Post by beaglemom on May 11, 2015 20:28:05 GMT
I can't speak for the OP, but I have told DH point blank what I would like and why it's important to me. Over and over. He just refuses to get it. I make every effort on Father's Day and his birthday. Until this year. I'm finally done. And I told him that today, but he won't believe me until Father's Day. I think I will take perverse pleasure in watching it sink in that no, I'm really NOT making any effort this time. Welcome to my world.
We had a huge blow-out after Mother's Day last year. He realized at around 4 that he didn't have a card for me and we were taking his mom to dinner where she wanted to go at 6. So he left me to get both kids ready and to the restaurant while he went "shopping." A crappy card that was left over and a $2 bag of chocolate. Then to top it off as a family a couple days before we had been shopping and I was getting a card for my mom and my daughter picked one out for me and one out for his mom. What does he do? Give the card she picked out for me to his mom from her and left the other one at home. So a couple days later when he still hadn't figured out why I was upset, I told him and it go turned into that I was selfish and spoiled. I was floored. I told him it wasn't about the presents it was about being more than an after thought. So the next night when he got home from work he brought home flowers and apologized. I thought I had made progress.
Now this year. We did go down to Santa Barbara (5 hour drive south) to run a half marathon with my parents and spend the weekend with my grandma (she is in her late 80's and doesn't travel anymore and my grandfather died 6 months ago so we are all making an effort to visit more often). Sunday morning we do presents and cards with my parents, sister, and grandma. As we are sitting down he asks if he should grab his cards - but that he would need the kids since they hadn't signed. (they are 2 and 4). I told him no, just wait for dinner. So as we are walking out the door to take his mom to dinner he says hang on I need the kids. So we go to dinner and his mom gets cards from each of our kids (that I picked out with them), a card from my husband and me, and a card from my father in law, and a photo book of the kids that I had made for her. I get 1 card from both of the kids and one card from him.
We will have been married 10 years in August (together 14) and by now I should be used to it. Almost every holiday (christmas, valentines day, birthdays, mother's day, anniversaries) I am disappointed. Every once in a while he surprises me and really hits it out of the park. But I think that has been maybe 4 times in the whole time we have been together.
I am so ready to just not put any effort in, the thing is I wonder if he will even notice. And I really would like to set a better example for our kids so that they are better at it than he is - but with him never participating I don't know if that is possible.