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Post by cindyupnorth on Jun 25, 2015 14:14:06 GMT
My couisons two and only sons were killed early this wk in a terrible, tragic car accident. If you are in MN/ND you have probably heard about it. Her boys were 14 and 18. The funeral is next monday. My other couisons and I are trying to do something special for her and her husband. We have thought about a flower arrangement. Which would be ok. But I think there are going to be a million of them. I know alot of people think they are a waste, but I know when I have gone to funerals before others have expressed that they went around and looked at ea arrangement. The other suggestion was a donation to a charity or something. I guess I sort of feel this is not very personable at the time, and something not represented/supported to them at the funeral. ? IDK how to express it.
Any other thoughts? or things you have seen at funerals that were special?
Thanks so much
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Post by mrgiedrnkr on Jun 25, 2015 14:19:01 GMT
When my stepdad died, my mom's employer planted a tree at the house and there was a little plaque with his photo on it. I thought that was a nice idea. They did it about a month after the funeral but I think they told her of their intentions in a card at the funeral.
Stacy
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mimima
Drama Llama
Stay Gold, Ponyboy
Posts: 5,032 
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Post by mimima on Jun 25, 2015 14:22:02 GMT
I'm so sorry. Memory Eternal
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Post by gorgeouskid on Jun 25, 2015 14:22:22 GMT
You can also do a memorial bench in a park. Is there a lovely park in their town?
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MDscrapaholic
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,396
Location: Down by the bay....
Jun 25, 2014 20:49:07 GMT
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Post by MDscrapaholic on Jun 25, 2015 14:30:00 GMT
I would wait to see if the parents come up with something they would like. There's probably so much confusion/grief right now they don't have time to think.
((Hugs)) that's a terrible loss!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 16, 2024 16:03:35 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 25, 2015 14:33:32 GMT
How horrible for family.  I have no suggestions other than perhaps you could wait and find a cause that reminds you of the boys or that they would have appreciated? |
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Post by cindyupnorth on Jun 25, 2015 14:54:03 GMT
I thought about the tree, but I honestly can't see my cousin staying in their home long term. They have this big huge home, and with now just the two of them? It's just sad sad, sad.
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Post by cade387 on Jun 25, 2015 15:05:35 GMT
I'm not sure I can add anything, but I'm so very sorry for your loss.
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Post by khaleesi on Jun 25, 2015 15:07:18 GMT
You can also do a memorial bench in a park. Is there a lovely park in their town? This was my first thought as well. I am sorry for your loss. |
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Post by mikklynn on Jun 25, 2015 15:15:12 GMT
How about a scholarship in their honor. If you have multiple cousins, you could probably give a nice scholarship in their memory. They don't have to be huge to be meaningful.
I am so sorry your family is going through this. I do know the accident you are referring to. It's just too awful.
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Post by jamielynn on Jun 25, 2015 15:16:33 GMT
He tragic, sorry for your loss.
What about a memorial wind chime? I can look up a nice one I've found in the past if you need a suggestion of one.
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Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Jun 25, 2015 15:45:28 GMT
If you want something to be at the funeral, I'd look for an arrangement with green plants. It can have flowers, too, but green plants in their own pots are nice. I still have two green plants from a funeral in 2007. It does not have to be super pricey, and then you can use the other money for whatever other memorial you choose.
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tanya2
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1604
Posts: 4,427
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Post by tanya2 on Jun 25, 2015 15:51:52 GMT
house plant? a peace lily is always nice
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Post by cindyupnorth on Jun 25, 2015 16:13:02 GMT
I thought about the plants also, but honestly I think there are 2 people in our family with black thumbs, and it's me and my couison.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Jun 25, 2015 16:13:13 GMT
I like the wind chime idea!!!
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calgal08
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,519
Jun 27, 2014 15:43:46 GMT
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Post by calgal08 on Jun 25, 2015 16:14:32 GMT
Nothing else to add, except my heart breaks for your family
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Post by ilikepink on Jun 25, 2015 16:19:05 GMT
What a horrible tragedy; my prayers for your family. I lean toward the idea of a living thing, or a sustainable thing (like the bench). A tree doesn't have to be at their house - somewhere in the town/area. Perhaps a donation toward sports or other activity the boys may have been involved in?? While flowers at the funeral are nice, they are gone so soon.....
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 16, 2024 16:03:35 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 25, 2015 16:21:11 GMT
Did the boys have anything they were passionate about? Sports teams, school activities, etc? Maybe you could make donations to them.
I really also like the idea of memorializing a park bench or a tree.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
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Post by eebud on Jun 25, 2015 16:35:30 GMT
If they were active in their schools, maybe some kind of memorial at the school. As for the family, do you live in the same area? I would try to do something for them after the funerals are over and everyone else goes home and back to their lives. Your cousin and her husband will be lost. I just can't imagine. Maybe there is something you can do for them a few weeks or months down the road........taking them freezer meals, providing a cleaning service once a month for a few months, provide lawn service for a few months, this type of thing. These are practical things that will need to be done and I doubt they will be up to doing them. My heart goes out to your family.  |
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Post by pmk on Jun 25, 2015 16:42:10 GMT
What an awful situation I like the memorial at school idea - when we've had pupils die we often have a trophy or award dedicated to them and given to a deserving student each year. E.g. We have one academic award in memory of a pupil who was very studious and a sport trophy in memory of a keen athlete. It's a really nice way of keeping the memory alive. |
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Post by scrapmaven on Jun 25, 2015 16:44:47 GMT
This is just tragic. I'm so very sorry. In my religion when someone passes we plant a tree in Israel. Perhaps planting a tree at each child's school? May their memories be for a blessing.
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Post by sunnyd on Jun 25, 2015 16:45:40 GMT
I saw the article that I think is about your cousin's children. I'm SO sorry for their loss! I'd also do something meaningful later. Really nothing you can buy right now is going to make a difference. I love the scholarship idea. Did they attend a private school? Maybe sponsor a child in their memory to go to the basketball camp they were attending or make a donation to the school's athletic department for a specific item they need in the boy's honor, a scoreboard, uniforms, equipment, participation fees, etc. |
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Post by jemali on Jun 25, 2015 16:47:40 GMT
I did hear about that accident, how sad. I have a friend whose two sons went to the same school as them.
Maybe you could donate something to the school in memory of them? It is such a small school and they are all so close.
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Post by mirabelleswalker on Jun 25, 2015 16:48:56 GMT
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Post by mirabelleswalker on Jun 25, 2015 16:51:03 GMT
I like the idea of doing something for the school. If you wanted to go with the tree or bench idea, maybe you could put it at the school instead of their home.
When my cousin died my mother started donating books to the school library. She has donated a book every year on the anniversary of his death and it's been over 30 years now.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 16, 2024 16:03:35 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 25, 2015 16:51:18 GMT
I would send a gift card and some cash (5 fives for tips or a quick run to the grocery store)
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Post by cindyupnorth on Jun 25, 2015 17:00:29 GMT
I agree that the schlorships, and stuff for the school would be very nice...for later. But we would like to show her something now. KWIM? I also think it's up to the mom/dad to decide that. We are about 3 hrs apart, so I really can't do anything later such as food.
Thank you for all the kind words!! This has really been unbelievable, and for those that have heard the stories on the news you will know what I am talking about.
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M in Carolina
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,128
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Post by M in Carolina on Jun 25, 2015 17:15:07 GMT
I am so sorry that you and your family are in the midst of such a tragedy. I will be keeping your family in my prayers. How horrible to lose both sons in the same accident.
My mom planted a tulip tree in her backyard as a remembrance and even put up a little bench. Sadly the tree died, and there was some grief over that--compounded with my dad's estate being finished and that whole catastrophe.
When dh's grandfather died, the family received several potted lilies. My MIL insisted that we take one home with us, and I am all black thumbs. I stressed so much over that finicky plant.
When my dad died, my MIL sent me a gorgeous flower arrangement to my house. I really appreciated that, because my stepmother didn't include me much in the service nor shared sympathy cards that mentioned me or invited me to the sheriff's department's service they had later.
I really like donating money to a specific cause. For me, I'd like money to be donated to autoimmune disease research, as well as a local charity that helps the disabled/homebound.
There are lots of charities that give something tangent in return--a brick in the wall or floor, etc. The new Tesla museum planning to be built on Tesla's original laboratory is planning an outside garden space with a patio and wall with large bricks to dedicate to someone/whatever you want.
A pea also posted a thread about a prayer bear (I think that' what it was called) that could be customized and shipped to the recipient with a specialized note or something. They were really well made, and I saw one on TV a few weeks ago. That bear had been sent to a mother that had lost her child.
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Mary Kay Lady
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Post by Mary Kay Lady on Jun 25, 2015 17:25:57 GMT
I am so sorry for your loss. How tragic.
I don't know if this is practical or not, but my first thought was maybe you could help to put together a power point of pictures of the boys that could be used at the funeral. I'm sure that they're overwhelmed right now and they would probably appreciate the help.
Then, after the service, they would have it to look at and remember happy times with their sons.
Prayers for your family. I can't imagine the grief. ((HUGS))
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julieb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,845
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Post by julieb on Jun 25, 2015 17:33:20 GMT
What a horrible tragedy. We know a family that also lost both of their sons in a tragic accident. The wake was beyond heartbreaking.
I'm surprised they haven't asked for donations to a selected cause in lieu of flowers. I always abide by the wishes of the family at a time like this.
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Southern Side eyed Pea 
