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Post by twoboyzmom on Jan 17, 2015 1:04:54 GMT
You feel sick? And then you and your spouse don't agree on the consequences or punishment which makes it worse? Yea...that's my night  ? |
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garcia5050
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,734 
Location: So. Calif.
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Post by garcia5050 on Jan 17, 2015 1:16:33 GMT
I have. and he is only 11. Sorry.
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Post by leslie132 on Jan 17, 2015 1:19:12 GMT
No. And my stomach sank just reading your post. I hope that you find comfort in the fact that kids need consistence and consequences.
Hugs!!!
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Post by anonrefugee on Jan 17, 2015 1:20:17 GMT
Yes. And then he learned, we learned, it all got better.
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Post by christine58 on Jan 17, 2015 1:20:59 GMT
Clearer heads maybe tomorrow??? You and DH HAVE to be on the same page....take some time to really think about what your child did and an appropriate consequence...say nothing to child until you and DH agree.
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Post by hop2 on Jan 17, 2015 1:26:04 GMT
I've been disappointed in my children but not so much that I was ill.
Hugs to you. I feel for you just reading your post.
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scrapaddie
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,090
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Post by scrapaddie on Jan 17, 2015 1:28:19 GMT
Btdt.... All I can say is give yourselves some time and then agree on consequences.....
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Post by anxiousmom on Jan 17, 2015 1:37:22 GMT
Yes. Yes. And absolutely yes. And when it recently happened, one of my comments to my son was "You were taught better than this, I know, I was there."
And this is my grown ass son, the one in college. While he is an adult, he is still having his college paid for by his parents (mostly my ex) so there will be consequences to his behavior.
All I can say is that from time to time, my ex and I are completely on the same page when it comes to the kids. This was one of them.
So maybe for you guys, take the night and start over tomorrow.
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Anita
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,647
Location: Kansas City -ish
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Post by Anita on Jan 17, 2015 1:42:03 GMT
Yes. Fortunately, she started her crap after moving out.
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Post by twoboyzmom on Jan 17, 2015 1:53:51 GMT
Thanks everyone. Just so disappointed in him...will explain later.
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Post by elaine on Jan 17, 2015 1:55:20 GMT
(((Hugs)))
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Post by Dori~Mama~Bear on Jan 17, 2015 1:58:20 GMT
Hugs. I hope you figure something out..... Try not to stress over it... Sleep on it wake up and start over tomorrow.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 21:34:29 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 17, 2015 2:02:58 GMT
Do you pray? There was this Tibetan nun who sings or chants. I am sure she is on YouTube. You could find her and listen to her say the same line over and each verse is said with different intonation. That kind of meditation might help. If you are Christian you could pray. If you believe in Pure Land Sect Buddhism you could chant Amida Buddha's name Namu-amida-butsu over and over. That's how the priests out our temple used to pray every morning.
Also if it's cool-cold but not freezing outside go for a long walk. As long as you can stand it. Clearing your head will help.
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Post by Really Red on Jan 17, 2015 2:03:21 GMT
Yes, and yes.
I'm sorry. I can tell you that it was a very low point in our lives and things did get a LOT better. I hope it is the same for you.
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Post by ntsf on Jan 17, 2015 2:03:26 GMT
yes..just this week..my adult child admitted lying to us for 6 months about going to school...this child deals with autism, and mental illness and dh and I are not on the same page. it is hugely disappointed and sad. and it would be great if our country supported such kids and their illnesses--with supportive housing and structure. but as parents unwilling to through this child to the streets...we have to deal. there is always tomorrow. and it can be worse.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 21:34:29 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 17, 2015 2:03:43 GMT
Despite all claims to the contrary, no one's kids are perfect, and they are bound to let us down from time to time. I'm sorry-those times suck.
Hopefully, things will be/feel better in the morning. And, hopefully, you and DH can come to agreement on consequences and present a strong, united front.
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Post by Dixie Lou on Jan 17, 2015 2:06:36 GMT
YES, YES, YES!
My daughter got her ass into so much trouble that she went to prison for four months. She was not raised that way and was never a problem until after she turned 21 (we had no control where she was headed.) That was a hard year for her, obviously. She will pay for that (felony) for the rest of her life. I will admit that there was a time that I (mistakenly) thought that even her dying would have been easier. I got over that thank goodness but that is an illustration just how sick over it I was.
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Post by Lexica on Jan 17, 2015 2:21:55 GMT
Yes. Yes, I have been. Mine is currently 32, and I swear he was more mature and had a much better sense of right and wrong when he was 10. He has been pushing my buttons in one form or another for a few years now. And the older he became, the more I anticipated it stopping. That is what so many other parents told me was the case with their sons. I kept waiting, trying to do so patiently. Unfortunately, it escalated instead. It is so bad right now between us that I don't even have any desire to see him or hear from him. I'm just so disappointed in who he has allowed himself to become. I would like to think he will eventually find his way back to who he was before or who he has the capacity to be but that's entirely his decision.
As far as his father and I being on the same page, I can't imagine his father is happy with who my son has become any more than I am. He treats his father terribly too.
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Post by shescrafty on Jan 17, 2015 2:37:11 GMT
Yes absolutely-my son is 13 and in the past year there have been at least two times of sheer and utter disappointment. Like crying all night and thinking that because of his actions he is destined for an awful life. It is an awful feeling.
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Post by jill225 on Jan 17, 2015 2:54:58 GMT
Yes, unfortunately I feel your pain. Oldest was involved in drugs. She currently has her life back together but is still dealing with the consequences of her actions. My son is basically a good kid. Never had an ounce of trouble from him but he is addicted to tattoos. It turns my stomach when I see what's he's done to his body.
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Post by laureljean on Jan 17, 2015 3:01:57 GMT
((Hugs)) Yes, been there many times. But the good news is, he grew out of it and is now a young man that I'm very proud of. Hang in there; with love and time it gets better.
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Post by sillyrabbit on Jan 17, 2015 3:02:48 GMT
You just described the last year of my laugh. Hang in there...this too shall pass.
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Post by janniepea on Jan 17, 2015 3:04:12 GMT
I'm very disappointed in my 24 year old son right now, so that I can't speak to him right now. He is married to a wonderful woman and has two beautiful sons and put it in jeopardy recently. They are seeing a counselor now and I pray they make it. But I'm just so sad and heartbroken.
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Post by maryland on Jan 17, 2015 3:09:47 GMT
Yes. Most recently because of the way our 15 and 17 yr. old daughters were treating the boys that asked them to Homecoming. We have always taught them to respect boys, and we were very disappointed in the way they were treating these boys. It is never acceptable for them to treat boys or their friends like that.
And today, too. The 15 yr. old is in a group of 5 "friends" that dance together. Two of them were very nasty to one of the girls. I do not want my child being friends with girls like that. My husband agrees. We just don't what to do about it.
My husband and I usually agree, but I seem to always have to be the disciplinarian. I get tired of always being the bad guy!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 21:34:29 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 17, 2015 3:24:17 GMT
Just hugs! I am sorry you are struggling.
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tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,368
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Jan 17, 2015 4:10:12 GMT
Unfortunately yes and it is difficult. Best of luck dealing with your child and agreeing on a form of discipline with your DH.
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Post by 950nancy on Jan 17, 2015 4:21:56 GMT
Yes, he was almost 18. What he did wasn't horrible, but dishonest and then he blamed me for him doing it and my hubby somewhat sided with my son. I turned into a bit of a helicopter mother (never had been before) and he saw how it affected me. Thankfully, he broke up with the girl he'd been seeing and got his crap together. He is a very sweet and sensitive kid with a tough outer shell. Kids screw up.
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Post by scrappinmom3 on Jan 17, 2015 4:31:15 GMT
Yes. This too shall pass. Hugs to you and hang in there.
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Post by psoccer on Jan 17, 2015 4:47:42 GMT
Yes...it gets better  Hugs and prayers to you. I remember yelling at my son, "I didn't raise you like this!!" It was a blip, a poor choice, bad judgement, and all has been right in the world with him for the past several years. |
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Post by bc2ca on Jan 17, 2015 4:53:01 GMT
{{hugs}} I hope you and DH can get on the same page for the consequences.
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Hugs and prayers to you. I remember yelling at my son, "I didn't raise you like this!!" It was a blip, a poor choice, bad judgement, and all has been right in the world with him for the past several years.