AmeliaBloomer
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,842
Location: USA
Jun 26, 2014 5:01:45 GMT
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Post by AmeliaBloomer on Jan 9, 2015 3:54:27 GMT
This is S/O another thread. In the context of her scenario, the OP mentioned that she and her husband sent someone to pick up visitors at the airport, but they were upset her husband didn't come personally.
I have a friend (divorced, very independent) who ALWAYS asks friends for airport rides, no matter the traffic, weather, or time of day - even though the people she asks routinely use a taxi or the el themselves. She'll also take time off of work to pick up her grown kids. Recently, she caused a major snafu - she let somebody else down - because she "had to" pick up her daughter at the airport, even though the daughter was traveling with a work group that had arranged for a shuttle to their hotel.
We don't get it. Our theory is our friend has internalized airport rides as "love language," as have her kids. Me? I love my husband, but he's lucky if I crack one eye open when the taxi pulls up at 4:30 in the morning.
Can anybody relate - in either direction?
(Note: I'm in a big city with two airports within 15 miles of our homes.)
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Post by padresfan619 on Jan 9, 2015 3:56:20 GMT
That certainly aligns with acts of service.
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Post by ntsf on Jan 9, 2015 3:57:33 GMT
I almost always take and pick up family and some friends from airport...14 minutes to airport via freeway a few blocks away. but my dh went to another airport for work last week and had to leave the house at 4:30 am. he got a hire car that the company will pay for. we have one friend who will take us at 5 in the morning...and we will take her...so most the time I will do a pick up...but the traffic can't be bad...and I won't go into the terminal--you better come to the curb for me.
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Post by freecharlie on Jan 9, 2015 3:58:47 GMT
The closest real airport to me is about 1.5 hours away. If we had people coming in who weren't renting a car, we'd pick them up.
We've taken and picked up family, more to save $ from parking than any gesture of love.
I would be irritated if someone considered me their taxi though.
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Jan 9, 2015 4:05:40 GMT
That certainly aligns with acts of service. How does that work, though, if you let someone else down (for whom you were presumably also supposed to do a service) because you go pick up your kid at an airport? |
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Post by annabella on Jan 9, 2015 4:08:43 GMT
I find that a lot of the peas are doing airport pickups. I don't know if it's because I live in the city and everyone is capable and knows how to take a cab/shuttle, I never hear of anyone going to the airport to pickup someone.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jan 9, 2015 4:14:23 GMT
DH's mom traveled quite a bit in the last several years of her life. She lived about four blocks from her DD, and they lived about 15-20 minutes from the airport. She would ask her DD if she could drop her off/pick her up from the airport (usually reasonable times of day both ways, no rush hour, etc.) and her DD would always find some excuse or another not to take her or pick her up.  EVERY time. If we would ask if she needed a ride, she'd say, "Oh, I'll just call a cab..." and either DH or I would always say that was ridiculous and would arrange to drive her even though we lived 20 minutes away from her in the OTHER direction (meaning it would take us twice as long both coming and going). Neither of us minded doing it, but we would always wonder to each other why it was such a big deal for his sister especially since they lived right down the block and were way closer to the airport. Sheesh. |
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Post by padresfan619 on Jan 9, 2015 4:15:02 GMT
That certainly aligns with acts of service. How does that work, though, if you let someone else down (for whom you were presumably also supposed to do a service) because you go pick up your kid at an airport? She must hold her own family in a higher regard than whoever she let down. She would rather drop them to attend to her own kids. |
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Post by padresfan619 on Jan 9, 2015 4:16:10 GMT
I live in a major city with horrible public transportation and I'm only about 15 minutes from the airport. I don't mind picking people up at all. It would be more of a headache to try to get a cab.
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Post by Crack-a-lackin on Jan 9, 2015 4:22:05 GMT
I live in a city within 40 minutes of the airport, depending on traffic (to give you context). The way I was raised if someone traveled via air it was enough of an occasion that you took them to the airport and picked them up - we didn't travel via air (with 2 exceptions) and seldom had family visit.
When I became a young adult my dad still made airport trips to pick me up or drop me off - he expected/wanted to do it, mostly to save me the hassle and money but also for safety (didn't want me taking a taxi at 4am, etc). Then as I started traveling for work and used a car service or shuttle it was eye opening for how freeing that was. Seems silly but it hadn't occurred to me how easy, quick, cheap it actually was to just take the shuttle.
So, maybe others are in a similar situation - they're just so used to it out doesn't occur to them to do it differently.
However, in the situation you're describing, dropping the ball to pick up your daughter isn't acceptable. There are other ways to show your dd you care enough about her to pick her up and still meet your other obligations.
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AmeliaBloomer
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,842
Location: USA
Jun 26, 2014 5:01:45 GMT
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Post by AmeliaBloomer on Jan 9, 2015 4:30:07 GMT
How does that work, though, if you let someone else down (for whom you were presumably also supposed to do a service) because you go pick up your kid at an airport? She must hold her own family in a higher regard than whoever she let down. She would rather drop them to attend to her own kids. Yes. Unfortunately, Friend #2 has been uncommonly supportive of (Love Language) Friend #1, and had asked for a rare - and very important - favor. It made the gratuitous trip to the airport seem even more...well...gratuitous, but it showed how strongly F#1 feels about the ritual. And I think annabella might be right that this might depend on how urban the setting is. F#1 grew up in a much less urban area. |
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Post by annabella on Jan 9, 2015 4:34:46 GMT
The way I was raised if someone traveled via air it was enough of an occasion that you took them to the airport and picked them up - we didn't travel via air (with 2 exceptions) and seldom had family visit. This is true when I visit my dad in North Carolina, which isn't often because he comes to me often, he will pick me up from the airport even if I fly in at 11pm, although I do ask before booking my ticket if the time is convenient for him. At home I live 30 miles from the airport and I remember some international trips I took in high school/college, my mother never picked me up from the airport. lol Now the shuttle is $35, I'm sure it was less then. Maybe that's why I'm so independent. The last time I went to Paris by myself, my father had arranged for me to stay with the daughter of a friend of his whom I had never met. My plane landed at 7am and she emailed me to say she would pick me up from the airport, and I said don't worry about it, I didn't want a stranger getting up at 5am to get me. I took the train into the city then transferred to the local subway then walked to her apt. There was a little confusion and I had to ask for directions and no one understood my pronunciation but I made it. Likewise when I went to Spain last year I took the train in to save money vs paying $60 for a taxi. It wasn't convenient with my suitcase but I saved money. The hardest part was figuring out how to buy the train ticket because there was only an automatic machine in Spanish so I had to ask someone to buy my ticket for me. |
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Jan 9, 2015 4:39:41 GMT
How does that work, though, if you let someone else down (for whom you were presumably also supposed to do a service) because you go pick up your kid at an airport? She must hold her own family in a higher regard than whoever she let down. She would rather drop them to attend to her own kids. Maybe it seemed like an obvious question, LOL, but it sounded like you may have read the book, and I thought maybe there was a more detailed explanation deriving from the book or something.  |
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Post by CarolT on Jan 9, 2015 4:48:57 GMT
If we're available and it's reasonably convenient, we'll do airport runs. I'm not going to take time off from work or get up in the middle of the night to do an airport drop off/pick up.
When dh or I travel for work, our parking is reimbursed, so we'll usually drive ourselves.
If we're traveling for pleasure, we often will drive and park in an off-site lot, as they are much cheaper than either parking at the airport garage or taking a shuttle or taxi.
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AmeliaBloomer
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,842
Location: USA
Jun 26, 2014 5:01:45 GMT
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Post by AmeliaBloomer on Jan 9, 2015 4:49:44 GMT
Maybe it seemed like an obvious question, LOL, but it sounded like you may have read the book, and I thought maybe there was a more detailed explanation deriving from the book or something. There's a book?! I've only seen the term "Love Language" here, so I figured it was Pea jargon or maybe was a Dr. Phil thing or something...  |
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Post by eebud on Jan 9, 2015 4:55:58 GMT
I don't mind picking up relatives at the airport who fly in occasionally but I am not going to be a taxi service for someone who travels a lot. I don't live close to the airport. I do have an easier drive now than I used to buy that is because of toll roads. If I pick someone up at the airport, it is not only my time and gas but my money to pay the tolls to the airport and back. I agreed recently to pick a friend up at one airport and take her to the other airport. I didn't really think about it when I agreed. This would have taken me around 2.5 to 3 hours plus my gas and tolls on some of the roads. I was a happy camper when she figured out there was a transport company that she could use and she could leave her car at her office. This way, it was not an issue to fly out of one airport and into the other. I didn't end up having to do this. I will not agree to this again now that I have thought about what it takes of my time.
It is VERY rare that I have asked someone to pick me up at any airport. If I visit my mom, I don't need a car while there and she doesn't mind picking me up so I let her. When I visit my dad, sometimes I need a car and sometimes I don't. If I don't need my own car, he picks me up. At DFW, I always park my car at the airport. I love Express Parking. Years ago, I was going to be gone for almost a month. I took a shuttle to the airport and DH picked me up from that trip. Most of the time, I am only gone about a week or less. I just pay for parking. DH and I have a trip coming up where we will be gone a little longer. The car will sit at the airport.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 2, 2024 6:42:53 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 9, 2015 5:02:30 GMT
i don't understand the need for it i've had a situation where my father is annoyed at me for dropping him off curbside instead of going inside....you know paying $20 parking for a farewell that could have been done in the 45 minute ride to the airport further to that, you can't get into many areas anymore unless you're a passenger anyway. i think in this day and age people need to realize the authorities don't want unnecessary people at the airport because of congestion and security issues. |
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Post by epeanymous on Jan 9, 2015 5:08:23 GMT
I have an aunt who is that way, She can drive, and she can easily afford airport parking, and she does not live near any family now, but she gets very upset when people do not want to drive her to the airport and pick her up (the international airport is about a 3.5 or 4-hour round trip from her home; she could get a tiny connecting plane from the local airport but will not do that either). She flies several times a year and has really run out of people willing to do it. Her husband died eight years ago, and it has been my theory that for her, being taken to the airport is a sign people love her.
Personally, when I lived the same distance from the international/fly direct airport, I didn't even ask my own husband to get me -- I drove myself and parked. I really can't imagine asking friends or neighbors to drive and pick me up like that.
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Post by spitfiregirl on Jan 9, 2015 5:09:35 GMT
I just recently decided that I would not pick up from the airport any more and that I will not expect anyone to pick me up when traveling. We live 1.5 hours each way, from the nearest major airport and 1 hour each way from the minor airport. It's way too much driving. Just take the roadrunner for $65.00, or leave your car at the airport...But know that I still love you.
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Jan 9, 2015 5:11:21 GMT
Maybe it seemed like an obvious question, LOL, but it sounded like you may have read the book, and I thought maybe there was a more detailed explanation deriving from the book or something. There's a book?! I've only seen the term "Love Language" here, so I figured it was Pea jargon or maybe was a Dr. Phil thing or something... I thought it was a book-- isn't that always in the relationship threads? Someone recommending that the spouse read the love language book? |
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Deleted
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Jun 2, 2024 6:42:53 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 9, 2015 5:17:47 GMT
There's a book?! I've only seen the term "Love Language" here, so I figured it was Pea jargon or maybe was a Dr. Phil thing or something... I thought it was a book-- isn't that always in the relationship threads? Someone recommending that the spouse read the love language book? Yes, it is a book "The 5 Love Languages" by Dr. Gary Chapman (have no idea what the title "Dr." means) |
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AmeliaBloomer
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,842
Location: USA
Jun 26, 2014 5:01:45 GMT
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Post by AmeliaBloomer on Jan 9, 2015 5:19:49 GMT
I thought it was a book-- isn't that always in the relationship threads? Someone recommending that the spouse read the love language book?
Yup (link). 4,820 customer reviews on Amazon. Blimey. Those can't ALL be Peas. ETA: voltagain: He's a Doctor of Loooove, of course. |
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Deleted
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Jun 2, 2024 6:42:53 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 9, 2015 5:22:47 GMT
It may or may not be her love language (this would fall under acts of service) If she cements relationships with other acts of service it would be a love language.
It can also simply be she has a hold over ideal about airport pickup/drop offs from a parent traveling when she was a child. And she is still living out a childhood pattern of how life aught to be.
Whether or not I put her in a category of user would be how often she was willing to be inconvenienced for my needs. Users expect you to inconvenience yourself for them but they are never available to help you out. Some people are available to re-pay the kindness... I don't consider them users.
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Jan 9, 2015 5:28:24 GMT
I am the one who posted in my thread about my DH's extended family being upset that we didn't pick them up from the airport when they came from out of state for our wedding.
I have no problem picking someone up who is coming specifically to see us, and it is always fun to be able to greet them at the airport when we haven't seen them for some time. The problem with that situation is that their flight came in during our wedding rehearsal/dinner. We lived an hour away from the airport and it wasn't practical for us to go get them. We had a friend pick them up and thought that was fine. But, they were upset. I felt that they were selfish to think that DH should arrange everything around their schedules.
We always pick MIL up at the airport and drop her off again. But, she isn't coming and going frequently and lives far away from us. To me, that is different than some of the other situations described above. My concern with picking up the friends/relatives that are coming to the party (again from the other thread) is that we live an hour and a half away from the airport and I won't have time to make multiple trips if they don't fly in at the same time.
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Post by bc2ca on Jan 9, 2015 5:29:00 GMT
I don't think I've ever been asked to p/u or drop off someone who is not coming to see us and I've never asked someone other than my DH or DD to do it for me. If I'm traveling by myself I usually fly in and out of a nearby, small commuter airport and it is an easy taxi or Uber ride (our transit is not great).
I will p/u and drop off my parents & MIL at the airport without hesitation. My parents want curbside service, both coming and going. For my MIL, I will get a gate pass and take her through security. Most other visitors are renting cars and take care of themselves.
For DH's family it is expected that at least one family member pick you up, even though their city transit system is fantastic. MIL and her sister go to Europe for an extended period and several car loads of family go to the airport to see them off and meet them when they return. I was confused the first time this happened, because I thought we were there to get her, but BIL took her home. SIL and the all grandkids were there too, along with his aunt's two adult children and their families.
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Jan 9, 2015 5:30:07 GMT
I thought it was a book-- isn't that always in the relationship threads? Someone recommending that the spouse read the love language book? Yes, it is a book "The 5 Love Languages" by Dr. Gary Chapman (have no idea what the title "Dr." means) I assume he uses the title "Dr." because he has a Ph.D. Most likely in Psychology. |
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Post by gmcwife1 on Jan 9, 2015 5:43:37 GMT
I live in a city within 40 minutes of the airport, depending on traffic (to give you context). The way I was raised if someone traveled via air it was enough of an occasion that you took them to the airport and picked them up - we didn't travel via air (with 2 exceptions) and seldom had family visit. When I became a young adult my dad still made airport trips to pick me up or drop me off - he expected/wanted to do it, mostly to save me the hassle and money but also for safety (didn't want me taking a taxi at 4am, etc). Then as I started traveling for work and used a car service or shuttle it was eye opening for how freeing that was. Seems silly but it hadn't occurred to me how easy, quick, cheap it actually was to just take the shuttle. So, maybe others are in a similar situation - they're just so used to it out doesn't occur to them to do it differently. This sounds my extended family, I wonder if it's also a smaller town thing. The first time I ever rode in a town car to the airport was for a work related trip that the boss arranged. I don't think anyone in my family ever takes other transportation, it's always a friend or family member taking them and picking them up. We don't give it a second thought. Dh and I live closer to the airport and when we took our last flying vacation with dd we took the shuttle. |
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Post by chances on Jan 9, 2015 6:12:54 GMT
I'm really surprised by how many people drive their car to the airport. I have never heard of anyone doing this (even wealthy friends). It is soooooo expensive.
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Deleted
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Jun 2, 2024 6:42:53 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 9, 2015 6:29:38 GMT
I'm really surprised by how many people drive their car to the airport. I have never heard of anyone doing this (even wealthy friends). It is soooooo expensive. Really? The airport closest to me charges between $4 and $6 a day for long term parking (more than 24 hours) The higher rate is for covered parking. The lower rate is uncovered. |
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Post by chances on Jan 9, 2015 6:48:32 GMT
I'm really surprised by how many people drive their car to the airport. I have never heard of anyone doing this (even wealthy friends). It is soooooo expensive. Really? The airport closest to me charges between $4 and $6 a day for long term parking (more than 24 hours) The higher rate is for covered parking. The lower rate is uncovered. Interesting. The two airports I fly in and out of regularly (in 2 different states) the rates range from 12-30 per day. I didn't realize there was a $12 option. So not cheap, but more affordable than I thought. |
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EVERY time.
