How do you feel about spreading the ashes of a loved one?

We did this and it is very upsetting/therapeutic/healing. We also have some of her ashes in an urn at home.

Do you have to make a decision?

I would rather spread the ashes than keep them in an urn. The majority of my deceased relatives are buried in caskets but my maternal grandparents were both cremated. We spread their ashes in several places. My Papa has a fountain dedicated to him at the country club he was a member of, so some went there and the rest went into the Pacific Ocean. We spread my Grannie's ashes at the same fountain and the same spot in the Pacific Ocean as well as near her childhood home in Bishop, CA. We also spread my Grannie's ashes at the gravesite of her daughter who passed away after my Papa but before Grannie.

I was very young when my Papa passed away so I didn't really understand the concept at the time, but I was in my 20's when my grannie passed. A box of her ashes were delivered to our house and we held onto them until her service and it was very eerie feeling to me, I didn't like knowing all that was left of her was just inside of a plastic bag inside of a box. A pretty urn on a mantle would give me the same feeling. I wanted to release her spirit, holding onto her ashes would make me feel like I'm not allowing her spirit to be free.

We are Catholic and the Catholic Church does not sanction either the keeping of ashes or the scattering of ashes. Basically, our faith believes that the ashes should be given the same respect and sanctity that a human body would be given. So we bury our loved ones, even if they have been cremated.

I think whatever brings you comfort is the right thing to do.

My mil sits on top of our China cabinet, watching over us at the dinner table.

There was a Frasier episode in which that happened.

Does it make you sad at all that he's not buried??  I've often wondered this...does it bother you---sorry if this is insensitive---that someone that was alive is now just ashes??

Maybe that's where I got it from! It's a very specific fear for me to have without some source.

My MIL and my DHs' brothers are having a ceremony this coming weekend to spread / bury FIL ashes. He passed away last September, and his birthday is this weekend. They are digging up a piece of ground in the front yard, placing the ashes then planting a rose bush on top. They have a marble stone that will commemorate FIL.

Not in the least. I don't really get the buried thing. Had I buried him he wouldn't have "been" there either. I believe his soul moved on and what was left was just an empty container. As far as cremation goes, I too want that for myself. I do not want any of my loved ones to feel the need to maintain or decorate a burial plot. To me that's creepy.

ETA: what bothers me is that someone who was so healthy and alive is now dead not that he's just ashes because once again, the part of him that was him has moved on, the rest was just packaging.

That's my thing, too. I don't want to be buried somewhere and my kids feel obligated to "visit" me on my birthday and Mother's Day or whatever. If I'm cremated and spread wherever, then I'm everywhere all the time.

i would rather be scattered in an ocean then sitting collecting dust on a sideboard
the idea of splitting ashes up also feels very unsettling to me but i realize there is no logic to that thought

I have never heard if this. My Uncles' ashes are not buried.

If the person's wish was that their cremains be scattered, then that is what should be done.

I want my ashes to be mixed with those of my beloved pets. It is illegal in this state to inter animals in human cemeteries. So unless I move or the laws change, I do not want my ashes interred. My husband and DD know where to scatter our remains.

Add the above to the fact I know way too much about the funeral/cemetery business and therefore want NOTHING to do with either of them.

My father's ashes are spread all over the place, with a little bit remaining with me and I will put them with my mom when she passes.