luvnlifelady
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Post by luvnlifelady on Aug 6, 2015 16:38:53 GMT
Just wanted to throw this out there...
Hubby has a standing "bro date" with the same single guy every Friday night. If they miss Friday, they will usually make it up on Saturday. I've met the guy sometime ago and he's pretty good looking. Anyway, they used to play board games in a group but now they just get together at his place. The guy will usually make something to eat or hubby will get wings or something to take over.
They then play board games together and watch a movie. Hubby will sometimes fall asleep and come home when he wakes up, often in the middle of the night.
Just a bit of background...hubby did have a full blown affair about 15 years ago. (Hi Yubon..lol). Also maybe unrelated but I thought I'd throw it out there that his dad was recently found out to have been cheating (probably long-term) and some of it was with guys. (His mom is staying with him though).
I didn't used to mind but lately this has been on my radar. Not sure why exactly. I'm turning 50 next week so maybe that's it. Anyway, hubby could be legit in what he's doing or it could be more sinister. What do the Refupeas think? Normal and ok or?? Give it to me straight, I can take it.
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ginacivey
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refupea #2 in southeast missouri
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Post by ginacivey on Aug 6, 2015 16:44:01 GMT
my husband goes places with single friends
they go out for drinks or to shoot pool - or to eat wings and watch a ppv fight
he'd never go over their home and watch a movie together or have dinner
for him, that is akin to a 'date'
and he'd FOR SURE never fall asleep at another dude's house
gina
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Deleted
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May 20, 2024 19:33:10 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 6, 2015 16:46:21 GMT
my husband goes places with single friends they go out for drinks or to shoot pool - or to eat wings and watch a ppv fight he'd never go over their home and watch a movie together or have dinner for him, that is akin to a 'date' and he'd FOR SURE never fall asleep at another dude's house gina This. Exactly. |
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Post by lisacharlotte on Aug 6, 2015 16:46:17 GMT
my first ? is how long has he been doing this? when it was done as a group was is just guys? How long before that broke and is just DH and his friend? Why did the group break up? Those are the first things I thought of that may frame what I think is going on.
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luvnlifelady
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Post by luvnlifelady on Aug 6, 2015 16:47:17 GMT
Yah I think that's what has me thinking. Meeting at a bar for a game or going to see a movie at a theatre? No problem. This just seems more personal.
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luvnlifelady
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Post by luvnlifelady on Aug 6, 2015 16:48:16 GMT
The group of board game guys is still going but they no longer attend (hubby does maybe once in a great while). It's been going on for awhile now, maybe 6 months or so?
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MorningPerson
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Post by MorningPerson on Aug 6, 2015 16:52:54 GMT
90% of the time, if my husband is hanging out with a guy it's on the golf course or at a basketball game. The rest of the time it's maybe going out for a drink after work or having a bourbon and cigar on our neighbor's patio.
So to me, your situation sounds really different. I honestly can't see my husband doing that, ESPECIALLY every weekend, and falling asleep there. Are you sure that he's indeed at his friend's house?
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Deleted
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May 20, 2024 19:33:10 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 6, 2015 16:53:03 GMT
I understand why this would concern you with recent events in your life. I wouldn't think twice about a woman going to a friend's house, having dinner, and watching a movie. Why would it be different for men? I don't see the need to sleep over unless there's a distance or you stayed up later than you thought.
I guess I would be concerned with the frequency of these "bro dates" and making up if one was missed. It could be a thing or he's covering for your husband. I don't know. Maybe, it's just more my personality, but I don't have a need to see my friends every week. Especially on weekends.
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Post by kristi521 on Aug 6, 2015 16:54:05 GMT
Yes, that would be on my radar as well. It sounds off.
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grinningcat
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Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Aug 6, 2015 16:54:06 GMT
So let me get this straight. After years of Peas eviscerating people for having opposite sex friends, we've finally come to the determination that same sex friends are just as much of a threat? Oy. Most of the time, friends are just friends, whether they are in a group or not. Just because the rest of the group has dropped off doesn't mean that something sinister is happening. It just means the others have drifted away. Oy. Should we just do away with friends because no one is apparently trustworthy or not have nefarious intentions.
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by luvnlifelady on Aug 6, 2015 16:54:39 GMT
Someone recently told me how to set up GPS on our phones so I might do that. I have no way to know if he's really there. He doesn't dress snazzy ever anyway so I doubt he's out anywhere trolling but he could be any number of other places.
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Post by padresfan619 on Aug 6, 2015 16:54:55 GMT
If it were me, I would be a little irritated that he was going out every Friday night, that's my favorite night to go out with him! I would also be annoyed that he was falling asleep at the other house, I'm a worrier by nature so I would be up all night waiting for him to get home. My husband has never given me a reason to not trust him, but if he had I would also have a lingering feeling he may not be telling the whole truth.
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luvnlifelady
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Post by luvnlifelady on Aug 6, 2015 16:55:50 GMT
grinningcat-I get what you're saying, but the rest of the group hasn't dropped off, only these two have. It could still be well and good but I don't even know many women that have a a regular night with their girlfriends. It could still be nothing.
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Post by gar on Aug 6, 2015 16:57:03 GMT
Because that's the sort of things people do when dating, or girls/women will do together it just make you go "Huh?" when it's related to 2 guys - I don't think it's a common man/friend activity. There's no logical reason that says they can't/wouldn't/shouldn't do that but it would give me pause for thought to be honest.
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smartypants71
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Post by smartypants71 on Aug 6, 2015 16:57:57 GMT
As a regular thing, I think it's a bit weird especially being at this guy's house. Plus, I would look at SO like he sprouted a 2nd head if he said he was going over to his friend's house to play board games.
SO has on one or two occassions stayed the night at his bff's house, but only because he drank too much and he spent most of the night sending me text messages telling me how much he loves me LOL!
I don't know...it certainly raises an eyebrow.
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luvnlifelady
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Post by luvnlifelady on Aug 6, 2015 16:58:33 GMT
Ilovebuble-that part is annoying sometimes too. Sure, we still have Saturday night, but sometimes things come up with family, etc. so it's like the guy gets prime time.
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AnotherPea
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Post by AnotherPea on Aug 6, 2015 16:58:40 GMT
I only have experience with my husband and my father regarding how much time men spend with their guy friends. This is something that would be a HUGE red flag for me.
Did I read you correctly? You said that your FIL just got caught having an affair with another man? If so, I can understand why that might be on your radar.
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Deleted
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May 20, 2024 19:33:10 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 6, 2015 16:59:10 GMT
My husband goes out with single friends, they usually go for something to eat and a few drinks but husband always comes home at the end of the night. I'm fine with that, in fact I encourage it. The situation with your husband is different to me in that it's one on one and in the other guys home, it just sounds shonky.
Can I ask who calls it a bro date? If it's your husband then I'd be very worried!
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oldcrow
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Post by oldcrow on Aug 6, 2015 16:59:57 GMT
my husband goes places with single friends they go out for drinks or to shoot pool - or to eat wings and watch a ppv fight he'd never go over their home and watch a movie together or have dinner for him, that is akin to a 'date' and he'd FOR SURE never fall asleep at another dude's house gina  And to be truthful I'm not sure which would be worse, to find out he is having 'dates' with this guy or to find out he is using this guy as a cover while he 'dates' someone else. |
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scorpeao
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Jun 25, 2014 21:04:54 GMT
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Post by scorpeao on Aug 6, 2015 17:00:01 GMT
I think I'd be more concerned that this was an EVERY Friday night thing, and if they can't make Friday night they make it up on Saturday? It's weird.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Aug 6, 2015 17:02:08 GMT
I could care less if it was a female or Male. If my guy is getting together with another person EVERY single friday or sat. EVERY wk, doesn't miss a wk? for the last 6 mos'? and sleeps over? Yea, I'd be like WTH? for one thing, WHO has the time to do that? Does he go out and do things with YOU 1x a wk? and do you really know he goes there? I'd be following him one night. Or check his cellphone history.
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oldcrow
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Post by oldcrow on Aug 6, 2015 17:02:42 GMT
So let me get this straight. After years of Peas eviscerating people for having opposite sex friends, we've finally come to the determination that same sex friends are just as much of a threat? Oy. Most of the time, friends are just friends, whether they are in a group or not. Just because the rest of the group has dropped off doesn't mean that something sinister is happening. It just means the others have drifted away. Oy. Should we just do away with friends because no one is apparently trustworthy or not have nefarious intentions. She went on to say the group still gets together. And hubby attends that now and again. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 6, 2015 17:02:57 GMT
I'm having deja vu, wasn't there a very long thread on TwoPeas about someone's husband having sleep overs with another guy?
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Deleted
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May 20, 2024 19:33:10 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 6, 2015 17:03:52 GMT
From personal experience, my father did this this and u am sure that he was having affairs with men.
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luvnlifelady
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Post by luvnlifelady on Aug 6, 2015 17:07:40 GMT
I could care less if it was a female or Male. If my guy is getting together with another person EVERY single friday or sat. EVERY wk, doesn't miss a wk? for the last 6 mos'? and sleeps over? Yea, I'd be like WTH? for one thing, WHO has the time to do that? Does he go out and do things with YOU 1x a wk? and do you really know he goes there? I'd be following him one night. Or check his cellphone history. No he doesn't go out with me 1 x a week. This guy gets top billing apparently. Damn. I have no idea if he's there or not. Yah, even I know the saying, where there's smoke...well crap! |
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by luvnlifelady on Aug 6, 2015 17:08:38 GMT
One thing I might do just to see his reaction is to suggest we start doing something on Fridays sometimes. Lol. I'm evil like that though. If he balks, well hell, I don't need it in neon signs!
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wellway
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Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Aug 6, 2015 17:09:34 GMT
Does the bro-date take priority over family events/time? If so, that would concern me. Are you taking a back seat to this guy?
What happens when DH and you go away for the weekend/holiday? Does your DH need to meet his friend before the next weekend comes around?
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smalltowngirlie
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Post by smalltowngirlie on Aug 6, 2015 17:09:38 GMT
I don't find men having regular hang out time odd. If it was a weekly golf game, or watching a sporting event we would think nothing of it. What I do find odd is that it is board games and watching movies, not typical man time fun, and if they miss a night they have to make it up. What if you wanted to go away for a weekend? Why did they leave the group? Is you husband into things we would typically see as guy time, golf, fishing, sports etc.? and did you say this has only been happening the last 6 months? Is this something your DH feels he needs or is it his friend?
If it were me, I would sit down and just talk to DH ask a few questions and see how he responds. DH and I have talked about things that make us wonder. We can't be with each other 24/7.
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luvnlifelady
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Post by luvnlifelady on Aug 6, 2015 17:10:06 GMT
My husband goes out with single friends, they usually go for something to eat and a few drinks but husband always comes home at the end of the night. I'm fine with that, in fact I encourage it. The situation with your husband is different to me in that it's one on one and in the other guys home, it just sounds shonky. Can I ask who calls it a bro date? If it's your husband then I'd be very worried! I'm the one that calls it a "bro date." Basically, from most of the replies, it seems that's what it could be. |
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Post by ajsweetpea on Aug 6, 2015 17:10:12 GMT
When my husband hangs out with other guys they usually go to a bar/restaurant to have beers and nachos. He has one friend he goes to the movies with (they are both into science fiction... I'm not... I'm glad he has someone else to go with.) I wouldn't mind my husband hanging out with friends at their house, but I don't know about every weekend. That seems a lot and I also wouldn't be happy with him falling asleep at a friend's house constantly and coming home all hours of the night. I don't see the need for that. Do you guys ever go out as a couple? And why does this other guy want to hang out with a friend every weekend if he is single? Doesn't he ever want to go out on a date? Or hang out with other friends? I'm not saying anything is happening with your husband and this guy, they could be just hanging out. Sometimes we get comfortable hanging out with only one friend. (Maybe they are introverts and feel comfortable hanging out with only each other?) I'd follow whatever your gut is telling you. Have you told your husband you have some qualms about the situation?
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And to be truthful I'm not sure which would be worse, to find out he is having 'dates' with this guy or to find out he is using this guy as a cover while he 'dates' someone else.
