I need help, don't know where to go ( update on page 3)

Lots and lots of (((Hugs))) to you. I'm not a mom, but I know lots of ladies here are going to chime in with some great advice. Do you have any family or friends close by that could help give you a break to catch up on some sleep? Soft relaxing music you could play to calm you both?

Aww....I can totally hear your frustration. Have you tried some white noise? A fan?

Big hugs. It won't last forever.

I thought my now 21 yo son would never sleep through the night. If he was my first, he would have been my only child. You will get through this. I think the idea of some music is great. Something soft and comforting for you both.

My son's first few months were awful. I had to put him in his crib and let him cry (during the day) and then sit on the back deck with headsets on. I thought I was going to hurt him. It turned out he had colic and when he would cry I gave him more formula which made him feel worse. I won for being a bad mom. As for not sleeping, can you put a mattress on the floor and sleep beside him? Does he have to be in his crib? I don't know the answer, but I can tell you that the drops we ended up putting in the formula to stop the colic were a God send and I finally felt human after we figured out what was making him cry. I would ask your husband to take a night this weekend and check into a hotel. You have to get some sleep.

Poor mom and baby! Crying it out neverworked for my 3 girls. It just caused them more stress. For some it might work if it behavioral, but one of my dd's has anxiety and has always had trouble getting to sleep even as an adult. She uses white noise, low tv to help her sleep. Just remember each child is different and what works for some might not work for another.
Also if dad is not home the baby might be reacting to that.

Aww, hugs!!!

Everyone told us to do CIO too. I went against my mom instinct and I tried it. He cried so hard he puked and he was only in there crying for about 5 min! That was the end of that.

It is not the "end all be all" of sleep advice.

You need sleep. I highly recommend you set up a safe spot for you both to sleep together tonight. Google safe co sleeping and heed the suggestions and recommendations. He needs your comfort and you need the sleep. It doesn't have to be a forever thing. You could even get up and move him into his bed after he falls asleep.

My DH travels for work as well and I had a kid that took forever to sleep through the night. I have been there!!! You have my sympathy.

Just do what gets you both some sleep tonight and figure it out in the morning after a good nights rest. And my advice is always to do what gets everyone the most sleep!!!

Also, sleep is DEVELOPMENTAL. Stick that in your brain. It's like learning to walk. We can hold their hands to help them learn and balance, but they need to figure it out for themselves. So it might take time for your little guy to sleep well. Some do this super fast. Some take longer. It's all ok.

I'd also consider he could be teething a molar. Those were murder here. Or have an ear infection.

(((Hugs))))

You're definitely NOT the worst mom. My baby was a TERRIBLE sleeper. If I were in your shoes I'd move baby into my bed especially since dh is gone. I know it'll start a bad habit but you MUST sleep. It would give him some security & YOU will get some sleep. Good luck! Babies & lack of sleep are SO VERY HARD! Hugs!

Sleep deprivation is awful!

CIO did not work for my older DS. He would only sleep on or near me, so he slept in our bed. I won't say for how many years, too many, but we all slept! They won't sleep in your bed forever, promise.

Younger DS wanted no part of being held, rocked,etc. He wanted to be laid in his crib, told goodnight, lights out, door shut & left alone. He would sleep for 12 hours. Go figure! He would be sleeping soundly alone while older DS would be asleep with us.

Babies & toddlers are so different. Having your husband away right now is a HUGE change for everyone. At this moment you need to be a rested mommy to care for yourself, your children & the daily tasks throughout the week. Survival! My advice? Let him sleep w/you for the time being.

Do you have a recliner? I remember many nights having to plump up my recliner with pillows and a blanket while holding my son and both of us passing out.

Can you take the weekend to just try to get back into a sleep pattern? Can your parents take your 8 year old? Have them take him to a hotel, a movie, the playground, story time... whatever it takes. If it's not in your budget, I'd say this is one time to break out the CC. Then just try to rest with your younger DS.

I did CIO with my DS. It was horrible and I spent the better part of 3 nights on the floor outside his room crying myself. Then he would fall asleep standing up, fall down and wake up and it would start all over. Then on the 4th night, he cried for a few minutes and then went to sleep and stayed asleep ALL NIGHT. He's still a kid that doesn't fall asleep easily and he's 18 now. But at least he doesn't keep me up. I promise you, your DS won't go off to college still needing you to rock him to sleep.

The thing that you need to ask yourself is if it's dangerous for you to continue the path that you are on. Not where you are today, but once you get your DS calmed down. For us, we were too sleep deprived to be safe. I would fall asleep the second I sat down anywhere. I woke one day on the floor with DS crawling around. DH had fallen asleep the day before at a stop light. That was when I realized that we couldn't go on any more. If you are at that point, you need to talk to your pediatrician. You need to take care of yourself, too.

hugs. This stage won't last forever, but it sure is hard while you are going through it.

IMO, This is perfect advice. I couldn't do CIO. Tried once for a nap and it was HORRIBLE. I did the interval soothing thing and two hours later we were both in tears! and I felt shitty because it took my baby 45 minutes to settle back down. It was a sucky, confusing experiment. :-(

Our solution was to co-sleep in a big ol family bed for the next 5 years.  Catch the key word in that last sentence? "sleep" ;-) worked like a charm for our family. (but may not be for all families either)

hugs and and best wishes.

This. Everything seems SO much worse when you are exhausted.

I will say (and this is NOT a criticism, please don't take it as one, just an observation) that at 17 months, I think you might have missed the boat on CIO. Does he have a normal nighttime routine? What normally works to get him to sleep? Is he up multiple times throughout the night? You might want to tackle the nighttime wakings first and then work backwards to the getting him down to sleep part. That way you will hopefully be able to get a longer stretch of sleep quickly.

If you're too afraid to put him in your bed, make up a bed on the floor for you both.

Or do you have a blow up mattress? Set that up next to his bed so he can see you sleeping from his bed. Maybe that would help.

Do you have a pack n play? You could also put him in that next to your bed.