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Post by **Angie** on Sept 11, 2015 14:02:35 GMT
CIO never worked for us and everyone said we'd have a 12 year old sleeping in the bed with us.
Ds slept with us until he started preschool then decided he was grown-up and needed a bed and room of his own. Never mind he already had both.
In those four years, I can remember exactly what nights we didn't sleep well and it was always about one of us being sick.
I would suggest that you let him sleep on the floor next to your bed (if you don't want him in the bed). Take him shopping for a sleeping bag and make it into a fun event. If you are worried about him wandering at night, get one of those door knob covers.
Best of luck! It can be tough figuring out what works for all of you. ((hugs))
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Post by Delta Dawn on Sept 11, 2015 14:02:24 GMT
I had a doctor in Japan who gave DS barbiturate juice when we travelled. No, I am not kidding. It was this red liquid and worked like heck and it tasted good (I tried it)! DS doesn't know about this, but he did get it when I couldn't deal with the screaming.
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scrapaddie
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,090
Jul 8, 2014 20:17:31 GMT
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Post by scrapaddie on Sept 11, 2015 14:12:50 GMT
CIO only works if you don't cave. What the child has now learned is that if he cries long enough you will show up. I'd give it up for now and take a months break before trying it again if that is what you feel is necessary. I don't believe that crying it out works for every child and allowing a child to cry it out for an hour is just cruel. is this something you would want to go through? Feeling all alone and having no idea if anybody would ever come back for you? When my daughter was little, friends advised me to let her cry it out but it just didn't seem right to me. So I didn't. Hopefully she is now 33 and a healthy well-adjusted woman OP...do you have a friend that can take care of your baby for a few hours so you can get some rest? can you hire a sitter to stay with him while you simply sleep? And another poster said, do whatever you need to do to get him to go to sleep even if it's laying down with him. The little guy right now seems to be terrified. Also consider the possibility that there is something physically wrong like an earache or something. Hug!
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Post by Susie_Homemaker on Sept 11, 2015 14:32:38 GMT
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth is worth a read. It tells you why kids need their sleep and how to get them to learn how to get it.
I hope you can get some rest soon! Hang in there, this too shall pass. ((hugs))
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Post by stacy71 on Sept 11, 2015 14:33:57 GMT
Thanks everyone, he ended up sleeping from 11:30 until 6:30. I just held him for 45 minutes before I trird to put him down. When I hold him he snuggles right in and sleeps. I tried laying on his floor, screams, putting him in my bed, he thought playtime. He is exhausted and horse today. I have a call into the doctor and have asked hubby to try to put him down tonight since he gets back in town. My mantra right now is the days/nights are long, but the years are short.
Thanks for others who feel like me that ciao for an hour seems cruel. I am his comfort, he won't take a paci and has not gotten attached to any objects. I just hope we can turn this around. I so appreciate all your kind words. You helped me more than you can know.
I will update after the doctor calls me back.
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Post by CarolinaGirl71 on Sept 11, 2015 14:37:28 GMT
He has a fan, music, white noise. He just won't even lay down. I am too afraid to put him in my bed. Before I did this to him I would rock him to sleep in 20 minutes and he would sleep until 3 or 4 am and I would rock him back, it would take about an hour. He won't do that now. He has been crying for 2 hours now, he stops when I hold him, but the minute I put him back down he stands and screams. I don't have anyone to help. My parents are here and will come over tomorrow, but they are not physically healthy enough to really watch him. I would do anything for him to go back to 5 days ago. I was getting sleep, it was interrupted, this is no sleep for either of us.. One of my friends, in the same situation, totally childproofed her DD's room, lying down on the floor and changing everything the baby could reach. She shut the door and made a pallet on the floor. She laid down against the door so there was no way the child could open the bedroom door without waking her up. She put out toys for the child to play with and then she went to sleep. I think (JMHO) that this would be safer than putting the baby in the bed with you! Hope you get some zzzzz's soon! (((Hugs)))
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back to *pea*ality
Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys ~refugee pea #59
Posts: 3,149
Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
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Post by back to *pea*ality on Sept 11, 2015 14:41:39 GMT
Thanks everyone, he ended up sleeping from 11:30 until 6:30. I just held him for 45 minutes before I trird to put him down. When I hold him he snuggles right in and sleeps. I tried laying on his floor, screams, putting him in my bed, he thought playtime. He is exhausted and horse today. I have a call into the doctor and have asked hubby to try to put him down tonight since he gets back in town. My mantra right now is the days/nights are long, but the years are short. Thanks for others who feel like me that ciao for an hour seems cruel. I am his comfort, he won't take a paci and has not gotten attached to any objects. I just hope we can turn this around. I so appreciate all your kind words. You helped me more than you can know. I will update after the doctor calls me back. Glad you got a respite. Hopefully, each day will get a bit easier for you and the little guy.
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scrappinghappy
Pearl Clutcher
“I’m late, I’m late for a very important date. No time to say “Hello.” Goodbye. I’m late...."
Posts: 4,306
Jun 26, 2014 19:30:06 GMT
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Post by scrappinghappy on Sept 11, 2015 14:46:49 GMT
Glad you got some sleep. If I were close by, I'd take him overnight so you could get a LOOOONG sleep. Do you have family who would do that for you? Maybe his grammy or an aunt or uncle?
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Post by gar on Sept 11, 2015 15:19:08 GMT
I am very glad to hear he slept at last. I want to echo what uksue said....you are his comfort but he needs to learn to comfort himself too. Children stir a lot in the night and its unreasonable to expect to have to go and settle him back to sleep for years to come. With some help hopefully you can figure out how to teach him to self soothe enough that he can learn to fall asleep happily alone when appropriate and you will still be his comfort when he has a bad dream or is poorly. Another highly rated book is Richard Ferber's Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems.
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Post by maryland on Sept 11, 2015 15:29:13 GMT
First of all you are not a bad momma. I think every parent has tried the CIO method. Here are my thoughts and my experiences: I tried CIO with my first son. After 20 minutes, I gave in. Personally I think it's cruel. Remember this is not a judgement if your parenting skills. My ex and I agreed that it was unfair to except a baby to sleep alone when as adults we had each other. So what I did, was when he cried, I tried to settle him down. Also did same with my second son. If he didn't settle after 20 minutes, I'd bring him into my bed. And you know what, i do not regret that til this day 15-16 years later. Both boys did not 'manipulate' me into coming into my bed. They are both independent wonderful kids today. I recall not so long ago, that 'experts' were now saying that CIO was ineffective and (my words) cruel to children. But whatever you choose to do, know you are doing your best. Fatigue is such a cruel thief of time and energy. Be kind to yourself. I would sleep on the floor in my girls rooms when they were babies. They were big time criers at night! But if it makes you feel any better OP, my girls seemed to get all of their crying out as babies and as young kids and teens, they never cry! That's just not their thing! They are now 12, 16 and 18).
My husband was on nighttime medication that makes him very sleepy, so I didn't ask for his help at night. He worked and I was a sahm, so it was easier for me to just do what was necessary for all of us to get sleep. And my kids too are wonderful and independent! We just took our oldest, who just turned 18 off to college 5 hrs. away last week, and she is doing better that ever! I didn't have to go to college with her as a result of co-sleeping when she was a baby!
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Post by foolana on Sept 11, 2015 15:35:00 GMT
I had a doctor in Japan who gave DS barbiturate juice when we travelled. No, I am not kidding. It was this red liquid and worked like heck and it tasted good (I tried it)! DS doesn't know about this, but he did get it when I couldn't deal with the screaming. That's absolutely horrible! Why would you even say this here? Do you have no filter at all?
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Post by bianca42 on Sept 11, 2015 15:42:00 GMT
You are not a bad mom. Crying it out doesn't work for everyone. It's okay. My advice is to do whatever it takes for you both to get some sleep tonight. Let him sleep in your bed. Sleep on the floor of his room. Seriously, whatever it takes. Once you get some sleep you can re-group and figure out a strategy. I've done both of these things with both of my boys. I had a bed of blankets on the floor of both of their rooms at different times. There was a year where my youngest would only sleep on his floor...but at least he was sleeping. My 5 year old still comes into my bed most nights...but at least we are all sleeping. I did discover the book "the rabbit who wants to go to sleep" and I've pretty much been hypnotizing my 5 year old to sleep for the past several weeks. I finally have some time to myself in the evening. Every child is different. Cry it out isn't going to work for everyone. Co-sleeping isn't going to work for everyone. You just have to do whatever it takes to get through the nights. Hugs. You aren't even close to being a bad mom.
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Post by Delta Dawn on Sept 11, 2015 16:26:36 GMT
I had a doctor in Japan who gave DS barbiturate juice when we travelled. No, I am not kidding. It was this red liquid and worked like heck and it tasted good (I tried it)! DS doesn't know about this, but he did get it when I couldn't deal with the screaming. That's absolutely horrible! Why would you even say this here? Do you have no filter at all? foolana like you should be judging me!
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Post by Jennifer C on Sept 11, 2015 16:27:11 GMT
You are NOT a bad Mom.
My dd came home from the hospital a great sleeper. My son entertained the night nurses and came home a bad sleeper. CIO didn't work because I couldn't handle it. My dd at one point wanted to send him back because she wanted to sleep.
After 11 months, the best thing I did to save my sanity and sleep was to wedge his crib between the wall and my bed and put one side partially down. A friend suggested this.
My dh wasn't to happy about it because his Mom told him that we would have ds sleeping with us forever, but I didn't care. Dh was deployed and MIL was on the other side of the country.
We slept like that for almost 6 months. Ds started sleeping better and we started slowly raising the side of the crib. Then we started moving the crib out of the room slowly. When we put him in his room, I slept on the floor at this door because I was so nervous, but everyone made such a big deal about his new bed and he was excited. Once he came to the door and laid down with me and dh put his foot down. I slept in my bed and ds slept in his bed with a white noise machine.
You will get through this. It is hard, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Jennifer
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Post by foolana on Sept 11, 2015 17:16:17 GMT
That's absolutely horrible! Why would you even say this here? Do you have no filter at all? foolana like you should be judging me! What? After telling me my daughter might kill herself a few days ago and acting like I'm not getting her help to admitting to using DRUGS to get your son to sleep and you're judging me? You could have turned your baby son into a drug addict if you used it enough. My mother took someone's advice and was putting whiskey into my little sister's bottle at night until she told the doctor and he freaked out. So stupid!
You are the queen of saying the absolute wrong thing and doing it for nothing but attention. Why don't you try thinking about how what you say effects others before you type? You disappeared for what, 4 days since your last terrible post and now you're back and back at it again.
Do not ever comment on any of my threads again. I have enough going on here in my house trying to take care of my sick daughter and I certainly don't need to hear anything you might think about it.
OP, I'm sorry for the hijack. Please try not to worry, as his mom you know what's best for your sweet boy and sleeping. You'll figure it out and you'll be great!
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Post by Drew on Sept 11, 2015 19:07:28 GMT
I had a doctor in Japan who gave DS barbiturate juice when we travelled. No, I am not kidding. It was this red liquid and worked like heck and it tasted good (I tried it)! DS doesn't know about this, but he did get it when I couldn't deal with the screaming. Your posts have gone from mindless to dangerously reckless. OP, I'm glad your DH is headed home tonight, perhaps you guys can divide and conquer! Good luck. HUGS
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uksue
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,505
Location: London
Jun 25, 2014 22:33:20 GMT
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Post by uksue on Sept 11, 2015 19:14:41 GMT
I was so happy to read your update. Try to get as much rest as you can while you can.
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Post by scrappysurfer on Sept 11, 2015 19:15:08 GMT
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth is worth a read. It tells you why kids need their sleep and how to get them to learn how to get it. I hope you can get some rest soon! Hang in there, this too shall pass. ((hugs)) This is the book I used with DS1 and it was a life saver. Good luck to you, you're a good mom!
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Post by Delta Dawn on Sept 11, 2015 19:35:10 GMT
I had a doctor in Japan who gave DS barbiturate juice when we travelled. No, I am not kidding. It was this red liquid and worked like heck and it tasted good (I tried it)! DS doesn't know about this, but he did get it when I couldn't deal with the screaming. Your posts have gone from mindless to dangerously reckless. OP, I'm glad your DH is headed home tonight, perhaps you guys can divide and conquer! Good luck. HUGS Yes 20 years ago I should have phoned you in the middle of the night before I was flying 18 hours home for the holidays to see if you approved what my son's paediatrician prescribed for travelling. You being perfect and all would know these things. The dr. who gave the medicine was a specialist and well respected in the community not some hack by the side of the road. You know other countries practice medicine differently than the US. Imagine that. They even have good healthcare. Have you never been outside the US or needed a doctor in a foreign country? Bless you little heart if you haven't.
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Post by Drew on Sept 11, 2015 19:39:07 GMT
I don't know, but I'd venture to guess that the OP isn't in Japan. Suggesting liquid barbiturates may be not just unhelpful, but irresponsible and dangerous.
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Post by myboysnme on Sept 11, 2015 19:39:16 GMT
I'm not a cry it out person. I let my kids sleep with me if they wanted. Most of my friends are the same.
They are adults now and they sleep in their own beds. If your baby and you can get sleep together, I don't know why you would make it hard on yourself and the baby. Sleep at any cost is my motto.
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Post by terri on Sept 11, 2015 19:39:29 GMT
I just wanted to say I am sorry you are going through this. You sound like a kind caring mom, so please don't be so hard on yourself. Good luck!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 23:34:11 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 11, 2015 19:42:24 GMT
Drs do prescribe sleep aids for babies. We had them for our daughter. It didn't work tho. The four to five hours a DAY were killing me. Up until 2 days before kindergarten started, I finally told her if she didn't go to bed and stay there and not cry she wasn't going to school. That work for awhile.
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Post by Delta Dawn on Sept 11, 2015 20:10:56 GMT
I didn't suggest she get barbituates for her child. I just said this is what I got to prevent pissing off everyone on an airplane for 18 hours from a shrieking child.
I had a shrieker and I did what I had to do to prevent a riot on the plane. I used the medicine 2x in his life. To Canada 2x. It's not like he was given it on a regular basis. I did what I had to do to keep him calm.
My neighbours used to comment how loud he would shriek...and we had great soundproofing in our condo.
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Post by Delta Dawn on Sept 11, 2015 20:15:12 GMT
And to the OP, I am glad you got sleep. I am very X1000000 happy you got some solid uninterrupted sleep.
This isn't popular in North America, but I brought DS to sleep beside me in the big bed and we slept well that way. It was cultural for us, though. I would say 99.999% of Japanese mums sleep beside their kids. There may be a few who don't. They don't sell cribs like they do in the US or anything. I brought Ryota to bed with me and that solved all our problems. He slept amazingly well after that. He didn't suffocate or anything. I asked other mothers what they did and they all told me their kids slept beside them and the DH slept in front of the TV. I was "damaging" him by letting him try to sleep in his room and cry.
It's a different philosophy.
Regardless, you got sleep. My heart swells for you because I remember that feeling. Now have a blessed day and enjoy it somehow if you can!
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Post by vspindler on Sept 11, 2015 20:43:39 GMT
I didn't believe in crying it out. We co-slept with my daughter for a while but both of my kids moved to twin sized beds right around 17-18 months. Actually, at that point it was just a twin sized mattress on the floor. They both slept better with more space to move and if we needed to lie down with them we were more comfortable. It also meant we didn't need to pick up the kids when they woke up overnight. We could lie down next to them and rub their backs, etc.
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Post by smalltowngirlie on Sept 11, 2015 21:12:35 GMT
The one thing I would suggest is that you build a routine for putting your DS to sleep EVERY NIGHT. Same time, same place, same music same, light etc. If it means you adjust your adult schedule, your social schedule, your couple schedule to make this work, do it.
This is what I mean starting at bedtime: Bath time - maybe some lavender scented soap added to the water to calm him. Once in his room, lower the lights Put on calming music, piano or harp music, sounds of nature etc. Make sure it is music you like because you will be listening to the same thing every night. Snuggle time in his room. Rocking, sitting whatever works for you. If you need to hold him 45 minutes after he falls asleep that is OK.
Do this EVERY NIGHT. He will get used to this routine and the goal is that eventually when bath time hits he will start calming himself down. When the music starts he knows what will happen, time with you, and he will relax. Hopefully at some point he will fall asleep faster and you can lay him down sooner.
If he wakes in the middle of the night. Snuggle in the same place, put on the same music and enjoy this time together. They really are this age only once.
I suggest this because working with PreK at nap time, I have found that if we keep the same routine quiet time goes much smoother. Children get used to the cues of what is happening and their bodies adjust.
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Post by Drew on Sept 11, 2015 22:05:40 GMT
I didn't suggest she get barbituates for her child. I just said this is what I got to prevent pissing off everyone on an airplane for 18 hours from a shrieking child. I had a shrieker and I did what I had to do to prevent a riot on the plane. I used the medicine 2x in his life. To Canada 2x. It's not like he was given it on a regular basis. I did what I had to do to keep him calm. My neighbours used to comment how loud he would shriek...and we had great soundproofing in our condo. The OP isn't traveling on an airplane. Your experience isn't even similar. You said you used barbituates when you needed to, now it was only two times? On the way TO Canada but I guess not on the way back? Your post wasn't helpful, it was hazardous advice.
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