TankTop
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1,871
Posts: 4,783
Location: On the couch...
Jun 28, 2014 1:52:46 GMT
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Post by TankTop on May 11, 2015 2:10:11 GMT
I am not sure what got into me, but I guess I needed to kick myself while I was down. I spent my evening googling the mother I haven't seen since my teens. I found her online. That sucked.
Then I stumbled on a website called "I Need a Mom." It sets up email mother/daughter relationships for motherless daughters to experience the support they desperately need. I do believe this is a low point for me. Lol!
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Post by peasapie on May 11, 2015 2:19:32 GMT
I'm sorry your husband didn't make more of an effort to raise you up today. I think you should have a heart-to-heart with him and let him know that these things mean a lot to you and you want him to give it more consideration in the future. I have learned that when other people don't seem to get it, I need to tell them.
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on May 11, 2015 2:28:00 GMT
I was sometimes disappointed when I was married. So now.... I plan my own day doing just what I want. My daughter and I discuss it... then we do it. I pay... but so what.
She always makes me feel loved and appreciated and we have a great day! If you have a DH or Kids who don't get it show them! Tell them! Say next year. I'd like to do this for mother's day. Make the plan. Don't make it about you cooking!!! Then enjoy your day and thank them for making it happen!
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Anita
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,647
Location: Kansas City -ish
Jun 27, 2014 2:38:58 GMT
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Post by Anita on May 11, 2015 2:32:03 GMT
I'm sorry your husband didn't make more of an effort to raise you up today. I think you should have a heart-to-heart with him and let him know that these things mean a lot to you and you want him to give it more consideration in the future. I have learned that when other people don't seem to get it, I need to tell them. I can't speak for the OP, but I have told DH point blank what I would like and why it's important to me. Over and over. He just refuses to get it. I make every effort on Father's Day and his birthday. Until this year. I'm finally done. And I told him that today, but he won't believe me until Father's Day. I think I will take perverse pleasure in watching it sink in that no, I'm really NOT making any effort this time. Welcome to my world.
At least our oldest DD called and wished me Happy Mother's Day.
I think next year I will plan a weekend getaway for myself. That way he won't be around to ruin it.
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Gravity
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,230
Jun 27, 2014 0:29:55 GMT
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Post by Gravity on May 11, 2015 3:01:07 GMT
I worked a 12 hr shift today. DH picked up dinner from my favorite restaurant where I have ordered the exact same thing for the last ten years. He screwed up my order.
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Post by kellybelly77 on May 11, 2015 3:27:26 GMT
I was pretty bummed out. Dh had to work overtime today so I had to cancel my plans, no one said a word, I ran some errands and my car battery died so my kids and I were stranded for an hour in a thunderstorm. They were fighting and we get home and dh was like, oh yeah it's Mother's Day. Then he ran to the mall to go buy a present. Why bother! So I went to sew and he complained that I have been spending too much time sewing and I still haven't gotten the crap taken to Goodwill. Really. I can't even sew on Mother's Day. Ugh.
So a dead car, cleaning, errands, fighting kids and an irritable dh. Super. I know it good be worse but I was just disappointed.
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Post by patin on May 11, 2015 3:41:01 GMT
Yes & no. We are on vacation & so that part is great. My DS texted & DIL commented on Fb .That's good. DH actually bought me flowers- he never does anything on MD cuz I am not his mother. Whatever! But I think he has started to feel bad the kids are doing nothing. So kudos for DH FINALLY getting it! From my girls... Nothing. Crickets. I've left my phone on all day & checked it constantly., so yeah I am bummed & I am not going to be gracious(like i always am) when & if They remember. ( this isn't the first time) Just over it. & yeah, I miss my mom. She was the best. 8th MD without her. Thanks for letting me vent.
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Post by lancermom on May 11, 2015 3:58:06 GMT
Disappointed yes. I have one of those husbands everybody loves. All in all a great guy. But he has decided in the last few years not to acknowledge Mother's Day. Only to me. He went away fishing without asking if ok to be gone this weekend. Wished two others a Happy Mothers Day. But refuses to say it to me. Because I am not his mother. WTH? It really hurts. He did call this morning to talk about his catch, and a side note said it. But that is because he was with someone that guilted him into saying it. This is why Halloween is my favorite holiday. No gifts, cards or phone calls need to be made.
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Post by craftedbys on May 11, 2015 3:59:25 GMT
Somewhat. This is the first Mother's Day that DD has been away from home. All day I waited for her to call and wish me HMD. I didn't expect a gift or presents or anything. In fact, my gift was yesterday when DH, DS and I drove the 3 hours to visit her at school and spend the day with her, which is what I told DH I wanted as my gift this year. I still thought she would call sometime. About 9:15 DH headed to read in bed before turning in and he knew I was very sad that DD hadn't called. She finally called about 9:30 so I would bet money that he sent her a "why haven't you called your mother" text. She spent the majority of the call telling me about her day and I felt like the call to me was kind of an afterthought. It hurts that she had to be reminded to call.
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Post by doesitmatter on May 11, 2015 4:04:45 GMT
Yes, very. Over the years with an awful dh and divorcing I Really never knew any different besides seeing other women be pampered, it never happened for me.ok. I am used to it but today the kids and I had plans and it got messed up beyond what I can express and I am just feeling dumb about how upset I am. I am not the type of person to whine or think "poor me" ....but us I'm very hurt and upset. Maybe I'll explain it later...
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marimoose
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,282
Jul 22, 2014 2:10:14 GMT
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Post by marimoose on May 11, 2015 4:13:54 GMT
This year was not much different than previous years except that as my kids grew up I had higher expectations that maybe they would place a little effort into acknowledging me in some way. I don't want to sound selfish, whiny or demanding but it does get old to always go all out for everyone's special day and/or holiday and the only way I will receive a special day is if I plan it myself. I would think that learning by example would kick in and believe me, I have been vocal with each and every one of them including dh about what my expectations are and why. My eldest son, who is living at home currently, did not say HMD or acknowledge the fact that I was even in the room. He texted his sister while she was sitting at the table with me to ask if there were any plans for the day. Really??? He is asking the youngest if she planned something and waited until the very day. My younger son basically did the same thing and mentioned in an odd passing yesterday that he had today covered because his sister was in charge. The problem is he forgot to mention this to his younger sister. My eldest daughter left me a very short, rather half assed message on my phone while she was eating something that was clearly filling her cheeks. Would it be that hard to take 10 seconds and make the message appear genuine. My dh never wished me a HMD but did get a card for the dog to give me. He made it clear years ago that I wasn't his mother and seems to overlook the fact that I am the mother to his children. I should be used to it but it hurts worse each year.
My one positive - my youngest daughter did remember today and went overboard. She gave me a pair of Toms and got the two of us a pair of tickets for the Keith Urban concert at Cheyenne Frontier Days. She is really sweet and always makes time for the two of us. We went to a movie together and I came home to give younger son a ride to work and half hoped that maybe dh and other son would prepare dinner. Nope. Dh seemed miffed that I didn't bring home stuff for dinner. His legs aren't broken and he was quite capable of going to the store. Eldest son had gone to the store to get me a card sometime this afternoon, which doesn't count in my book. There was a card laying on the table, not even addressed, not handed to me and he decided to hang out in his brother's room all night. I finally had enough and my younger daughter and I left to get dinner together. There was no way I was inviting dh or son to go along for a free meal. Blech. What a day. I had a few times I teared up and my baby took my hand and squeezed it tight. We had a bit of a role reversal today. Even her boyfriend sent me the sweetest text. I wish my older kids were as considerate as him. My youngest made my day bearable.
Can I be honest and say that in an odd way that I appreciate everyone's honesty of their feelings. You all made me feel a little bit normal with how I am feeling and I learned that so many others are experiencing similar situations. I am not alone. You have all made me feel a bit better tonight. Being able to share helps lower my stress.
To all who had an equally disappointing day, from one mom to another, Happy Moher's Day! Your job is very important.
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Post by SunnySmile on May 11, 2015 4:55:25 GMT
Yeah, a bit disappointed, but OK. My teen dd decided the sky was falling after I asked her to change out of her church clothes before she took the dog out to play. I've been getting dirty looks all day from her since. It's a new dog, and she gets mad if the dog shows any interest in us. She must have seen me pet the dog too. Not a HMD from her lips either. My older two came over for dinner and my dh is always thoughtful, but the teen dd sort of ruined the day for me. I'm still blessed though. I get where you are all coming from, it's sad when you do so much for them, and they don't even acknowledge the day.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on May 11, 2015 11:16:23 GMT
I am not sure what got into me, but I guess I needed to kick myself while I was down. I spent my evening googling the mother I haven't seen since my teens. I found her online. That sucked. Then I stumbled on a website called "I Need a Mom." It sets up email mother/daughter relationships for motherless daughters to experience the support they desperately need. I do believe this is a low point for me. Lol! Sometimes you just have to "pick at a scab" as my grandmother would say in situations like this. But now you have. Shake it off and move on. That history is nothing you can change, but you can decide how you use it to shape the future. I'm not making too little of it, really. It sounds very painful. But I am encouraging you not to stay in that dark place. It doesn't have to define today or tomorrow for you. I hope today is a better day.
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Post by beanbuddymom on May 11, 2015 13:36:56 GMT
A little bit, yeah. It started out great - DH brought flowers, made breakfast, DS made me a card and a paper flower. So DH and DS stepped up. DD was rude to me all day. I spent half Friday and all Saturday running her little butt around to track meet and friends homes and when I asked her how her night went (I was asleep when she came in, only DH saw her) she was snippy and refused to talk, one word answers only. I later asked her was everything ok and she was short again with me and told me to stop asking me. DH then took opportunity to instead of telling her to not be rude to me, felt the need to tell me to stop asking questions. Both DD and DS chimed with telling me to stop asking questions. So I spent the rest of the day alone in the livingroom watching TV while kids played video games with each other, not talking to me, and DH took his mother to lunch. When he got home I asked DD to bring her laundry downstairs for me to wash and we ended up getting into another argument when I asked her for all her laundry and she got snippy about the fact that she couldn't find something and was sure I still had it and I always lost her laundry. Again no backup from DH, his concern was to tell me to stop arguing with her. So I left. I went for a ride to the beach. I came home and at about 7:30 when it was clear no one was going to make dinner I made dinner. Started out so nice but the lack of support from DH and total rudeness from my DD really made it the worst possible Mother's Day I can remember.
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Post by Miss Ang on May 11, 2015 13:41:04 GMT
Yeah. It was a rough day. I don't even want to type it out, but it's just disappointing. My 16 yr. old son really disappointed me and he's usually the one that tries the hardest to make Mother's Day special. Anyway, just not feeling all that appreciated right now. Trying to let it go because I honestly feel like a brat thinking this way. It's just a day on the calendar.
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Post by trixiecat on May 11, 2015 14:11:24 GMT
Beanbuddymom, your day sounds similar to mine. It started out with us going to breakfast and I was given a hanging basket by my husband which was really nice, and gift cards from the kids. But then it started to go down hill when I went into the second bathroom and discovered that my brother-in-law, who has some mental development issues, had left several wash clothes in the shower with poop all over them. So I had to bleach down the entire bathroom. And then my teenage son has been going through a horrible phase with not caring about ANYTHING and there were many arguments and name calling on his part. By the time dinner came I told my husband I wanted to eat alone. I couldn't take it anymore and actually researched camps for troubled teens. I guess I should chalk it up to being just another day in the books.
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casii
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,474
Jun 29, 2014 14:40:44 GMT
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Post by casii on May 11, 2015 15:15:30 GMT
I'm really sorry for all of you whose husbands and children have hurt your hearts.
My youngest is at college and sent me a card with a letter inside about how being away from home has made her appreciate how much I do for her. My 2 older children took me out to eat at a new place I'd been wanting to try.
Dh on the other hand, thought he was being funny by sealing a cable ad into an envelope like it was a card. And he packed all evening because he was leaving for a business trip first thing this morning. You'd think he was going away for a 2 week vacation, the time he spent packing! Oh yes, I am alone and will be treating myself VERY well the next few days.
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Post by mikklynn on May 11, 2015 15:33:36 GMT
beanbuddymom I'm sorry. I would NEVER do that child's laundry again. If she's old enough to complain, she's old enough to do it herself.
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Post by M on May 11, 2015 15:37:39 GMT
Trying to let it go because I honestly feel like a brat thinking this way. It's just a day on the calendar. I echo what you said.
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calgal08
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,519
Jun 27, 2014 15:43:46 GMT
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Post by calgal08 on May 11, 2015 16:16:59 GMT
I'm sure I'll get shot down in flames, but, I never understand these threads. There's no law that anyone has to do anything for Mother's Day. Chances are, if your expectations are high, you'll end up disappointed (and high is different for different families, for some, receiving a card could be a high expectation). For the record, my dh is out of the country on business, I spent the day at a baseball game, dog walking, boys playing catch, boys at the skate park, BBQing (and the usual laundry, cleaning, etc.)
Life is too short to sweat the small stuff
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Post by gale w on May 11, 2015 17:42:13 GMT
We have my family over to BBQ on mothers day. And of course I'm the one who busts my butt to get the house in order on the weekend since I work all week. With a bad backache to boot. Dh takes the boys to Walmart at noon today for cards. ..at that point I'm like really? Dinner with family goes ok...also celebrated mine my niece and nephews bday which are next week. But as far as any other acknowledgement for what the day is from dh and the boys...nada. So I'm bummed and he doesn't know why? Maybe I'm just being selfish. Who knows. Our anniversary is tomorrow. ..who knows what that will bring (and my bday is Friday! ) Anyway. ..anyone else bumming this evening? It used to be like that here. My husband would have me doing all kinds of things (shopping, making handmade cards, etc) to make sure his mom had a perfect mother's day when I didn't get a card, much less a gift or any acknowledgement. He would say happy mother's day to me but he would say it to just about every female he encountered that day. One day I finally told him it was hurtful that he would spend so much time making sure his mom was happy that day and I would be almost ignored. I felt very selfish saying it but I felt like with 3 kids (at the time they were 5 and under) I deserved at least something. He felt terrible-he had no clue it mattered to me. Since then he's better but if I don't ask for a specific thing, I'll get nothing or something from cvs or the dollar store, bought on Mother's day morning. In the meantime it's still up to me to find something for his mom (who is extremely hard to buy for so she almost always gets potted plants/flowers). I did quit making cards for her-after I told him how I felt he never asked me to make another one. He just goes and picks one out (on Mother's day on the way to her house). I also have to figure out what to buy his mother for Christmas and her birthday. I guess I don't *HAVE* to but I'd like her to get something nice and possibly something she's mentioned wanting during the year.
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scrappert
Prolific Pea
RefuPea #2956
Posts: 7,811
Location: Milwaukee, WI area
Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
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Post by scrappert on May 11, 2015 17:45:17 GMT
Yes, a hard one to start out. 6 years ago my Mom passed away. So, I had some sad moments thinking of her. My SO does more than he should, he got me flowers and a card. BUT, asked me where I wanted to go to eat and than preceded to say he didn't want to go there. Why ask? We went where I wanted and wouldn't you know it, it was the worst experience ever. Slow service. I get that it is busy, but that was crazy. We spent 2 hours there! Most of that was waiting for our food. Sigh. It's over. This is why I don't like holidays centered around me (birthday and Mother's day). I just want to enjoy everyday!
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Post by colleen on May 11, 2015 17:48:20 GMT
I have to disagree with the previous poster (no flames though!) -- I totally get why women get so disappointed over this holiday. Our expectations are so high! And if special acknowledgement on Moms Day (or your birthday, anniversary, etc.) is your love language -- well, it can get ugly.
I have learned to take charge of the days that are important to me. I decide what I want to do (a spa day, dinner out, garden show, day at the beach) and tell everyone who I want to attend. Sometimes, I'm all about the gift, so I either give dh/ds explicit directions or I buy it myself.
It's not ideal. In a perfect world, I wouldn't have to lift a finger or give days that are all about me a thought. But this is a compromise that I can live with.
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Post by Miss Lerins Momma on May 11, 2015 17:55:44 GMT
That's sad. DD's birthday was Fri and DH's was on MD, so we celebrated their birthdays and MD grilling out with the family. But I only made a few side dishes and DH did the grilling. I would have liked a whole day to celebrate me, but I'm fine sharing the day with DD & DH, they are the reason I'm a mom, right?!
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Post by not2peased on May 11, 2015 17:56:23 GMT
only one handslap on this thread-must be a new record, LOL
I feel very badly for everyone who feels badly about their day and I hope next year is better.
it's ok to feel disappointed and feeling that way doesn't make you selfish or petty
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ginacivey
Pearl Clutcher
refupea #2 in southeast missouri
Posts: 4,685
Jun 25, 2014 19:18:36 GMT
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Post by ginacivey on May 11, 2015 18:05:14 GMT
i think mother's day sucks
kids should treat their mother's great year round
but they don't
and then they really don't on some arbitrary sunday in may
and we all get our feelings hurt
i try to not invest much in mother's day
gina
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sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,574
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on May 11, 2015 18:33:00 GMT
Mom, my sister and I made our 3rd? annual weekend trip to a casino where we stayed 2 nights in the casino hotel and had a ball. We exchanged gifts, but I received nothing from my 2 children.
I told my oldest I had an Amazon wish list and what I wanted. I'll tell my youngest the same. The thing is-- my youngest's love language IS GIFTS, so I'm not sure why he thinks I'm exempt from receiving. He *DID* make a special effort to come and cheer me up when my little Dachshund died this winter, so he's not a complete loss, as far as thoughtfulness.
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Post by Lexica on May 11, 2015 18:42:05 GMT
Mothers Day has been a bad day for me for many years. First, it was difficult since we tried so long to get pregnant. I had envy of all the mothers being celebrated and I couldn't get pregnant.
Then, I finally conceived and waited all day for my DH to say something or give me a card. Nothing happened. As we went to bed that night, I started getting all emotional and tears formed. He asked what my problem was and I told him that I had really hoped for some type of acknowledgment about being a mother. He gave me one of those "damned emotional woman" looks and said, "Well, the baby isn't here yet, you could still miscarry." Yeah, that was the right words to console me. Asshat.
So, the baby is born and my sister watches him so we could go out to dinner. My first legitimate Mothers Day. I was so happy and fulfilled with the role of motherhood. Just as our food is placed in front of us, my DH decided it was the perfect time to tell me he had been having an affair throughout my pregnancy. Divorce follows.
Skip ahead about 8 years and as my son and I are sitting in our spa on Mothers Day around noonish, he tells me that he wants to go to his Dad's house to celebrate Mothers Day for his stepmom. I guess dad had taken him shopping for her and arranged a big party with friends who had a son that my son wanted to play with. He had been acting increasingly more and more rude to me and saying things that I knew his father planted in his mind. He told me his dad said to say that the stepmom was every bit his mother as I was. It felt as if I had been stabbed in the heart and all the life was draining out of me. His dad showed up about 30 minutes later to get him. My son called later to say he was spending the night there. More tears.
My son has been really negligent when it comes to any gift giving or celebration where he is not the star. I've spent many Mothers Days, birthdays, and Christmas Days with no phone call or visit, even though he drives right past my house on the way to the freeway to visit girlfriends and their families.
He has not spoken to me since my refusal to post here to ask for support for his Go Fund Me. I didn't even anticipate a call or card in the mail, so I wasn't disappointed. I've learned to just let him go. I did my absolute best in raising him and we were so close when he was younger. He refuses to acknowledge any of the good times between us, saying he can't remember.
So, now Mothers Day is all about my mom and out relationship so that I don't get my heart tromped on anymore than it has been in connection with this day. I have truly stopped all hope, and there really is a peace to that.
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Post by Lori McMud on May 11, 2015 19:09:37 GMT
Yes, and I don't know why I bother hoping anymore. Me too. All I would like is a Happy Mother's Day from DH and my 2 boys. They were gone all weekend (with my blessings) and when they got home all I got was a what's for dinner and a huge pile of laundry. And I did say something to them before they left. His mother did not get a call or a card - but hey she raised him not me. Next year DS1 will be old enough to drive and I am going to make sure he knows that it will be his job to take his younger brother to the store to get a card.
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Post by k8smom on May 11, 2015 19:41:15 GMT
This was an issue for me when I was a young mother, but then I found a tricky way around it! I put in a standing order that Mother's Day gifts were always a hanging basket from Country Gardens Nursery here locally so the guess work was removed and I got exactly what I want each year! No longer have the dh but the kids have kept up the tradition! Also, don't host on Mother's Day! Have an extended family outing for brunch at a restaurant so you aren't the one doing all the work!
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