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Post by femalebusiness on Sept 11, 2015 3:49:04 GMT
Nyquil. I admit I dosed my daughter with it a few times when we both really needed sleep. She's now in her forties and it didn't hurt her at all but saved my sanity.
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happymomma
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Aug 6, 2014 23:57:56 GMT
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Post by happymomma on Sept 11, 2015 3:50:46 GMT
Don't have any answers for you but I can just feel the despair in your words. So I'm sending you big hugs and good wishes. Oh, one thought, you said he's okay as long as you're holding him. Could you lay in a recliner perhaps, with him lying on your chest? Not a long term solution I know, but just to be able to grab a little sleep? I wish I lived by you, I'd come help you somehow. Again, big mommy hugs.
BTW: my son (now age 26) co-slept with me or us until early elementary school at times. Not one problem came of that. He's socially well-adjusted, yada yada yada.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Sept 11, 2015 3:53:28 GMT
You're a totally normal mom who is worn out! Mine was a decent sleeper but had problems with acid reflux for a while. Once we got that figured out (got her some medicine and let her sleep in an infant rocker/sleeper with her head elevated) it helped a lot. I think I would bring it up with his pediatrician and see what advice they have, and rule out any medical issues. At this point, for now, do whatever you have to so you can both get some sleep. Having to watch one or more kids all day and night when you're completely exhausted is definitely no fun.
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Post by bothmykidsrbrats on Sept 11, 2015 3:53:51 GMT
Just {{{Hugs}}. Both of mine were awful sleepers.
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scorpeao
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Jun 25, 2014 21:04:54 GMT
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Post by scorpeao on Sept 11, 2015 3:57:18 GMT
Nyquil. I admit I dosed my daughter with it a few times when we both really needed sleep. She's now in her forties and it didn't hurt her at all but saved my sanity. This is what I probably would've resorted to....yes, I would have drugged my child so I could sleep. OP, I really feel for you. I hope this resolves soon.
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newlywoods03
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Jun 26, 2014 3:09:09 GMT
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Post by newlywoods03 on Sept 11, 2015 3:58:49 GMT
I agree with ahiller. 17 month olds have quite the stamina and are set in their ways. It's easier to break bad habits when they are younger. CIO at that age may take some time. If CIO is what you want to do, don't give in. Keep at it! If you stop before the end, it's going to be harder to start back up and he'll know that you will come to snuggle/hold him when he cries.
Has he ever fallen asleep on his own? Does he have a lovey? How did you get your 8yo to start sleeping through the night? Have you talk to the Pedi about his night sleep? Does he nap during the day?
Hugs! I know how heartbreaking this is. Hope you are able to get some much needed rest!
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Post by spitfiregirl on Sept 11, 2015 4:13:40 GMT
Nyquil. I admit I dosed my daughter with it a few times when we both really needed sleep. She's now in her forties and it didn't hurt her at all but saved my sanity. This is what I probably would've resorted to....yes, I would have drugged my child so I could sleep. OP, I really feel for you. I hope this resolves soon. My advice is to sit back and have ONE beer. You'll relax just a bit . You need to . Baby's gonna cry and that's ok. You may feel better and in turn it may help the baby relax too. Ive been there with my 2 year old. It was so hard. Hang in there mama.
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Post by kels99 on Sept 11, 2015 4:21:21 GMT
Oh, I so remember those nights! Ugh! I think you and be should just camp out on the couch or a recliner tonight and get some sleep. You are NOT a bad mommy, just an exhausted one. Hang in there!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 18, 2024 7:51:26 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 11, 2015 4:46:49 GMT
Go to the baby dr , there could be something going on
My daughter is 18 and never slept more than 4 hours at a time. She has GERD.
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camcas
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Jun 26, 2014 3:41:19 GMT
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Post by camcas on Sept 11, 2015 5:01:25 GMT
Hugs from another mama of a screamer. I agree with the others who have said to do whatever it takes to get some sleep. What worked for us was having a mattress on the floor of our bedroom . One of us would start off on the floor with DS and then move up to our bed when he fell asleep -or stay there if we fell asleep. Eventually at about age 6 he moved back fulltime to his own bed but would occasionally still come in ,pull out the mattress , say "I love you mama' and fall asleep on our bedroom floor. Now he is a big tall 20 yr old and I look back fondly on that time! Remember also that our western culture is to have children sleeping separately to parents ,but in a LOT of cultures everyone of all generations,sleeps together in the same room. My family hosted an Aboriginal boy once who told us he thought it was cruel that white fellas made children sleep alone!! Do WHATEVER gets you both some sleep.Include your older child as well if she likes Noone else has the right to judge your decision. (((((hugs))))))
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camcas
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Jun 26, 2014 3:41:19 GMT
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Post by camcas on Sept 11, 2015 5:03:37 GMT
....and i suspect this may not be popular either....BUT....if DH is away a lot of the time...YOU need to do whatver YOU need to do for sleep and sanity...even if he has to suck it up!!!! ....( camcas puts on flame retardant suit......
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Post by mellyw on Sept 11, 2015 5:07:36 GMT
My DD slept with me for the first 6 months. My DH was on a remote assignment in Korea, it was just me with my first baby. I did what I had to do to survive.
After DH was with us again, if DD was fussy, I had no problem with her co-sleeping. That went on for a little while & then we set up "camp" as a poster above did. DD could come sleep next to our bed whenever she wanted. And we all slept well.
I really hope you can use some of the suggestions that have been given. I can hear your desperation in your post. Sleep is so essential & I honestly didn't care how we all got it, just as long as we did.
If it makes you feel better, that kid we let co-sleep for longer than some would say we should, is in her senior year of college, majoring in Bio-Medical Engineering & Pre-Med. So I think she turned out all right.
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Post by kristi on Sept 11, 2015 5:39:03 GMT
My son wouldn't sleep through the night until he was 2. We were exhausted.
I remember sitting outside his door when we did the cry it out method & being miserable hearing him cry.
You are not alone.
{hugs}
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finaledition
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Jun 26, 2014 0:30:34 GMT
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Post by finaledition on Sept 11, 2015 5:54:04 GMT
Honestly if a friend of mine described what you did, I'd grab my pillow and toothbrush and sack out on the couch and take over for the night while you rested. Really! I have many friends who have older kids that would do the same. Is there anybody at your church or any other connections that could just give you a break. Most people are willing to help if they know they can be helpful.
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Post by miominmio on Sept 11, 2015 6:26:29 GMT
DS16 didn't (with ONE exception) sleep through the night until he was 4!! The CIO method was very trendy back then, but to me it has always seemed unnatural (but tried it for a week, didn't work). Is there someone who can take him for a night so you can get some sleep? If not, sleep on mattresses next to each other if that makes him feel safer. Or a recliner, as someone suggested.
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Post by gar on Sept 11, 2015 6:44:55 GMT
You are not a bad mom. Crying it out doesn't work for everyone. It's okay. My advice is to do whatever it takes for you both to get some sleep tonight. Let him sleep in your bed. Sleep on the floor of his room. Seriously, whatever it takes. Once you get some sleep you can re-group and figure out a strategy. This. Everything seems SO much worse when you are exhausted. I will say (and this is NOT a criticism, please don't take it as one, just an observation) that at 17 months, I think you might have missed the boat on CIO. Does he have a normal nighttime routine? What normally works to get him to sleep? Is he up multiple times throughout the night? You might want to tackle the nighttime wakings first and then work backwards to the getting him down to sleep part. That way you will hopefully be able to get a longer stretch of sleep quickly. I agree with both of these. CIO isn't what a lot of people think it is....it doesn't mean hours of letting your child sob and scream, it's very controlled but certainly, at 17 months it might not be the ideal thing and certainly it doesn't work for everyone. I promise you, you haven't ruined his world. Many, many kids (and mums) go through this and it will all be ok. If you need to 'breathe' put him in his crib and walk outside for a minute or two...he'll be fine. When you can, the book called The Rabbit Who Wanted To Fall Asleep is supposed to have almost magical qualities! ((hugs)) many of us have been in your shoes and you and baby will be ok!
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uksue
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Jun 25, 2014 22:33:20 GMT
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Post by uksue on Sept 11, 2015 8:05:48 GMT
The problem with rocking is that if he wakes in the night he will need that motion to get back to sleep again. It's not just about getting to sleep, babies also have to learn to get themselves back to sleep when they wake- and their sleep cycles are shorter than ours, so that there is a light enough sleep to wake every 90 minutes. It really sounds as if you need to talk to an expert to devise a plan that is right for you and your baby. I wish I lived near because I would be round to you in a flash ( I used to work in this field and my first child was also a poor sleeper- and still is at 25!)
As others have said, do what you have to do to get some sleep tonight at least, if not for two nights. You can't do anything when you are physically exhausted, but rest assured you have caused your baby no physical or emotional harm. They are resilient little creatures and he knows his mommy loves him!
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Post by fridaycat on Sept 11, 2015 8:15:59 GMT
Are you sure he doesn't have an earache?
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Post by DinCA on Sept 11, 2015 8:41:02 GMT
I really hope you and the baby are sleeping. Hugs!
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Post by monklady123 on Sept 11, 2015 9:32:28 GMT
You are not a bad mom. Crying it out doesn't work for everyone. It's okay. My advice is to do whatever it takes for you both to get some sleep tonight. Let him sleep in your bed. Sleep on the floor of his room. Seriously, whatever it takes. Once you get some sleep you can re-group and figure out a strategy. I haven't read all the replies yet, but I hope other people also gave this advice. There was a time when my dd started waking up every single night. She was maybe 15 months... 18 months? somewhere around there. I couldn't let her cry at all because I didn't want her to wake up ds (they shared a room). My solution was every night before I went to bed I'd set up a couple of sleeping bags and blankets on the floor of the living room. As soon as she woke up I'd get her and we'd go sleep there. It was very cozy, and we both went right back to sleep. Everything looks different when you've had enough sleep, so letting your ds sleep with you might fix that problem. If you don't want him actually in your bed you can sleep on the floor of his room like Harper Lee suggested. Sleep deprivation when you have kids is just awful.
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back to *pea*ality
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Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
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Post by back to *pea*ality on Sept 11, 2015 10:18:16 GMT
I know exactly what you are talking about. My son was like that until he was 11 months and started to walk. My saving grace was that he slept a full night but from 6 am to 8 pm he was my Velcro baby. I was exhausted.
I tried every suggestion given to me. Letting him cry it out made things far worse and only escalated my anxiety.
Can someone come and help you for a few days so you can get some rest and recharge your batteries?
We had a family bed until he was about 4, we did what worked for us. Don't let anyone tell you what you should or shouldn't do.
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Post by anxiousmom on Sept 11, 2015 10:43:27 GMT
Another mom who tried CIO for about two days and realized that it was NOT working. If you have a super stubborn kid, which I did (he still is, he is just almost 20 now) I think CIO doesn't really work well. By the time second rolled around, there wasn't even an attempt at CIO.
We ended up co-sleeping. Some where in there early years their dad and I divorced and he checked out for a little while and frankly, it co-sleeping was the easiest for me.
I had EVERYONE from my mother (who for almost everything else is my go to parenting guru) to strangers in Publix telling me that if I didn't CIO that I was spoiling my baby. It didn't seem right to me, so I didn't do it. Co-sleeping worked for us, we all slept, and life was more or less happy in the anxious household.
If it isn't working for you, try something else and don't worry about what everyone else is telling you to do. After having kids of my own, the only real advice I pass on to new mommies is to trust your instincts. You know your baby better than anyone else. If you think CIO isn't going to work for your family, then move on with no guilt.
(and for the record-my kids are 17 and almost 20 and I could fill a book with bonehead mom moves. Mostly what my kids remember is that they were always loved...)
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mallie
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Post by mallie on Sept 11, 2015 12:11:04 GMT
I feel like the worst mom in the world. My 17 month old is in his crib screaming where he has been the past 40 minutes. I have had issues with his sleep, didn't want to cry it out, but listened to everyone who said I had to. So 4 nights ago I ruined my sweet boys secure world and it has been downhill. He won't relent, he won't lay down. I end up having to get him because I can't let him scream for an hour. However now even what used to work won't work. He won't even rock to sleep. Just grabs me and is terrified. Last night I held him from 3am until 6am and then just got up. I am beyond exhausted, I am resentful, I am dreading nighttime. My husband has a new job where he is out of town all week. I have an 8 year old, a house and myself to take care of. I can't do it, I have not had a full night of sleep in over 2 years, I don't know what to do. Cry it out ruined my fing life. Have you been trying Cry It Out for 2 years? Or just the last few nights? If it's just the last few nights, it's not the fault of the technique -- no one ever said that technique works fast on a child of that age. Especially if you are starting at the age of a kid who has had nearly a year and a half to get used to one system and now the applecart is upended. Sometimes CIO works if you gradually increase the amount of time before you go in. So the first night, you wait five minutes. The next night, ten, etc. Good luck. It's hard to go without sleep. I still remember when one of my siblings had colic as a baby. My poor parents took turns sleeping at a relative's house in order to get sleep. (Of course, that didn't help us kids who were in the apartment listening to the screaming and not sleeping either... But, you know what? You get through it.)
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psiluvu
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Jun 25, 2014 22:52:26 GMT
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Post by psiluvu on Sept 11, 2015 12:28:07 GMT
I thought my now 21 yo son would never sleep through the night. If he was my first, he would have been my only child. You will get through this. I think the idea of some music is great. Something soft and comforting for you both. This is me except my ds is only 12.
I remember those days. Huge hugs to you OP. You are not the worst mom just exhausted and overwhelmed. See if you can have a neighbor, a friend or family come stay the afternoon with the little one and then you hide away and take a nice long nap. I know it is no help now but it does eventually end.
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Post by lonr on Sept 11, 2015 12:28:32 GMT
Just echoing what has been said.
You nees your rest!! And crying it out doesn't work for evertone. I swore by it with my first and then I met my 4th. She was not going for it!
I didn't even try with #5 who still gets up 1 every night at 26 months.
The housework can wait. Take a nap today! Hugs.
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Post by mrsscrapdiva on Sept 11, 2015 12:37:16 GMT
I am sorry. My youngest didn't sleep thru the night until 21 months old. It was a long 21 months.
My red flag to what you are saying is he won't lay down. Even if it is nothing, please take him to the doctor. He could have an ear infection or gerd. My son has had both and as in infant he hated laying down and it was the reflux that was bothering him.
Don't beat yourself up over it, I think there is something else going on if this happening out of the blue.
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momto4kiddos
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Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Sept 11, 2015 12:46:42 GMT
I'd try sleeping in his room, even if it's on the floor. My thought would be that maybe if he can see you, he'll lie down and go to sleep. I wouldn't engage him, but just pretend to sleep. Obviously the best thing for him would be if he could settle himself and fall asleep in his own crib.
Where he does sleep alone, i'd hate to sort of backtrack which is why I think just sleeping where he can see you might work. But like others have said, i'd do what I needed to for survival at this point. You need to be able to sleep somehow.
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Post by mikklynn on Sept 11, 2015 13:00:27 GMT
I hope you got SOME sleep last night! Hugs, momma. A bad mom wouldn't care - you sound like an amazing mom.
My dear friend, the mother of TEN children, always says "this too shall pass". He'll learn to sleep one day.
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imsirius
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Call it as I see it.
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Jul 12, 2014 19:59:28 GMT
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Post by imsirius on Sept 11, 2015 13:16:07 GMT
I agree with the posters that said at 17 months it may be a bit late for CIO. He's gotten to be used to his sleeping patterns for a year and a half and will need that rocking motion to soothe him. He doesn't know how to make himself fall back asleep and he needs to learn that.
I am speaking from experience too. My son had night terrors from age 2 until 5. I didn't sleep more than four hours a night in a row fro 3 years. We know now the reasons, but back then, there were many nights where I slept on the floor in his room just to give him security that someone was there. I was a mess.
Then, someone suggested to me to try the SuperNanny's method. First lie with him close for a night or two. Gradually over the next two weeks, move a bit further away each night. I went from laying in the bed, to sitting on the edge, to sitting on the end, to the floor beside the bed, to the floor by the door of his room and then eventually in the hallway. It worked like a charm and DS was 5! He now is 14 and he sleeps like a rock and can fall asleep on his own with no issues.
My other thought was something that a good friend went through with her son. He was her fourth, so it wasn't like she didn't know how to do a bedtime routine. When you said he doesn't lie down and screams, it made me think of my friend's little guy. He had undetected asthma and GERD and whenever he laid down, he couldn't breathe fully AND he had bad heartburn. They elevated his crib mattress at one end and it solved the issues for him. He slept way better after that. He's now 4 and sleeps amazingly.
I would take the advice of the people who said talk to your Doctor. There may be an underlying reason he won't lie down and he can't get comfortable enough to sleep. Better to check and have nothing wrong than to leave it and he's in pain.
Good luck..we've all been there. You are NOT a bad mother.
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blue tulip
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Jun 25, 2014 20:53:57 GMT
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Post by blue tulip on Sept 11, 2015 13:50:56 GMT
first, big hugs to you. everything seems so much worse when you're sleep deprived, and your nerves are raw and your temper is immediate. you and he will get thru this!
I can tell you are harboring some serious anger for the people who insisted you try CIO. try to let it go. what's done is done and you can't go back.. you can only adjust from here. so don't beat yourself up about it and what if you hadn't.. it's ok, this is but a blip in his young life and he will be fine! you've gotten tons of advice, and something is going to work. you will find it, and this will all get better.
don't worry about your housework, even if Dh is gone he's still your partner and shares the responsibility with you to make a home for your kids. if that means he has to do some housework during this time, when he normally has other duties, so be it. it's not like you're being purposely neglectful, you have a lot on you right now. if you haven't been doing so already, what about paper plates and cups for all meals- just throw away, no cleaning. can your parents help with mealtimes and dishes too, tidy up the important areas to relieve your stress?
ending with hugs, again. you and he will figure this out, it will be ok! this is only temporary.
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