ever could be. Yep. She is taking advantage of your kindness. Time to put a stop to it.
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Post by mom on Mar 20, 2024 1:19:43 GMT
Include in your complaint about her requesting meetings outside of your known working hours and the last minute nature of the request. Also include about her not completing her portion of work in a timely manner. You've shown you are flexible and willing to be a team player countless times. She is trampling all over your boundaries because she knows she can. Declining today's meeting request and filing the complaint are two concrete steps to reestablishing your boundaries to create a healthier work environment.
Everyone has shown they won't change, even though you keep giving them second, third, fourth, fifty millionth chances. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting different results. They won't change their behaviors, so you need to change your responses. I know this is tough love, and I'm sorry if that hurts you, but you've been far more patient than I ever could be. I was just coming here to say this. Boundaries are a real thing...and you're going to need to enforce yours at work or she will continue to create chaos at work.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Mar 20, 2024 13:51:33 GMT
Was the meeting time changed? And did anyone higher up get back to you? No one higher up said a word to me. I did propose a new time and it was finally accepted by her. Is there a reason it needs to be at 3 once a week? Are you paid for the extra time? If they are strict about overtime I can't believe they don't fuss about a meeting running over every week. I just readjust my time somewhere else. I have the flexibility to do so.
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RosieKat
Drama Llama
PeaJect #12
Posts: 5,396
Jun 25, 2014 19:28:04 GMT
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Post by RosieKat on Mar 20, 2024 19:56:57 GMT
No, I would not attend. I would decline the invite or e-mail my regrets (however you typically do it). I work 2nd shift but often have to attend meetings before my shift. I make every effort to attend but when there are sudden changes or added meetings there is no guarantee that I can make it and do not feel the least bit guilty if I can’t. They are more than welcome to schedule them during my working hours and I certainly will attend. Exactly this. And it's not like you haven't been accommodating in general.
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Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
Posts: 4,662
Jun 25, 2014 19:33:19 GMT
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Post by Rhondito on Mar 20, 2024 20:32:58 GMT
I just saw this so I'm too late, but I would've declined and replied to ALL parties, including her, saying "this is outside of my known working hours."
Also, listen to those above who are saying to start enforcing your boundaries. If you don't do it, no one will do it for you.
(I don't even know this woman, but I can't stand her.)
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Post by AussieMeg on Mar 20, 2024 22:14:59 GMT
DO NOT GO!
I swear, if you go to this meeting (which I 100% believe was intentionally scheduled for outside your hours), I will be so cranky with you.
I know that you are a very dedicated worker who will always do what's best for the company. But this time you must draw a line.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Mar 20, 2024 22:21:38 GMT
DO NOT GO! I swear, if you go to this meeting (which I 100% believe was intentionally scheduled for outside your hours), I will be so cranky with you. I know that you are a very dedicated worker who will always do what's best for the company. But this time you must draw a line. I did not go yesterday. I proposed a new time for today. And she did eventually accept. This morning my boss called me about something unrelated and I told him that I am not accepting meetings outside of my work hours unless the meetings are scheduled by the executive office. He agreed that as long as I have my calendar up to date and with my scheduled work hours (I do) that I should feel no obligation to accept meetings outside those hours
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Post by AussieMeg on Mar 20, 2024 22:46:11 GMT
Oh right, sorry, I got confused with when the meeting was, due to the time difference here. I'm so glad you didn't go, I didn't want to get cranky with you!
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mich5481
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,569
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Post by mich5481 on Mar 20, 2024 22:51:54 GMT
DO NOT GO! I swear, if you go to this meeting (which I 100% believe was intentionally scheduled for outside your hours), I will be so cranky with you. I know that you are a very dedicated worker who will always do what's best for the company. But this time you must draw a line. I did not go yesterday. I proposed a new time for today. And she did eventually accept. This morning my boss called me about something unrelated and I told him that I am not accepting meetings outside of my work hours unless the meetings are scheduled by the executive office. He agreed that as long as I have my calendar up to date and with my scheduled work hours (I do) that I should feel no obligation to accept meetings outside those hours That's good that you told him you are protecting your time outside of work! How did filing the complaint go?
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Post by jeremysgirl on Mar 20, 2024 22:57:22 GMT
I did not go yesterday. I proposed a new time for today. And she did eventually accept. This morning my boss called me about something unrelated and I told him that I am not accepting meetings outside of my work hours unless the meetings are scheduled by the executive office. He agreed that as long as I have my calendar up to date and with my scheduled work hours (I do) that I should feel no obligation to accept meetings outside those hours That's good that you told him you are protecting your time outside of work! How did filing the complaint go? I still did not. I updated it yesterday but I was waiting to see what his response was. I also brought to his attention that I have been trying to reach her about other things and I cannot reach her. I told him I do not know what hours she works. He (pretended, I'm sure) was making notes and said he would talk to her. We will see what happens. But I need to update again after the meeting today. ETA: the other complaint about her was made a month ago. I was all ready to file and then he started making changes. I wanted to see how that played out before I filed. And like I said, he agreed with me today.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Mar 20, 2024 22:59:53 GMT
Good for change for today!
I confirm phone calls by sending myself an email with the info immediately after the call. Depending on the situation I would send it to the other person noting confirmation of the cal etc..
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mich5481
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Post by mich5481 on Mar 21, 2024 0:04:51 GMT
That's good that you told him you are protecting your time outside of work! How did filing the complaint go? I still did not. I updated it yesterday but I was waiting to see what his response was. I also brought to his attention that I have been trying to reach her about other things and I cannot reach her. I told him I do not know what hours she works. He (pretended, I'm sure) was making notes and said he would talk to her. We will see what happens. But I need to update again after the meeting today. ETA: the other complaint about her was made a month ago. I was all ready to file and then he started making changes. I wanted to see how that played out before I filed. And like I said, he agreed with me today. I'd still go ahead and file it, otherwise you'll always be waiting for yet another update.
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pantsonfire
Pearl Clutcher
Take a step back, evaluate what is important, and enjoy your life with those who you love.
Posts: 4,762
Jun 19, 2022 16:48:04 GMT
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Post by pantsonfire on Mar 21, 2024 1:29:04 GMT
File. The. Paperwork.
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Post by Lurkingpea on Mar 21, 2024 1:44:12 GMT
Yes. It is long past time to do so.
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Post by 950nancy on Mar 21, 2024 1:49:50 GMT
Glad you suggested a new time. That was ridiculous.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Mar 21, 2024 10:54:46 GMT
I know several of you want me to file the paperwork. But I keep hearing busy voice in my head. I'm nervous to do so. I know HR said they would keep my complaint confidential. But I know things that no one else could possibly know. It will be obvious who filed. I need to make sure I'm ready for the fall out of that. Plus, I'll just say that something has changed. He's asked me twice in the past three weeks if I've noticed any changes because he is trying to address it. And for the most part I've had very little to complain about. And then when I did say something about this, he backed me up in my thinking. The complaint asks me what I would consider the best outcome and my answer is that I want to see equity in assignments, responsibility for her work done by her or them, and confidence that someone is there to back me up when I need assistance. Right now, he is working on equity in assignments, this is clear to me. I'm still handled more but that is because I have more background as I've been handling things all along and second, because she's not reliably online so calls go unanswered by her and I actually pick up. Someone has stepped up in handling her workload. I am getting far less emails. This has been noticeable. She is either answering them or they have redirected them to two of them. I'm waiting to see if this has just been a lull or if they are honestly reaching out to people to redirect them away from me. The back up is still up in the air. I do feel like I need to give it more time to see what is up. I'm waiting for someone to drop a ball here. Not necessarily in a big way, but I'm closely looking for signs that either he's taking this seriously or that things have fallen off the rails again. I mean the point of the complaint is for the bosses to take action and they seem to be doing that in response to the other complaint that was made. I don't know if it will last. We shall see. But I have everything all laid out. I'm ready to file at any moment. I just need a little more time to see what's going to happen.
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teddyw
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,840
Jun 29, 2014 1:56:04 GMT
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Post by teddyw on Mar 21, 2024 11:05:10 GMT
You’re the one actually working there so if you’re seeing some results and you’re satisfied waiting seems understandable to me.
Vent away when you need to.
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Post by compeateropeator on Mar 21, 2024 12:03:20 GMT
Good luck with your situation. I would not feel pressure from Peas/anyone to file. You are the one in the situation and the one that knows all the little nuances of your job, needs, coworkers, leadership, etc. When, and if, you feel comfortable file. If you don’t want to or don’t feel comfortable then I wouldn’t and I wouldn’t feel guilty. I would probably be someone who wouldn’t file unless there was really egregious actions by some.
While I know this will be frowned upon and I know it is not what many of the Peas would support or what they say they would do…but filing a complaint to HR would be the absolute last resort for me.
I wish you the best with your terrible situation and hope that you get a new company, a new job, or just a resolution to your ongoing issues.
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