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Post by missysauter on May 29, 2015 16:07:54 GMT
My parents lived in Houston near me for the last 8 years, but still had a home in Kentucky. They moved back to Kentucky right after the first of the year. My dad's health has been declining for the last several years and my mom is his constant care giver.
Ever since they moved back to Kentucky my dad would average being in the hospital/rehab facility from 2-3 weeks at a time and then go home for three weeks or so before he had to return to the hospital. It wasn't looking very good for him in March, so my DD and I flew up and spent several days with he and my mom at the hospital. He had COPD, emphysema, atrial fib, congestive heart failure and so many other medical problems. He struggled with daily living and the simple act of breathing was hard for him at times.
On Monday, May 18 I was in the hospital had surgery. On Tuesday morning my dad passed in his sleep at 8:20. DH told me around 11:00 a.m. It took me a little bit to get myself pulled together before I called my mom. It doesn't seem real. I keep waiting for him to call me and ask "So, how's my girl?" I don't think it's going to fully hit me until I see my mom and my dad isn't with her. They were each other's constant companions. My mom was in tears a couple of nights ago because she made herself go out to dinner by herself. She said it's one of the hardest things she's ever done. My mom will be coming back to stay with us hopefully in the next few weeks and she's bringing my dad's ashes with her.
I feel like I'm not really "dealing" with my loss and I don't want to add to my mom's heartache when she gets here. I don't know who to do with these emotions that are just below the surface. I also feel like I'm not recovering from surgery at a very good pace because of my emotional turmoil. I am completely exhausted. Anyone else have an experience to share?
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Post by anxiousmom on May 29, 2015 16:11:00 GMT
I am sorry, I wish I could give you words of experience, but since I can't...I will say I am terribly sorry about your loss.
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peasquared
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,463
Jul 6, 2014 23:59:59 GMT
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Post by peasquared on May 29, 2015 16:11:14 GMT
I am so sorry. Sending a hug along with prayers.
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Post by flanz on May 29, 2015 16:12:13 GMT
I don't have any advice, but I am sorry for your loss. I'm sure that you and your family will be a great source of support for your m om and hopefully the reverse will be true. My dear dad died 10 years ago. I wish I could have one more day with him... hugs to you! And best wishes for speedy healing. I'm no expert, but I think allowing yourself to cry and feel all of the feelings that bubble up is an important step in grieving. Perhaps there is a support group that you and your mom might be able to attend together?
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calgal08
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,519
Jun 27, 2014 15:43:46 GMT
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Post by calgal08 on May 29, 2015 16:14:25 GMT
I'm so very sorry. I don't think there is a right and wrong way to grieve. Take it a day at a time.
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MaryMary
Pearl Clutcher
Lazy
Posts: 2,975
Jun 25, 2014 21:56:13 GMT
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Post by MaryMary on May 29, 2015 16:15:00 GMT
I'm sorry for your loss.
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Post by ilikepink on May 29, 2015 16:15:11 GMT
Hugs. My dad passed away 4/4. I hadn't seen him since September (he really didn't remember me). Since was cremated and the interment won't be for a while, I've been in this limbo. For you, there's your own grief, and wanting to support your mom--and it isn't easy. It just isn't. Your mom may need you to need her to get through your loss (if that makes sense). As much as she's a wife missing her husband, she knows that you lost your dad. Together you will get through it.
My sincere condolences.
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MorningPerson
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,506
Location: Central Pennsylvania
Jul 4, 2014 21:35:44 GMT
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Post by MorningPerson on May 29, 2015 16:17:02 GMT
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I wish I had some wise words to help you with not knowing what to do with your emotions.
Hugs to you.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 23, 2024 6:57:18 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 29, 2015 16:18:26 GMT
Missy I am sorry. I am truly sorry. Please know you have our support any time you need it. We are here 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Wishing you all the hugs and love in the world!
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valincal
Drama Llama
Southern Alberta
Posts: 5,639
Jun 27, 2014 2:21:22 GMT
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Post by valincal on May 29, 2015 16:25:06 GMT
So sorry for your loss. My dad passed away a year and a half ago and it still feels fresh at times. It hurts to lose someone whom you know would always be in your corner. Even as an adult, I still felt like my dad was my biggest supporter and it was so tough to lose him. I know you'll cherish the memories of your dad always and I hope the pain softens over time. Take care.
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Post by Merge on May 29, 2015 16:28:17 GMT
I'm so sorry. Losing a parent is really hard. Hugs to you.
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Post by doesitmatter on May 29, 2015 16:31:31 GMT
I am so very sorry. Lifiting you and your family in prayer. I pray you are comforted by your memories and faith. We are here for you {hugs}.
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Post by finsup on May 29, 2015 16:32:29 GMT
I'm so sorry. Losing a person who thinks you're the best thing ever is a particularly hard loss.
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TankTop
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1,871
Posts: 4,781
Location: On the couch...
Jun 28, 2014 1:52:46 GMT
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Post by TankTop on May 29, 2015 16:35:00 GMT
I am so sorry for your loss.
I have found that I often feel this way when there is no immediate service. Cremation is wonderful, but as a previous poster said, it creates a limbo feeling. Be gentle on yourself.
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Post by eebud on May 29, 2015 16:35:40 GMT
I am so very sorry for your loss. I know that your wonderful memories of your dad will live on in your heart forever. Hugs to you. Please don't worry about this. Your mom is heartbroken as are you. That is not going to change for your mom because you are also grieving. It might be good for both of you when she is with you because you can grieve together and try to help each other.
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Post by bearmom on May 29, 2015 16:36:22 GMT
Prayers for you and your family. Everyone's grief is unique, there is no "right" way to handle losing someone close to you.
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Post by anonrefugee on May 29, 2015 16:37:19 GMT
I'm sorry Missy.
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Post by tinydogmafia on May 29, 2015 16:39:28 GMT
I'm very sorry for your loss. (((Hugs))))
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valleyview
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,816
Jun 27, 2014 18:41:26 GMT
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Post by valleyview on May 29, 2015 16:40:21 GMT
I'm so sorry. Grief and recovery will both take time, so give yourself that.
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Post by ingrid6 on May 29, 2015 16:42:03 GMT
I'm so sorry for your loss. Prayers for comfort during this difficult time for you and your family.
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Post by craftsbycarolyn on May 29, 2015 16:43:45 GMT
sorry to hear. Take care of yourself.
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bethany102399
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,534
Oct 11, 2014 3:17:29 GMT
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Post by bethany102399 on May 29, 2015 16:44:02 GMT
Take it one day at a time. My dad passed 8 years ago this September, I can't type this without tearing up. Do what you need to do for you and when your mom comes, just roll with it. I found the funeral to be comforting, we are Christian, and dad was a strong believer. As others have said, may your faith comfort you.
I stayed busy, my daughter was 18 months at the time, and I worked full time. I had taken so much time off during his illness I swung right back into work to try and stay afloat. About a week after he died, I went to gymboree class with DD and DH. It was the first time I'd stopped moving since he died. I made it about 10 minutes, then could feel myself losing control. I walked out and sat in the car and just cried. I remember the clouds shifted and the sun came in directly where I was sitting. I said I love you dad, and went back in to Gymboree. Give yourself the time you need when you need it, may not be right now but it will come.
Hugs, it's not easy no matter how it happens.
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Post by scrapmaven on May 29, 2015 16:45:32 GMT
I'm sorry about your dad's passing. It's way too soon for you to expect to be any further into the grief process than you are now. It takes a lot of time and there isn't a right or wrong. It is a slow process and the first few weeks are a nightmare. Good days and a new normal will be there for you, but right now feeling sorrow and in a fog are the norm and it really sucks. May your father's memory be for a blessing.
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Post by 2peafaithful on May 29, 2015 16:46:31 GMT
I am so very sorry.
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Post by gar on May 29, 2015 16:46:48 GMT
I'm sorry.............
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Post by Dori~Mama~Bear on May 29, 2015 16:48:35 GMT
Hugs. Sorry for your loss.
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Post by Really Red on May 29, 2015 16:54:33 GMT
I am so very sorry. I hope you are doing all right (hospital visit?), too.
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Post by leannec on May 29, 2015 16:55:06 GMT
I'm very sorry for your loss
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back to *pea*ality
Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys ~refugee pea #59
Posts: 3,149
Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
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Post by back to *pea*ality on May 29, 2015 16:55:15 GMT
So very sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself as you heal from your surgery and deal with your grief. Will say a little prayer for your family.
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Post by snappinsami on May 29, 2015 16:55:20 GMT
I am so sorry to hear this. (((HUGS)))
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